Thank You Marilyn King !

[Lena]

Had a good time yesterday in spite of evertything . I did hook up with my old friends and there children but it was to cold to be outside so we hit CHUCK E CHEESES ,the place was noisier then a football or basketball game with all these children running around wild and loud!. My three friends all took the time to talk while I chased after there 4 combined kids . You can't rest with kids , always have to keep a eye on them . I wound up doing eveything from crawling thru a tunnel with Ali and Grady then after almost having a heart attack stopping 2 year old Amara from putting a fork in the electrical outlet . After 3 hours I had sweated thru my leotard and jeans . Back home I noticed I had black and blue marks all over my legs and even a hip from crawling thru the tunnel and when I accidently walked into one game machine . I am not ready for motherhood !. Those bitches who I am closer to then family were all laffing saying how this is there life and they all work full time too ! As one mom here says I should be thankful I could give the kids back at the end of the day !

I took a shower then a long hot bath . After that too tired to go out to eat for maybe the 4th time in my life I ordered delivery food . This time from this Chinesse place by us . I had the Hunan Chicken ( in honor of this wonderful litle girl we sit for who is from there ) and a bottle of merlot and by 8pm was snoring . This morning I feel fine . My gf kidded me about the black and blue marks , asking if I was into s&m or had been in a brawl .

Today have to run . Am meeting the court social worker to get approved as what amounts to a monitor for my friend Leslie's visitation with her son grady . I've told the story here before . Basically Leslie ( who was also there yesterday ) and I go back to when we were 13, she' not perfect but wud never hurt anyone on purpose and loves her son to death .Her ex really nuked her in the divorce , she hardly got any money and just to be a jerk the guy ( Bill )used alot of dirty tricks to get custody and limit Leslie to 4 hours a week visitation where she always have to have another court aproved adult present and see him in a public place . It's torn her heart out . Her mom was the monitor but can't be any more since her hours at work changed so it's up to me. Me ?

Am dressed real conservativelly as a reader her suggested . Navy blue crew neck sweater, white shirt , and charcoal grey skirt . Nude panthyhose and ( just to be safe ) those heel things that I hate . Leslie's lawyer says I should look and act responsible as I can so guesss it' s best not to talk having bartended topless at private partys for a gambler , how the best bf I ever had was a married guy , and with all the religious fanatics around here not mention I live with another woman . Wish me luck for Leslie and baby Grady's sake !

[SharonJOC]

Got panties under the hose? hope not!

[Lena]

Got panties under the hose hope not!

Only if it's that time of month and it isn't ! I look like someone out of the TALBOTS catalog !

[Lena]

Yesterday felt like a bad day but may turn out to have been a good day . We won't know till either friday or early next week when the social worker I met with makes up her mind if I can be what amounts to the monitor for my friend Leslie and her son . Talk about a stressful day !

I thought the interview went bad and they won't be approving me but a couple of people told me to keep the faith . Went downtown all dressed up trying to look respectable in the navy blue crew neck sweater and charcoal grey skirt and thos hideous heels things ( I wore heels 9 hours a day, 5-6 days a week when I was a cocktail waitresss and it left me with a life long hate for them ) and even got there early to lok more responsble . from the start it was a bad experience .The waiting room brought back bad memorys , being was full of people with no money , not much going for them in life , and in trouble .All off a sudden it was like being a little girl again waiting with my mom at the welfare ofice or when I was 19-20 and had to report to a probation agent as part of my sentance for drunk driving . I noticed how my stomach was growling and I was starting to sweat . People kept oing and going from the offices ( including some angry deputy sheriffs dragging out one screaming guy in handcuffs , thats big city justice for you ! , I've seen that before too starting with my father when I was a girl ) and 10 minutes late the social worker called me in .

She was in her 30's and black looking all professional in a dark blue pants suit . She wasn't to friendly or even making eye contact .I got the idea she wanted me out asap or had already made up her mind to say no . After giving me a little speech about how they are most interested in the welfare of the child and going thru the basics. Like awnsering questions about like how long have I known Leslie , where I work , who are some references for me , & making me fill out this form that asked all sorts of questions like are you a drug addict , are you a alcoholic ( I am but said no , what ae they going to do , have cops stake out liqour stores with my picture ? ) , and the funniest asking if I am a terrorist or communist . After I was done with the form she really nuked me by pullling out a file with my arrests at 19 for drunk driving and how I was given a years suspended sentance and jail time ( 48 hours as a warning ) as punishment . I really didn't kow what to say and infact felt awful . She got in my face telling me how " they ' are unesy about letting a admitted substance abuser and ex-convict ( I was only the county jailhouse for 48 hours and that was 6 years ago ! ) have authority over anyone let alone a old friend with her own substance abuse history ( Les had two drug busts years ago and is a alcoholic herself ) who I'd be sympathetic too . She asked if I had anything to ay but all i could do was sit there flabbergasted . All of a sudden I just blurt out that my troubles were all 6 years ago and I have not been in any trouble since and am diferent now . Even am buying a aprtment . She just nodded and wrote something down and said she'd check my references and make her report to the judge . Then stood up and told me she had another appointment in 2 minutes and threw me out in the metaphorical sense . I didn't know what to do so I left shaken up .

I called Leslie to tell her how it didn't seem to go to good and Les was real upset . She even aked me why I didnt do better like I had deliberately blown it for fun ..But that all left me more upset . So gripped by depression and anxiety about probably failing I walked around downtown for a few hours , the longest time I have had heels on in 4 years ! . By now numb I found a coffee place and just sat there ( still in my coat ) sipping tea for few hours . Leslie called a few more times mostly upset with me , all bothered she'd have to go thru this again with someone else . Going into work was a relief since I coud put my mind on other things . Then it all got a little better . Les did call back and was calmer : said her lawyer ( actually a buddy of her married bf ) said not to worry yet , the social workers and court staff are famous for seeming insensative and we'll know the results when we know the results ! Leslie then went on to talk about her bf taking her to a gaming place/resort . in Indiana tonite and how she found a new hairdresser. I gave it some more thought it came to me they had originally approved Leslie's mom and that horny old drunk makes me look like one of the Catholic's saints so maybe my drunk driving busts weren't such a obstacle after all . Later one of the security who is also a reference told me not to worry , he'll praise me up and down . Gave me a hug and kiss I was so grateful .

So today am nervous and wish it was next monday so we'd know the result . To fight the anxiety of it all am going to meet my gf for lunch and be held . Even am dressing up in one if my favorite outfits from the rummage sale : a navy blue jumper that has a very short pleated skirt , white turtle neck , and off- blue pantyhose in my black boots . It always gets me looks from guys too . At work the penguin suit and orthies..............

[SharonJOC]

You can't change the past so I don't see what you could have done differently.

Love your daily fashion reports, though I wish you'd also detail what underwear you are or aren't wearing. I don't suppose you could wear the jumper without the turtleneck?

[Lena]

Thanx for the support . It was nerve racking and still worrys me . For the most part wear bikini briefs and hardly ever a bra since I am almost as flat as a board . Couldn't wear the dress with out something underneath and I think the dress was actually made to be worn with turtle neck . What began as a post about a great find at a rummage sale and me finding a lok for myself has turned into my blog . It's fun . Glad you like it .

[Lena]

Up early today for some reason and unless I have some red wine I won't be able to get back to sleep . Rats ! So am up even though it's still dark out here . Maybe a quick nap before work. In the 4 hours before being out before work in the navy blue jumper I did errands and spent almost 2 hour at a huge book store . Although a year ago I wud never thought it was possible to say this the bookstore was fun . It's part of a chain and is real big . Always busy it has a cafe and all these huge overstuffed chairs you can sit on and read .

I had coffee first and then left my coat and boots at this wonderful chair by a corner window and then barefoot like a child back in the hills went exploring . Saw alot of Asians loking at computer and business books , a mom and two preschoolers loaded up with BABAR books like our old neighbor read to her 5 year old , and this disgustingly thin yuppette nagging a clerk to death about some special order like it wud be the end of the world if she didn't have it yesterday !. Although I must have looked real stupid did make it a point to slide across the floor in the area by the bathrooms . A manager ( real thin gay guy with all things a cowboy rope tie) apeared out of nowhere and asked me to put my shoes back on , I nodded and after he left kept walking around exploring some more , shoeless like a kid . I am such a rebel or sociopath ! Then got some magazines and books about home improvement and read them there Some were real interesting and I even bought two magazines about painting . They were a rip-off, about $6 apiece . Whats the world coming too ?

At work (which was duller then george jr.'s brain ) wore the penguin suit and my orthies . The bar was dead . One funny thing was the site of two 30'ish yuppie types one female and one male at opposite ends of the bar talking on cell phones to someone , somewhere . In a movie and maybe in real life for fun they should have hooked up but after almost 20 minutes of talking away on there cell phones then left alone without even noticing each other .

I still don't all that good today so will again try cheering myself up by getting dressed up and getting out before work . So today a forrest green turtle neck , dark brown knee length corduroy skirt , off brown hose with black socks for extra warmth , and my unstylish ( with the flat heel ) but very comfy brown boots .Will meet my gf for lunch at her school . At work the pengie suit and my orthies again .

[Lena]

It's saturday morning here ! Even though it's a regular work day for us since it's the week-end it seems slow and easier then m-f . Hope with all this globalization we still have week-ends in 10 years . Actualy hope there are more then minimum wage jobs in 10 years .

In the forrest green turtleneck and dark brown corduroy skirt did errands before work .Getting dressed up can be a pain but I do feel beter about myself and I think it gives me more enrgy . Stoped off at the cleaners ( picked our dry cleaning , the Korean guy who owns the place never looks right at you and only smiles when you pay ) , got gas ( foreigners run that place too , some Indians ) , the dollar store ( a whole bunch of things from there, including Windex ...how exciting huh ? ) then to the coffee boutique for a cup of there over priced coffee. I like the atmosphere , at work it's dark and ofcourse everything revolves around selling our watered down , over-priced alcohol. So it's fun to sit in a sunny place just drinking away and people watching in there daily lives . Do have to post something about being there soon .

Got to work , spent a few minutes talking to a friend in security who is helping with our buying a house then picked up the penguin suit and went to my locker . Just as a I had my coat and boots in the locker one of the secretarys from personal came in to tell me how today was the last day to enroll in the new medical plan and I had to drop everything and come quick to the office to fill out the forms .So a little annoyed they had not got me when I just walked by the office took a deep breath and then and there in the real sophisticated look of a dark brown skirt , off brown hose , & pink socks went to to do that paperwork . Got a few stares from my fellow employees for looking so dorky , who could blame them ?

Worked the bar ( we really filled up around 4pm ) , then a corporate party ( hardly anyone drinks and I am wondering if there are monitors at those things who write up people for too much drinking ? ) , then the bar again . By 12am it was down to 2 guys at the bar and some army family in the corner . No one lingered when I turned onthe lights . It can drive you crazy when they do just sit there and you want to leave .

Today we have tennis then work . Maybe a big dyke party later if we have any energy . I'm very informal: black leotard , old jeans , white socks , and my old clogs . At work my penguin suit .

[Lena]

Sunday morning ! It's 6am here and for some reason instead of being half-asleep my miind is awake and ready to go . At least I'm not all smiles like some grinning idiot all happy and eager to start another day !

At work yesterday they had me first working a jewish private party in the afternoon ( bar or bat mitzvah party for this anorexic looking 13 year old girl ) where like my pt job at the country club mainly poured champagne & smiled .Later in the afternoon I was back in the bar with a small but real loud group watching sports on the tv's .Then worked a wedding , they can be fun but this one didn't really do anything for me . After that back to close up the bar , we were dead and there wasn't even a cocktail waitress to talk too. By the end of the shift I was spretty tired and so was my gf so we skipped huge dyke party . Just didn't have the energy .

Work today at my pt job at the country club . Will probably go in in a grey wool or black cotton turtle neck , jean skirt , and nude hose along with my old clogs . Inside there real happy looking Kelly green jumper and white blouse & flats . I should write about uniforms here , they can say alot about where you work and even whats expected of you . At the country club they want us to he all happy acting and looking for the rich members while last year worked at a now closed private mens club right out of some old movie where we had to wear red jackets and told to be very low key . After work we head to a party to mark the end of this season's L WORD . It seemed the show just started ( went to a very fun party for that at a bar ) and now it's coming to a end ! Hope we can get a look a this weeks SOPRANOS amidst all the partying bi and gay women !

[SharonJOC]

How short is the kelly green jumper? Also, can you describe the penguin suit? Not sure if I missed it earlier. Glad that you're in skirts so much, and I love that you're seldom bare-legged.

[Lena]

My Number one reader ! To awnser your questions the kelly green jumper is knee length with a u -neck collar . The penguin sut is sort of the standard bartender uniform : black vest , black pants , and oversized black bow tie with a white blouse . Sometimes just for a change I'll wear a restaurent waitress uniform that is alot like the uniform at the country club but black with white pinstripes , for special occasions the cocktail waitres uniform that everyone loves : a ultra sexxy very tight low cut and , short black dress along with when I'm brave or bored the old uniform of a gold vest , white blouse , and faux black leather mini that is soooo sleazy it's fun .

I have been wearing skirts alot this last year .Always liked them since you got more attention in them then in in sweats . But it really got going due to me being so neurotic . Seeing me with my short hair and no make -up a litle girl calld me " Mister " & I guess I have gone a little overboard trying to look femme. My gf was also on me to dress better too . Although it can be real pain dressing up some days I do like it since it makes me feel better about myself and things in general .

[Lena]

Monday and my day off. Yipppeee !!!!!!

Work was slow yesterday . Hardly anyone showed up for the champagne brunch . So we all talked and remaining mostly silent heard all about my co-workers lives , even pretended to care . Amazing how many women have kids who get all A's in school and every man has a son whose a great athelete The members at this country club pay something like $75,000 to join then depending on who you are $5,000- $8,000 a year in dues . They get alot for it but I am sure wud be surprised that my job includes pouring all the unused champagne thru a funnel back ino a bottles they use during the week . Recycled alcohol I guess They do the same with the food they don't eat at the brunch too..........

After that we went to a party for the season finale of the L WORD . A short season this year , seems we were just at a wild bar party for the start of this season . Also saw a new SOPRANOS which last nite was more of a comedy then a gangster show and was very funny in a bitterly ironic way . The mafia people are no better then the slimey gangbangers and grifters I grew up around , they claim to be family but steal from each other whenever they can . THE L WORD is great but the some of the things we saw and heard at the dyke get together made the show look boring .

Tody it will be cloudy but warm . Have to do alot of errands and can't really get all dressed up . So my older then the hills white denim jacket , oversized shirt with navy blue checks and a black skirt . My old clogs & bare -legged . Probably the leather band on my left ankle , you have to accesorize!

[Lena]

My day off and I'm in a pretty good mood . Always great to be off from work ( still do have dreams of customers standing in the doorway of our bedroom ordering drinks though ) and closing on the condo or for you Europers the apartment we bought this friday . Me a property owner at 25! Goes against alot of predictions about me too , like a principal in middle school who told me I'd probably wind up either the career "other woman " or a wino ( homeless drunk ) and my old probation agent ( for drunk driving arrests at 19 ) who I once hard say I have Pewee ( the Kentucky state women's prison ) written all over me ! Also yesterday got a long e-mail from my favorite cousin who stays up to Chicago and a few e-mails from a special friend in South Africa . Even got a chance to go for a walk in the rain which for some reason I have always found calming .

Been collecting boxes for out move next week and it came to me someone could make a horror movie about boxes talking over the world . There all over our place and more then once we've stepped into them or tripped over them .Also it's been a madhouse loking for things packed I them . Especailly something like underwear when the clock is ticking and you have to get to work .

Since I'm doing errands nothing not dressing up today . Just a old crew neck lite grey sweater with a hole in the elbow , a white t shirt , and old old falling apart jeans that will soon be cut up into rags .Along with black socks and clogs . I think I look like a folk singer except I can't play the guitar ( or in my thick hillbilly twang git-tar ) or sing worth a lick . My gf though left looking real nice in suade blazer , a pressed black turtle neck ( she actually irons , ? I don't understand that but I still love her ! ) , tan cords , and flats with nude pantyhose on underneath since she has no clean undies or socks ( althouh there could actually be some packed away in all those boxes I mentioned ) . Tomorrow will dress up since I am now a mature property owner and have to look all adult . Although the idea of a mini that will get me alot of looks from penis people is a intriguing thought ................

[SharonJOC]

Don't dress up for the men. Dress up for the women. I'd prefer the shortest thing you own over nude hose. Why not dress up for errands? You never know who you'll give a treat to.

[Lena]

Dress up for errands ? Intersting idea .But I'm afraid a skirt and loading boxes don't mix . I do dress for men I guess, also my moods . This getting dressed up may be a pain but I do feel better about everything and even more in control . It's also fun to get reactions from the people at work , go in on weds . in a mini , on thursday with more then the usual security guys there waiting for a show I may come to work in painters pants or sweat . The next day in another mini or my makeshift hotpants or even shorts . It's fun ..........