Should I wear a skirt to please my boyfriend?

[Guest]

wear a dress. we like dresses. when we see you in a dress we wonder whats under it and how we can get under it.

[jenna_introuble]

I have read any page of this discussion after just finding it quite by accident.

I have very similiar traits to youself. I suppose I am toyboy in the fact I rarerly wore skirts or girls clothes and have been told on some occasions I look like a boy.

I am 24 and had 2 previous boyfriends but they were not really serious. In March I met Mike (he is 30) and we started going out. Early on in the relationship he hinted on me wearing a skirt or even a dress but just wore smart trousers to get round this.

Things moved on and in October I decided to move in with him and his mother. They live in a nice house and we both can't afford a house of our own at the moment so it seemed a good idea.

Shortly after I moved in his mother started to talk about my clothes and I now believe this is where he gets it from! I have never seen her in trousers. She started mentioning how nice it would be to wear a dress for Mike and how Mike would love me to see me all dressed up. It seemed weird her talking about this but I didn't take too much notice.

A few weeks later we went shopping (me and Mike's mother). I just thought it was a quick shopping trip but we went to town and she said that the best present I can get for Mike is to be dressed up for his birthday and to wear more skirts around the house. I was shocked but went along with it. We spent literally hours in different shops, with me trying on dresses and skirts for her to approve. I felt like a little girl.

When I got back I put on a skirt and some hoisery that she brought and waited for Mike to come back from work. I was surprised at this reaction. He was wild eyed and made more compliments in five minutes than the last five months. My thinking is he only loves me for what I wear and not me. He then said in front of his mother that he doesn't want me to wear jeans or trousers again.

I could put with a skirt for a bit but to wear them all the time is too much so I agreed to wear them for 50/50. He just said "Its a start".

Since then his mother has slowly got rid of my jeans and trousers, making lame exuses like they got runined in the washing machine and slowly I fell into wearing a skirt every day. She has also brought me some new clothes which I feel uncomfortable about and some of her choices are not my choice but I know that Mike likes them as well.

My question is do you think this is all wrong. I am loosing control but then again Mike's mother never charges us for any rent or lodging so I can't really say no can I. It does feel they both gang up on me to wear this. For example she will say wear this skirt or dress tonight. I feel out of control.

As for hoisery I don't know how you got use to tights or stockings so quickly. Mike likes me to wear patterned tights or hold ups in the week, she much prefers thinner stockings (old school I guess). I hate both.

I know there are loads of pluses in this relationship but I know the longer this goes on the more I will have to submit to their clothing and styling requirements.

I would love to aks you loads of questions but some general advice first would be great.

Love jenna

[Polgara69]

Cough*bollox*cough

[Guest]

On our first date my boyfriend complimented me on how I looked and said that he prefered to see women dressed in skirts and dresses. Partly as a result I have always worn them when I go out with him. We are moving in together after Christmas and are getting married in the summer, so I can't see myself wearing much else.

I don't see the problem, he likes me to look feminine and I like to make him happy so what's the big deal ?

[scratcher]

Cough*bollox*cough

Christ almighty Polgara, you're a bundle of joy; don't ever give up on the dungarees, one might almost think you've become a woman.........

[Mixed_up_Miss]

I have read any page of this discussion after just finding it quite by accident.

I have very similiar traits to youself. I suppose I am toyboy in the fact I rarerly wore skirts or girls clothes and have been told on some occasions I look like a boy.

I am 24 and had 2 previous boyfriends but they were not really serious. In March I met Mike (he is 30) and we started going out. Early on in the relationship he hinted on me wearing a skirt or even a dress but just wore smart trousers to get round this.

Things moved on and in October I decided to move in with him and his mother. They live in a nice house and we both can't afford a house of our own at the moment so it seemed a good idea.

Shortly after I moved in his mother started to talk about my clothes and I now believe this is where he gets it from! I have never seen her in trousers. She started mentioning how nice it would be to wear a dress for Mike and how Mike would love me to see me all dressed up. It seemed weird her talking about this but I didn't take too much notice.

A few weeks later we went shopping (me and Mike's mother). I just thought it was a quick shopping trip but we went to town and she said that the best present I can get for Mike is to be dressed up for his birthday and to wear more skirts around the house. I was shocked but went along with it. We spent literally hours in different shops, with me trying on dresses and skirts for her to approve. I felt like a little girl.

When I got back I put on a skirt and some hoisery that she brought and waited for Mike to come back from work. I was surprised at this reaction. He was wild eyed and made more compliments in five minutes than the last five months. My thinking is he only loves me for what I wear and not me. He then said in front of his mother that he doesn't want me to wear jeans or trousers again.

I could put with a skirt for a bit but to wear them all the time is too much so I agreed to wear them for 50/50. He just said "Its a start".

Since then his mother has slowly got rid of my jeans and trousers, making lame exuses like they got runined in the washing machine and slowly I fell into wearing a skirt every day. She has also brought me some new clothes which I feel uncomfortable about and some of her choices are not my choice but I know that Mike likes them as well.

My question is do you think this is all wrong. I am loosing control but then again Mike's mother never charges us for any rent or lodging so I can't really say no can I. It does feel they both gang up on me to wear this. For example she will say wear this skirt or dress tonight. I feel out of control.

As for hoisery I don't know how you got use to <A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_52' target='_blank'>tights</A> or <A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_52' target='_blank'>stockings</A> so quickly. Mike likes me to wear patterned <A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_52' target='_blank'>tights</A> or hold ups in the week, she much prefers thinner <A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_52' target='_blank'>stockings</A> (old school I guess). I hate both.

I know there are loads of pluses in this relationship but I know the longer this goes on the more I will have to submit to their clothing and styling requirements.

I would love to aks you loads of questions but some general advice first would be great.

Love jenna

Dear Jenna,

I started this discussion because I felt very alone and confused too. The discussion has shown me that many girls like to wear trousers, for a phase at least, while men prefer to see us in skirts. If you read through the posts you will see how many tomboys just like us end up in skirts once we get involved with a man – because that is what the man wants and because we feel more feminine. Most of these girls have ended up as housewives and are happy enough with this outcome! Where I think your situation is unusual is the extent to which Mike’s mother is involved and I don’t get the impression that the 3 of you have discussed this issue very much.

Early on in the relationship he hinted on me wearing a skirt or even a dress but I just wore smart trousers to get round this.

Some of the comments from men indicate that they can feel very shy and embarrassed about asking a girl to wear a skirt, even if they feel very strongly about it. Do you think you treated Mike’s feelings seriously? I’m sorry but wearing smart trousers might have felt to him like a real put down, even if you didn’t intend it.

When I got back I put on a skirt and some hosiery that she brought and waited for Mike to come back from work. I was surprised at this reaction. He was wild eyed and made more compliments in five minutes than the last five months.

This reaction showed how important it is to him.

My thinking is he only loves me for what I wear and not me.

You were together for 5 months while you were wearing trousers, so clearly he does love you for yourself!

He then said in front of his mother that he doesn't want me to wear jeans or trousers again.

He should not have said it in front of his mother but you now know how he feels, anyway!

Since then his mother has slowly got rid of my jeans and trousers, making lame excuses like they got ruined in the washing machine and slowly I fell into wearing a skirt every day… trying on dresses and skirts for her to approve. I felt like a little girl…She has also brought me some new clothes which I feel uncomfortable about… My question is do you think this is all wrong… she will say wear this skirt or dress tonight. I feel out of control.

Genna, I felt like you when my boyfriend was buying all my clothes and telling me what to wear each day. I don’t think the situation is ‘all wrong’ but it is worse for you because of the involvement of Mike’s mother. Genna, sorry to be blunt but Mike is still a ‘Mummy’s boy’ and she is ‘fighting his battles’ for him. I think you need to tell him that the two of you need to move out once you can afford it!

In the meantime you are living under her roof rent-free so I’m afraid you’ll have to defer to her to some degree. She clearly thinks that wearing trousers is seriously unladylike. Try having a friendly word with her and indicate that you respect her feelings.

You are now wearing dresses and skirts every day, but I wonder if your attitude is still a bit resentful? You’ll start to feel more in control once you take a more positive approach and show this to Mike and his mother. I’m sure you’ll enjoy looking and feeling more feminine, and I’m sure you enjoy Mike’s appreciation. You can’t have liked people saying you looked like a boy – no one will say that now! You can turn being cooperative to your advantage. Tell Mike how willing you are to wear skirts for him. Tell him you are grateful for his mother’s help but ask him, very tactfully, to ask her to give you a bit more space. Make sure you accompany her on all her shopping trips, participate fully, and try to enjoy them. Thank her for her advice but make sure you choose things that you like and are comfortable with. Take the initiative in choosing which dress or skirt to wear and once again, thank her for her suggestions. If you work with them you will feel less controlled, and they will become less inclined to boss you about! Give it a few weeks and yes, you will be in skirts and dresses, you will all be friends, and I think you’ll be freer than you are now to develop your own style.

I don’t know if you read it but there was an earlier post from a girl called Justine whose mother-in-law has been very active in helping choose her clothes and becoming more girly. Justine had been very resistant to wearing skirts and dresses but now finds her mother-in-law’s involvement helpful.

By the way I doubt very much that Mike wants you to wear skirts purely because of his mother’s influence. I was a militant trousers-girl for years but at the end of the day skirts ARE more feminine and that is what men want.

As far as tights are concerned Genna, take a positive attitude and put them in perspective. They keep you warm, make your legs look pretty and help you look like a lady. Millions of girls and women all over the world enjoy wearing tights and stockings every day so they can’t be THAT bad! A girl I was talking to at the start of this discussion still dislikes her tights after several years but she describes them as an “annoyance” not as the end of the world!

I hope this helps and keep in touch,

Love,

Karen

[Justine30]

The M-I-L thing is similar to me; Tony came from a wealthy family and his mother had never worked and was/is very feminine – when she saw me she must have thought I was something the cat dragged in but was too polite to say anything. Instead, as soon as she realised that I was going to be part of Tony’s life long term she set about changing me – and her ways were/are much more subtle than Tony! Every Christmas and birthday I have received lovely blouses, lingerie, jewellery etc from her and when we went on shopping trips together – like Jenna – she told me what looked good and steered me towards skirts and dresses and blouses – at first I did resist – I didn’t feel it was me but gradually I got used to it. I loved Tony’s compliments, his flattery and his gifts of flowers and little presents and, having had a child, got married had another child I must say it was lovely when the weekend came and Tony and I would go out for a meal or something and I would dress up (having had my hair done courtesy of Tony’s mum baby sitting).

Tony is an only child and very like his mum (controlling) – she definitely “wears the trousers” in her family and Tony’s definitely influenced by her. Tony hates me looking a mess and likes me to have my nails nicely manicured, my hair done and wearing nice clothes (just like his mother) and, as I said in the earlier post, though I don’t make too much of an effort if I’m just with the kids I do make an effort if I go shopping with his mum or go out with Tony or if I take the children to school or out shopping on my own. I know Tony’s mum will always comment on how I look and I do like it when she compliments me and it’s something I’ve bought on my own (for now she won’t hold back if she doesn’t like something!)

Reasonably regularly I’ll go to the theatre with Tony’s mum and her girl friend to see musicals in the West End and that’s always nice (Tony doesn’t like the theatre so he baby-sits) – we go for a meal first and then onto a show and for things like that I always wear a skirt (or sometimes a dress). It’s nice. It’s a big change from how I was but I’m glad I made it. I didn’t like working and enjoy being a house wife. I feel fully supported by Tony and his family and I feel so warm inside when Tony or his mum compliments me – being more feminine seems a small price to pay for having a supportive family and a loving partner.

[Polgara69]

Cough*bollox*cough

Christ almighty Polgara, you're a bundle of joy; don't ever give up on the dungarees, one might almost think you've become a woman.........

Yeah cos thats my uniform isnt it? Dungarees and a wife beater vest. Get a grip. These women (if they are real and not some sad troll who sits there making these things up) are being totally controlled by the men in their lives and even worse, by their mothers. Dont these men have any spine at all? Frankly I wouldnt want to be with someone who deferred to his mother about me and what I wore. I wear a skirt or dress if the occasion asks for it but Im not going to wear them around the house to do the ironing in. Thats what trackies and comfy clothes are for. And when it bloody cold outside then out come my jeans and uggs. It doesnt make me less feminine but it does make my boyfriend appreciate me as a person and not just what Im wearing. And as for the 'I just want to be a jolly housewife and get married and have babies once a year', please. We are in the 21st century you know. Why dont you just wear a veil and be done with it. Yes making your old man is good but by doing things you dont like/feel comfortable in then no, it is not right. How would he feel if you told him he had to wear cord trousers all the time cos you like themn and just ignore him if he dared to wear jeans? Your relationship would be down the swannee in about a fortnight.

[jenna_introuble]

Hello Karen,

Thank you for your reply.

At first I didn't think wearing trousers who be a problem. They were nice trousers, not ripped jeans or anything like that. I thought, one day when I feel like it I will wear a skirt for him but never got round to it and he kept going on about my clothes. I even thought he had a fetish for skirts or dresses. Suppose I read the signals wrong.

I kind of knew what his reaction would be when he saw me in a skirt and tights. I knew because one he saw me dressed like that he would want to wear a skirt or dress all the time. That is what I am scared off still. I know it took him 5 months to get me in a skirt but I still think he should let me wear trousers or jeans, after all you can get girly jeans.

Although I shouldn't agree with you about him being a mummys boy I suppose he is. He said the statement about me wearing skirts and dresses all the time infront of his mother so if I said anything back she could back him up. This reads worse than it is. His mother isn't a mother in law from hell, but she has strong views on certain issues, one of them being how is son's girlfriend should dress.

Moving out is not an option on our salary. Pity but fact. He works in local government and I work in an estate agents, my job is looking risky, so that might be down to one wage.

I don't know if I can lie and say I am happy and willing to wear skirts and dresses when I am not. I still can't get use to them and I know this sounds odd when all girls should be able to wear a skirt or dress and feel normal but I just don't.

I do love him but I don't like his controlling ways and he seems more dominant now I have agreed to dress the way he likes. It certainly isn't PC is it? I may also of mentioned in my last post about my hair. It is a short cut, not too short, but I like it like this because it doesn't take ages to dry, but he has suggested I grow it long as he would like me to wear my hair in a pony tail or tied back in bunchies. Another annoyance for me!

I can see this relationship working and it is the first relationship that feels right apart from being told what to wear. I also believe (having picked up hints about what he has said) is that he will become more dominant, like more Head of the House. I think their is more to in than clothes, as has been mentioned in some of the posts.

One last thing that I did read which did strike a chord with me is the apron thing. I kept my old apron from school days and when I make cakes and stuff I use to wear it sometimes and he saw me in it once ages ago when I was at my old house. I never wore it for cleaning or anything.

Shortly after I moved in with him, amongst my wardrobe was an a new apron hanging up. He said it was one of his mothers. When I voluntered to do some housework I started to do some washing and he came up to me and put the dam thing on. Didn't really both me, but I just happened to pick up on a post where you mentioned an apron. Hope he hasn't got a thing for them!

Can I ask you some questions:

Now that you have gone through the process and you are in a skirt everyday has he stopped suggesting what outfits to wear or does he still suggest a skirt or dress to wear?

What type of hoisery do you wear. Do you wear tights or stockings or both. I usually wear stockings at the weekend only, I prefer tights.

If he asked you to wear a dress that he liked but you really didn't like, what would you say?

Does he ever make any suggestion over you shoes. Mike likes me to wear heels, which I find hard to stand in.

Has he made any suggestion about hair style etc. Do you think hair style is too controlling?

Thank you for you advice so far, I look forward to your reply

J

[Polgara69]

Now I have my answer. troll. Definatly. took me a while this time but now I have it.

[What is]

Now I have my answer. troll. Definatly. took me a while this time but now I have it.

Exuse my ignorance, what is a troll?

[Guest]

“We’ve all got used to seeing women in trousers but they are really man’s clothes aren’t they? “

Yes funny how we have come to accept them, when in the recent past they were considered shocking and immodest, who knows the pendulum may swing back ! In our case it already has !!

“I’ve got just about enough skirts and dresses for home and work and evenings. I do have a suit but for work I usually wear a grey knee-length skirt and a plain white blouse. I’m following your advice – taking a conservative approach and asking his advice when in doubt. I think he is starting to trust my judgement although he is still quite controlling.”
Don’t only see his interest as “controlling” it may just be that he enjoys choosing things with and for you, look on it as flattering ! It sounds like you have work sorted, just in time to give up ! I love plain white blouses, but you do need to be so careful with underwear. Are your work colleagues used to your new look ? How are you for outside things especially in the winter ? I know your BF prefers knee length, but I think there are some lovely longer skirts, which go together with long boots, look feminine and elegant without being frumpy and allow you to wear nice warm tights, great for winter walks. If you don’t already have one, make sure you have some coats which are long enough to fall below your skirt (like a slip – it’s better if your skirt doesn’t show) they cost a fortune but he will love how elegant you look when you arrive at a party !

“I do still have days when I resent having to wear a dress or a skirt together with all the complicated underwear the goes with being a lady but this reveals something wrong with me, not a problem with the clothes! “

It’s not you, it’s just a case of choosing the right clothes / underwear for the right occasion. I know you want to impress him, but you don’t need to overdo it, you don’t expect him to wear a suit and tie 24/7 do you ! If you are going out with him you do need to make a special effort, otherwise you just need to wear simple comfortable clothes, which should be no more (possibly less) effort than your old tomboy stuff. Avoid frumpy or the hippy (probably not his taste) but as long as what you wear is modest and feminine, he can’t complain. In many ways it is easiest to wear a dress, an outfit in one and very feminine. Below the knee and reasonably full is comfortable for most things Avoid anything sleeveless they always show your underwear !

Underwear - go for modesty and comfort, “complicated” is fun for a special occasion, but for everyday all you need is a good bra (which doesn’t draw too much attention especially you’re large), plain panties and tights / hold ups. Personally I always wear a camisole (pretty well vital with a button up blouse, or low top) and (partly as a result of this discussion) I have now given in and agreed to always wear a slip (as opposed to just when necessary). Like you I go for pain white (I agree better to wear white and not show it than coloured on the basis that it might show). Anyway slips (especially full slips) are very comfortable. I would save stockings girdles etc for “best”.

No doubt he has views on your hair (long I bet) and makeup subtle and feminine but not too much ?

“.......he takes responsibility he doesn’t want to get me pregnant before he’s quite sure…so he’s in a muddle. I’d love to get pregnant once we are sharing a surname ....... so the solution is in his hands isn’t it! Thank you so much for your advice. Were I to use contraception without his permission I’d be challenging his authority in the most delicate area possible – the bedroom! Because it is SUCH a sensitive area I’m going to place myself in his charge very openly and do exactly as he tells me.....”

Well put, make no mistake he is in charge and you should to be demure and submissive, forget that feminist stuff about “rights” and being “in control” of your body ! Does he know that you would “love to get pregnant” (when married) ? I’m sure, he will be delighted, he wants a reserved and morally conservative wife, he will expect you to be unhappy about the current situation (contraception / pre-marital sex, etc). Look at it this way at the moment he is making you do something, which HE doesn’t like or approve of, solely for HIS benefit, when you want is to be a “good girl” and submit to him totally ! “the solution is in his hands” this “muddle” (as you kindly put it) will be a big factor in pushing him forward !

How do you feel about the fact that if you do marry he will be totally in charge ? My H is very considerate, but I certainly can’t say “no” and you know that you will not be allowed to use contraception. I can tell you that sex to make babies is the BEST thing in the world (sorry not very ladylike, but true !) it’s very romantic, but I hope you like kids, you may be having a quite a few (although sleepless nights / nappies may slow him down).

Your modesty is absolutely crucial, in public but he will also expect it in private. Your BF is a man and he expects you to be shy and modest in front of men, simple as that. It’s not that he doesn’t fancy you, quite the opposite. Generally I try not to let H see me in anything less than a bra and panties or a nightdress, and if he does see me undress, I cover up with my hands etc and don’t take my panties off until my nightdress is on. Always be shy and demure, it is up to HIM to take the initiative if he wants to see more.

“I’m very lucky to have such an insightful teacher – thank you again!”

Glad to be able to help, some think we are mad, but the fact is that lots of women (more than would admit it in public) just want to be a wife and mother in a stable long term relationship and for many that means taking the traditional feminine role under a man who is the “head of the house”. It’s not all roses, I would not tell anyone else to do so, it’s a matter of free choice, but since you do, I hope I have helped. Our respective men seem to share similar views so I can give some psychological insight.. Like you I came out of education expecting to be the next president of Vogue, but in reality most people (of both sexes) end up in fairly dead end jobs and women do at least have the option of a “plan B”. I won’t pretend that I love the daily grind of clearing up after men and kids, but my H wouldn’t choose his job either, they are facts of life. I am lucky despite his strong views on how his wife should dress and behave, he’s a faithful and loving husband and a great dad.

[Justine30]

In some ways I AGREE with you and would have agreed 100% when I was 21. I think in my situation things happened fast – I got pregnant and then got married and then fell pregnant again. When I fell pregnant with Alice I was at a low ebb and lacking self –esteem – I live a long way from my parents and family (I’m originally from Scotland and now live just north of London) so was reliant on Tony and his family and also I had little experience of boyfriends, only having had one long term boyfriend prior to meeting Tony. When I started to become more feminine my confidence increased as I felt I looked good and that was confirmed by the compliments/positive comments from Tony and others – I know I am actually quite attractive. Though Tony’s mum is a bit of a battle axe at times one thing you can’t fault her on is her taste in clothes and décor - she really has a natural style and elegance and I’ve learnt a lot from her about how to dress well and look good and I think that helps our sex life as I know Tony finds me attractive and wants to make love to me which my previous boyfriend didn’t. Because Tony and his family are quite well off and he has a good job I suppose I have slotted into the expected role of housewife/mother but I don’t see that being my role long term. Sometimes, I do get fed up with Tony who always thinks he knows what is best for me and makes all the decisions and decides what we should do and I feel handicapped by a lack of my own income. At the same time, I do recognise that I’m married to a loyal and faithful husband who provides for me and the children and I want for nothing – even so, between Tony and his mother I do feel a bit squeezed sometimes – as Princess Di said, “There are three of us in this marriage”. I must admit though, I do think I have surrendered something of myself to fit into what Tony and his mother want, and sometimes I’m Ok with that and sometimes I’m not – which is what attracted me to this post. Even so, whatever happens now, I don’t think I’d ever go back to being a complete scruff like before though. Back in October I travelled up to Birmingham to do a one day course (planning for returning to work when the children are older). In the past I would have not thought about what I was going to wear and just pulled on jeans but not now, for the course I wore a black cotton mini-skirt (Tony’s mum would have been shocked!) black patterned tights and black knee length boots with a low heel. When I got to the college I was getting my bag out of the boot of the car and could sense this man looking at me and when I turned he gave me a really nice smile and he was looking at me as I walked up the path which made my day… I’m going to see Wicked with Tony’s mum on Saturday… still not decided what to wear…..

[splinkygb]

My wife usually wears trousers and I have asked her to wear skirts more. But she won't despite me buying some skirts for her.

She looks great in a skirt and most of her trousers don't look nice on her at all. Though she does look great in stretch jeans and has a great figure.

I think like most women, she seems to think that because they are in a stable relationship she can let her appearance slip. To be honest, I do hold some resentment over that, but cannot express that to her otherwise she loses her temper!

I think if she won't even do small things like that for me then what is the point of asking her to do anything?

On the other hand, she doesn't like her guy (me) to be over-weight and will constantly pester me to lose weight should I put on a few pounds! So I always keep myself in good shape.

I must say that nearly all women I have ever come across display such double-standards and yet seem completely oblivious to the fact!

[Mixed_up_Miss]

Dear Jenna,

I hope you are OK. Here are some answers to your questions. If you have other questions please ask and I’ll do my best to help.

Now that you have gone through the process and you are in a skirt everyday has he stopped suggesting what outfits to wear or does he still suggest a skirt or dress to wear?

When he takes me out he sometimes tells me to wear a particular dress. I try to wear things he likes anyway and he pretty much allows me to choose the skirts and dresses I wear.

What type of hosiery do you wear? Do you wear tights or stockings or both? I usually wear stockings at the weekend only, I prefer tights.

I’m very much like you. For everyday wear I wear sheer supermarket tights in plain colours, mostly flesh-coloured or tan. They are cheap and they are easy to match to my skirt and shoes. He loves to see me in full-fashion seamed nylon stockings. I wear them with an open-bottom girdle when he takes me out and sometimes for evenings and weekends.

If he asked you to wear a dress that he liked but you really didn't like, what would you say?

What I don’t do is go on about how much I dislike the dress he wants me to wear. I suggest wearing a different dress, stress how much I like this other dress and ask if he likes it too.

He did insist on buying me this terrible dress with tiered skirts and a massive bow! He told me to wear it to a party and I figured I had to wear it once, but I felt like the decoration at the top of the Christmas tree! I really hate that dress. I pray that he won’t ask me to wear it again.

Does he ever make any suggestion over your shoes? Mike likes me to wear heels, which I find hard to stand in.

He likes me to wear high heals when he takes me out. They are awkward, particularly with a tight skirt, but with practice you get used to them. The rest of the time he’s OK provided I wear proper ladies’ shoes – low-healed pumps or ballet flats – rather than trainers.

Has he made any suggestion about hair style etc.? Do you think hair style is too controlling?

He wants me to grow my hair long but provided it looks nice he has never suggested any particular style.

Jenna, I was pushed into wearing skirts very much against my will and not surprisingly I found it very onerous. I completely sympathise with your discomfort – you sound exactly the same as me a few weeks ago. Your big mistake, just like mine, was to refuse to wear skirts at all for too long, which has turned it into a big issue both for Mike and for you.

All grown-up relationships require compromises – in real life you are never going to get everything you want! Maybe wearing a skirt is the compromise you have to make. You love your boyfriend, your relationship feels right and you think it will work out. You even quite like Mike’s mother. As unfortunately your job is not very secure, it is great to live in her house her rent-free. You have no objection in principal to skirts and dresses – you are now wearing them every day and you agree that this is entirely normal for a girl.

You are uncomfortable because you feel controlled. Mike behaves in a controlling manner because it took such an effort to get you into skirts and he is worried that if they ease off you’ll go straight back to jeans. Does he lack self-confidence? If you reassure him that you are now willing to wear skirts to please him, he will be thrilled and his confidence will grow. If you show a willing and co-operative attitude, you will start to feel better about being in skirts, and both Mike and his mother will relax and start to back off. You will make more of your own decisions, you will feel less controlled and you may even start to enjoy your skirts. Jenna, I HATED skirts until recently but looking and feeling more feminine really hasn’t done me any harm!

Men like to see us in skirts because skirts are feminine. Some men like to see us in aprons because aprons are domestic. If Mike got you into an apron he probably sees you as a prospective housewife. How do you feel about that?

Jenna, men like to feel that they are the boss and although it’s not very PC to admit it, we like to feel that our man is in charge. Don’t be shy about asking him for what YOU want – things you’d like him to buy you or places you’d like him to take you for instance – but do it in the right way. You’ll feel a bit more equal and he’ll be fine about it!

Love,

Karen