Should I wear a skirt to please my boyfriend?

[Guest]

I have been reading this with interest as I kind of come at it from another angle. I’m in my late 20ies and don’t have a serious boyfriend at present, but I have worn skirts and dresses pretty well 24/7 since leaving uni. I do have a couple of pair of jogging pants and I ride so I have some jodhpurs for that, but apart from that just skirts. I never knew it was quite so un-usual or such a problem ! I guess everyone I know is pretty used to it so they don’t really notice.

The <A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_52' target='_blank'>tights</A> thing is mostly just practical and I guess I rarely go entirely without, except if its very warm in summer. I rarely wear anything much ‘above the knee’ but if I do tend to wear opaques to cover up a bit.

I’m pretty independent now, but the long term plan is for a husband, kids etc so looks like I shall have a head start !

You sound very feminine, ladylike and modest - just what lots of men value in a wife. Hope things go well for you.

[Guest]

I think this is a really interesting discussion, which raises a lot of questions on male/female relationships. And things I have been thinking about regarding my wife.

My wife is not dressing very feminine. I asked her often to dress more feminine in certain situations, but she refuses. In a way I do respect that since I think she should decide what to wear herself on the other hand she wants me to tread me like a lady and that feels difficult for me since she is not dressing lika a lady.

What bothers me in this discussion though is that the male female distinction also counts other areas, like housekeeping. You write he wants you to take a domestic role, but since you have a jobb ass well I think that is wrong. He should do his share of housekeeping as well.

Men and women are different and that is what attracts us to each other and therefore we should look different, but when it comes to rights and things like division of housekeeping men and women should be equal and all should do their part. (My wife probably things I am not doing enough though.)

After reading your posts I am not sure that you are the kind of person that just wants to be there to please your husband. I've got a feeling that you have bigger ambitions in life. Wearing a skirt probably won't be a big issue once you got used to it, but not having the possibility to develop yourself the way you want might become a big issue later.

After reading all this I think I will have a discussion with my wife about how she dresses again. I do think she can wear trousers ass well , but it would be nice if she would dress more feminine at weekends and special occasions.

/Tommy

[Guest]

Regarding gym wear has he suggested you wear white lyrca leggings or told you that is what you must wear because of modesty.

I like the idea of anticipating his requirements, I hadn't though of that. That will keep him happy.

When he first gave it to me I nearly had a fit! He was kind of clever though. The bedroom is a special place but getting me into that nightie broke my resistance to dresses and skirts. Frilly pink <A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_52' target='_blank'>nylon</A> is yucky, but if it turns him on I guess it’s OK!!!

This sounds weird but when I wore a night dress my bf got me I didn't like the feel of it. It was very very frilly, pinky basically very girly. Do you wear it every time you go to bed know. It is nice to hear that you wear clothes for him.

Getting into housework - how does this connect with things. Was this his suggestion that your contribution should be through domestic chores like cooking and cleaning.

I may be a tomboy but I want a man, babies and a nice home. I’d love to be a Mrs. He’s the boss – he takes me out, he pays (I’m not complaining!), he makes the big decisions and even tells me what to wear! If I keep his place clean, wash his clothes and look after the kitchen then I’ll be making my own contribution – if I look after him in the home he’ll like having me around. You should see his clothes and state of his house – typical man! He really needs a girl to look after him.

I agree in part with what you have just said above, but the bit about he's the boss and being told what to wear is exactly like my bf. How did you come to accept being told what to wear or having your clothes chosen for you? Please, please explain this so I can understand it.

So you are going to put on a frilly apron and spend a weekend at the ironing board and the kitchen sink! Sounds like a good move! Do let me know how it goes! Is this how you see your future or is it a one-off? As a tomboy, how so you feel about housework and how do you feel about skirts? Do you wear them much already?[/quote]

All this started when we went to see his family. He told me he wanted me in a dress and to wear tights which I hate. I did wear what he chose because I was kinda of nervous meeting the in-laws and he knows them better than me so it could of made it worse if I wore jeans, but my jeans were very smart, not ripped or anything.

Re the weekend, I am giving it a go so I can see what I am letting myself into. I know I will be in a skirt all weekend, and even a dress on Sat night as he is taking me out for a meal. Re the future I would like to be more involved but unsure about being told what to wear. This is why I find it very interesting how you have turned from a tomboy for a girly girl. Don't think I can do.

[Mixed_up_Miss]

Regarding gym wear has he suggested you wear white lyrca leggings or told you that is what you must wear because of modesty.

I like the idea of anticipating his requirements, I hadn't though of that. That will keep him happy.

When he first gave it to me I nearly had a fit! He was kind of clever though. The bedroom is a special place but getting me into that nightie broke my resistance to dresses and skirts. Frilly pink <A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_52' target='_blank'><A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_52' target='_blank'>nylon</A></A> is yucky, but if it turns him on I guess it’s OK!!!

This sounds weird but when I wore a night dress my bf got me I didn't like the feel of it. It was very very frilly, pinky basically very girly. Do you wear it every time you go to bed know. It is nice to hear that you wear clothes for him.

Getting into housework - how does this connect with things. Was this his suggestion that your contribution should be through domestic chores like cooking and cleaning.

I may be a tomboy but I want a man, babies and a nice home. I’d love to be a Mrs. He’s the boss – he takes me out, he pays (I’m not complaining!), he makes the big decisions and even tells me what to wear! If I keep his place clean, wash his clothes and look after the kitchen then I’ll be making my own contribution – if I look after him in the home he’ll like having me around. You should see his clothes and state of his house – typical man! He really needs a girl to look after him.

I agree in part with what you have just said above, but the bit about he's the boss and being told what to wear is exactly like my bf. How did you come to accept being told what to wear or having your clothes chosen for you? Please, please explain this so I can understand it.

So you are going to put on a frilly apron and spend a weekend at the ironing board and the kitchen sink! Sounds like a good move! Do let me know how it goes! Is this how you see your future or is it a one-off? As a tomboy, how so you feel about housework and how do you feel about skirts? Do you wear them much already?

All this started when we went to see his family. He told me he wanted me in a dress and to wear <A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_52' target='_blank'>tights</A> which I hate. I did wear what he chose because I was kinda of nervous meeting the in-laws and he knows them better than me so it could of made it worse if I wore jeans, but my jeans were very smart, not ripped or anything.

Re the weekend, I am giving it a go so I can see what I am letting myself into. I know I will be in a skirt all weekend, and even a dress on Sat night as he is taking me out for a meal. Re the future I would like to be more involved but unsure about being told what to wear. This is why I find it very interesting how you have turned from a tomboy for a girly girl. Don't think I can do.[/quote]

This sounds weird but when I wore a night dress my bf got me I didn't like the feel of it. It was very, very frilly, pinky basically very girly. Do you wear it every time you go to bed now?

I don’t think your feelings about frilly pink nighties are at all weird – you sound exactly like me. I can still tense up when I put mine on or when I look in the mirror.

I have been wearing it whenever we go to bed together, because he gave it to me and because it turns him on. I have also been wearing it when sometimes I sleep on my own – to try to get used to it, and because it does make me feel close to him if that makes sense.

I’ve just bought myself a white silk nightdress with a lacy trim (using his credit card of course!!!). Although it is less frilly and girly it is still very feminine and I hope very much he’ll like it. He hasn’t seen it yet but it is what I want to wear going forward.

All this started when we went to see his family. He told me he wanted me in a dress and to wear tights which I hate. I did wear what he chose because I was kinda of nervous meeting the in-laws and he knows them better than me so it could of made it worse if I wore jeans, but my jeans were very smart, not ripped or anything.

I really, really sympathise. A first meeting with the in-laws is hard and the discomfort of an unfamiliar dress and tights must have made it worse. Try looking at it this way though – first impressions ARE VERY IMPORTANT, and it was a very important occasion both for him and for you. His parents might have thought it disrespectful if you’d turned up in jeans. I’m sure you looked really nice, they liked you and he was proud of you. I’m sure he was grateful for the effort you made.

Re the weekend, I am giving it a go so I can see what I am letting myself into. I know I will be in a skirt all weekend, and even a dress on Sat night as he is taking me out for a meal. Re the future I would like to be more involved but unsure about being told what to wear. This is why I find it very interesting how you have turned from a tomboy for a girly girl. Don't think I can do.

I guess I created my own problem by refusing to wear skirts at all for a long time and turning it into a big issue. Chatting to other girls in this forum who have gone from trousers to skirts-only helps put things in perspective. They are now housewives who love their husbands – most of them have got used to their skirts, a few still don’t like them but none of them regard it as a big deal – dresses and skirts are perfectly normal girl’s clothes at the end of the day aren’t they?

You think it is nice to dress to please your boyfriend so I suggest that you start to wear dresses and skirts more of the time without waiting for him to tell you. You’ll please your boyfriend and with luck you’ll retain much more freedom to wear your jeans the rest of the time. I wish I’d taken this approach myself!

Just relax and have a lovely, lovely weekend!

[Louise Jones5]

Thank you for your reply and comments. Actually your boyfriend sounds a lot more reasonable that my bf. I don't know if it is because he is older than me (+ 12 yrs difference) or me just being me. To be fair to him when we met he did lay his cards on the table and over the coming months explained what he wanted. I just thought, yeah, whatever, but the longer this has gone on and the more I have realised that this is what he wants but it just seems a hell of a lot, more than what you have mentioned.

Like your situation, he has a good job and nice house and actually wants me to give up my job to become a housewife. I can see benefits it this, but I feel I would give up my indpendence if I was to move in. In terms of control, sometimes I think he might be a control freak, but maybe this is a bit stong.

I asked him exactly what he would like to clear the air and he said that he hates me wearing trousers or jeans and wants me to wear dresses or skirts all the time. He also has preferences over my underwear, hosiery and nightwear. I find this too much in one way, but are you said they are only clothes, so I am rather confused. I am being too rebelious??

In his favour I love being with him but don't like the idea of dressing for him and not for me. He said he wants to go clothes shopping together so he can choose some "nice" clothes and accessories. He even wants to go away for a shopping trip and like spend the whole weekend shopping. My worse nightmare but this is his idea of fun. He also knows I dislike a lot of the accessories he loves me to wear, like really frilly knickers, heels and tights.

The hosiery side is also a bug bear. I hate, hate hate them. I had to wear tights to school (my mum made we wear tights to school, so even then I was being made to wear something I didn't like). Since I left school I never wore them. He has insisted I shoudl always have my legs covered so I know I will have to wear hoisery which I really don't want to do. I have not worn stockings or garter belts yet, I wore tights when I visited his parents but I suspect he will want me to wear stockings as well. I hated wearing tights and did feel uncomfortable, I just don't like the feeling of wearing them or being told to wear them.

Can I ask a few questions, do you think your bf will let you wear jeans or do you think you will not be allowed to wear jeans again.

Please expalin how you got use to tights (or do you wear stockings). The first pair I put on I just laddered and then when I wore them they really annoyed me. Does you bf tell you what hoisery to wear or do you chose what to wear with each skirt or dress?

You said you choose your own clothes. Do you go shopping together or do you choose everything? Would he tell you not to wear something if he didn't like it.

What sort of clothes do you wear at the weekend. Do you think that skirts and dresses are too much for housework and cleaning. I can't see why trousers are a problem with cleaning.

Very last question, when you are staying in the house and not planning to go out, do you still wear hoisery or does he let you go bare legged around the house.

Sorry for all the questions, I do hope you can answer them.

Lou xx

[Guest]

Hi “mixed-up !”, you really seem to be getting your head around a lot of this, but I hope I can help with a little more advice from someone (although I suspect a little older) who’s has been in pretty well nothing but skirts and dresses for several years and who’s husband appears to share your boyfriends view on modesty / femininity.

Firstly on the everyday / casual front you are right to go for the fuller / more comfortable skirts and dresses with a slip if you need it and opaque tights (or something thinner for indoor / summer). There are lots around I don’t know your style but Boden, White Stuff, Next, Laura Ashley, Monsoon etc all have lots. Fuller skirts are more comfortable and as long as they are long enough there is nothing much you can’t do and still stay decent (try protecting your modesty with two small children climbing all over you !). As I said before “Once you get used to it there is no reason why skirts and dresses should not be as practical and comfortable as your old ‘tomboy’ wardrobe.” The great thing is that as you get more used to it you will know what to choose, he will respect your decision and you will feel more in control again.

You sound like you have the work wardrobe sorted, with such a quick change it’s no surprise that you are “aware of my skirt” but in a way that’s the point, to help you feel conscious of your femininity. It also sounds like to have worked out the sports clothing issue, he will love the fact that you have thought it through. My rule is to only wear sports kit for the actual sport and to change into something more comfortable, feminine and (as my husband would say) “proper” as soon as possible afterwards. For example I wear a fairly classic swimsuit (bikini’s are a ‘no no’ and topless unthinkable !) on the beach to swim / sunbath but put on a simple dress for the beach bar !

Men always buy uncomfortable nightdresses ! They don’t have to wear them ! It sounds like the one you have bought is ideal, he will love it and the fact that you thought of it. Nice simple nightdresses are hard to find, but try Bonsoir, the White Company, the Kimono Company.

The girdle he bought you is very similar to one in the M&S “Traditional Corsetry” range. I have one and a couple of their “firm control” briefs (great for post baby tummy – not your problem – yet) . You don’t really need girdles, lots of people do suspender belts and ‘hold ups’ are lot easier anyway. Like my h you say he likes “plain white underwear” I would take advantage of this. Thongs and push up bras were never exactly comfortable and more modest things are generally more comfortable. I should get some patterned tights / stockings which he will like and are a bit more fun / less heavy.

The whole modesty thing is interesting, I’m not sure if it is the fact that a skirt tends to make you feel more ‘vulnerable’ or that being more consciously feminine and devoting yourself to one man tends to make you more aware of it, but I have found that I am every more conscious of wanting to make sure I do not show too much. What it does do is make your intimate relationship more exciting which is important in the long term. If that guy was right men prefer you to take the lead in modesty, I bet you will find you do.

Aren’t you moving in this weekend and getting rid of all your old things ? How exciting, good luck let us all know how you get on. Hope that helps from a very happy, traditional wife and mother.

[Guest]

I loved it when my husband asked me to give up work. If you want to be a housewife then ideally (if finances allow) you should be at home. I have no regrets but you need to be really sure before you give up your independence. Get used to the skirt first !

[Mixed_up_Miss]

Let’s take a look at your relationship. First and most important, you love being with him. Secondly, he is honest and straightforward. Thirdly he wants to look after you. Fourthly he has a good job and a nice house. So you’ve a lot going for you that most other girls would envy!

Being in a relationship means that you have to exchange some of your freedom and independence for all the good things it gives you. If you insist on an absolutely perfect relationship you’ll probably end up on your own! Sadly, real life isn’t a fairy story!

I’m a tomboy at heart just like you. Unfortunately, what I and lots of other women have found is that many men just don’t like girls wearing trousers. Most men like to take charge and most girls enjoy this; we expect the man to take us out and look after us and pay for everything. Maybe then it is a simple courtesy to wear a skirt. Sorry, but to insist on trousers – as I did – would be a little bit rebellious – I think you realise this.

You don’t seem to object in principal to dresses or skirts, but you don’t like him telling you that you HAVE to wear one and you don’t like him telling you to wear tights, high heals, frilly knickers and frilly nightdresses. This is very natural and normal. Try to see the positive aspects though – if he wanted to parade you in public in a miniskirt I’d be worried, but telling you to keep your legs covered shows that he respects you and is concerned for your modesty. Many men don’t even notice what their girls are wearing – you should regard his interest as a compliment. Keep things in perspective – he only wants you to wear normal girl’s clothes, doesn’t he?

I don’t want you to make the mistakes I did. I messed up several relationships by trying to stay very independent and insisting on wearing trousers. I made a big issue of it with my current boyfriend – this led to him coming down very heavy and bringing in all the rules that I’m now starting to obey.

I have 2 suggestions; first, when he takes you out, start wearing dresses and skirts of your own choice, and don’t make a big thing of it. He’ll be pleased, you’ll feel more in control, and you’ll probably retain more freedom to go on wearing your jeans the rest of the time. If he still wants to control how you dress, simply give in to him and again, don’t make a big thing of it. You WILL be uncomfortable for a while, but you’ll probably get used to it and I bet that after a short while he’ll start to lose interest, and you can start to make your own choices again. This is what I very much hope will happen in my own case.

I do sympathise with your dislike of tights, I don’t like them much myself, but once again I want you to get things in perspective. Millions and millions of girls and women all over the world happily and willingly wear tights every day. I reckon you dislike them so much because of your strong self-image as a “tomboy who doesn’t wear girly tights” and because of bad memories of nasty, itchy, saggy school tights. Just FORGET all that and remember that they keep your legs warm, they make your legs look pretty and you are pleasing your boyfriend. Ask your boyfriend to buy you some traditional seamed stockings and a good, solid suspender belt or girdle (NOT some flimsy thing from Ann Summers) – I admit tat the garter clips are fiddly and annoying but I think you’ll find the stockings more comfortable than tights.

On to your questions!

Do you think your bf will let you wear jeans or do you think you will not be allowed to wear jeans again?

I don’t think he’ll allow me to wear jeans any time soon.

Please explain how you got used to tights (or do you wear stockings). The first pair I put on I just laddered and then when I wore them they really annoyed me. Does you bf tell you what hosiery to wear or do you chose what to wear with each skirt or dress?

Keep a spare pair handy to change into when you ladder them.
So long as I keep my legs covered he’s not greatly bothered. I’m currently shopping for tights / stockings that match my various skirts and dresses.

You said you choose your own clothes. Do you go shopping together or do you choose everything? Would he tell you not to wear something if he didn't like it?

To start with he took me out and chose some dresses and skirts for me. I’m now buying a whole lot more – on my own – so I’ll have enough to stop wearing trousers.
He tells me if I wear something he doesn’t like, so I’m trying to choose things he will like (and that I think are OK of course).

What sort of clothes do you wear at the weekend? Do you think that skirts and dresses are too much for housework and cleaning? I can't see why trousers are a problem with cleaning.

I’m currently shopping for some full-skirted, below-the-knee dresses and skirts. They should be practical and comfortable for housework and for wearing around the house at weekends.

Very last question, when you are staying in the house and not planning to go out, do you still wear hosiery or does he let you go bare legged around the house?

Currently he’s being a bit heavy about it, but I wouldn’t go bare-legged in this freezing weather anyway. I’m betting that if I wait he’ll allow it because insisting on tights in the house doesn’t make sense!

Don’t get me wrong – just like you I wish my boyfriend did like me wearing trousers, but, just like yours, he doesn’t! I really, really sympathise, but I think it may help you to be told, quite firmly and by a fellow tomboy, that wearing dresses, skirts and tights isn’t the end of the world!

Love,

Karen xxx

[Mixed_up_Miss]

Hi “mixed-up !”, you really seem to be getting your head around a lot of this, but I hope I can help with a little more advice from someone (although I suspect a little older) who’s has been in pretty well nothing but skirts and dresses for several years and who’s husband appears to share your boyfriends view on modesty / femininity.

Firstly on the everyday / casual front you are right to go for the fuller / more comfortable skirts and dresses with a slip if you need it and opaque <A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_52' target='_blank'>tights</A> (or something thinner for indoor / summer). There are lots around I don’t know your style but Boden, White Stuff, Next, Laura Ashley, Monsoon etc all have lots. Fuller skirts are more comfortable and as long as they are long enough there is nothing much you can’t do and still stay decent (try protecting your modesty with two small children climbing all over you !). As I said before “Once you get used to it there is no reason why skirts and dresses should not be as practical and comfortable as your old ‘tomboy’ wardrobe.” The great thing is that as you get more used to it you will know what to choose, he will respect your decision and you will feel more in control again.

You sound like you have the work wardrobe sorted, with such a quick change it’s no surprise that you are “aware of my skirt” but in a way that’s the point, to help you feel conscious of your femininity. It also sounds like to have worked out the sports clothing issue, he will love the fact that you have thought it through. My rule is to only wear sports kit for the actual sport and to change into something more comfortable, feminine and (as my husband would say) “proper” as soon as possible afterwards. For example I wear a fairly classic swimsuit (<A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_176' target='_blank'>bikini</A>’s are a ‘no no’ and topless unthinkable !) on the beach to swim / sunbath but put on a simple dress for the beach bar !

Men always buy uncomfortable nightdresses ! They don’t have to wear them ! It sounds like the one you have bought is ideal, he will love it and the fact that you thought of it. Nice simple nightdresses are hard to find, but try Bonsoir, the White Company, the Kimono Company.

The girdle he bought you is very similar to one in the M&S “Traditional Corsetry” range. I have one and a couple of their “firm control” briefs (great for post baby tummy – not your problem – yet) . You don’t really need girdles, lots of people do suspender belts and ‘hold ups’ are lot easier anyway. Like my h you say he likes “plain white underwear” I would take advantage of this. Thongs and push up bras were never exactly comfortable and more modest things are generally more comfortable. I should get some patterned <A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_52' target='_blank'>tights</A> / <A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_52' target='_blank'>stockings</A> which he will like and are a bit more fun / less heavy.

The whole modesty thing is interesting, I’m not sure if it is the fact that a skirt tends to make you feel more ‘vulnerable’ or that being more consciously feminine and devoting yourself to one man tends to make you more aware of it, but I have found that I am every more conscious of wanting to make sure I do not show too much. What it does do is make your intimate relationship more exciting which is important in the long term. If that guy was right men prefer you to take the lead in modesty, I bet you will find you do.

Aren’t you moving in this weekend and getting rid of all your old things ? How exciting, good luck let us all know how you get on. Hope that helps from a very happy, traditional wife and mother.

This is a really nice post with lots I agree with. I'm in a mad rush but I'll reply properly later if that's OK.

[Guest]

Reading this has made me think, are we really such tomboys ? I for one loved skirts and dresses as a child and would often refuse to wear anything else. Then a combination of peer group pressure and rebelliousness in your teens, followed by laziness later on, tends to lead a lot of us into jeans, combats and (for work) the ubiquitous ‘black trousers’. I’m not sure if that makes you a tomboy, but for sure you tend to regard skirts etc as ‘dressy’ uncomfortable and not really practical for everyday life. As a result we spend 95% of our time in trousers and start to act in a far more masculine way.

It seems to me that it takes something like a special boyfriend (or discussion like this) to get you thinking. Certainly what is obvious is that whatever the rather excessive demands of some, loads of women / girls get on perfectly well wearing skirts and dresses (which are, let’s face it, perfectly normal ‘women’s wear’) the whole time and either enjoy it or at least don’t find it a problem. There’s also no doubt that most men like their women to be more feminine and whether or not you want a very traditional relationship with “the one” or just a half decent boyfriend, it can’t do any harm to. We are lucky to have the choice and I suspect (especially from the speed of transition) that you are actually rather enjoying it !

Anyway you have spurred me on, I can’t change overnight (sadly lacking the wardrobe and the necessary sugar daddy) but I have resolved to wear a skirt as much as possible (good excuse for a bit of retail therapy). I started a couple of days ago, which caused a bit of surprise in the office initially, but is already forgotten. I wasn’t planning to end up like a nun, but there’s no doubt that a bit of modesty and “feminine mystery” wouldn’t be a bad thing, so let’s hope I can remember not to sit like a bloke ! Have to admit that tights are a bit of a surprise when you haven’t worn them all day for years !

[Mixed_up_Miss]

Let’s take a look at your relationship. First and most important, you love being with him. Secondly, he is honest and straightforward. Thirdly he wants to look after you. Fourthly he has a good job and a nice house. So you’ve a lot going for you that most other girls would envy!

Being in a relationship means that you have to exchange some of your freedom and independence for all the good things it gives you. If you insist on an absolutely perfect relationship you’ll probably end up on your own! Sadly, real life isn’t a fairy story!

I’m a tomboy at heart just like you. Unfortunately, what I and lots of other women have found is that many men just don’t like girls wearing trousers. Most men like to take charge and most girls enjoy this; we expect the man to take us out and look after us and pay for everything. Maybe then it is a simple courtesy to wear a skirt. Sorry, but to insist on trousers – as I did – would be a little bit rebellious – I think you realise this.

You don’t seem to object in principal to dresses or skirts, but you don’t like him telling you that you HAVE to wear one and you don’t like him telling you to wear <A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_52' target='_blank'>tights</A>, high heals, frilly <A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/' target='_blank'>knickers</A> and frilly nightdresses. This is very natural and normal. Try to see the positive aspects though – if he wanted to parade you in public in a miniskirt I’d be worried, but telling you to keep your legs covered shows that he respects you and is concerned for your modesty. Many men don’t even notice what their girls are wearing – you should regard his interest as a compliment. Keep things in perspective – he only wants you to wear normal girl’s clothes, doesn’t he?

I don’t want you to make the mistakes I did. I messed up several relationships by trying to stay very independent and insisting on wearing trousers. I made a big issue of it with my current boyfriend – this led to him coming down very heavy and bringing in all the rules that I’m now starting to obey.

I have 2 suggestions; first, when he takes you out, start wearing dresses and skirts of your own choice, and don’t make a big thing of it. He’ll be pleased, you’ll feel more in control, and you’ll probably retain more freedom to go on wearing your jeans the rest of the time. If he still wants to control how you dress, simply give in to him and again, don’t make a big thing of it. You WILL be uncomfortable for a while, but you’ll probably get used to it and I bet that after a short while he’ll start to lose interest, and you can start to make your own choices again. This is what I very much hope will happen in my own case.

I do sympathise with your dislike of <A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_52' target='_blank'>tights</A>, I don’t like them much myself, but once again I want you to get things in perspective. Millions and millions of girls and women all over the world happily and willingly wear <A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_52' target='_blank'>tights</A> every day. I reckon you dislike them so much because of your strong self-image as a “tomboy who doesn’t wear girly <A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_52' target='_blank'>tights</A>” and because of bad memories of nasty, itchy, saggy school <A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_52' target='_blank'>tights</A>. Just FORGET all that and remember that they keep your legs warm, they make your legs look pretty and you are pleasing your boyfriend. Ask your boyfriend to buy you some traditional seamed <A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_52' target='_blank'>stockings</A> and a good, solid suspender belt or girdle (NOT some flimsy thing from Ann Summers) – I admit tat the garter clips are fiddly and annoying but I think you’ll find the <A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_52' target='_blank'>stockings</A> more comfortable than <A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_52' target='_blank'>tights</A>.

On to your questions!

Do you think your bf will let you wear jeans or do you think you will not be allowed to wear jeans again?

I don’t think he’ll allow me to wear jeans any time soon.

Please explain how you got used to <A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_52' target='_blank'>tights</A> (or do you wear <A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_52' target='_blank'>stockings</A>). The first pair I put on I just laddered and then when I wore them they really annoyed me. Does you bf tell you what hosiery to wear or do you chose what to wear with each skirt or dress?

Keep a spare pair handy to change into when you ladder them.
So long as I keep my legs covered he’s not greatly bothered. I’m currently shopping for <A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_52' target='_blank'>tights</A> / <A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_52' target='_blank'>stockings</A> that match my various skirts and dresses.

You said you choose your own clothes. Do you go shopping together or do you choose everything? Would he tell you not to wear something if he didn't like it?

To start with he took me out and chose some dresses and skirts for me. I’m now buying a whole lot more – on my own – so I’ll have enough to stop wearing trousers.
He tells me if I wear something he doesn’t like, so I’m trying to choose things he will like (and that I think are OK of course).

What sort of clothes do you wear at the weekend? Do you think that skirts and dresses are too much for housework and cleaning? I can't see why trousers are a problem with cleaning.

I’m currently shopping for some full-skirted, below-the-knee dresses and skirts. They should be practical and comfortable for housework and for wearing around the house at weekends.

Very last question, when you are staying in the house and not planning to go out, do you still wear hosiery or does he let you go bare legged around the house?

Currently he’s being a bit heavy about it, but I wouldn’t go bare-legged in this freezing weather anyway. I’m betting that if I wait he’ll allow it because insisting on <A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_52' target='_blank'>tights</A> in the house doesn’t make sense!

Don’t get me wrong – just like you I wish my boyfriend did like me wearing trousers, but, just like yours, he doesn’t! I really, really sympathise, but I think it may help you to be told, quite firmly and by a fellow tomboy, that wearing dresses, skirts and <A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_52' target='_blank'>tights</A> isn’t the end of the world!

Love,

Karen xxx

Dear Lou,

Sorry if the plain speaking in my previous reply seems a bit harsh, but I wanted to make it very clear that although I'm still a bit uncomfortable in skirts, dresses and nylon, starting to wear them has definitely improved my relationship and brought me and my boyfriend closer together.

Yours in skirts!

Karen,

[frillypriss]

I think it is wonderful that you are only wearing skirts and dresses. I think that is all a woman should ever wear.
I was a tomboy when I was younger but I started wearing dresses, skirts, heels, hose, etc on a regular basis a few years ago... now I don't even own a part of pants. When wearing dresses or skirts a woman becomes very aware that she is a woman and acts more feminine, soft and appropriate. We must be careful of he tasks we do and often must call on assistance from men (which they love).

I love soft flared dresses and skirts that come above the knee, heels, stockings and garters... I always feel the most feminine when wearing these because I have to be careful not to compromise my dignity. Men treat me like a lady and always pay me the most attention dressed this way.

[Mixed_up_Miss]

Hi “mixed-up !”, you really seem to be getting your head around a lot of this, but I hope I can help with a little more advice from someone (although I suspect a little older) who’s has been in pretty well nothing but skirts and dresses for several years and who’s husband appears to share your boyfriends view on modesty / femininity.

Firstly on the everyday / casual front you are right to go for the fuller / more comfortable skirts and dresses with a slip if you need it and opaque <A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_52' target='_blank'>tights</A> (or something thinner for indoor / summer). There are lots around I don’t know your style but Boden, White Stuff, Next, Laura Ashley, Monsoon etc all have lots. Fuller skirts are more comfortable and as long as they are long enough there is nothing much you can’t do and still stay decent (try protecting your modesty with two small children climbing all over you !). As I said before “Once you get used to it there is no reason why skirts and dresses should not be as practical and comfortable as your old ‘tomboy’ wardrobe.” The great thing is that as you get more used to it you will know what to choose, he will respect your decision and you will feel more in control again.

You sound like you have the work wardrobe sorted, with such a quick change it’s no surprise that you are “aware of my skirt” but in a way that’s the point, to help you feel conscious of your femininity. It also sounds like to have worked out the sports clothing issue, he will love the fact that you have thought it through. My rule is to only wear sports kit for the actual sport and to change into something more comfortable, feminine and (as my husband would say) “proper” as soon as possible afterwards. For example I wear a fairly classic swimsuit (<A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_176' target='_blank'>bikini</A>’s are a ‘no no’ and topless unthinkable !) on the beach to swim / sunbath but put on a simple dress for the beach bar !

Men always buy uncomfortable nightdresses ! They don’t have to wear them ! It sounds like the one you have bought is ideal, he will love it and the fact that you thought of it. Nice simple nightdresses are hard to find, but try Bonsoir, the White Company, the Kimono Company.

The girdle he bought you is very similar to one in the M&S “Traditional Corsetry” range. I have one and a couple of their “firm control” briefs (great for post baby tummy – not your problem – yet) . You don’t really need girdles, lots of people do suspender belts and ‘hold ups’ are lot easier anyway. Like my h you say he likes “plain white underwear” I would take advantage of this. Thongs and push up bras were never exactly comfortable and more modest things are generally more comfortable. I should get some patterned <A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_52' target='_blank'>tights</A> / <A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_52' target='_blank'>stockings</A> which he will like and are a bit more fun / less heavy.

The whole modesty thing is interesting, I’m not sure if it is the fact that a skirt tends to make you feel more ‘vulnerable’ or that being more consciously feminine and devoting yourself to one man tends to make you more aware of it, but I have found that I am every more conscious of wanting to make sure I do not show too much. What it does do is make your intimate relationship more exciting which is important in the long term. If that guy was right men prefer you to take the lead in modesty, I bet you will find you do.

Aren’t you moving in this weekend and getting rid of all your old things ? How exciting, good luck let us all know how you get on. Hope that helps from a very happy, traditional wife and mother.

Apologies for taking so long to reply but I’ve been in a mad rush over the weekend…

Hi “mixed-up !”, you really seem to be getting your head around a lot of this, but I hope I can help with a little more advice from someone (although I suspect a little older) who’s has been in pretty well nothing but skirts and dresses for several years and who’s husband appears to share your boyfriends view on modesty / femininity.

It is very kind and considerate of you to send such a supportive post. I hope it doesn’t sound silly but I now regard a lady like you very much as a role model – were I to emulate your achievements I’d be really proud.

Firstly on the everyday / casual front you are right to go for the fuller / more comfortable skirts and dresses with a slip if you need it and opaque tights (or something thinner for indoor / summer). There are lots around I don’t know your style but Boden, White Stuff, Next, Laura Ashley, Monsoon etc all have lots. Fuller skirts are more comfortable and as long as they are long enough there is nothing much you can’t do and still stay decent (try protecting your modesty with two small children climbing all over you !). As I said before “Once you get used to it there is no reason why skirts and dresses should not be as practical and comfortable as your old ‘tomboy’ wardrobe.” The great thing is that as you get more used to it you will know what to choose, he will respect your decision and you will feel more in control again.

Thanks for telling me I’m on the right track and thanks for the advice on shops. My boyfriend took me to Monsoon to buy me my first batch of skirts and dresses so it is a safe bet – if I can find more stuff at Monsoon there is a good chance he’ll like it.

You sound like you have the work wardrobe sorted, with such a quick change it’s no surprise that you are “aware of my skirt” but in a way that’s the point, to help you feel conscious of your femininity. It also sounds like to have worked out the sports clothing issue, he will love the fact that you have thought it through. My rule is to only wear sports kit for the actual sport and to change into something more comfortable, feminine and (as my husband would say) “proper” as soon as possible afterwards. For example I wear a fairly classic swimsuit (bikini’s are a ‘no no’ and topless unthinkable!) on the beach to swim / sunbath but put on a simple dress for the beach bar!

I’m starting to understand that wearing a skirt keeps me conscious of my femininity all the time, making my attitude more feminine and improving my behaviour. This is a hard thing for me to consider, but if I’m uncomfortable in a skirt, doesn’t this mean that somehow I’ve become uncomfortable with my femininity? If so, thank goodness I’m confronting it now!

I think you are spot-on about changing out of sportswear straightaway and I’ll definitely follow your advice. We’ve not discussed swimwear but I’m sure my boyfriend would go mental if I ever suggested going topless on a public beach!

Men always buy uncomfortable nightdresses! They don’t have to wear them! It sounds like the one you have bought is ideal, he will love it and the fact that you thought of it. Nice simple nightdresses are hard to find, but try Bonsoir, the White Company, the Kimono Company.

The girdle he bought you is very similar to one in the M&S “Traditional Corsetry” range. I have one and a couple of their “firm control” briefs (great for post baby tummy – not your problem – yet). You don’t really need girdles, lots of people do suspender belts and ‘hold ups’ are lot easier anyway. Like my h you say he likes “plain white underwear” I would take advantage of this. Thongs and push up bras were never exactly comfortable and more modest things are generally more comfortable. I should get some patterned tights / stockings which he will like and are a bit more fun / less heavy.

I guess you can almost guarantee that when a man buys lingerie for a girl, her comfort and convenience are not the first things on his mind! Thank goodness we do share a preference for plain white underwear, at least for daily wear! Much to my surprise I don’t actually mind the girdle! I’ll check the labels you recommend for nighties – I need a couple more.

The whole modesty thing is interesting, I’m not sure if it is the fact that a skirt tends to make you feel more ‘vulnerable’ or that being more consciously feminine and devoting yourself to one man tends to make you more aware of it, but I have found that I am every more conscious of wanting to make sure I do not show too much. What it does do is make your intimate relationship more exciting which is important in the long term. If that guy was right men prefer you to take the lead in modesty, I bet you will find you do.

Isn’t it interesting! I do feel more feminine and vulnerable in a skirt and this makes me more concerned for my modesty. I also want to stay modest to show respect for my boyfriend and keep myself special for him. And I’m sure that what you can’t quite see is more alluring that what’s on public display!

Aren’t you moving in this weekend and getting rid of all your old things? How exciting, good luck let us all know how you get on. Hope that helps from a very happy, traditional wife and mother.

Yes, my boyfriend finally moved me in and I’m thrilled to bits, if still a bit nervous. He took away all my trousers, jeans, shorts, culottes, pyjamas and even my track suit bottoms! I don’t know what he did with them – maybe some charity shop got lucky. Looking at my new wardrobe this morning – no alternatives to skirts and dresses – brought the new reality home to me. I did feel a bit shocked and helpless to be honest. Trousers do still have a place in my life of course – I’ll be washing and ironing my boyfriend’s jeans and taking his suits to the dry cleaners.

If it isn’t cheeky can I ask a few questions?

Did you wear trousers before you got married? If so, how long did it take you to get used to skirts?
Do you ever wear trousers now and do you ever go without tights? If so, what does your husband say?
Do you wear an apron?
If things work out I expect my boyfriend will want me to give up work, particularly I if get pregnant, but in the meantime I’ll be rushed off my feet. I’d be very grateful for any general advice about housework and looking after a man in the home.

Love,

Karen

[Mixed_up_Miss]

Reading this has made me think, are we really such tomboys ? I for one loved skirts and dresses as a child and would often refuse to wear anything else. Then a combination of peer group pressure and rebelliousness in your teens, followed by laziness later on, tends to lead a lot of us into jeans, combats and (for work) the ubiquitous ‘black trousers’. I’m not sure if that makes you a tomboy, but for sure you tend to regard skirts etc as ‘dressy’ uncomfortable and not really practical for everyday life. As a result we spend 95% of our time in trousers and start to act in a far more masculine way.

It seems to me that it takes something like a special boyfriend (or discussion like this) to get you thinking. Certainly what is obvious is that whatever the rather excessive demands of some, loads of women / girls get on perfectly well wearing skirts and dresses (which are, let’s face it, perfectly normal ‘women’s wear’) the whole time and either enjoy it or at least don’t find it a problem. There’s also no doubt that most men like their women to be more feminine and whether or not you want a very traditional relationship with “the one” or just a half decent boyfriend, it can’t do any harm to. We are lucky to have the choice and I suspect (especially from the speed of transition) that you are actually rather enjoying it !

Anyway you have spurred me on, I can’t change overnight (sadly lacking the wardrobe and the necessary sugar daddy) but I have resolved to wear a skirt as much as possible (good excuse for a bit of retail therapy). I started a couple of days ago, which caused a bit of surprise in the office initially, but is already forgotten. I wasn’t planning to end up like a nun, but there’s no doubt that a bit of modesty and “feminine mystery” wouldn’t be a bad thing, so let’s hope I can remember not to sit like a bloke ! Have to admit that <A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_52' target='_blank'>tights</A> are a bit of a surprise when you haven’t worn them all day for years !

Reading this has made me think, are we really such tomboys? I for one loved skirts and dresses as a child and would often refuse to wear anything else. Then a combination of peer group pressure and rebelliousness in your teens, followed by laziness later on, tends to lead a lot of us into jeans, combats and (for work) the ubiquitous ‘black trousers’. I’m not sure if that makes you a tomboy, but for sure you tend to regard skirts etc as ‘dressy’ uncomfortable and not really practical for everyday life. As a result we spend 95% of our time in trousers and start to act in a far more masculine way.

I recognise a lot of this. I wore frilly dresses as a little girl and I had to wear a skirt uniform right through to A-levels – I didn’t like it but it wasn’t one of the major issues of my teenage years! As you say, rebelliousness and laziness kick in and you start to associate trousers with comfort, convenience, freedom and independence. Skirts and dresses become something other people want you to wear for special occasions – irrelevant to everyday life. I think that wearing trousers all the time does make us behave in a more masculine manner – I always assumed I wore trousers because I wasn’t a girly girl, but I’m starting to wonder if wearing trousers day-in-day-out has actually turned me into a tomboy!

It seems to me that it takes something like a special boyfriend (or discussion like this) to get you thinking. Certainly what is obvious is that whatever the rather excessive demands of some, loads of women / girls get on perfectly well wearing skirts and dresses (which are, let’s face it, perfectly normal ‘women’s wear’) the whole time and either enjoy it or at least don’t find it a problem. There’s also no doubt that most men like their women to be more feminine and whether or not you want a very traditional relationship with “the one” or just a half decent boyfriend, it can’t do any harm to. We are lucky to have the choice and I suspect (especially from the speed of transition) that you are actually rather enjoying it!

I’ve been doing a great deal of re-assessment over recent weeks. We like men to be masculine and of course they want us to be feminine. I made such a fuss about skirts and dresses, but as you say, how could looking feminine and feeling feminine do us any harm? As a resolute trousers-girl for so many years, I’m now experiencing a weird mixture of pleasure and discomfort, excitement and apprehension at the moment.

Anyway you have spurred me on, I can’t change overnight (sadly lacking the wardrobe and the necessary sugar daddy) but I have resolved to wear a skirt as much as possible (good excuse for a bit of retail therapy). I started a couple of days ago, which caused a bit of surprise in the office initially, but is already forgotten. I wasn’t planning to end up like a nun, but there’s no doubt that a bit of modesty and “feminine mystery” wouldn’t be a bad thing, so let’s hope I can remember not to sit like a bloke! Have to admit that tights are a bit of a surprise when you haven’t worn them all day for years!

I’m amazed that this little discussion I started has ha such a big affect! I’m sure you’ll soon get used to your skirts and tights again. What people would think freaked me out a bit but they either say I look nice or don’t even notice! Your comment about “sitting like a bloke” makes me blush to the roots of my hair – that’s exactly the sort of thing you forget when you haven’t worn skirts for years, isn’t it!

Love,

Karen

[Mixed_up_Miss]

Hi Lou,

Did you survive your weekend of skirts and housework? I was thinking about you at the time. I hope you enjoyed it and are feeling more confident about your future. Did you wear an apron? I hope your boyfriend took you somewhere nice on Saturday night! Maybe wearing a dress make you feel more special.

I finally moved in with my boyfriend over the weekend. Great timing to finally go “skirts-only” in such cold, wet and windy weather, wasn’t it!? My skirt was blowing all over the place and my tights got soaked, but that’s not the sort of thing one’s MAN thinks of is it? My boyfriend tells me I’ll get used to dresses and skirts quicker if I wear them all the time and don’t have the option of trousers. It certainly makes things simpler, if not necessarily easier to no longer have the choice in the morning!

As advised I’ve started to wear a slip – just a simple white slip from M&S at the moment. On the downside it’s another layer of polyester to deal with but on the plus side it keeps me warm, it helps my dresses hang more smoothly and it avoids any “see-through” embarrassment. I don’t know if you’ve worn one but maybe it would help.

Let me know how you are getting on.

Love,

Karen