please help!!! should we stay together???

[Fred75]

I have just started college again n we're not married, ment 2 b engaged! I have no one 2 do things with n he wouldnt mind me goin out anyway.
so more or less everyone thinks its me then??? good 2 know

Sure it's YOU.
You signed up for this when you spread your legs and had his children.
Now you have to do what it takes to keep their father around instead of complaining and giving him reason to leave.

[alh]

*cuts a slice of cake and gets comfy*

I never said it was all your fault. You're the one jumping to those conclusions:

"so more or less everyone thinks its me then??? good 2 know"

He's decided he's going to spend time at the pub when he likes. You've decided you're going to stay home and take care of the kids. Someone has to, right?

You made your choices. You chose this guy to be the father of your children. Perhaps you should have found out a little earlier where his priorities lay before having kids.

There are two types of people in this world; walkers and talkers. Walkers go ahead and do what it is they want to and spend less time talking about it or asking permission to do it. That sounds like your partner. Talkers merely talk about what they'd like to do, what they want to change, what they should do, what they can't do but wish they could. You're a talker. You can talk all you want about what needs to change, but until you actually get off your chuff and make the changes yourself, everything is going to stay exactly the same.

You don't need advice about what to do. You should already know. You're in a miserable situation and you need to change it. Have a wee think as to how you can do that. Then do it.

Or you can sit back and make a list of excuses why you can't make a change and remain miserable. Your choice.

we met 5 years ago people change with responsibilities, first child was a happy accident. The walkers n the talkers thing seems 2 sound right unfortunately. Truth i think we're both 2 different now with different priorities but me and him just dont want 2 give up on each other!

[Bouncy]

we met 5 years ago people change with responsibilities, first child was a happy accident. The walkers n the talkers thing seems 2 sound right unfortunately. Truth i think we're both 2 different now with different priorities but me and him just dont want 2 give up on each other!

He has an outlet. You don't. You need something for yourself. Not something that improves the lives of all of you, but something for you. It doesn't have to be the same thing as him. It sounds to me like sometimes you think "well if it's good enough for you, it's good enough for me!" Stop that. It's not about keeping score.

Find an activity that centres around you. In the same way that he has the pub and his mates to relax and unwind and just be him, you also need something similar. And you shouldn't need permission to have it. As an example (and I know you're in no condition at the moment) lets say you took up horse-riding. One or two sessions a week of that where it's just for you will put new life and energy into you. Then you come home to the family you love and adore so much.

So now imagine that you've renewed your energy at your horse-riding session and you come home to share your good mood with your partner. Only he's upset because you didn't ask permission and he was stuck at home with the kids while you were out enjoying yourself. Before long he's going to get real tired of sitting around waiting for you, and you in turn will find it less and less enjoyable to come home. And will probably spend more time away. Don't feed into that type of negative cycle.

So find a balance. Give him his outlet, get one for yourself. If he wants Friday and Saturday nights at the pub, give them to him. Tell him you need Sunday and Monday nights for your thing. Just make sure it's something you enjoy. There's no point in going out just for the sake of making him stay at home and be responsible. It defeats the purpose.

[Verve]

well i dont feel we're at a good enough stage for us 2 b engaged so I dont wear the ring! i get fundin at college, he works, he pays bills n i save for us. I am 22 n he is 26

What the f*ck.. You have 2 of his children honey you are pass the stage.

You are going to use that funding to educate yourself. Please choose a career or a trade that will allow you to be financially stable without his help, it that is to happen. Don't get married until yo uhave aquired yoru degree. You need to focus on yourself and your future. The married boat has sailed. You missed it. Get your life in order now that's all you have to do. When does class sessions start for you. Who will the child care fall on?

[Fred75]

What the f*ck.. You have 2 of his children honey you are pass the stage.

You are going to use that funding to educate yourself. Please choose a career or a trade that will allow you to be financially stable without his help, it that is to happen. Don't get married until yo uhave aquired yoru degree. You need to focus on yourself and your future. The married boat has sailed. You missed it. Get your life in order now that's all you have to do. When does class sessions start for you. Who will the child care fall on?

She has a career.
It's called her family and keeping it together for the children's sake.
And I hope she puts her children before her education.
Day-orphanages are not how to raise good kids.

[alh]

What the f*ck.. You have 2 of his children honey you are pass the stage.

You are going to use that funding to educate yourself. Please choose a career or a trade that will allow you to be financially stable without his help, it that is to happen. Don't get married until yo uhave aquired yoru degree. You need to focus on yourself and your future. The married boat has sailed. You missed it. Get your life in order now that's all you have to do. When does class sessions start for you. Who will the child care fall on?

She has a career.
It's called her family and keeping it together for the children's sake.
And I hope she puts her children before her education.
Day-orphanages are not how to raise good kids.

I am only studying hairdressing my 3rd yr, I have a childminder while i'm there, college pays that. This is so we have a good stable life for us & our kids as they r always top priority.

[alh]

well i dont feel we're at a good enough stage for us 2 b engaged so I dont wear the ring! i get fundin at college, he works, he pays bills n i save for us. I am 22 n he is 26

What the f*ck.. You have 2 of his children honey you are pass the stage.

You are going to use that funding to educate yourself. Please choose a career or a trade that will allow you to be financially stable without his help, it that is to happen. Don't get married until yo uhave aquired yoru degree. You need to focus on yourself and your future. The married boat has sailed. You missed it. Get your life in order now that's all you have to do. When does class sessions start for you. Who will the child care fall on?

I am not totally bothered about the marriage thing anyway, costs 2 much money n its not something i've longed for all my life. I'm at college 2 better our life so I can have a full time job hopefully bringin in more money!

[Fred75]

What the f*ck.. You have 2 of his children honey you are pass the stage.

You are going to use that funding to educate yourself. Please choose a career or a trade that will allow you to be financially stable without his help, it that is to happen. Don't get married until yo uhave aquired yoru degree. You need to focus on yourself and your future. The married boat has sailed. You missed it. Get your life in order now that's all you have to do. When does class sessions start for you. Who will the child care fall on?

She has a career.
It's called her family and keeping it together for the children's sake.
And I hope she puts her children before her education.
Day-orphanages are not how to raise good kids.

I am only studying hairdressing my 3rd yr, I have a childminder while i'm there, college pays that. This is so we have a good stable life for us & our kids as they r always top priority.

No. Your school comes first.
If your kids were top priority, YOU, not some "childminder", would be watching them.

[alh]

What the f*ck.. You have 2 of his children honey you are pass the stage.

You are going to use that funding to educate yourself. Please choose a career or a trade that will allow you to be financially stable without his help, it that is to happen. Don't get married until yo uhave aquired yoru degree. You need to focus on yourself and your future. The married boat has sailed. You missed it. Get your life in order now that's all you have to do. When does class sessions start for you. Who will the child care fall on?

She has a career.
It's called her family and keeping it together for the children's sake.
And I hope she puts her children before her education.
Day-orphanages are not how to raise good kids.

I am only studying hairdressing my 3rd yr, I have a childminder while i'm there, college pays that. This is so we have a good stable life for us & our kids as they r always top priority.

No. Your school comes first.
If your kids were top priority, YOU, not some "childminder", would be watching them.

listen i dont know wat ur on about this is about my relationship not my kids or me being at college, yes college not school!
Get up 2 date women dont stay in n clean houses n look after kids all day we have careers n lifes too. Dont dare sit n send me messages about something u know nothing about.
I'm telling u my kids r top priority so dont tell me wat i know n how i feel.

[Verve]

She has a career.
It's called her family and keeping it together for the children's sake.
And I hope she puts her children before her education.
Day-orphanages are not how to raise good kids.

Are you a mama’s boy?

How’s the wife and kids?

[Ivan Diederhoff]

...waits for it

[jinjin]

I agree with Bouncy. As soon as I finished reading your opening post, I got a strong impression that you are using him as a substitute to fulfil a large void in your relationships with friends and family. By doing this, you are suffocating him. The problem does not appears to be that he spends time with his friends but that you do not spend time with friends of your own.

[alh]

I agree with Bouncy. As soon as I finished reading your opening post, I got a strong impression that you are using him as a substitute to fulfil a large void in your relationships with friends and family. By doing this, you are suffocating him. The problem does not appears to be that he spends time with his friends but that you do not spend time with friends of your own.

I suppose i'd need 2 agree, I dont understand the whole closes family thing coz mine just dont care n i've never found it easy makin friends, which i do want though. n i know its not fair 2 take that out on him but surely a relationship must have some sort of balance where he bothers about me?

[Verve]

You can work on your social skills here. It’s not the same but it’s a start. Honestly you just need to relax. You need a day away from the kids. I think you should use your classes as a way of meeting new people. You have to create a family outside of your nuclear family.

[alh]

You can work on your social skills here. It’s not the same but it’s a start. Honestly you just need to relax. You need a day away from the kids. I think you should use your classes as a way of meeting new people. You have to create a family outside of your nuclear family.

I agree but the thing is at college and my work placement i do get on really well with all of them but just dont seem to extend it 2 being friends outside college, i'm rubbish at small talk how do folk do it??