Problems with fiance

[Polgara69]

Can I just go back and bring up the 'I trust him but not other women' point that Caroline made? I agree with Max that that is rubbish. If you trust someone then you trust them. Thats it. My ex used to come out with that one all the time. 'Its not you I dont trust, its all the other men'. He was basically saying that he didnt trust me cos if he did, then no matter how other men might behave around me, he would know that I wouldnt do anything anyway. I trust my toyboy implicitly and know he would never do anything to hurt me. And he has female friends, a couple of which I have made friends with and we all hang out together sometimes. His best friend is a girl and she is coming over for dinner with her partner next week. Not for one moment do I think he is only friends with her cos he wants to shag her. I dont agree with Harry when he says men and women cant be friends. Yes, one might have some feelings that the other hasnt but it doesnt mean they will act on it does it?

[aasd19]

.....I read that thread and no, it's not similar. I don't behave that way with my business partner and don't cling to him. I have also stopped interacting with him too much other than for work, poppy's boyfriend gets mad at her and is not doing anything to make the situation better for her.

Poppys and your situations are similar because of the platonic relationship angle.

[MaxtheGaul]

I don't have a problem with that, I just said that his relationship is unsual, because you won't find many lads being fine with all that.

Yes, but you have to change your perspective to understand. You're focussing on the sexual bit. Change focus. Are you telling me that most lads would not be fine with the following:

a woman who loves you, who you can really trust to be always honest with you, who would never intentionally do anything to hurt or harm you, but at the same time is independent enough to have a life of her own.


when you have that sort of relationship you stop fretting about whether they are sha**ing someone else.

If you've never experienced anything like that then I can understand you settling for second best.

[MaxtheGaul]

The only difference now is that he doesn't shout or argue too much, he feels the same and doesn't want to marry me if I don't quit. I know that the change of demeanour is a good sign, and that I should wait to see if things get better, but the way he's behaved with me over the past few weeks, sometimes being incredibly nasty, has left me emotionally drained, and it has started affecting my work, which is frustrating.

Rosanna, If you are thinking of spending your life with someone why, why WHY are you choosing someone who had already shown that he won't be pulling in the same direction as you. Why don't you want someone who can be a true partner who will support you in tough times (and the next few years will be testing for any business), instead of someone who would, I'm sure, be happy for you to fail?

Is your biological clock ticking, and you don't want to wait? Is he an incredibly good sha*? Does he have some financial or other hold over you? Do you find it hard to build relationships, and believe you can't do any better?

I just feel that if you get out of this it will be a huge relief and that in a few months you will wonder why you ever thought of getting hitched to him.

[chococookie]

No, not getting married soon, not before the end of this year. Yeah, we got engaged 3 weeks ago.
And I did ask him. He said we'll talk over it later. But when I insisted, he said that he wanted me to think over what I wanted again and decide what I wanted more. I was also complaining to him about his sister's interference and the lectures she gives me, he said that what she said was true even if it wasn't the best way to speak to me about it.

The only difference now is that he doesn't shout or argue too much, he feels the same and doesn't want to marry me if I don't quit. I know that the change of demeanour is a good sign, and that I should wait to see if things get better, but the way he's behaved with me over the past few weeks, sometimes being incredibly nasty, has left me emotionally drained, and it has started affecting my work, which is frustrating.

Goodness, forget the end of the year, don't marry him!!
Your post reminds me of a friend of mine who got married to a super jealous, controlling boyfriend, and it all ended in tears! She was reluctant to accept what I and some other friends told her and thought it was his way of showing he cared! Seriously, what is this? blinded by love?
scared that you won't find other men because you're in a business with a guy?
At first I thought he just preferred that you leave the business, but he has given you an ultimatum?
You are not even married yet and he's already pulling you down.

[Verve]

I told him I wasn't going to leave my business, he started off with some rubbish again .

But for the past few days he's trying to make things better, and he's not mentioning my business or my business partner at all.

He just landed up with flowers and chocolates the day before, apologised for being rude, and is trying to work on his behaviour.

I'm not going to be too optimistic though.

Ok guys this is what I mean.... He apologized for being bossy about the situation. Even though he did she's still mad that he had the audacity to request that of her. Saying she is not too optimistic means she knows his ass is going to make another attempt to control her. She knows this situation is not over. It's just been swept under the mat for now. She is getting ready to marry a control freak. She is a independent woman who doesn't know how to be submissive. This issue won't go away unless you guys clear the air and say what's on your mind and what will or will not happen on your relationship.

[FFFCaroline]

edited because she could not understand what I was trying to say

[rosanna_6]

if I got you wrong then please tell me what you meant again, Caroline.

[rosanna_6]

Rosanna, If you are thinking of spending your life with someone why, why WHY are you choosing someone who had already shown that he won't be pulling in the same direction as you. Why don't you want someone who can be a true partner who will support you in tough times (and the next few years will be testing for any business), instead of someone who would, I'm sure, be happy for you to fail?

Is your biological clock ticking, and you don't want to wait? Is he an incredibly good sha*? Does he have some financial or other hold over you? Do you find it hard to build relationships, and believe you can't do any better?

I just feel that if you get out of this it will be a huge relief and that in a few months you will wonder why you ever thought of getting hitched to him.

No, none of those reasons(and who gets married because of someone being a good sh*g?! lol)
He's not that supportive, true, but I don't think he'd want me to fail. But yeah, I get what you're saying. I guess we aren't as compatible as I once thought we were.
We were supposed to be moving in together by next month, but won't be doing that for now.

Seriously, what is this? blinded by love?
scared that you won't find other men because you're in a business with a guy?
At first I thought he just preferred that you leave the business, but he has given you an ultimatum?

Possibly a little bit of both lol .
Yeah, it's more of an ultimatum than a request.

This issue won't go away unless you guys clear the air and say what's on your mind and what will or will not happen on your relationship.

We, or at least I, have tried to do that several times. If that had worked, I won't have come on here for help.

My ex used to come out with that one all the time. 'Its not you I dont trust, its all the other men'. He was basically saying that he didnt trust me cos if he did, then no matter how other men might behave around me, he would know that I wouldnt do anything anyway.

Yeah, that's what my fiance keeps saying all the time, too.

[Bouncy]

Ultimatums are emotional blackmail. If you pay the blackmailer (by giving up your business), that won't be the end of the extortion. There'll be other things you'll have to do to prove your love. Other things you'll have to give up. Other things you'll have to accept. All to make the blackmailer happy. If you find another business, there's a good chance there'll be something wrong there as well. If you find another job in the same profession, there may be all kinds of other men you come in contact with. If you're a business woman, you'll be in a league of gentlemen no matter where you go because business is a man's world.

I tell people straight up not to give me ultimatums because whatever demands they make will be met with a big F-you! Stick to your guns rosanna. There's compromise and then there's being controlled. Don't allow yourself to be controlled by anyone.

[FFFCaroline]

He is a good looking stallion and knows he can do no wrong....He is probably innocent of trying to bed her as he has had all these years to smell her and mate.

Excuse me?
NO, my business partner has never tried to sleep with me! I have known him for 8 years, and he has never hit on me. How dare you make assumptions like that! You're being ridiculous.
And as for him "sitting back and relaxing and watching", um, no, he doesn't really know that I am having problems in my relationship. And you are suggesting he would be happy if he knew, that is untrue as well.
It may be "fun" for you to write a story but stop making a joke of this. Or are you flaming deliberately?

It amazes me sometimes how someone can take everything out of context to what you are saying...What I was trying to say is that you are all three alphas...What I said was that your partner had all the years prior to your boyfriend coming into the picture to smell her and mate...Just words used if you were animals....Unfortunately I used three animals in my post...Not meaning anything but three animals...Not that you are animals, but to explain three equal people and how innocent he and you were....Never did I say that he tried to hit on you...WHAT I DID SAY, is that he could do no wrong...He was innocent...I said if he had wanted to make time with you earlier and you both had feelings for each other that it would have happened then....Not now....BUT, that your boyfriend is also a man and is jealous of another man as a woman would be jealous of another woman....Your partner is innocent as you are but in a man's mind he can create something that has not happened out of fear of the unknown.....Unfortunately, I used two stallions and a filly instead of a woman and two men....

I don't know if he is sitting back and watching it and personally don't give a dam...Now about my writing a story, NO, and if I did it sure would not be on something like this....As far as making a joke of it, it was you who did the Topic to start.....As far as flaming you deliberately.......Nope....You got enough troubles to start....Best of the best to you.....

[rosanna_6]

It amazes me sometimes how someone can take everything out of context to what you are saying...What I was trying to say is that you are all three alphas...What I said was that your partner had all the years prior to your boyfriend coming into the picture to smell her and mate...Just words used if you were animals....Unfortunately I used three animals in my post...Not meaning anything but three animals...Not that you are animals, but to explain three equal people and how innocent he and you were....Never did I say that he tried to hit on you...WHAT I DID SAY, is that he could do no wrong...He was innocent...I said if he had wanted to make time with you earlier and you both had feelings for each other that it would have happened then....Not now....BUT, that your boyfriend is also a man and is jealous of another man as a woman would be jealous of another woman....Your partner is innocent as you are but in a man's mind he can create something that has not happened out of fear of the unknown.....Unfortunately, I used two stallions and a filly instead of a woman and two men....
.

Ok, I didn't notice that bit. Thanks for clearing that. I missed the "innocent of", and the animal example.

I don't know if he is sitting back and watching it and personally don't give a dam..

well, he isn't.

As far as flaming you deliberately.......Nope....You got enough troubles to start....Best of the best to you.....

I understand that, but without the two things I mentioned above it sounded like that. My bad, next time I should read more carefully!

[chococookie]

^^are you preoccupied or something

And wrt the post before that, I'm scratching my head wondering why you are still together.

[rosanna_6]

^^are you preoccupied or something

And wrt the post before that, I'm scratching my head wondering why you are still together.

lol I probably am.
Yeah, I'm wondering the same :p

[Verve]

This issue won't go away unless you guys clear the air and say what's on your mind and what will or will not happen on your relationship.

We, or at least I, have tried to do that several times. If that had worked, I won't have come on here for help.

AND WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU...MS. BUSINESS WOMAN