why don't guys say what they feel

[Guest]

they never do..they say it's lust they say they have feelings..what do they really mean, tell me!

[lapin]

they never do..they say it's lust they say they have feelings..what do they really mean, tell me!

You're sort of assuming that they KNOW.

Rule 1: aroused men have mostly shut down higher brain functions. (Not enough blood to use both brain and penis at once - we were only given enough for one at a time )

It's not necessarily that they don't TELL you what they feel, although sometimes that will be the case - it may simply be that they don't actually THINK about what they feel.

Warning: here follows a gross generalisation <grin>....

Look at a group of men in a pub. They'll be chatting away about football, cars, etc etc - ANYTHING, in fact, other than FEELINGS.

Look at a similar group in a pub who happen to be women. They'll be chatting away about feelings, relationships, and so on.

It's a sad reflection of the way male culture works; showing feelings is "weakness".

[confusing!]

so do men give compliaments in order to get 1 thing?!
and when they say they care do they or is that just faking an interest?

[lapin]

so do men give compliaments in order to get 1 thing?!
and when they say they care do they or is that just faking an interest?

Once aroused, rationality gives way to lust in many/most men. And we don't even notice it (some will deny it!)

So it depends upon their state of arousal.

It is often said that men think about sex every minute or 30 seconds or whatever. Rubbish. Many men think about sex every bloody microsecond we're a bunch of randy ole' goats, and them's just the NICE ones!

[mostirreverent]

Feel about what? You, the relationship?

We have fun with you, the sex is good, so we obviously like you, what are you asking. I think that as long as the sex is good, men do not stop to think about how they “feel”, since there primary needs are being met. We assume from that, that all else is fine, so why worry about how we feel. We feel fine. When sex sours, men start to think, “what’s going wrong”. At this point, those guys in the bar will be asking one another, why is she not doing X or Y any more…

[Guest]

It is socially unacceptble for men to be sensitive and express their feelings... tho, if they get to like you enough, in private 1 on 1, they will express their feeligns... it depends on how emotionally mature they are and how they feel about you.


SOME MEN will give compliments just to get sex.

but there are some good guys out there, (like me), i compliment because they are worthy of a compliment, and i expect nothing in return (im a virgin) and yes, saying your a virgin is usually something thats supposed to be embarassing... but, oh well, nobody knows me here.

[Guest]

so do men give compliaments in order to get 1 thing?!
and when they say they care do they or is that just faking an interest?

It's successful. They aren't faking, but they are working a preplanned and heavily thought out method of seduction that can lead to a successful conclusion. Sex is a powerful motivator for both sexes. I'd like to see you go without any makeup for a week for instance. You can't do it, can you?

Some men discover they can be nearly as successful ignoring you and making you feel like dirt.

Which is your choice?

[MarriedMom]

It's obvious that many men don't feel comfortable sharing or expressing their emotions. My husband is a prime example. I love my husband as much as I did when we were first dating. After being together for four years, he still to this day has a hard time opening up to me. He never pays me compliments, he never tells me thank you, he never says dinner was great. He never even gives me little pats or kisses on the cheek. When I ask him about why he is this way, he simply says, "I married you didn't I? Don't you know that I love you?" Well, anyone can get married, but not everyone can make a marriage last. Doing these things for women is a very important factor in COMMUNICATING. (I just felt about 20 guys or more cringe when I brought that word up).

I think that what men need to realize is that women thrive on reassurance. Whether it be from a parent, a friend or a spouse/boyfriend, we want to HEAR that we're loved. We want to hear praise and gratitude. While we may know deep down that our men love us and care about us, we occasionally need verbal/physical reassurance to satisfy our emotional turmoil. I know I would feel much better about myself if my husband would occasionally pay me a compliment or show some affection without me having to initiate it. I think it is simply a case of two totally different brains. Men simply do not work on an emotional level the same way women do. I'm not saying men don't have emotions, I'm just saying they don't see the importance of acting on what they are feeling emotionally.

If men could just realize women need this from time to time, I think there would be a lot less self-concious women running around out there. LOL I'm not saying ALL men are this way, but there is definitely a huge majority that have no clue that doing these things means so much to women.

Any thoughts?

MM

[Guest]

It's obvious that many women don't feel comfortable sharing or expressing their emotions. My ex-wife is a prime example. I loved her as much as I did when we were first dating. After being together for four years, she still to this day has a hard time opening up to me. sHe never pays me compliments, she never tells me thank you, she never says thank you for putting up with that asshole at work. sHe never even gives me little pats or kisses on the cheek. When I ask her about why she is this way, she simply says, "I talk all the time about my day? Don't you know that I love you because I unloaded my emotional wreak on you?" Well, anyone can get married, but not everyone can make a marriage last. Doing these things for men is a very important factor in COMMUNICATING. (I just felt about 20 women or more cringe when I brought that word up).

I think that what women need to realize is that men thrive on reassurance. Whether it be from a parent, a friend or a spouse/girlfriend, we want to HEAR that we're loved. We want to hear praise and gratitude. While we may know deep down that our women love us and care about us, we occasionally need verbal/-physical- reassurance to satisfy our emotional turmoil. I know I would feel much better about myself if my wife would occasionally pay me a compliment or show some affection without me having to initiate it. I think it is simply a case of two totally different brains. women simply do not work on an emotional level the same way men do. I'm not saying women don't have emotions, (far from it, they are emotional rollercoasters) I'm just saying they don't see the importance of doing things together and acting on what they are feeling emotionally.

If women could just realize men need this from time to time, I think there would be a lot less cheating men running around out there. LOL I'm not saying ALL women are this way, but there is definitely a huge majority that have no clue that doing these things means so much to men.

Any thoughts?

Mike

[Guest]

good points made by both mike and MM there!!
ok so maybe us women dont compliament our guys first...but that is because they dont talk to us!! Me...i really do like the guy i'm with to instigate first moves, and i dont think this is uncommon. Therefore I probably wouldnt talk about my feelings unless he has said something which makes me think he feels the same way. Also displays of affection: i LOVE big hugs and proper kisses (preferably all the time!!) but i dont want to always be the first to start this kind of communication off.......sometimes i worry i may seem too clingy or something!! So, yes, I see that guys may want to hear what we want to say, but you need to understand we find it hard too! It would be nice for a guy to make the first move towards an act of affection, or committment, 1st for a change!!

[WiredCoffeeJunkie]

I have a girlfriend who talks a great deal. I enjoy hearing about how she feels today (vs. how she felt about the exact same thing yesterday, or the day before, or.. you get the picture) Any attempt by me to talk to her about things that matter to me is met by a stone wall of indifference. <yawn> "You called that stock right hon. Did you know there's a sale at Macy's where that nasty store clerk who....?" "Oh, so did you buy anything?" -- See how the topic changes?

Not to generalize, but men talk alot and about similar things as women, but when they talk it's about *them* and not about *you*. Men are just smart enough to stop talking when they realize the subject is uninteresting. Example: "Hey Bill the game last night was great huh?" says John. "Screw the game I got laid!" says Bill. "Great, who was it?"

-- See how the topic changes? Now compare that to the above conversation.

<wink>

-Mike

[Guest]

It's obvious that many men don't feel comfortable sharing or expressing their emotions. My husband is a prime example. I love my husband as much as I did when we were first dating. After being together for four years, he still to this day has a hard time opening up to me. He never pays me compliments, he never tells me thank you, he never says dinner was great. He never even gives me little pats or kisses on the cheek. When I ask him about why he is this way, he simply says, "I married you didn't I? Don't you know that I love you?" Well, anyone can get married, but not everyone can make a marriage last. Doing these things for women is a very important factor in COMMUNICATING. (I just felt about 20 guys or more cringe when I brought that word up).

I would pull the words out of his nose.I couldn't live with a man like that.
The men i have been involved with had problems communicating their thoughts and feelings.I made them express themselves and over the years they learnt to communicate without me having to force them.
They are thankful that i made them do it because they now feel more able to be themselves.

[Guest]

It's obvious that many women don't feel comfortable sharing or expressing their emotions. My ex-wife is a prime example. I loved her as much as I did when we were first dating. After being together for four years, she still to this day has a hard time opening up to me. sHe never pays me compliments, she never tells me thank you, she never says thank you for putting up with that asshole at work. sHe never even gives me little pats or kisses on the cheek. When I ask her about why she is this way, she simply says, "I talk all the time about my day? Don't you know that I love you because I unloaded my emotional wreak on you?" Well, anyone can get married, but not everyone can make a marriage last. Doing these things for men is a very important factor in COMMUNICATING. (I just felt about 20 women or more cringe when I brought that word up).

I think that what women need to realize is that men thrive on reassurance. Whether it be from a parent, a friend or a spouse/girlfriend, we want to HEAR that we're loved. We want to hear praise and gratitude. While we may know deep down that our women love us and care about us, we occasionally need verbal/-physical- reassurance to satisfy our emotional turmoil. I know I would feel much better about myself if my wife would occasionally pay me a compliment or show some affection without me having to initiate it. I think it is simply a case of two totally different brains. women simply do not work on an emotional level the same way men do. I'm not saying women don't have emotions, (far from it, they are emotional rollercoasters) I'm just saying they don't see the importance of doing things together and acting on what they are feeling emotionally.

If women could just realize men need this from time to time, I think there would be a lot less cheating men running around out there. LOL I'm not saying ALL women are this way, but there is definitely a huge majority that have no clue that doing these things means so much to men.

Any thoughts?

Mike

haha,good one.

&hearts

[Guest]

I made them express themselves and over the years they learnt to communicate without me having to force them.

Good advice. I'm not sure how "thankful" the men are, but men do need to communicate if they want to have a good relationship. The burden is on women in most cases. Just note the difference between non-stop-ear-hammering-into-abject-submission and good communication.

-Mike

[mostirreverent]

Men have to be strong (not a bad thing). I don’t know where this comes from since I was raised by a single mom. If no one compliments them, they just keep trudging along knowing that they are still o.k. Some men do need constant reassurance, but they are the whiners. We all know this guy, and no one likes him. I know when I have done something well, the patent office sends me a letter. I don’t need my boss to say so. There is nothing wrong with a compliment, but I don’t live for them.

I compliment woman. I compliment men. I do feel women need more reassurance though. I tend to fear that I am placating if I do it too much. I am also suspicious of someone that compliments me too often. I guess I feel that woman should not need so much attention. Just be strong. A man feels that unless he says otherwise, he still loves you; so by saying it with marriage, he assumes that you know it, having been told once. As for pats, kisses and hugs, those are nice, but for me, a hug leads to wondering hands, which leads to sex (which as any Mormon will tell you, leads to slow dancing). Men also show their love with sex, since this is how they like to be shown love. Sex = love.

A “real man” is taught to be self reliant, and men extrapolate this to the women in their lives. Also, men don’t want to “burden” others with their problems, so they don’t volunteer such feeling. What good does showing your feelings do. It does not solve the problem to cry, just get off you ass and fix the problem.

How was your day sweetheart? Men feel that each day is the same for them, so why ask. Unless there is a particular reason to ask about the day’s happenings, they don’t see the need.