I'm in a great relationship with a terrific guy who treats me wonderfully, but these dreams I've been having make me feel somewhat accidentally unfaithful.
My ex (who we'll name CJ) and I dated back in high school, where we were best friends who turned into more. In the beginning, we had very intense, lustful impulses that progressed very fast. Sadly, we ended up breaking off our relationship and friendship, and then avoiding each other up until almost a year ago, then we started talking casually again. During all this, though, we never had sex because I wanted to save myself for someone I loved.
That someone came, I gave myself... and then we split last January.
After I broke up with that someone, CJ and I had a little drunken fling one night in March, but still no sex. We haven't spoken of it at all, not even the next morning.
Then in May, I met my current boyfriend.
Now, the dream goes like this:
I'm in a nightclub dancing with my boyfriend and our friends. Normally, my boyfriend is a terrible dancer, but all of a sudden he becomes really passionate and dances great. It starts to get really sexual as it gets more intense, and then 'My Love' by Justin Timberlake plays in the background.
As things heat up even more, I turn around... and it's CJ. At first I'm taken aback, but he keeps staring directly in my eyes and I can't look away. We begin dancing closely and very sensually again, and at the end of the song, we leave.
The dream then turns to our friends' points of view, in which our friends notice we've left.
Then we end up behind the club, in sort of an alley with a tall brick wall. We're heavily making out as I'm pushed up against the wall. He lifts me off my feet and presses himself harder against me so I'm held up by him and the wall. In this, I'm wearing a very short skirt and apparently no underwear, which is something I would never do (I'm too shy for that).
Obviously, we get more intense, and as we are near finishing, he soulfully looks me straight in the eyes and takes a deep breath in.
And I wake up. Mid-orgasm.
This has happened a couple of times, and it's starting to really make me worry that maybe there was more to our relationship than we both think. Everytime we're around each other, there is a sort of tingle. Not necessarily 'I like you' tingle, but in that there is unfinished business.
I love my boyfriend very much, but I can't help but feel questionable about these dreams. Could it be that I still have sexual feelings for CJ, or is it just because of how much I care for my new boyfriend?
What does it mean and what should I do?
