I can't get over my ex-girlfriend

[tenyears_gone]

Thanks JooJoo !

Your post made me feel a heck of alot better...

You know exactly how I feel. And isn't it such a weird place to be in?
I hate it truthfully. Maybe it's the fear of the unknown... but you hit the nail right in the head!
We lead similar lives. I'm sure you must look at everything and think... My gosh, you should be pretty damn happy and lucky to be where you are and have what you have.
But then all of that/this can't clear your head or make you as happy as you once were or thought with that one person.

And yeah... like you... I don't know what to do about it. Everyone says that time is all you need to heal. I hope it's true.
I've also heard that you will need approximately 1/3 of your relationship time as healing time ...
ie: for you - 5 yr relationship = 1.5yr healing

let's hope for the best ! thanks again for posting

[SyNTaX]

Me and my girlfriend have gone out on and off 3 times starting back in jan. 2003. The first year was great. We did everything together. Then things started to get rocky after that. she broke up with me in june 04' and got back together with me in november the same year. then we broke up again in january. i started dating someone else and that made her very jealous. we started having more sex then. i got back with her in may of 05' and mutually broke up in september right before she left for college. she still wanted to have sex and make out a lot that month, she still tells me she loves me. i really want to be with her and am still soooo in love with her. we have been through so much and i can't let her go. she tells me "it's not the right time for us" and wants to be friends. and i dont exactly what she is tryin to say. can anyone help me out? im losing so much sleep over this shes all i think about i need her! thanx....

[Shane13]

MAKES THINGS A LOT EASIER TO 4GET MY EX GOING ON HERE.I USED 2 BE A TYPICAL "LAD".GET DRUNK, HAVE SEX WITH ANYTHING!, GO FOOTBALL AND THE GENERAL STUFF.ALWAYS TAKING THE MICK OUT OF ME MATES WHO WERE STAYIN IN ALL NITES TO BE WITH THE MISSES. ABOUT A YEAR AGO I MET THIS GIRL DOWN THE PUB,SHE STRUCK ME AND DO BELIEVE IT WAS 1 OF THEM "LOVE" MOMENTS.HOW COULD A GUY LIKE ME BE FALLIN "IN LOVE?"AS WE CHATTED WE JUST CONNECTED AND I SPENT A YEAR WITH HER.WAS VERY CLOSE,GOING OUT EVERY WKENDS, EVEN WITH HER MUM!I HAD COMPLETLY CHANGED IN2 THIS SOFT HEARTED BLOKE. WE STARTD ARGUING FEW WEEKS AGO OVER ABSOLUTLY ANYTHING,RUBBISH STUFF LIKE WAT WE WERE GOIN 2 WATCH ON TV!.SHE SAID SHE COULDNT TAKE THE ARGUING ANY MORE AND LEFT,EVEN THO SHE ADMITTED SHE WAS MADLY IN LOVE WITH ME. SHE WANTED ME TO CUM 2 HER BIRTHDAY AND I SAID NO AS I WAS IN LOVE WITH HER AND COULDNT BE THERE BEING FRIENDS AS SUCH!SHE WENT MENTALL AND SAID I WOULD RUIN IT ANYWAY.I FOUND OUT THAT HER MUM SET HER UP WITH ANOTHER FELLA AS A BLIND DATE WHICH TORE ME 2 PIECES.I BELIEVE SHE IS GETTING WITH THIS BLOKE 2 TRY AND 4GET ABT ME AND MOVE ON.IT HURTS SO MUCH WHERE SHE DOESNT TXT OR PHONE NO MORE AND IS GETTING WITH THIS BLOKE BECAUSE HER MUM SET HER UP!ANY ADVICE WOULD BE APPRECIATED!I LOVE HER 2 PIECES,WE GOT ON SO WELL 2GETHER AND CANT IMAGIN BEIN WITH ANY1 ELSE. I KNOW IV GOT TO LET HER GO BUT I CANT,ALWAYS IN MY MIND. I EVEN LOOK AT GIRLS AROUND TOWN SEEING WAT LADIES COULD REPLACE HER AND THERE IS NONE!SHE WAS SO KIND AND CARING.THEN OVER LAST WEEK SHE HAS GONE awol AND HATES ME

[Lonley guy]

Here's my current situation.

I'm 22 and she is 19. I was with my girlfriend for just over 2 years before we broke up properly and i say properly because she wanted "time to think" because she had many problems at home etc. I didn't agree to the break up and in the end did so telling her i was doing it for her and not me. About a month before we had a "break" I found that while she was in town 1 night, a mate of mine (aged 33) got very drunk and tried it on with her before walking home.(Tried kissing her and touching her) She said she was scared and he wouldn't listen to her so she had to be blunt with him. My girlfriend told me the next day after it happened which i was glad about beings she was able to come to me. She told me she didn't like him in any way and didn't do anything back which i truly believe coz I'd trust her with my life.

Now the hard thing is he was in a relationship with his girlfriend at that time and that was going down the pan at the time. Now 12 days after splitting (which i also gave into for her and not me) she has got with him so suddenly and it hurts so much, she wont answer any of my questions on why we couldn't of give it another go or anything, all she says is she was very sad.

I'm just very confused and dont know what to do as I dont want to mess things up if she still has deep feelings for me and this thing with this guy is just a "moment" which they have taken beings they r in the same boat.
She's told me I've done nothing wrong at all in the 2 years we were together which makes me more confused as to why we split but all i know is i want her back in my arms again.
Im very worried he will hurt her but it seems she is blinded at the moment with confusion.
I just feel every turn i can make has an unpredictable consiquence but feel a little advice may help me.

Thankyou to any who help

[Guest]

Me and my girlfriend have gone out on and off 3 times starting back in jan. 2003. The first year was great. We did everything together. Then things started to get rocky after that. she broke up with me in june 04' and got back together with me in november the same year. then we broke up again in january. i started dating someone else and that made her very jealous. we started having more sex then. i got back with her in may of 05' and mutually broke up in september right before she left for college. she still wanted to have sex and make out a lot that month, she still tells me she loves me. i really want to be with her and am still soooo in love with her. we have been through so much and i can't let her go. she tells me "it's not the right time for us" and wants to be friends. and i dont exactly what she is tryin to say. can anyone help me out? im losing so much sleep over this shes all i think about i need her! thanx....

My advice is that if u give someone a second chance and it doesn't work then maybe u should re-think why it happens. The answers u come up with will help u 2 see it isn't u

[ZiaAries]

This tread was started over two years ago. I'm glad someone reopened it. I read completely through it and found it rather therapeutic to find that almost everybody feels the same when they've lost a love to a breakup. Most of the post were from guys and it's comforting to find that guys think in simular ways some of us females do when it comes to heartbreaks. Most of the advice on here was NOT to make contact with the EX and I find that is the hardest thing to do. Well...it's not so hard when they've dropped off the face of the earth and you have no idea where they are and they never broke up with you to start with. I wish he had taken the time to 'just' send a short email and tell me that he had a change of heart but that didn't happen. He just disappeared! There is no signs of him anywhere and I am left with hurt, worry and angry is popping it's head in my emotions now.

[macgyver]

i was with a girl for 4 years and she calmly and calculatedly ended the relationship.. we had a house together etc... she wanted to go travelling and i was trying to start a sustainable career so we could do stuff in the future. it was hell living in the aftermath, i even moved to a different city. she said that she still loved me but in a different way and that we could never be together again??!!she wanted to be in contact all the time but more recently has been less communicative in her emails.. my heart still races and my knees go week when i meet her, but i know that her heart is elsewhere and that really hurts- it's been over 2 years but my emotions towards her haven't changed really-she's so beautiful and smart. i've been with other girls but it isn't the same and nothing has happened. i've recently decided to cut all contact and have told her so and haven't heard from her in a while-it's the only way. i think about her every day and it hurts so much to see her with men i know, but what can i do?? cut contact. it's like stopping smoking or something..well that was a bit cathartic..

[DirrtyJohn]

Sorry man, but i dont beleive that love cant grow, i met a girl Jess, and we started dating but i was and always have been unemotional and un attached, not a bad thing as ive had to to survive some of the things ive been through and was genuinly happy doing it, but over two years, shes opened me up and i feel for her big time after a year or so, started to feel things id never felt and becmae loved up, got rid of my old (idiot) friends, stopped sleeping aroud, made an effort, spent every day with her, did some amazing things she wanted me to do, fought my friends for bad mouthing her, she wa smy world and all of a sudden she decides she just wants to be friends, no explanation, no reasons she just went cold, i mean cold hearted, like nothings wrong and everythings normal but she doesnt care, wants to be friends and writes me letters sayin she wants me to stil b her best friend and all that jazz, i cant cut her off, she was so involved in my life, i mean she was my life, ive nothing to do, no friends to call on as we shared them and work weekdays, so home tiem i do nothing, she rings me, she txts me, she emails me, she turns up at my mums while im seeing my little brother and my sister but is continuasly cold about me and her, im hurtin but dnt let her no and shes just playin and messin wit my head. ive decided to move away for a while as i no that ill get over her and if im getting treat like that and she doesnt even realise it then its not worth th paper its printed on so to speak. hardest thing to do is get over someone, but surround urself with ppl who love u, great friends,, family and such, keep urself busy but above all rememeber you are stronger than that, you will not fall apart and you will not live in a feeling of failure and wanting because youve done nothing wrong, dnt flaunt about wit osmeone else coz u did share something special, but accomplish something in life, be someone and something and have something to show for it, personally im studying for my MCSE and after i get it in a yr or so ill b earning 30 thousand plus, and at 22 thats not bad at all then mayb move to spain and be someone somewhere, instead of sitting thinking about the girl i lost im fighting life, coz life really is S*** and the only person whos going to move it forward is u, drinks for losers, drugs is for dickheads, pining and wasting time is for the weak, be stronger than you ever thought u could be and prove it to yourself that you are someone, a good person and prove youll succed despite what theyve done to you.

you only live once and do you want to spend any more time feeling like you do and wishing things were different or do you want to make them different? personally im going for it like nothing ive ever done before and im kicking and fighting all the way.
Motivation? Bithc will look back and hear what im doing while shes doing the same old S*** in the same place every day then whos gonna be wishing what could of been?? not me

I read this thread and I can relate to everyones pain. However I was married for 13 yrs, and fell in love. For 6 months I did all the wrong things, and ended the relationship and marriage because I fell in love. Its been 9 years now, divorced and yes there isnt a day that goes by that I don't think about her in someway, or entertain the thought of what I could do to change the outcome or to communicate again. I admit now I was wrong to fall in love at the wrong time. The advice I can give you guys/girls is never go into a relationship if both of you are not remotely in love. You cannot make love grow like some suggest, both of you are either in love or not. Being in love and the other is not, will never work. We can never change that, regardless of our own needs or wants. its the hard facts of love. Many question why i was married in the first place? My girlfriend got preg and I had to do the "right thing" to provide for my son. Did I love my wife, yes for being the mother of my son. Was I ever "in love" with her, no. We were merely friends with papers (for marriage), that had alot of sex. So move on with your life, many of you are still very young, but eventually you will find someone who will be "in love" with you as you will be again soon.

[Guest]

dont be fooled by her saying that. they always say there happy when there probly just as misrable as u are about the situation! if she loved you she wouldnt of given up on u. girls play to many mind games and they F*** around with our minds and make us crazy!

[sarah matteews]

u know its hard getting threw with some1 u loved ...ive been threw that when a guy ofcourse ...but i never knew gurlz could actually hurt guyz untill now ...man i feel so sorry for yall...you know guyz you should hvae never shown her the sensitive part u got cuz she will use it badly some girlz are like that unfortunaltely
just wanna tell yeah commiting sucide is NOT THE SOLUTION ....OK it was ur love and thought it would be 4 ever but u never know the futur....but theres 1 thing u should know you cant change the past but theres a futur out there waiting

[guest 18]

ok ok ok! you want pain!ill give you pain!Im 35 and Ive been the typical lad, going out, drinking girls , you name it id done it!Id been in love twice but seemed to handle the separations quite well! maybe a couple months of pain and I was back on it doing the usual playboy thing!
Then i see this girl on the metro and she gets off at my stop and something inside me tell me THIS IS THE GIRL OF YOUR DREAMS; SPEAK TO HER!So i do and after a short conversation she gives me her mobile number but tells me she is splitting up with her boyfriend.
A month of texts follows and finally we meet and start dating.Im so happy, all old girlfriends numbers are deleated and gradually I just fall totally in love!
Problem! She becomes pregnant early on in our relationship and we decide to abort cos its only 3 month in to our love!!! MISTAKE
After the abortion she totally rejects me for a while but things calm down and seem fine! I book us a holiday to ibiza and one week B4 we are due to go out of the blue she says she doesnt love me! Oh while i am in the process of buying an apartment for us.
IM devastated. Its been 3 months now and the girl is on my mind the whole time! what hurts is I didnt see it coming! we never argued, we did things together , i treated her like a princess and was going to ask her to marry me!
And as some people have said , Ive dated girls but i have no interest in more than conversation.Ive tried sex with some girls and its been pathetic to say the least! I cant get her out of my mind!Im in love with her 100% still !and we did meet and all she did was cry and say sorry! WHAT IS GOING ON!!!! I need help!

[M*C*R*]

Hello all heartbroken.I randomly came across this forum and it has really helped me out..just knowing that other people are going through it.And maybe someone here could shed light on my situation.as im a girl(age 27).so heres seriously the shortest version i can tell.

We've been the greatest friends for 12 years.Ive been in love with him since the day i saw him.the "dream boy".i never told him i liked him..too afraid of rejection.and so we have seen each other date and hook up with other people.as we were just friends.but he'd always lose contact with me when i had a boyfriend he didnt like.Then bam...turns out i was his "dream girl" all this time.said he'd go away because he didnt have the balls to tell me he liked me..and couldnt see me with losers.we got together.turns out we have always felt the same way.it was amazing.but toward the end of the 2nd year...stopped going as well.personal stresses.and lifes struggles just got in the way.and since were so comfortable with eachother we vented on one another.all the while living in a two room apartment.worked the same shift together.(this in hard times is a recipe for disaster)but we were making it through it.and i was only temporarily living with him.i was in between houses.so i got my place.Well im also an idiot.i hang out with a lot of guys all the time.and some dude passed out on the FLOOR of my bedroom(this is not weird..people hung out in my room to listen to music all the time.).and that hurt my ex.I DID NOT CHEAT..(worse though-i found out that the dude did like me..which proves that i was a naive idiot.but he was drunk and passed out.)Well..we didnt break up through any of it.He knows me well.I know him well.Ive never lied to him.EVER.I could never cheat on him.nothing compares to him.seriously.He just doesnt like that i put myself in that position for some dude to try something.and time passed and we were ok again.but i know hes never gotten over it.But we stayed together.and then i feel he was depressed.lots of other outside problems in life for both of us kept happend.medical problems and so on.and sometimes hes so moody.and treats people mean.he can be a jerk.very spoiled.(he is an only child whos dad abandoned him.)and he can be a jerk to his mom..and he started treating me like he does her.i tried to talk about this so much with him.but he acted..well like a brat.people started saying things to me about it....so ..to make a change..to put my foot down..I broke up with him.I didnt want anyone else though...He was SHOCKED!and hurt.and i was crying too.but i thought he might think about the way things were going...and realize that were not doing so good..and we need to do something.i felt us being together was being taken for granted.by both parties.How i regretted it!!!I tried to get back together.he said no.but he loves me and he wants me in his life.and wants me to be his friend.and he'd cry...and say this.and that he doesnt know if he will ever want to.so we remain friends.

Well here we are...almost a year later.Still friends.But in a weird way.neither of us has moved on.we talk everyday.no intimacy though.we have breakfast together sometimes..were going to dinner and a movie soon.we hang out like 3 nights a week..we support each other with money and help each other do anything.He gets jealous.i get jealous.he recently said "thats the only guy id be almost ok with you dating"about a mutual friend..with and emphasis on ONLY...and i think someone likes me..and my ex hates him.and basically threatend me with losing contact if i "associate" with people he doesnt like..(im pretty sure hes meaning date..just like old times.before we were together.)And at this point i dont know what to think anymore.

I love him.entirely.I just know with this person.ive never yearned for anyone like him..for 12 years now.its never diminished.What am i supposed to do.he still doesnt want to be with me.yet doesnt see anyone else.im so lonely.yet hes so close.he purposefully does nothing to make me think i have a chance again..(but then what is going on.)He knows how i feel.im exhausted by my attempts.but i wont move ahead.i havent let go.and i know that he loves me..and cares for me deeply.So i stand by.A problem he has with me is that i have no motivation anymore..and that i dont do so much that i used to ..like art.i wallow in depression.and so i wonder if hes hoping ill make some life changes.which i do need.

So.its gotten a little easier...i still cry over it.die over it.hope for it.get crushed.get lifted...and i havent done much too improve completely.just slowly.little by little.and hes always proud and excited when i do things to better myself.I just dont know what to think.Will he ever come back.Is he stubborn and felt abandoned.does he really not want me anymore.im so confused.so i sit here.torturing myself.hanging by the most frail piece of thread ever.but how could he know that i go through this constantly..and still talk to me everyday.for this long.still go out to dinner and a movie..knowing what im taking from it.he knows.so does that make him a jerk?or does he just want me as a friend that bad?or can he not let me go either?i dont know.i cannot shake off the feelings i have for him.He is my one truest love.And it sucks to only say the problems...because he really is great.he just has a lot of issues i think with trust.and how to treat people.He really is a wonderful person.Hes inspired me for so long to do so much.And his heart is honest and good.and when things are good.there amazing.

Thanks for reading.any words of advice would be so appreciated.I hope that we all end up feeling complete love and trust and contentment soon.and that we all overcome this.I hear you can get over it..and i have with other guys..i thought it was the end of life sometimes..but i moved on ..so did they..were ok now..but not this guy.not my one truest love.Take care.
M.C.R.

[Guest]

Dude, its sooo insane to see how many people have the same problem as me. Thank god im not the only one. Yeah guys i was in a relationship for exactly 2 years. MEand this girl were amazing we did everything together, we planned out a family a house all of the above. One day she told me she had to move to attleboro mass. For school i guess. We still dated, then she met someone else, and we stopped talking, we always both said how we are soulmates and stuff. We stopped talking for a month and then just this month started talking again. She said we arnt even at the friend stage yet. I tell her im over her but im really not. THIS WAS MY ONE AND ONLY LOVE. she still says we are soulmates, but she has this new boyfriend now hes alot older then her and she tells me she reallly likes him. NOT TO MENTION JUST THE OTHER DAY SHE TOLD ME SHE WAS BI-SEXUAL.... insane right ...this is my one and only i mean i cannot get over her if i tried. WHAT DO I DO!!! SHE STILL SAYS WE ARE SOULMATES...BUT WHAT SHOULD I DO.... P.S SHE IS MOVING BACK DOWN THIS JUNE.

[guest_me]

hello everybody. \\just read through alot of the posts on here. Its funny to think everyone on here had the "one" and lost them or they moved on etc.

well here is my situation.

I am now 20 years old and met my ex when i was 17. I met her through a best mates mate who is her best mate. now my best mate and her best mate are still seeing each other!

anyway, during our first year i took her for granted since i was so young and wanted a more "pretty" girl (even though she is a natural blonde with blue eyes, slim figure) i always wanted more.

anyway after the first year we had lost our virginity to each other and we where approaching going to uni. We didnt want to lose each other and so decided to go on a gap year with each other. her dad offered to rent a house that we could stay in together. so we lived there and things took a turn for worst, our jobs were crap and i developed alot of stress which resulted in ocd which then caused more upset and stress.

We then moved to Edinburgh to go to university and both applied to the same uni. whilst living in edinburgh our jobs again got us down and my problem didnt get better we sort of drifted apart. we both felt it would be better to end it and just be friends etc because we kept arguing about washing up and taking out the rubbish etc and both felt like we didnt no what we wanted. we still however lived in the same flat and i stayed in the spare room. we said we would see how things go, and it went well, still being intimate etc but the arguments where still there.

she wasn't happy at her job so she looked for a new job and it happened to be at a night club. me her and her dad went to the club to look for her brothers jacket. she came out and said the manager had asked her if she was looking for a job and she said yes. next day met him and he gave her the job!

she then started working there and i would be angry and upset that i never saw her on a friday saturday and monday night then the days after that she would just be in bed because of the tiredness. and i knew guys would be all over her. she would always get loads of tips and people saying she is the best looking girl they have ever seen.

anyway as time went on she kept talking about being promoted and how she loved her new job so much. she would always put on fake tan and make herself look so nice! she kept talking about her manager how he is really nice and treats everyone so well. i began to become suspicious of him as she spent time with him at parties which involved the whole of the crew that work at the bar. they would often go to a house party and she would return the next day

anyway, she was also in the process of buying a new house and she would say she wanted me to move in with her but i was never sure as i wasn't 100% how i felt about her (untill it was to late). i knew i loved her but moving in might cause arguments again which i didn't want to happen incase i lose her forever. i have over come my ocd issue so that would no longer cause upset.

then when we where around the flat she would often use the new flat as a weapon against me. if i didn't do anything she would say i cant wait until i have my own flat and you have your own place to.

over christmas i felt she had changed. i asked her back and she said no. its not what she wants anymore. i couldn't work out why for so long... i mean a week before christmas she slept with me and i had bought her a nice bracelet for her 21st (28th jan) which i was originally going to give her for christmas but decided it would mean more for the 21st.

anyway she said she dosnt feel the same way for me anymore and every time i tried to talk to her she would get angry and say just move on, get another girlfriend etc. i couldnt work out why. so i moved out and gave it a couple of weeks, i kept trying to get her back but only got the same reply

its not what i want anymore. i dont want to be in a relationship anymore.

then i decided to try and get the truth out of her. i had a bad feeling about her and the manager.

anyway she replied to my email saying , we have shared the best times together and she will always remember them, but she dosnt agree that we are the best people for each other and that she wanted to tell me she had started seeing the manager but its nothing serious and its nice not knowing if it will go anywhere.

so all this time she had lied saying its not what she wanted but rely she didnt want me back because she had met him.

i am not txting or calling her. i have been away in france for a week and she sent the bad news then in an email.

i have got back to find she had blocked me from her bebo etc, so i deleted my bebo all together as its just for people to show off.

then today i got a txt from her saying i need to return my flat keys and how was my trip to france and have i deleted my bebo ?

ive tried talking to her, like when i found out i called her straight away on her birthday and she was angry with me etc like usual. i said how could you do this to me, going out with him. she said WHAT? who said that?

i said thats what your email said. she said no i am just going on a few dates with him. its nothing serious. i wasn't planning anything, it just happened.

what can i do i am trying to delete her from my life but its hard and cant get her back

she says its not what she wants anymore and shes sorry. she wants to be friends and she will always remember me and i was her first love . why is she brushing it off as just that

[poetrygirl08]

I haven't been going out with my ex for that long, but I've gotton so close to him. I'm not the 'let your feeling out' type of girl, so really I always hide my feeling from him. I hate feeling vulnerable and getting too close to a person, I keep my distance. But when we were going out, he was so affectionate. I loved how he would hold my hand and kiss me. He liked me because of my personality. I know I'm pretty, but he didn't go out with me because of that. And thats why I liked him so much. BUt recently he been getting distant. Its been for about two weeks and we both didn't say anything about it. I felt it, but I didn't say anthing, untill thursday, when I told him 'somethings not right with us' while we were walking to the busses (I'm in high school - senior). He didn't respond when I said it. And when he walked me to my bus he just stood there. Usually we would kiss n whateva, but I jus waited to see if he would say anything, but he didn't, so I just wlaked in the bus. In 5th block the next day he didn't even look at me, (I didn't see him all moning). But he walked to my locker and on the way to lunch I told him we should break up before we start resenting eachother. He acted all nonchalant about it so I acted as if I didn't care either, but really I do. And really he doesn't express himself that much either, other then the holding and touching. But It's been three days now. I miss him so much. He acts as if I'm not there and looks right through me when we're in class. I want him back, but I don't know how.