Should I marry him?

[bride to be?]

I'm 42 and have three children from a previous relationship. I'd been with my fiance for over a year and we planned our big wedding for a month today. My husband's well off so I've goven up work but I was just a dinner lady/ shop assisant before I met him. I'm five months pregnant with twins.

My husband hasn't seemed very intersted in the wedding so I asked him why? After a blazing row he said he didn't feel the same why he used to about me but will still mary me becuase he wants to live with his kids and wants security for all of his. After a long talk it was concluded that he did love me, there was no one else and he was planning to marry and live properly, no affairs or wierd fake marriage but he probably would go through with it if I wern't pregnant.

I still love my fiance, my older kids (two of who are teenage girls) have got used to our new quality of life and I can't afford to raise the twins myself. I don't want to move back to wear I used to live as my girls are doing so much better in a nicer school in a nicer area.

But can I marry a man who doesn't really love me anymore?

[Guest]

If he doesn't want you it will never work,

[DipsyTipsy]

This man seems very fickle doesn't he.

This isn't him feeling differently toward you a few years down the line. This is him doing a complete U-Turn with his feelings towards you in a few months (assuming you wouldn't get pregnant with him had you known his change of heart).

I can't say whether it will work or not but he does seem to thrive on the early stages of a relationship and change his mind to easily.
Unfortunately you'll be the ones looking after the twins alone if it doesn't work so I say marry him and put 100% into the relationship.

Don't be a doormat to his swinging volatile emotions though because being alone and having your self respect is a better example to set your daughters than having the lifestyle but seeing their mother a emotional wreck.

[Guest]

Wow sweetie...I feel for you. I guess you'll have to decide whether or not you're willing to settle for a marriage of convenience, which is what it sounds like he's offering you at this point. Maybe he's going through some kind of midlife crisis or something? Is there anyway you can postpone the wedding? I fear this won't work out in your favor under the circumstances. Do you really need him that bad?

[Guest]

Noooooooo don't do it! What you see is what you get. Period. He'll keep disappointing you and will eventually leave you. Live with him if you have to, but pleeeeeease don't marry the man. He sounds like trouble. If you marry him you'll give him the upper hand so-to-speak since he likely sees himself as your savior or knight in not-so-shiny armor. Try not to give into his demands and you'll probably keep him longer that way. Don't let him control you. You'll have less trouble with this man if you don't marry him.

[uksarah]

was the baby planned, and was that before/after the weding setup?

just one year together, in my view, is too short to really know someone. perhaps the added commitment may be too much for him? if you are both having doubts, i would call the wedding off. dont get hitched just vecause you feel you have to.

there should be something called 'love', in the mix somewhere!

[Guest]

was the baby planned, and was that before/after the weding setup?

just one year together, in my view, is too short to really know someone. perhaps the added commitment may be too much for him? if you are both having doubts, i would call the wedding off. dont get hitched just vecause you feel you have to.

there should be something called 'love', in the mix somewhere!

Just some advice here for you younger women...from a woman who's spent almot 30 years with the same man. Don't be fooled into thinking it takes years to get to know a person. It doesn't. I still have my days where I feel like I don't know my husband at all. Life's just like that. But I can guarantee you one thing for sure...what you see early on in your relationship is what you can generally expect long term with your man. You can't change him. To put it bluntly...if he's a jerk now...he'll be an even worse jerk as time goes on. I know because I've seen it happen many times to other women throughout the years. If you have even the slightest reservation about marrying someone...don't do it. And do listen to what other people may have to say about the man even if you don't like it. Some of the best clues about him will come from more objective sources.

To the original poster of this thread...I think you'd be making a regrettable mistake if you married your fiance. This won't be the first and only time he'll talk about bailing out on you. I think you deserve better than that and so do your children. I wish you well.

[Guest]

I agree. Don't marry him. He doesn't love you in the way you deserve to be loved...unconditionally.

[chloe1234]

I would say marry him.

You seem to want the best for your kids, like any mother, so I would go ahead and marry him, do put 100% into the relationship, but if it doesnt work, at least you know you tried your absoulte best for yourself, him and most importantly your children!! Plus, if it doesnt work, you will get half of everything, so you will be able to look after your children how you like+how you know they like.

Let us know what you decide. GOOD LUCK!!

[Guest]

I would say marry him.

You seem to want the best for your kids, like any mother, so I would go ahead and marry him, do put 100% into the relationship, but if it doesnt work, at least you know you tried your absoulte best for yourself, him and most importantly your children!! Plus, if it doesnt work, you will get half of everything, so you will be able to look after your children how you like+how you know they like.

Let us know what you decide. GOOD LUCK!!

Nothing like covering all the bases, eh...get half of everything? Actually that's pretty dispicable considering there are children involved. Nice thing to teach them about relationships...marry the jerk anyway cuz you'll hit the jackpot when it's over with. No wonder there's so many f**ked up relationships out there and divorces. With a mentality like that it's a statistic just waiting to happen. Oh well, I guess it works if you're looking for variety. But I thought people still wanted to get married for life.

[chloe1234]

I was thinking of the children, you may c that if you read my post again. She wants the best for her children. She loves the father of her unborn children,he has said he loves her (ok mayb not in the same way), if she can come to terms with what he told her in their heart to heart, then yes she should marry him.

I believe that would be best for the children. She would have tried her best to make it work, for the kids+herself, BUT, if it didnt work then YES she would get half of everything, which is obviously better for her children, better than living on the breadline, or whatever that stupid saying is.

That is my opinion.

[Guest]

I was thinking of the children, you may c that if you read my post again. She wants the best for her children. She loves the father of her unborn children,he has said he loves her (ok mayb not in the same way), if she can come to terms with what he told her in their heart to heart, then yes she should marry him.

I believe that would be best for the children. She would have tried her best to make it work, for the kids+herself, BUT, if it didnt work then YES she would get half of everything, which is obviously better for her children, better than living on the breadline, or whatever that stupid saying is.

That is my opinion.

Omg that's just so pathetic. I agree with the previous poster.

[thegreenbastard]

No

[Guest]

I was thinking of the children, you may c that if you read my post again. She wants the best for her children. She loves the father of her unborn children,he has said he loves her (ok mayb not in the same way), if she can come to terms with what he told her in their heart to heart, then yes she should marry him.

I believe that would be best for the children. She would have tried her best to make it work, for the kids+herself, BUT, if it didnt work then YES she would get half of everything, which is obviously better for her children, better than living on the breadline, or whatever that stupid saying is.

That is my opinion.

Pay no attention to the advice from the previous poster. He sounds like the one who made the thread titled, "idiots." He thinks everyone is an idiot for wanting to get married. He uses the F word a lot. But it was determined in his thread that he has no credibility. He is on drugs, has no job or education, but thinks he can give marriage advise. He is a looooser!!

[chloe1234]