The New Marriage: female polygamy

[mostirreverent]

The article in the OP is unrealistic. I can't see a man agreeing to a cuckold marriage unless he has a cuckold fetish.

This brings up an interesting question:

Can men be steered to be Cuckolds by their wives/girlfriends?

I don't think any man is born with a cuckold fetish. I think it's like he's a product of his circumstances. My theory is he either has a small penis, thinks he has a small penis, or is a premature ejaculator. He probably gets humiliated early on (around puberty years) by a woman or women he dates. Maybe a girl will dump him due to his small size. Maybe she'll tell others - it gets back to him, etc...

The guy then gets down about himself and feels inadequate. He stops having sex with girls due to the feeling of being inadequate and feeling anxiety ridden about getting rejected/humiliated. Maybe he eventually meets a girl that he falls for, but assumes he won't be able to please her. This gets him anxiety ridden that he'll lose her. He'd almost rather watch porn then to suffer more humiliation by being intimate. He eventually gets intimate with her, feels he didn't perform well, maybe she doesn't cum, etc..

With these types of scenarios or maybe similar ones he'll eventually stumble upon a more dominant woman, or maybe even just a regular woman. If she's dominant she may push the idea of them swinging (since she's not likely enjoying her sex life with him). He agrees (to keep her happy), but his small penis/premature ejaculating problems keeps him from pleasing other women while she gets f*cked by some of the biggest dicks he's ever seen and she responds in ways he's never ever witnessed a woman respond. Now he ends up learning to cope with and even enjoying the fact that his wife needs big cocks that he just doesn't possess. The only way he can cope is to learn to enjoy the humiliation. Before long he finds it's less stressful just to watch her get f*cked (and he learns to enjoy it the way he does porn).

Maybe he meets a regular woman instead of the dominant one, and seems to understand from the onset that he won't be able to give her what she's likely to need. But he doesn't want to lose her so he suggests that she fucks other men and tell him in details about it, or better yet let him watch.

The point is I think a guy who's deemed himself to be inadequate in bed is a prime candidate to be cuckolded. Either a sexually deprived wife or girlfriend will eventually suggest swinging (which due to his "inadequate" mindset will ultimately lead to cuckolding) or he'll give up and suggest it to her.

With most of this S/M, D/S stuff, it is the guy that starts it with the woman. This one I really don’t understand though. Pretty severe.

[Guest]

Ms. Gower's article has been on the internet for a number of years. As a matter of fact, it played a key role in making me accept the one-way open relationship I'm in with my wife. I discovered this thread only yesterday and since all responses so far are from non-cuckolds who may not always have a balanced opinion, I'm bumping it up just to show that cuckoldry CAN be a healthy societal norm, and that it can save marriages - as it probably did mine.
Why did I become a cuckold? Not because my penis is excessively small, not because I'm a premature ejaculator, not because I wanted to watch my wife making love to another man, etc.; these internet fantasy tales are far from reality. As a cuckold I still have a most satisfying sexual relationship with my wife - the fact that she occasionally sees other men hasn't changed that at all.

Some years ago we wanted to open up our marriage. My wife had no trouble in finding suitable partners whereas for me it was far less easy than I thought. I became frustrated about my lack of success and whereas my wife's affairs were short-lived and never posed a threat to our relationship, I tended to cling to a new partner. I became emotionally untrue to my wife and she lost her trust in me. In the mid of the ensuing marital crisis we came across Susan Gower's article in which ample proof is given for the fact that females have a genuine need for extra-marital sex, whereas males have not. When challenged by my wife I had to recognize that I could find no fault with the author's findings nor with her ensuing recommendation for "asymmetric" open relationships in which a wife has sexual freedom, but not her husband. Given the severe marriage threatening situation I had gotten us in and her lack of trust in me, my wife wanted us to give this lifestyle a serious chance; otherwise our marriage might be a thing of the past.
So every once in a while my wife will cuckold me, not because I am sexually or emotionally inadequate, but because she likes variety. She is grateful for my continuing willingness to allow her her freedom without bouts of jealousy and recrimination. What I get in return is a loving, confident and responsible woman who enjoys her sexual freedom and loves me for not entering into complicating affairs of my own, which would render her unsure and fearful about possible consequences for our marriage.

Whatever others may think, I love this situation far better than that in those countless marriages where the wife goes astray without the husband knowing. Why fool ourselves, statistics show that most men are bound to be cuckolded, knowingly and willingly or not. And don't we also know that women are true experts in having concealed extramarital sex and that it is so easy for them to get it, whenever they fancy it? My wife makes love to other men, but she's perfectly honest about it, I always know when and where. There's no cheating, no deceit or secrecy, and that is what really counts because to me cheating or lack of honesty are the main reasons why marriages get broken.

[Guest]

Ms. Gower's article has been on the internet for a number of years. As a matter of fact, it played a key role in making me accept the one-way open relationship I'm in with my wife. I discovered this thread only yesterday and since all responses so far are from non-cuckolds who may not always have a balanced opinion, I'm bumping it up just to show that cuckoldry CAN be a healthy societal norm, and that it can save marriages - as it probably did mine.
Why did I become a cuckold? Not because my penis is excessively small, not because I'm a premature ejaculator, not because I wanted to watch my wife making love to another man, etc.; these internet fantasy tales are far from reality. As a cuckold I still have a most satisfying sexual relationship with my wife - the fact that she occasionally sees other men hasn't changed that at all.

Some years ago we wanted to open up our marriage. My wife had no trouble in finding suitable partners whereas for me it was far less easy than I thought. I became frustrated about my lack of success and whereas my wife's affairs were short-lived and never posed a threat to our relationship, I tended to cling to a new partner. I became emotionally untrue to my wife and she lost her trust in me. In the mid of the ensuing marital crisis we came across Susan Gower's article in which ample proof is given for the fact that females have a genuine need for extra-marital sex, whereas males have not. When challenged by my wife I had to recognize that I could find no fault with the author's findings nor with her ensuing recommendation for "asymmetric" open relationships in which a wife has sexual freedom, but not her husband. Given the severe marriage threatening situation I had gotten us in and her lack of trust in me, my wife wanted us to give this lifestyle a serious chance; otherwise our marriage might be a thing of the past.
So every once in a while my wife will cuckold me, not because I am sexually or emotionally inadequate, but because she likes variety. She is grateful for my continuing willingness to allow her her freedom without bouts of jealousy and recrimination. What I get in return is a loving, confident and responsible woman who enjoys her sexual freedom and loves me for not entering into complicating affairs of my own, which would render her unsure and fearful about possible consequences for our marriage.

Whatever others may think, I love this situation far better than that in those countless marriages where the wife goes astray without the husband knowing. Why fool ourselves, statistics show that most men are bound to be cuckolded, knowingly and willingly or not. And don't we also know that women are true experts in having concealed extramarital sex and that it is so easy for them to get it, whenever they fancy it? My wife makes love to other men, but she's perfectly honest about it, I always know when and where. There's no cheating, no deceit or secrecy, and that is what really counts because to me cheating or lack of honesty are the main reasons why marriages get broken.

I'm just smiling here with a silent laugh at these nonsense posts.

For me, this scenario can be analyzed into three points of view: the cuckold or the "cuckold-tres" or that guy that this woman is supposedly screwing.

Let's take a look at it from the cuckold's point of view. For whatever reason, this guy either wants or is accepting (happy or otherwise) his wife or girl going around screwing other men. Either that man has some sort of fetish that is so deeply engrained in him that it is the equivlent of an addiction that he wants this situation or he truly feels that he cannot do better in circumstance, either real or imagined. There is yet a third possibility that could be argued, namely that the man in question is a fool that out of a misunderstood notion of "love" would accept this situation, but this again could be equally argued to be him believing in yet a limited circumstance that life would otherwise provide.

Now fromt he woman's point of view: She is supposedly able to go out and have sex with other men. The unsaid assumption in this whole cuckhold relationship revolves around that premise that the husband or boyfriend is unable to satisfy her sexually and that she finds this satisfaction with other men. So why doesn't she leave the supposedly below par lover and stick with one of the studs that she's seeing then? It might be argued that she really loves her husband or boyfriend that that this is just purely sex. Perhaps in her mind (and in her husband's too), but I would have a hard time claiming I actual love any one that I am supposedly "involved" with as a significant other. Moreover, there is an unsaid assumption that one cannot find BOTH love and sexual fulfilment in an person, and hence this is speaking of a belief in a limited circumstance. No man or woman would settle if they had true opportunity to find both, and hence the adultress must have limited appeal to men, effectively in a mutually self-contained relationship with her husband or boyfriend that she is having this cuckold fetish with.

Additionally, from the male who sleeps with this woman, if he is aware of this arrangment, it raises the question of just what kind of a "stud" he is, if he is going with a woman that is in a relationship with a man, whom by the unsaid criteria of the cuckold, is deemed "unmanly." To what degree of a "woman" them is a female that is with such an emasculated male? No real man would find such a woman sexy or appealing. Men who have affairs what to have them with women of genuine sexual beauty or who have been with or with powerful or important men. The whole appeal of an affair is carnal lust and risk--either for its own sake or to find yet a better lover perhaps. What is there to lust with a woman who apparently cannot do any better but be with a man that cannot perform? And what risk is there when her husband or boyfriend approves it and she supposedly wishes to remain with him? Thus, a male that engages in this triad affair with the adultress and her significant other must himself be of limited ability to attract a woman of higher appeal for such a sexual tryst.

In short, anyway you look at it then, any and all the participants are sexual losers.

[Guest]

Ms. Gower's article has been on the internet for a number of years. As a matter of fact, it played a key role in making me accept the one-way open relationship I'm in with my wife. I discovered this thread only yesterday and since all responses so far are from non-cuckolds who may not always have a balanced opinion, I'm bumping it up just to show that cuckoldry CAN be a healthy societal norm, and that it can save marriages - as it probably did mine.
Why did I become a cuckold? Not because my penis is excessively small, not because I'm a premature ejaculator, not because I wanted to watch my wife making love to another man, etc.; these internet fantasy tales are far from reality. As a cuckold I still have a most satisfying sexual relationship with my wife - the fact that she occasionally sees other men hasn't changed that at all.

Some years ago we wanted to open up our marriage. My wife had no trouble in finding suitable partners whereas for me it was far less easy than I thought. I became frustrated about my lack of success and whereas my wife's affairs were short-lived and never posed a threat to our relationship, I tended to cling to a new partner. I became emotionally untrue to my wife and she lost her trust in me. In the mid of the ensuing marital crisis we came across Susan Gower's article in which ample proof is given for the fact that females have a genuine need for extra-marital sex, whereas males have not. When challenged by my wife I had to recognize that I could find no fault with the author's findings nor with her ensuing recommendation for "asymmetric" open relationships in which a wife has sexual freedom, but not her husband. Given the severe marriage threatening situation I had gotten us in and her lack of trust in me, my wife wanted us to give this lifestyle a serious chance; otherwise our marriage might be a thing of the past.
So every once in a while my wife will cuckold me, not because I am sexually or emotionally inadequate, but because she likes variety. She is grateful for my continuing willingness to allow her her freedom without bouts of jealousy and recrimination. What I get in return is a loving, confident and responsible woman who enjoys her sexual freedom and loves me for not entering into complicating affairs of my own, which would render her unsure and fearful about possible consequences for our marriage.

Whatever others may think, I love this situation far better than that in those countless marriages where the wife goes astray without the husband knowing. Why fool ourselves, statistics show that most men are bound to be cuckolded, knowingly and willingly or not. And don't we also know that women are true experts in having concealed extramarital sex and that it is so easy for them to get it, whenever they fancy it? My wife makes love to other men, but she's perfectly honest about it, I always know when and where. There's no cheating, no deceit or secrecy, and that is what really counts because to me cheating or lack of honesty are the main reasons why marriages get broken.

"Why fool ourselves, statistics show that most men are bound to be cuckolded, knowingly and willingly or not. "

Most men, eh? And do tell, where did you get that expert piece of statistics: Cuckolds Monthly?

"And don't we also know that women are true experts in having concealed extramarital sex and that it is so easy for them to get it, whenever they fancy it? "

Ah, the "men are idiots who cannot tell" and "women have the six sense about this" argument. Stop and think about it. By your own claim, the affair would still be known, for no other reason that the "other woman" or "other girlfriend" of the "other man" your wife is bonking would blow the cover. That said, men are far from being so naive. Again, as just said in a previous above post, they are either of limited ability to accept the circumstance or simply don't give a damn about the woman in truth, despite all outward claims to the contrary. No real man that genuine loves a woman would not be jealous and vice versa with a woman that genuinely love a man. Love and jealousy this way go hand and hand, and if you aren't feeling jealous over your wife (if we are to believe your dubious post to begin with) than you aren't really feeling love for her.

"My wife makes love to other men, but she's perfectly honest about it, I always know when and where. There's no cheating, no deceit or secrecy, and that is what really counts because to me cheating or lack of honesty are the main reasons why marriages get broken."

But this is the most dishonest of all relationships. You think you are evolved and advanced in your thinking above all those doubtless shmucks and twits out there, but while what you have is a sham marriage and you are clearly a broken soul who has deluded him or herself to think otherwise.

Personally, I think you made this entire post up to get at men, and regardless, it is clear that you are a jaded, simplistic minded fool, who I think regardless to being either male or female would be most fortunate if anyone would allow you access to the warmth of their bed.

[Guest]

To Guest Sun Mar 16, 2008 9:41 am
Thank you for your opinion! However as you might expect, I don't agree with some of your assumptions as they are based on long-standing prejudices fostered a.o. by misleading internet sites.

First of all: why would it be so "unmanly" to allow your wife to seek occasional sexual fulfilment elsewhere - not as a replacement but as an addition to what she already gets in her marriage? In my wife's and my own view, such refusal would suggest irrational fear that the other guy might be better in bed, and take off with your wife for good... weak people in weak marriages may be justly afraid of that, but not those who have a strong emotional bond. In a good marriage there is so much more to keep a man and a woman together than just sex.

Weak people are also more bound to be led by the cultural standards of the community they happen to belong to, and they will generally not question the veracity of these standards. In some muslim communities for instance, a woman working in the same office with a man, or a woman being examined by a male physician is even more outrageous as cuckolding may be for you... but as ridiculous as those muslim ethics may appear to us westerners, we have our own self-imposed boundaries which though situated at a different level, today are just as arbitrary as theirs (because of the risk of unwanted pregnancies, 50 years ago they were not).

I can understand that people who truly feel that sexual exclusiveness and emotional fidelity are one and the same and can never be severed, or who believe that there is no such thing as a growing uprise of female marital infidelity all over the western world, would think and speak like you. However, there is no denying that the world is in constant evolution, also and perhaps particularly where sexual ethics are concerned. And those in the forefront will always be criticised, that too is a universal truth we have to live with.

One last question though: do you really believe that a woman would become less attractive to a man simply because her husband allows her to stray? When I feel sexually attracted to a woman, her marital status or the kind of husband she has would be the last of my worries. I would go for the woman herself, not for her background or family.

[Guest]

Dr Gower is amazing, how great is this argument. Note all the peeved off men

[MarkP]

The guy above is right in his analysis. A dumb co-worker leaked it out that I have a big dick at an after hours office party and I soon thereafter got the attention of an older woman that most unsolicitedly told me that she and her husband lived a cuckold lifestyle and he was unable to satisfy her. She was (and still is) homely, pretentious, and quite frankly understandably with him. I was insulted that she would even approach me. It was neither flattering nor appealing to me to be approached by such a female, especially when I have an awesomely hot girlfirend that rocks my boat.

There's a reason why some people are in the relationships they are in--regardless and in spite of all the rationalization of why they supposedly are.

Bottom line: No hot woman needs to be in a cuckold relationship, and no normal man does either.

[Kathy23]

The guy above is right in his analysis. A dumb co-worker leaked it out that I have a big dick at an after hours office party and I soon thereafter got the attention of an older woman that most unsolicitedly told me that she and her husband lived a cuckold lifestyle and he was unable to satisfy her. She was (and still is) homely, pretentious, and quite frankly understandably with him. I was insulted that she would even approach me. It was neither flattering nor appealing to me to be approached by such a female, especially when I have an awesomely hot girlfirend that rocks my boat.

There's a reason why some people are in the relationships they are in--regardless and in spite of all the rationalization of why they supposedly are.

Bottom line: No hot woman needs to be in a cuckold relationship, and no normal man does either.

Interesting. My boyfriend and I were once approached at a party by an older couple for a foursome. The woman was doing all the talking while her husband was hiding behind a wine glass with these stupid smile like he was going to get lucky. It was creepy. I was like ew!

My boyfriend and I still laugh about it to this day.

[Guest]

The guy above is right in his analysis. A dumb co-worker leaked it out that I have a big dick at an after hours office party and I soon thereafter got the attention of an older woman that most unsolicitedly told me that she and her husband lived a cuckold lifestyle and he was unable to satisfy her. She was (and still is) homely, pretentious, and quite frankly understandably with him. I was insulted that she would even approach me. It was neither flattering nor appealing to me to be approached by such a female, especially when I have an awesomely hot girlfirend that rocks my boat.

There's a reason why some people are in the relationships they are in--regardless and in spite of all the rationalization of why they supposedly are.

Bottom line: No hot woman needs to be in a cuckold relationship, and no normal man does either.

Interesting. My boyfriend and I were once approached at a party by an older couple for a foursome. The woman was doing all the talking while her husband was hiding behind a wine glass with these stupid smile like he was going to get lucky. It was creepy. I was like ew!

My boyfriend and I still laugh about it to this day.

Creepy it sounds.

Them and the "femdoms." Ever notice that most of these "women" are past their prime, jaded, and just have an agenda to compensate for their secondary sexual standing? I was at a fetish party once and it was really depressing for the most part. The only hot girls were these submissive types that were with these asshole older men and fat ugly femdoms. What the hell is up with that?

[Guest]

Love and jealousy this way go hand and hand, and if you aren't feeling jealous over your wife than you aren't really feeling love for her.

Ever heard of polyamory and compersion?
Because cuckolding - if done correctly - is really nothing else but one-sided polyamory.

[Guest]

cuckholding is sleazy

[Guest]

Not the same as one sided polyamory

[Guest]

Love and jealousy this way go hand and hand, and if you aren't feeling jealous over your wife than you aren't really feeling love for her.

Ever heard of polyamory and compersion?
Because cuckolding - if done correctly - is really nothing else but one-sided polyamory.

Not quite...
In polyamory, either the wife or the husband may be polyamorous and as in true polygamy have someone on the side for a loving relationship, rather than for sex only.

In cuckolding however, emotionally speaking both partners are strictly monogamous but being aware of gender-related differences in sexual needs as explained in the article in this thread, they agree that the wife may seek extramarital sex but not the husband.

Cuckolding could perhaps be considered as one-sided swinging, but any resemblance with polyamory would be superficial.

[Guest]

Love and jealousy this way go hand and hand, and if you aren't feeling jealous over your wife than you aren't really feeling love for her.

Ever heard of polyamory and compersion?
Because cuckolding - if done correctly - is really nothing else but one-sided polyamory.

Not quite...
In polyamory, either the wife or the husband may be polyamorous and as in true polygamy have someone on the side for a loving relationship, rather than for sex only.

In cuckolding however, emotionally speaking both partners are strictly monogamous but being aware of gender-related differences in sexual needs as explained in the article in this thread, they agree that the wife may seek extramarital sex but not the husband.

Cuckolding could perhaps be considered as one-sided swinging, but any resemblance with polyamory would be superficial.

gobshite

[Guest]

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