Were we on a break? So it doesnt matter then???

[Miss Xtreme]

Hello people, well what a dilemma I have!

I live with my boyfriend Greg, and we have a child - China, 3 months. We were perfectly happy until about just over a year ago (personally why I feel we decided to have a child, but I love her so much its not about that anymore). We had been together for 4 years, and I felt it was going a bit stale, so I suggested we had a 3 week break. No calls, nothing. Just do our own thing and get some much needed space. He was fine with this, and we didnt see each other for 3 weeks, and then after that we got back together and things were good.

I have recently become friends with a girl from work, and she was telling me about this lad she went on a few dates with just over a year ago called Greg (we live in a very small tight knit village) and how he was taking a break from his partner to have sex with other people. She said she fell in love with him and he broke her heart when he went back to his partner. After several more conversations, I have realised this is my Greg. He has never mentioned it and I dont think he will, and I am amazed to be honest that he felt the break was to allow him to start seeing someone else!

I know I initiated the break, but it was to long term protect our relationship. I know its like Ross and Rachel in friends 'we were on a break' but surely this behaviour was completely out of line. I just spent time with my friends, went away with my family and discovered I was pregnant! And all the time I was doing this he was out grabbing the first woman he meets and having a new relationship to pass the time away!

If you were me, what would you do? My friends say that because we were taking a break, it doesnt matter that he was seeing someone else, but I am quite hurt and feel betrayed. I dont think I could leave, nor do I think I want to as we have to provide a stable home for China. I still love him, but feel so hurt. Every time he says he's 'going to the local', I wonder if its to meet someone or something, when I know I cant, and either have to confront him or let it pass.

So friends, what do you interpret as acceptable behaviour when on a relationship 'break'?

[Salli]

This may be hard, but I would tell him you know some of what happened but that it's OK. That way it's in the open and you can talk about it. I find guys behave strangely when they feel guilty (and if he knows you did nothing while he was putting it around I'll bet he feels guilty) and you don't want this hanging over you for ever. Tell him though that that's it no more breaks and no more girls on the side, but you won't hold what he did against him.

Good luck

[Tim]

When a woman says 'lets have a break', for a while, even if she says it gently, the bloke can feel rejected, that the relationship is on the skids. ( After all, wouldn't you if he said it to you?). Many women use this phrase or something like it when they want out. You didn't mean to give that impression but perhaps that is what he felt.