how to tell a girl i have no desire for sex?

[Verve]

(to Verve, hopefully you can tell who it is by the language patterns that we use by now, but here you go anyway ).

I just hate reading guest and scrolling trying to figure out who.....

e.g like same guy as above *added comment*

[horioz]

how else he thinking of attracting a potential slave? Is he going to do it word of mouth, ask around his local bar or approach random strangers on the streets?

What the f*** ? A potential slave? how on earth does not having sex with someone you love make them a slave? What about those who are impotent? Can they never have relationships?

You start off normally in any method that you would to attract a lady. Bars would be more preferable to clubs as clubs are meat markets. Friends of friends is always a good place to start.

I thought I was messed up. Are you supposed to be one of the normal ones?

You are of limited sight my friend.

[another guest]

Gee.... a bit heated here, what happened to DreamGuy, he um disappeared

[Guest]

how else he thinking of attracting a potential slave? Is he going to do it word of mouth, ask around his local bar or approach random strangers on the streets?

What the f*** ? A potential slave? how on earth does not having sex with someone you love make them a slave? What about those who are impotent? Can they never have relationships?

You start off normally in any method that you would to attract a lady. Bars would be more preferable to clubs as clubs are meat markets. Friends of friends is always a good place to start.

I thought I was messed up. Are you supposed to be one of the normal ones?

You are of limited sight my friend.

because nearly all women WANT sex, they don't want to be stuck in a sexless relationship. What part do you not understand. As far as the man is concerned, yes he may be impotent and he can't have sex, but then how the hell is he going to masturbate
But, it sounds like he has a fetish for denying his potential lover any sex and wants to control her.

[Guest]

how else he thinking of attracting a potential slave? Is he going to do it word of mouth, ask around his local bar or approach random strangers on the streets?

What the f*** ? A potential slave? how on earth does not having sex with someone you love make them a slave? What about those who are impotent? Can they never have relationships?

You start off normally in any method that you would to attract a lady. Bars would be more preferable to clubs as clubs are meat markets. Friends of friends is always a good place to start.

I thought I was messed up. Are you supposed to be one of the normal ones?

You are of limited sight my friend.

How can any man not want sex with a Hot lady? Do you intend to pull an ugly girlfriend that won't stimulate you?

[Verve]

Gee.... a bit heated here, what happened to DreamGuy, he um disappeared

The man ran away..... maybe that's what happened to him with sex...

[Horioz]

"because nearly all women WANT sex



The key word here is nearly.

He is looking for one that does not.... Your arguing from a point that is improbable to begin with. Also dislodged from the main question that was "how do i tell a girl i don't want to have sex?".

The question was not "How many girls want to have sex?".

I can and always have understood that some girls want sex. It was your inability to comprehend that some girls didn't that sparked this debate.


"But, it sounds like he has a fetish for denying his potential lover any sex and wants to control her."

This is not at all the case i'm sure. He is not a power hungry man he just has his sexual orientation pointed more towards in his head than in the outside world.

This is perfectly possible and probable through what he has said.



Why do you try to argue with things you do not fully understand.

Bad road my friend.

[Guest]

That makes no sense whatsoever horizon.

You can't pick and choose and expect women to put up with no sex. When you find someone willing to put up with this arrangement, do report back and tell us all about it.

[another guest]

That makes no sense whatsoever horizon.

You can't pick and choose and expect women to put up with no sex. When you find someone willing to put up with this arrangement, do report back and tell us all about it.

Women are emotional creatures, sex is bonding, i could not imagine going out with some guy that then says, sorry i don't ever want to have sex with you and, um, by the way, i do masterbate thinking of God...

One, i would feel rejected, what's wrong with me? And, two, of my god, (no punt intended), run, quick run.....

I'd be in total shock, working up all these feelings, expectations, anticipations to then be hit with a shocker like that?

I have heard of "better the Devil you know" but truthfully?

Even a Virgin at some point if in love, total lust, will surcum and want to be with that man, what an emotionally bad experience that would be for her..

Frankly, if that's Dreamguy's "Dream", then so be it, but live in your loveless world love, because no woman deserves to feel that form of rejection when you "finally" decide to divulge your inner most secrets to her...

You tell her from day dot.. And, she'll run, so be it... You don't have the right in my opinion to get a woman emotionally involved and then play your card.....

WT?

[Horioz]

That makes no sense whatsoever horizon.

You can't pick and choose and expect women to put up with no sex. When you find someone willing to put up with this arrangement, do report back and tell us all about it.

They do exist. It is documented. Have you looked up asexuality yet? It is uncommon yes, but they do exist.


"Women are emotional creatures, sex is bonding, i could not imagine going out with some guy that then says, sorry i don't ever want to have sex with you and, um, by the way, i do masterbate thinking of God...

One, i would feel rejected, what's wrong with me? And, two, of my god, (no punt intended), run, quick run.....

I'd be in total shock, working up all these feelings, expectations, anticipations to then be hit with a shocker like that?

I have heard of "better the Devil you know" but truthfully?

Even a Virgin at some point if in love, total lust, will surcum and want to be with that man, what an emotionally bad experience that would be for her..

Frankly, if that's Dreamguy's "Dream", then so be it, but live in your loveless world love, because no woman deserves to feel that form of rejection when you "finally" decide to divulge your inner most secrets to her...

You tell her from day dot.. And, she'll run, so be it... You don't have the right in my opinion to get a woman emotionally involved and then play your card.....

WT?"

Good, I like your argument.

However, what about the people (such as myself), who do not feel any anticipation, expect nothing, Have no feeling when talking to a woman?

Dreamguy wants to find love (albeit a different kind to what your used to).

For me, I do not feel lust or passion etc. I have long since written off finding love seeing as how I do not feel it for any creature on this earth.

I agree with you that he should not string the woman along. He should mention early on that he does not require sex (he will be telling many women this I predict).

Does he not deserve a relationship with anyone?

Can we at least agree that there may be some woman out there who is willing to partner with an asexual?

I understand your point. Please think about the way things are rather than the way things should be.

Remember this isn't you specifically that we are talking about.

There are 6-7 billion people out there, all with different mindsets/priorities.

To say that there is not one out there who has the same feelings as you is statistically very improbable.

I understand that your method of thought may be applicable to a large number of women.


In my position I would never ever deny someone the chance/hope of finding salvation.


If he doesn't believe he can do it, he won't try.

The feeling of hopelessness is a very dangerous thing.


Be very careful what you spawn into peoples minds. These words can send someone down a fatal thought path.


I want you to listen to this music,


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_PxTw_azWw

Please don't write it off as soon as you feel scared.

I want you to explore the feeling you get from this song.

Try not to ignore it as your first instinct will tell you.

(I am predicting your reaction will be "this is bollox.. turn it off", a subliminal protection switch engaged to prevent yourself from going through a negative emotional experience).

This is what you could send him to.

[ironbob]

Hello dreamguy;

If you wish to have a girlfriend but not have any sex with her then you are looking for someone to engage in an asexual relationship. You may or may not consider yourself to be an asexual. From your earlier posts, I did not get any impression that you were an asexual. However, the type of relationship you have described in this thread is asexual.

An asexual relationship is not impossible. However, most people are sexual, and the chances of a successful asexual relationship with a sexual partner is slim. It has been my experience that a sexual person tends to feel that love without physical intimacy is a second rate platonic relationship and such a relationship will be dissatisfying and frustrating. A sexual person is generally unable to view true love as an emotional intimacy that is completely disjoint from sexual arousal.

A relationship involves two people. It is important for both to have their intimate needs, emotional and/or physical, satisfied. Hence, in my opinion, the worst thing an asexual person can do to a sexual person is to misrepresent themselves such as engaging in physical intimacy during the early stages of the relationship then withdraw to an asexual lifestyle. This is likely to frustrate and distress a sexual person.

I think it is best to inform a prospective partner during the initial stage of a relationship when you are both talking, trying to get to know one another, and trying to build up some trust. Otherwise, she will have different expectations from you and feel that you have been dishonest with her. Your choice to have an asexual relationship is an sexual orientation (or lack of). As with other forms of sexual orientation (i.e. homosexual or bisexual), it needs to be stated early with a prospective partner.

Whether you are an asexual person or a sexual person adopting an asexual lifestyle, an asexual relationship is going to be difficult to establish. If you have not done so, you might try using a speciality site, such as AVEN, to gain the insights of other asexual people.

Good luck.
-JinJin

great answer jin jin

[Guest]

Look, if you want to pursue a celebate longterm relationship then good luck to you but I really think you're missing the point here. Sex in a relationship isn't just about you satisfying your own sexual needs, it's much, much more than that. Sure we can all have a <A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_64' target='_blank'>W***</A> and feel satisfied, I'm in a long-term relationship and I still <A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_64' target='_blank'><A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_64' target='_blank'>masturbate
When you have sex with someone you share your life with it's a very powerful way of bonding with that person. It's almost spiritual. It's a way of showing acceptance of that person, it's a way of saying that you trust them enough to completely let go in front of them. You connect with that person in a very intimate way and in a way that just can't be achieved through any other means. Also, you boost each other's confidence and self-esteem by showing that you desire each other sexually. And importantly, you attend to your partner's needs and show them that they are important to you, regardless of what your own needs are at that time.

In light of all of these hugely important functions of sex in a relationship I find your position of 'not interested because I can just <A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_64' target='_blank'>W***</A> myself off' utterly bizarre. Grow up. You're coming across, at best, as someone who's confusing sex in a relationship with the sort of sex you might experience on a one night stand - the two are totally different. At worst you sound like a selfish prick.

Had to quote that just because dreamguy reacted so negatively to it, ignoring the important truths in it as well.

One of the most awful situations a person can be in, that I know anything about, is to find themselves in a committed relationship with someone who has no regard for their sexual needs. It's bad enough when one partner just loses interest in sex at some point in the relationship, leaving their partner with only infrequent and unsatisfyingly unemotional sex. It's worse than that when one partner has pulled a 'bait-and-switch', representing themselves as sexual beings until they are married, then refusing intimacy, often making the other feel like some sex maniac or pervert who thinks of nothing else. It is more selfish than those 'bait-and-switch'ers can usually even realize, because the just don't seem to understand how sex is a huge part of bonding and intimacy for most of the average human race. So I think that asexuals, and people with problems or disorders that they are unable or unwilling to deal with which make them tend to function asexually, definitely should be in relationships with each other so as to spare 'normal' people from the awful pain and feelings of inadequacy and rejection that come with being refused intimacy by a comitted life partner/spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/whatever.
I do know that lots of plenty of people deny their partners this intimacy, and if dreamguy can find one who is honest enough with him and herself, it would be great to have her 'out of circulation' so to speak, where she can't wind up putting a 'normal' man through hell. Good luck, dreamguy.