I did something stupid...

[sisi00]

Ok so I'm in desperate need of advise, but please don't judge me. My fella is away, been away for a few weeks and he's back next week. For some reason I checked his emails. I totally trust him but just like to have a nosy. Anyway he'd emailed himself and I wondered why, so I opened it and it was a pic of a girl. Like I say, I trust him 100 percent so I know he wouldn't have done anything, perhaps he just likes her and wanted her pic....?! God I don't know what to think, I feel I need to ask him, but he's going to think I'm an idiot for checking his emails....!!! Any ideas?!? xxxxxx

[mary huff]

He will know you have opened them so wait for the reaction.

[sisi00]

hm, well I marked them as unread so I don't think he'll know... Or will he? xx

[mary huff]

Depends on the mail system used. Once read they are no longer highlighted on msn yahoo or outlook express.

[KevSom]

Good point. Most email programs or on the internet, you'll know if the email has been looked at anyway.

[sisi00]

It would solve a lot of problems if he could tell, would mean I was the one explaining myself not him! I could handle that! I'm sure I clicked 'mark as unread', then when you log in it doesn't look like it's been read. Ok so imagining he doesn't know I checked yet - how do I broach the subject with him? Is there ever an excuse for checking someone's email just for nosyness? (No, didn't think so!) xx

[Confused Chick]

You stuffed up. You have to admit that to yourself but it doesn't change the reality of the situation. The best thing to do is to break it down and pick which option is most true to YOUR feeling and how you want to live, and learn, from your mistakes.

There are only a few options here:

-You don't tell him about checking his email, you don't ask about the photo,
IF you can deal with suspecting him and your own guilt.

-You don't tell him about checking his email, you do ask about another girl,
IF you are good at making something else up. Maybe a 'made-up' phone call from an 'imaginary' girl or a 'gut feeling' or asking for time out.

-You do tell him about checking his email, you don't ask about the photo, IF you can ask for forgiveness and deal with suspecting him.

-You do tell him about checking his email, you ask about the photo,
IF you are willing to admit you are wrong and are ready to deal with the fact that either,
1. He has been unfaithful, and you have both messed up. He'll be annoyed with you, and you'll be annoyed with him. At least you both found out about eachother now and not later, or;
2. He hasn't been unfaithful, and it's up to him whether he can forgive you or not.

These are really the only honest options you have. Choise based on your own morals and personality, everyone is different.

I would personally take option 4. but that is because I strongly believe that people should take responcibility for their own actions. But that's just me.

Best of luck,
Be sure to write about the progress as there are plenty of shoulders to sob on at F.F.!!

[Confused Chick]

You stuffed up. You have to admit that to yourself but it doesn't change the reality of the situation. The best thing to do is to break it down and pick which option is most true to YOUR feeling and how you want to live, and learn, from your mistakes.

There are only a few options here:

-You don't tell him about checking his email, you don't ask about the photo,
IF you can deal with suspecting him and your own guilt.

-You don't tell him about checking his email, you do ask about another girl,
IF you are good at making something else up. Maybe a 'made-up' phone call from an 'imaginary' girl or a 'gut feeling' or asking for time out.

-You do tell him about checking his email, you don't ask about the photo, IF you can ask for forgiveness and deal with suspecting him.

-You do tell him about checking his email, you ask about the photo,
IF you are willing to admit you are wrong and are ready to deal with the fact that either,
1. He has been unfaithful, and you have both messed up. He'll be annoyed with you, and you'll be annoyed with him. At least you both found out about eachother now and not later, or;
2. He hasn't been unfaithful, and it's up to him whether he can forgive you or not.

These are really the only honest options you have. Choise based on your own morals and personality, everyone is different.

I would personally take option 4. but that is because I strongly believe that people should take responcibility for their own actions. But that's just me.

Best of luck,
Be sure to write about the progress as there are plenty of shoulders to sob on at F.F.!!

[sisi00]

Oh my thank you so much for your post, it's just what I needed - you're right they are my only options. I do fully trust him and know he won't have done anything, he might fancy the girl but I'm sure there'd have been nothing untoward! So I'm leaning towards not telling him and forgetting about it. Actually no that's a rubbish idea, I'm bound to get drunk and blurt it out which would be the worst thing. So yeah, your number 4 looks like the one......ergh! He's back on Monday so I'll speak to him face to face I think rather than long distance phonecall!
Thanks so much Confused Chick
xxx

[KevSom]

You could come up with something like you were trying to send an email to a friend and she wasn't getting it so you sent one to your boyfriends email address to test it out and when you checked to see if he got it, you saw the other email with the girl on it. Sound like a good lie to you?

[Cambridge]

-You don't tell him about checking his email, you do ask about another girl,
IF you are good at making something else up. Maybe a 'made-up' phone call from an 'imaginary' girl or a 'gut feeling' or asking for time out.

Risky. Unless you are a really skilled liar, you could inadvertently slip something out and (a blond or green eyes, etc.) he’d know where you have been. S’pose you start with the phone call and he’s never given her his phone number. Gut feeling = less risky, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.

-You do tell him about checking his email, you ask about the photo,
IF you are willing to admit you are wrong and are ready to deal with the fact that either,
1. He has been unfaithful, and you have both messed up. He'll be annoyed with you, and you'll be annoyed with him. At least you both found out about each other now and not later, or;
2. He hasn't been unfaithful, and it's up to him whether he can forgive you or not.

Straight forward and honest. Probably your best one.

Options 1 & 3 either get you nowhere or are easily evaded…and therefore get you nowhere.

Good luck.

[davian]

I would agree, option 4. Come clean & admit that you were snooping & show that you expect honesty in return. There may be a reasonably innocent or at least forgivable explanation. Suspicion when you don't KNOW he's guilty would seem to me to be more harmful to your relationship. Good luck!

[Bouncy]

Any ideas?!? xxxxxx

Say nothing. Change your desktop to the pic of this girl. When he starts it up and sees it, the fun begins.

Updates would be nice, although with your post count currently at 13 after 2+ years as a member, I'm not hopeful.

[Cambridge]

Any ideas?!? xxxxxx

Say nothing. Change your desktop to the pic of this girl. When he starts it up and sees it, the fun begins.

Updates would be nice, although with your post count currently at 13 after 2+ years as a member, I'm not hopeful.

Ummm...Bouncy. I'm sensing a grudgh natche,

[boingo]

Any ideas?!? xxxxxx

Say nothing. Change your desktop to the pic of this girl. When he starts it up and sees it, the fun begins.

Updates would be nice, although with your post count currently at 13 after 2+ years as a member, I'm not hopeful.

That's not nice.