I’m happily married now but when I was 22 I’d left university and had got a job with a large multi-national company as a graduate management trainee – this was in 1988. In 1989 I started to date a young secretary who worked there. Caroline was 19, slim (size 10) and had very long dark hair. She was also very naïve and immature and in fact I was her first boyfriend and took her virginity. Her parents were quite old and she was very traditional and conservative: her mum and older sister were extremely bossy. I dated her for three years and the whole time I called the shots – she was unbelievably submissive and would accept whatever decisions I made and would ask what she should wear and would not make any decisions without consulting me first. She admitted that she was old fashioned and liked the man to be in charge and wanted to be a house-wife. Personality wise she was as dull as dish water and my best mate used to say she was just “a thick secretary with big tits” – but it was just so easy to date her and I ended up with her for three years. During that time I frequently told her what to wear (even in front of her parents); I choose meals for her when we went out and generally I kept her on a tight rein.
Eventually, she ditched me as I wouldn’t make a commitment to her – despite loads of hints. She dated another guy but that was short lived and then she got another job in the same company as a PA and started dating a German man who had come to the UK and was very senior – really at the top of the operation. Klaus had been married before in Germany and had three kids. He was quite a large guy with glasses and certainly looked his age. I remember seeing him and Caroline at a Christmas meal – she was wearing a lovely long black evening dress and her long black hair rolled down her back; she was with the other managers’ wives and didn’t mix with us “workers”. She was engaged at that time – she was 25 and he was 46. The following year they married; Caroline gave up work and had a son in 1997 and then another child in 1999 – that year they moved back to Germany. I can imagine that Caroline, who was quite a homely sort of person, wouldn’t have wanted to move but Klaus would have told her in no uncertain terms that was where they were going to live and bring up their sons and she would have had to accept it.
Well, three years ago, I heard a rumour that Caroline, who was then 35, and Klaus, 56, had come back to visit – it was one Christmas and they were going out to dinner with Caroline’s sister and nephews and nieces that evening and going back to Germany the next day: anyway, they’d come into our place with their two sons to see their old colleagues. I gatecrashed their little party where they were talking to some of the senior managers and was not disappointed: Caroline looked amazing – her black hair was slightly shorter but still long and she wore a thin white and black jumper, with a coat drapped over her arm and an expensive knee-length black leather skirt and black high-heeled boots. Her make-up was immaculate and nails beautifully manicured. What did surprise me was how fluently she could speak German.
The thing that fascinates me about the relationship and why I’ve posted this is that clearly Klaus didn’t marry her for her intelligence and wit – he married her because, like me, he had found that she was unbelievieably submissive – and attractive with it – and I just know that poor old Caroline has to do as she is told. I often wonder what their relationship is like; for, if I was controlling – which I accept I was – her present, super-confident, rich, mature husband must REALLY keep her on a tight rein – and I guess she must like it. The funny thing is Caroline didn’t really have any girlfriends – certainly, whilst I dated her she never even mentioned a “girls night out” or doing things with her friends which made it easy for me to call the shots - and I know for a fact (talking with other women about her since she left) that she was not well liked - in fact I never heard a woman speak about her in a positive light and I wonder if that was because she was so submissive with regards to men and they didn’t like it..
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