Thoughts on terminating pregnancy

[Guest]

I'm completely devastated right now and just want to hear others opinions. After having two miscarriages I finally am 20 weeks pregnant. We just found out the baby has severe muscular and skeletal problems affecting both its arms and legs. We are awaiting test results to see if the baby has other problems aside from the physical ones.

What would you do? Would you consider terminating the pregnancy? How could a child or adult with these problems ever lead a normal and enjoyable life? The thought of it goes against everything I've ever thought, but now that we are faced with this it seems like the right decision.

[xjoannex]

i would never be able to get rid of the baby no matter whats wrong with it its still a baby and even when the babys born it could be ok as doctors always gets things wrong the baby can still have a normal life because you will give it one you will do anythink for the baby i carnt even believe your concidering getting rid after 2 misscarriages already at the end of the day its still your baby and you shouldnt care whats wrong with it x

[kelliestl]

My goodness .. I can't imagine being in your shoes!! ....
I think that you are very right to be feeling and thinking the way that you are! .. And people who have any other oppinion may not understand what its like to have someone close with a disability.
I grew up with a sister who has physical disabilities .. she is now 21 and despite the fact that she is a little independant she still needs help to wash, brush her teeth, have her meals given,get dressed, etc ... just daily things that we take for granted.
Of course you would still love your child!!! My sister has been a gift to me and we are very close! I would never want her to have not been born .. Of course children that are "normal" may need you to be there for them for the rest of your lives .. but for my mum .. it really will be for the rest of her life! ..
unless you could bring yourself to put them in a home at some stage so you can continue your life!??
You are right to and must think about every step of that child/persons life and every step of yours along side if the doctor is right ..
It will still be a beautiful baby and you will love it .. but it will break your heart at the same time .. my sister often gets upset - with the intelligance to use sign and say she wishes she could be like us. As me and my other sister get on with our lives and have boyfriends and travel and party .. she cannot have a life like ours ... I feel pain and guilt for this ..
Its not only the child's quality of life but if you as a person and you as a couple could deal with that!? .. No one can answer the question for you!!
I don't know how old you are .. if you have many more chances to try .. and yes .. the doctors can get it very wrong! .. Maybe seek some councilling together so that you can both come to the conclusion without guilt whatever you choose! Find out about people - children/adults and parents that have coped with the same thing you are supposedly facing .. Be informed! And be strong! ... Good luck! .. Im sure whatever you decide it will be right for you and the child. xx

[shtumkeeper]

The last comment was from me .. I forgot to log in .. just incase you wanted to reply . x Kellie

[The Colonel]

I wouldn’t be able to abort a child of mine if I was a woman, and I certainly know my wife wouldn’t.

There are two points I’d like to make:

First, doctors can be wrong. The doctors said one of my kids would be born with Spina Bifida and that he would be in a wheelchair for all his life. The doctors advised abortion (however, my wife refused) and I would have refused my permission anyway. And he was born absolutely FINE. Nothing wrong with him at all. As healthy as can be.

Second, go on to YouTube and search for “The Silent Scream”. It is a documentary about abortion, and how it’s done, and shows a real abortion through ultrasound. I don’t believe that many people, had they seen that beforehand, would want to go through with an abortion.

Your child is your child. Whatever he/she is – is what he/she is.

[Guest]

i dont have more idea about it but i will try and inform you as soon as possible........


Ovarian Cysts No More

[Tracy E]

hi

you are in a horrible position and i think you are very brave to ask other peoples opinions, i dont think i could. i would just like to give a totally different perspective, but its purely that.

i think you have had a horrid route to get where you are now, and i had a long period in my life trying to get pregnant. thankfully my little boy was born fairly healthy after lot of miscarriages along the way...but if faced with your decision after so long trying i think i might have been thinking along your lines too...and very much.."is this what i waited all this time for"! however as one other response said..it is your baby and you will love it whatever.

however on another note...recently due to very very unforeseen circumstances and totally against all my morals and values previously i was forced to have an abortion and although i knew i had no option and it was for the best all around i am now left feeling very lost, bereaved and sad for the baby i didnt have, nor want. So i would say...in all honesty, you won't probably get over doing it now at this stage of your pregnancy. its not an easy process, it is very traumatic and the pain and loss stays with you. i still cry and my baby was just 7weeks and 2 days old. i still feel a loss and i still wish i'd not done it...and this is a baby that was not wanted, nor planned and would have wrecked a lot of peoples lifes. yours isnt. so for your own sake and your future peace of mind have a really good think about how this could leave you feeling.

i;m sorry i cant help more. good luck,..and if you do go ahead with the termination, and need help coping Marie Stopes clinic provide really good councelling. and i;m here too as i;m sure many other women are silently!

[Mellow85]

Thats such a difficult one. I have a cousin who is in a wheelchair due to a condition called arthrogryposis which is a muscular and skeletal condition which is becoming worse as she gets older. She's had a tough life but at the same time has gone on to do great things.

Personally though if it were me I wouldn't be able to continue the pregnancy. I really admire people who are strong enough to cope though.

[Anna22]

It's one of the most (if not the most) difficult descision a woman faces in her life.
Personally I don't believe in abortion for ANY reason, I was 19 when I got pregnant and although people around me told me I was too young my daughter is the best thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't judge those who choose to abort but personally I don't agree with it.
I hope your friends and family support you whatever your descision.

[Nameless]

I support many of the points made above but I would add that it's very easy for people without disabilities to misjudge the quality of life that is possible for people that have them. I recall hearing about a study that was surprising in terms of establishing the degree of contentment that can be achieved by many people with disabilities, and I'm sure that it would be very rare for one to say that they wish they had never been born.

[The Colonel]

The baby in question will either be born, or have been aborted now, and the OP hasn't responded.

However, a point I'd also like to make -

No test that a doctor can perform is diagnostic. It cannot TELL you the answer (i.e. definately disabled, or not disabled). They ONLY can give a probability. Being "high risk" is often 1 in 250, or 1 in 100, depending on what they are talking about.

The baby in question may have nothing at all wrong with it. It is very likely to be the case. However, doctors do not properly inform you of this - they simply tell you something is WRONG, whereas the reality is they CANNOT say for certain. They only see a high chance of there being something wrong - however if there is a 1 in 100 chance of something being wrong - there is a 99 in 100 chance something won't be!

Many babies are aborted because parents do not understand the fact that prenatal tests tell you NOTHING of worth!

[Ivan Diederhoff]

Colonel, if what you say about pre-natal tests being worthless is true, then they are just another money making scheme, and manipulative deceitful practice perpetrated by the medical community.

[The Colonel]

Colonel, if what you say about pre-natal tests being worthless is true, then they are just another money making scheme, and manipulative deceitful practice perpetrated by the medical community.

Yes they are. That is actually it. I know it's a Marxist analysis of the situation, but it is true.

There is plenty of stuff out there on this. It is a case of finding a reliable source from an academic.

My wife says you gain as much concrete knowledge from these tests as you do without them (i.e. all the information you get is that you "might have a normal baby" or that "you might not have a normal baby").

Also, some of these tests increase the risk of misacarriages by around 6%.

They have routinised them - but they are not necessary - and should be refused by any sensible parent.