What would you do?

[soooconfused]

fifigirl, i think many people are in this situation, i for one, there are no kids in my relationship though.
The hardest bit is walking away!! And when you are a good person it makes it even harder to hurt the other person and leave them.

[Sharon den Adel]

Worst thing you can do is marry a man you do not love. You will never be happy with him, and I think you already know what you want, you just need to find a way to say it.

[Polgara69]

Fifigirl, I was in the same situation. Rowing like crazy and then me being the peacemaker for the kids sake but it doesnt work. I found myself being really resentful and I was getting to the point where everything he did irritated me and looking back, I realise I was spoiling for arguments as an excuse to leave.When we did actually do it, it was all very calm and civilised and I have never looked back. Yes, it was hard on the kids but I think they are happier not watching their parents fight and scream at each other. There is a lot to think about but I cant see how your situation will get better. Be brave.

[Bouncy]

I grew up in a home where my parents fought all the time. Sometimes they tried to keep their arguments from us, sometimes we were dragged into the middle of them, sometimes we had to referee. If you think you're sticking together for the sake of giving your children a better life, you're kidding yourself. A war zone is not a good environment to raise children.

The best thing my parents did for everyone was to go their separate ways and divorce. It was difficult to begin with because nobody knew where they stood and there were always divided loyalties. But those loyalties were divided anyway every time they argued when we were all under the same roof.

After things settled down though, I had a better relationship with both my parents than I ever did when they were together. There were still trying times and I still felt caught in the middle on occasions. But the battleground that was our family home no longer existed and we could all find some kind of sanctuary elsewhere.

To those who stick it out for the sake of the children don't do anyone any favours. It doesn't make me feel any better that they sacrificed their own happiness to try and give us some semblance of it. They made themselves miserable and we suffered the outfall of that. We only attained peace when everything was out in the open and we lived separate lives in separate homes.

Nothing changes the fact that we would always be part of one another's lives because of our parentage. But we were all better people once the split came. Divorce needn't be the end of the world. Unless you are of Fred's belief (I'm surprised he hasn't made an appearance yet) and see it as the downfall of society and leads to a life of whoring and second-class citizens such as he himself is. If you want to be like Fred, or you want your children to be like him, follow his advice.

[Fred75]

I grew up in a home where my parents fought all the time. Sometimes they tried to keep their arguments from us, sometimes we were dragged into the middle of them, sometimes we had to referee. If you think you're sticking together for the sake of giving your children a better life, you're kidding yourself. A war zone is not a good environment to raise children.

The best thing my parents did for everyone was to go their separate ways and divorce.

That's because they were incapable of being CIVIL for the sake of their children.

They decided to stay selfish and do as they pleased.
They did not want to do what's best for you children.

And seperating has it's pitfalls
Other NEW partners that alenate the child.
Stepfathers that rape the children.
Stepmothers that ignore the children.
new children that make the stepchildren SECOND CLASS children.

Children that are treated like footballs... kicked form one house to another.
Parents that get played against each other by the children.
Children that get spoiled by parents that feel guilt shattering their childs lives!

NEVER CONDONE BREAKING UP UNLESS A PARENT IS VIOLENT AND OR DESTRUCTIVE

[Fred75]

I grew up in a home where my parents fought all the time. Sometimes they tried to keep their arguments from us, sometimes we were dragged into the middle of them, sometimes we had to referee. If you think you're sticking together for the sake of giving your children a better life, you're kidding yourself. A war zone is not a good environment to raise children.

The best thing my parents did for everyone was to go their separate ways and divorce. It was difficult to begin with because nobody knew where they stood and there were always divided loyalties. But those loyalties were divided anyway every time they argued when we were all under the same roof.

After things settled down though, I had a better relationship with both my parents than I ever did when they were together. There were still trying times and I still felt caught in the middle on occasions. But the battleground that was our family home no longer existed and we could all find some kind of sanctuary elsewhere.

To those who stick it out for the sake of the children don't do anyone any favours. It doesn't make me feel any better that they sacrificed their own happiness to try and give us some semblance of it. They made themselves miserable and we suffered the outfall of that. We only attained peace when everything was out in the open and we lived separate lives in separate homes.

Nothing changes the fact that we would always be part of one another's lives because of our parentage. But we were all better people once the split came. Divorce needn't be the end of the world. Unless you are of Fred's belief (I'm surprised he hasn't made an appearance yet) and see it as the downfall of society and leads to a life of whoring and second-class citizens such as he himself is. If you want to be like Fred, or you want your children to be like him, follow his advice.

You must have been an older child.
NO YOUNG CHILD WANTS TO SEE THEIR HOUSE DIVIDED JUST BECAUSE OF ARGUING!

They may say that... but they have no clue as to the pain of that decision.

[Bouncy]

That's because they were incapable of being CIVIL for the sake of their children.

They decided to stay selfish and do as they pleased.
They did not want to do what's best for you children.

And seperating has it's pitfalls
Other NEW partners that alenate the child.
Stepfathers that rape the children.
Stepmothers that ignore the children.
new children that make the stepchildren SECOND CLASS childreT
Children that are treated like footballs... kicked form one house to another.
Parents that get played against each other by the children.
Children that get spoiled by parents that feel guilt shattering their childs lives!

NEVER CONDONE BREAKING UP UNLESS A PARENT IS VIOLENT AND OR DESTRUCTIVE

Thank you for proving my point Fred. Yes, they were incapable of being good role models and putting their personal issues aside for the sake of their children. They chose to make a war zone out of our home. Only when they realised it was making things worse did they find the courage and balls to make the right decision and spare us from that torment by separating.

At no point did I mention a step-father or step-mother being brought into the situation. You just took it upon yourself to add them in there to make your point. Because you're SuperASSumptionman. They eventually had other partners, but I personally was no longer in the home when they did. I was out on my own at age 15.

I encourage anyone to take a good long look at Fred and all of his posts. You will find a very bitter and twisted man who has forced himself, or been forced to live in an environment that is unhealthy. Take note of how bitter and judgemental he is. All he ever does on this forum is search for somewhere to spread his bitterness and degrade women.

I have nothing to hide about my life or my relationships with my parents, husband or child. Fred does and has said as much. He won't divulge anything personal about himself because as he's said, he's concerned someone will use it as ammunition against him. I have nothing to fear. I'm a stronger person for living through the good and bad aspects of my life and nothing that has happened in my past comes back to haunt me because I've got the strength to face it head on and come out a winner. Fred, on the other hand, still spews vitriol wherever he can and confuses his anger with "enlightenment" and "morality".

[Bouncy]

You must have been an older child.

A child is a child.

[Bouncy]

You must have been an older child.
NO YOUNG CHILD WANTS TO SEE THEIR HOUSE DIVIDED JUST BECAUSE OF ARGUING!

They may say that... but they have no clue as to the pain of that decision.

We were removed from our home on more than one occasion. And even though we missed our parents, my brother and I agreed that life was far better when we were out of that home. It was a hell of a lot better to be out of it than to have to be referee. I'm not sure of my sister's opinion as she was 5 years younger than us and still a toddler on the first occasion.

[azraelle]

I encourage anyone to take a good long look at Fred and all of his posts. You will find a very bitter and twisted man who has forced himself, or been forced to live in an environment that is unhealthy. Take note of how bitter and judgemental he is. All he ever does on this forum is search for somewhere to spread his bitterness and degrade women.

I have nothing to hide about my life or my relationships with my parents, husband or child. Fred does and has said as much. He won't divulge anything personal about himself because as he's said, he's concerned someone will use it as ammunition against him. I have nothing to fear. I'm a stronger person for living through the good and bad aspects of my life and nothing that has happened in my past comes back to haunt me because I've got the strength to face it head on and come out a winner. Fred, on the other hand, still spews vitriol wherever he can and confuses his anger with "enlightenment" and "morality".

Incredibly well said!

[Fred75]

I encourage anyone to take a good long look at Fred and all of his posts. You will find a very bitter and twisted man who has forced himself, or been forced to live in an environment that is unhealthy. Take note of how bitter and judgemental he is. All he ever does on this forum is search for somewhere to spread his bitterness and degrade women.

I have nothing to hide about my life or my relationships with my parents, husband or child. Fred does and has said as much. He won't divulge anything personal about himself because as he's said, he's concerned someone will use it as ammunition against him. I have nothing to fear. I'm a stronger person for living through the good and bad aspects of my life and nothing that has happened in my past comes back to haunt me because I've got the strength to face it head on and come out a winner. Fred, on the other hand, still spews vitriol wherever he can and confuses his anger with "enlightenment" and "morality".

Incredibly well said!

Why are you backing her HERE... in this section?
Destroying my POSITIVE points about staying together for the sake of the children?
YOU KNOW what new fathers can do!

Or having to do it all over again you would still have left your daughter exposed?

[azraelle]

Get over it Fred--the majority of new fathers don't jack off in front of their step-daughters. In my particular case, the words to a song by The Offspring come to mind--justice is being served, so to speak:

when you're in prison, don't turn the other way
keep your back against the wall
when you're in prison, don't turn the other way
do not bend at all

oh don't pick up the soap, pick up the soap
it's bad for you

oh don't pick up the soap, pick up the soap
someone will be waiting there for you

when you're in prison be sure to stay awake
always lie upon your back

when you're in prison be sure to stay awake
keep you from attack

oh don't be no one's bitch, be no one's bitch
it's bad for you

oh don't be no one's bitch, be no one's bitch
they won't help you make it through.

when you're in prison, don't turn the other way
follow what i say to do.

when you're in prison, don't turn the other way
you can make it through
you can make it through
you can make it through

[Fred75]

Get over it Fred--the majority of new fathers don't jack off in front of their step-daughters. In my particular case, the words to a song by The Offspring come to mind--justice is being served, so to speak:

when you're in prison, don't turn the other way
keep your back against the wall
when you're in prison, don't turn the other way
do not bend at all

oh don't pick up the soap, pick up the soap
it's bad for you

oh don't pick up the soap, pick up the soap
someone will be waiting there for you

when you're in prison be sure to stay awake
always lie upon your back

when you're in prison be sure to stay awake
keep you from attack

oh don't be no one's bitch, be no one's bitch
it's bad for you

oh don't be no one's bitch, be no one's bitch
they won't help you make it through.

when you're in prison, don't turn the other way
follow what i say to do.

when you're in prison, don't turn the other way
you can make it through
you can make it through
you can make it through

Nice deflection of how you let your daughter down.

[azraelle]

I didn't let my daughter down--my wife let my daughter down--it was she who filed for divorce, it was she who got the cops to escort me from my home 5 minutes after arriving home from about 4 weeks on the road as an apprentice truck driver (wasn't allowed by the company to come home earlier), citing possible "mental abuse" were I allowed to stay after being served with divorce papers. ASSHOLE FRED!!

[Fred75]

I didn't let my daughter down--my wife let my daughter down--it was she who filed for divorce, it was she who got the cops to escort me from my home 5 minutes after arriving home from about 4 weeks on the road as an apprentice truck driver (wasn't allowed by the company to come home earlier), citing possible "mental abuse" were I allowed to stay after being served with divorce papers. ASSHOLE FRED!!

Gone a whole month!!!
That says a lot about the home life when you volunteer to be gone that long!