my fiancee is a bast&*d

[man hater]

Yesterday I found out that a stripper (prostitute ?!) gave my EX fiancee oral sex on his stag night... in front of all of his friends. We were going to get married in Ireland in three weeks time, but I've told him that it's not going to happen. At the moment I am angry rather than upset. He says that he was very drunk and his friends were egging the girl on and basically paid her to do this. I am also never speaking to his friends again. (and his best man was a good friend of mine, too)

He says that we should go ahead with the wedding and sort out our problems afterwards. I think he's talking S***... he's not done anything like this before (that I know of) but Ive sort of instantly fallen out of love with him.

what should i do. if we dont get married and lose all the money and then stay together and get over this, I'll feel like a right fool. but if we do get married and cant get over this, then i'll feel a bigger one. theres no way I would tell my family the truth... i would just have to say that nerves got to me and i wasn't sure about the wedding.

all my friends say get rid of him. but i'm not sure. i actually feel like killing the b&*tard.

[HtY]

Dump him. It was clearly never going to work anyway. You have a different set of expectations to him and this is no basis for a marriage.

My g/f is different. We have talked about getting married and she has made it clear that while she expects me to be completely faithful afterwards she would rather I got an last minute fantasies out of my system before we marry. As it turns out I don't think I have any of these, but I can imagine if a similar thing happened to us she would just laugh and send me for an aids test.

But we're all individuals and you have to be true to what you are.

[Guest]

wooooah there!
i don't condone what he did but surely if you love each other enough to wnt to get married it is worth having a sensible conversation about this. It sounds like really you are very hurt and upset rather than having fallen out of love with him.

If what he says is true, it ws his stag do and i don't imagine he will be the first person to have done this. If that is the only thing against im i'd say just leave it a few days before doing anything rash.

Good relationships are hard to find and they need TLC.

obviously he is in the wrong but if he is genuinely sorry and makes you happy in every other way i'd consider this carefully.

Good luck

[HtY]

This is nothing to do with him. It's about how "man hater" feels about him, that's why she should dump him.

[Voting for the Dump]

I vote for dumping him and keeping it that way.

Personally, I've always been horrified by the crap guys do on bachelor nights... like it's a license for anything, all in good fun. Can't blame you for being pissed, serves him right if he loses you, you deserve better, and maybe his friends will be a little more tasteful next time they get to plan. Good luck.

I'm a guy, too, by the way...

[Littlemermaid]

Hello manhater

It sounds like a horrible thing but isn't it just something silly that has no meaning? I mean, wouldn't it be a lot worse if he was romantically attached to someone else? This is a stripper we're talking about! She probably put a condom on him, went down on him, and that's it.

What would worry me though would be: were his friends watching? I would find that deeply disturbing because I could never come in front of my friends! Did he tell you or did you find out yourself?

The stripper probably thought: yuk, another w***** but I need to pay the rent. It doesn't mean a thing and has nothing to do with you!

But if you think you can't go on, postpone the wedding and see what happens.

[walker]

You know, okay…this kind of stuff is probably increasing…and going to females, as well. Just Google CFNM and see. And some of his/her friends—I mean, already married’s—get into the act as well. But this male would be pissed…pissed…pissed, too. And hurt. ’Scuse me, just being honest.

There’s no reason for that kind of s***. Is it a joke? So, tell me, what’s funny? Is it for shock value? Take a wire and wrap it around your b*lls and plug the other end into the wall socket…you’ll get shock. She was treated in an undignified and unacceptable manner. And this is the lady you just honored with your proposal? Well, how do you rate yourself, a**hole?

Right. It’s not for me to say if the stuff of their relationship is such as to last beyond this. But, you know what HtY?, I disagree...it's all about him. If his sense of dignity isn’t/wasn’t such as to raise the thought of her at the time this happened, shame on him! He doesn’t get my vote. I’m as permissive as anyone, but this is emotional abuse for her. In fact, he doesn’t even have to think of her, he just needs to consider himself. As that old man said, ‘I didn’t hold the door for her because she’s a lady, I did it because I am a gentleman.’ This guy is not.

[Guest]

S*** manhater...I would be PISSED OFF. But question...has he cheated on you in the past, or was this a one off, right before the wedding? Just curious...

[Manhater]

As fas as I know he hadn't cheated before....

and the only thing in his favour in the whole thing is that he told me himself what had happened (sort of) and then the whole story came out and I went crazy.

this tart also didn't use a condom. and he didn't seem to mind about that.

after thinking about it a lot I do think that this is one of those things that sometimes happens, is a big deal at the time but gets forgotten about in time. problem is that if i marry him (not cancelled yet) im going to be thinking about this all through that day and that pisses me off... that he might spoil my day. wish i had more time.

[Postpone, please]

I agree with those that say it's horrible what he did.

Sometimes men go to bachelor parties (or women at bachelorette parties, as was pointed out) and everything is fair game. Everyone else thinks it's a riot to watch the "soon to be enchained" "sow their wild oats" one last time. I say bulls***. If my wife licked whipped cream off another guy's c*** the week before we were married, I'd be pissed--at her, and all her friends that thought it was so funny. As was mentioned on here before, it's shameful that all the blokes were egging him on and laughing like it was some playful joke, without any regard to the future bride's feelings. I think if some activity would be off-limits after marriage, it shouldn't be encouraged at the bachelor party.

Maybe he's the type to keep a straying eye--or maybe not, maybe this was a one-time act of stupidity. One thing I know is this: it is very hard to be in a happy marriage when you feel like you can't trust the other person. The breach of trust has definitely been broken.

At the very least, the wedding ought to be postponed. This would do a couple of things:

1. It would give manhater time to think everything through, reevaluate the relationship, and decide whether or not it is worth salvaging, without the pressure of a rapidly-approaching deadline.

2. If her fiance wises up, so much the better for both of them, and she'll be able to enjoy her wedding (and she'll be able to enjoy looking at her wedding pictures later in life).

3. If, during the postponement, she thinks it through and decides he has definitely crossed a line, much better to figure this out before you are married than after. It's easier to replan a wedding than obtain an annulment.

4. I think it's very important that this NOT be dismissed as an inconsequential act of immaturity. Postponing the wedding would force the groom to realize that the act was not just "no big deal," that it WAS a big deal. Let him handle the awkwardness of telling family that the date has changed, looks like everyone will have to wait another six months. Let his goofy friends sober up, and decide to take everyone to a football game next time, or go golfing, rather than have the obligatory stripper f*** up another couples' sense of trust.

Not an easy decision, I'm sure, but I wouldn't let him get away with it, and struggle with these feelings through your wedding ceremony. There's part of you that will be tempted to calm down and let it go; I think that sets a bad precedent. Years from now, all those friends will probably still be laughing, saying, "Oh, yeah, she was pissed," but then they'll shrug it off because everything worked out alright anyway.

Good luck. Sorry about what happened...

[Guest]

In regard to Postpone, please.....totally agree, BUT he DID tell her about it so that would lead me to believe that he felt guilty, and he fessed up. I'm a female by the way. I think he was just drunk, being stupid with his friends, and made a really poor choice. It happens....Wrong? Definitely, but I wouldn't throw a relationship out over it. It was a bachelor party...he didn't just randomly, and continually cheat on her. I'd make him suffer bigtime over it, but wouldn't dump him. Just my take. BUT if he has cheated on her before, and he did this, then just kick him in the balls, or cut em off...that would teach him! Just my take.

[walker]

rhino—

I respect your opinion and admire your compassion, but all postpone is saying is they should get some space before the marriage takes place, if at all. I’ve already made my views known, bachelor party, drunk (not exactly an abiding quality, incidentally), stupid with friends (some friends!) or whatever. Without moving off my opinion, I think postpone gives it a thoughtful and temperate viewpoint. I think you agree. But I don’t give him any points for telling; that could set a bad precedent and, really, was it feeling guilty or manipulation?

[jetset_willy]

A similar incident occurred on my own stag party, although admittedly, not to such a degree.. I managed to, shall we say, control myself...

I think that Manhater's point about this incident being something you can forget, a very accurate one. All sexual indiscretions are exaggerated beyond belief at the time because of their immediate emotional impact... (and before a wedding, this is going to be huge), but they all die down with time (often a very short amount of time). To re-arrange your life around a boyfriends peccadilloes is almost selfish (caveat - if he is truly sorry and this is a one-off).

I think manhater is going to forget about this... and if you're not, then all I can say is - get over yourself !

[Guest]

Walker and Jetset........yeah, he totally Fuc*** up...NO DOUBT, BUT if they have put thousands of dolllars down on this wedding, mailed out invites, etc. they still have time to sort it out....am I wrong on this.

Trust me, I was cheated on while engaged, and it was NOT a bach. party....I dumped the b*****, and he did NOT tell me about it...I found it out through other ways.


All I'm saying is this is a very complicated situation, and I would say stick with him, but the prob is that the wedding is so close. God, this is a bad one,,,,,who knows what is right..I see both sides. Let's all just wish her the best for her.

[walker]

Okay, I was willing to drop it until Jetset came on the scene. You tell her to “get over yourself?” You’ve got the sensitivity of that cockroach wiggling up your a**. You say it’s all exaggerated? Explain, please—and I mean with facts! And I love your word, ‘piddadilloes”. Sounds like the musical instrument you use to stimulate your g-spot, my learned colleague.

I’m really tired of you guys and your knee-jerk reaction to anything that speaks to honorable treatment of loved ones. It’s like ‘It happens,” has become ‘It should happen’. I’m sorry, I don’t abandon human decency and I cherish and respect my loved ones. And you know what, they do me too, and we lean on each other. Jetset…c’mon? Come get some.