Thank You Marilyn King !

[Lena]

Hi , Todays post is inthe regular blog area . didn't have energy to do 2.

More clothes from THE MARILYN KING COLLECTION .............navy blue u-neck sweater that emeant to cling to the body but since I've lost so much weight it's bagging , white blouse, pleated lite grey mini with a black glen palid pattern on it with nude pantyhose and black boots with a 3" heel...........

The penguin suit at work tonite

[Lena]

Hi , Todays post is in the regular blog area . Didn't have energy to do 2.

More clothes from THE MARILYN KING COLLECTION .............navy blue u-neck sweater that emeant to cling to the body but since I've lost so much weight it's bagging , white blouse, pleated lite grey mini with a black glen palid pattern on it with nude pantyhose and black boots with a 3" heel...........

The penguin suit at work tonite

[Lena]

It's storming pretty bad out .A good analogy for my life. Although since I still don't know whats going on with my gf maybe a better analogy ( new word ) wud be all thunder and lightening with the rain to burst out any second ..................I'm expecting some info from Carla whose the go-between .Am as nervous as a cat and it's hard not drinking now .

Yesterday managed to come out of the depression a few times .Just like when your swimming under water and run out of breath then come up to breathe again and notice right away how good you feel . Including as odd as it amy seem again being mistaken for a prostitute . Also at work got some support from friends and had a crack pot living in the past at work that was a good reminder never to get caught up in what Willie Nelson says in NIGHTLIFE is your " old used to be "................

I met my friend Leslie to go to the sale of what was certainly the hot clothes . As always Les was gorgeous , not dressed deliberately sexxy this time but still looking beautiful in a lite blue & pink designer track suit and new white leather sneakers . We always peck and hug when seeing each other but ths time she also gave me a huge warm hug telling me everything will be fine at home and it felt great . Les isn't perfect since she's so totally self-absorbed and more cynical then most but when she gets past that she can be a great friend . She and the other girls from the West End have always been like family .

The sale was at a old mall not hidden away in the back of some business or a truck trailer like when there trying to get rid of traceable stuff like they do with hot tv's and computers. In a shitty neighborhood at a old almost empty strip mall shaped like a L . A place where you know the kind of people from the country club where I work pt never came too or more likely even know about .The parking lot was almost completely empty except for a few abandoned cars and even a truck .Most had been vandalized with the windows busted out , tires gone ,and gang signs spraty painted all over theml .In the whole mall only 2 stores were going , I think something called LABASHA"S HOUSE OF WIGS that had iron bars on the windows and a mini -mart that had a huge paper signs saying WE ACCEPT FOOD STAMPS and the other going WE CASH ADC CHECKS If your poor you can get food stamps to pay for food ( although this one pushy but aso whiney female manager at work who was a heiress to the BASKIN-ROBBINS ice cream chain got them too thanx to the sleazyness of her money obsessed daddy ) and ADC is welfare money for women with kids and no job or man .

The store where the clothes sale was going on was jumping and full of great bargains and great people watching .Going inside you saw this huge filthy white empty room with tons and tons of leather clothes and hand bags as well as bustiers and various underwear shirts .Les and I joked the leather bull whips and hoods had to be someplace there . The place was full of peoplel,mostly black but a few poor whites . A few old wooden tables were set up with no cash registers where some rough loking white guys took the money . The boss looked liked a real sleaze, about 65 with with thick white hair , fat and in a baby blue leisure suit . He talked like Elvis with a Mississipi accent and had a deep voice and although he may have acted all friendly trying to be Mr.Personality , ( calling the women customers things like 'babycakes ' and 'huneychild " and these 2 black guys 'hoss' ) But just looking at him you knew he was the kind of guy who knew where the bodys were buried .............eral bodys that had ben people who did stuff like trying to crowd in on his turf or wudn't pay . debts .One of his helpers just stood there looking blood curling mean , a 30 something biker type with a shaved head and in a black HARLEY T shirt and black leather vest with tattoos all up and down both arms and on his neck .But Les thought he was cute...............

In the rear they had a few sheets hooked up making a dresing room . It was a beehive with women trying in clothes and there little kids running all around making noise. Was funny seeing everyone trying to balence staying on there feet , hold clothes,and try on clothes all at the same time . Some weren't so agile (new word ) with this one lady who looked like AUNT ESTER on SANFORD AND SON they show on TVLAND falling . All I could do was think of the sleazy but funny old commerical where they showed this old lady at the bottom of stairs saying ' " I'VE FALLEN AND I CAN'T GET UP " but didn't laff as hard as it was not too .AUNT ESTER looked like a tough old bird and wud have probably hurt me ........... Also some hawkers, some of the southern fryed SOPRANOS types . One was in his 20's wearing a reddish pink cowboy suit and boots ( good lord did he look stupid in that get up ) and this short fat 40 something with greased back hair and in shades like he was cool .Moi's lack of libido and having to keep a eye on our purses kept me from having fun with there horniness. All they saw was this girls pantyhose bottom and since I have next to no booty that couldn't have been too exciting for them ............

In the end Les got a long black leather coat , a hip length brown leather jacket, a 2 black leather suits, and 2 purses. I think it came to $500 . ouch!!! Moi though for $100 got a beautiful black leather jacket and my very first pair of black leather pants .Les was almost in shock I spent the money since she's always on me for being so cheap . But this was a great bargian and I need a pick me up . Better clothes I can use too rather then nose candy or H too .......Maybe I should now start a companion thread caled THANK YOU MAFIA FOR HIJACKING A TRUCK AND SELLING EVERYTHING CHEAP AT A OLD MALL?

At the counter saw Ricks Beaver also known as Ricky Lee Beaver , one of the owners and regulars at the bar Les works at . He's something right out of a movie , Jack Nicholson wud be perfect to play him They say he was a war hero in Vietnam and is gambler .Les and I worked for him at huge deluxe partys he'd have for his high rollers at big sports events.Although he was known to do crazy things like set fire to his ex's car / drive a golf cart thru a window when drunk /hit on the women who worked for him he could also be wonderful ....... doing things like listening when you had to talk and helping with money . He even took in one dancers kids when she got sent to prison for dope dealing .He was sure always nice to me , no pressure for sex, no jokes about my flat chest ,and always fair..

We all hugged , he said I look happy , little does he know the real story . Looks a little older and tired , now almost bald but whats left of his hair is in a ponytail . With him was some other Dixie fryed wise guy he called Sorny who stunk of cigarette smoke Les says is at the bar all the time and while a horn dog is a huge huge tipper. She even pecked him ..........eeech! Sorny was the second person this week after that police at the diner who was sure I was a coyote .Was certain he'd seen me staning under a light on MLK or was one of ' the Geeters' girls at a Rose Bowl party .Nope , not me I said .He didn't look like he believed me ............

What was cool though was this tall GI type woman in her 20's with Beaver . With a guy like that you never know who'll be around , especially women . My first thought was she was a boi he was doing some nasty or illegal business with .But no no no , it was his eldest daughter Alexis whose in the navy . Home on leave before heading to Japan .A great gal , Beaver is real proud of her .Up to now she's been a chef on a ship over to the Indian ocean . She said her ship had fired missles to kill bin laden which after a few OMG's had us giving her high fives . A older black man there with his wife gave her a thumbs up at that too. We all talked more. On the way out 2 police cars pulled up and we thought it was a raid . But the cops were not there to arrest anyone or take the stolen things but instead buy stuff for themselves ..............the darkside of people can be sooo funny especially cops who can't resist a good bargain .

After that kissed Les good -bye who again told me everything wud be allright .Rushed to work , wore the penguin suit . Tomorrow will post about the guy who was living off being a child c & w star 50 years ago ................

Today head to the country club ...............in black turtleneck , jean skirt , nude thigh tops , and old brown flats . At the country club there white blouse/Kelly green jumper dress uniform and later at the hotel the black cocktail waitress dress.

[Lena]

Maybe a fresh post later today . Am too tired to write one now .

Forgot to add in yesterdays post that at the sale I had to stop Leslie from trying on a tacky but funny yellow leather Thong ......she wud have done it in public surrounded by all the other women and kids too.Doing that just seemd to tacky to moi . But when your a stripper you probably don't think twice about taking of your clothes in front of bunch of strangers ....... .

Also have written about Beaver's sports partys before but will mention'em again since it is so southern and decadent . At big things like the superbowl and basketball play-offs he'd rent this old plantation where they also hold corporate training meetings and conventions and have all his high rollers come .Be a huge party with everything from a huge buffet , free alcohol ( I bartended ) along with banned Cuban cigars and blow .All the men watching the event on the big screen tv's .The girls from his bar wud waitress topless and flirt away with the big gamblers who loved it and were big tippers. Other things went on upstairs where Beaver wud give a girl as a present to men who were betting 5 figures and if the girls made a deal themselves . I bartended topless too but never did the sex for money thing , could have but then again was never much of a business person ............

Like the cops showing up yesterday to buy stolen merchandise wierd stuff went on at those partys. Like the dope, . ,lap dances , prostitution ,and Cuban cigars ! But since his high rollers were all rich the police looked the other way .Outside the sheriff had a few cars to scare of any cowboy crews and inside for security Beaver had off duty polices too.Thats how Les met her ex Bill who was lieutenant with the Metro . As our friend Corvah whose usually very serious said when they got divorced " Don't surprise me none since just look how they met, Lessy 's running around with her titties hanging out and sucking on some suits johnson with that old fool( Bill) getting all excited about her " .

Moi is heading out to meet Carla to get the bad or good news from her about my relationship . Didn't sleep all nite and had almost 2 bottles of wine . Wish me luck ..........

In a white T shirt and desert cami pants . At the country club there white blouse and Kelly green jumper dress with nude garter stockings and brown flats and at the hotel the black cocktail waitress dress and black flats .White Thong too.

[Lena]

Still depressed , not eating ,some times doing dumb things like pulling out of a parking spot yesterday without looking only to get a $75 ticket from a cop who I almost crashed into and thinking I ahd to work at the country club when I didn't and continuing to drink way too much . But on the positive side haven't gone back to old ways of dealing with break-ups and after seeing Carla yesterday feel a little better since I know more now .

It's hard to write about for a global audience , I'm a put it all out there person but have to protect my gf's privacy . Basically the trouble that has been eating me alive inside out is not itself do to her falling out of love with me or finding someone better in that scum Nevin . Really goes back to a huge work related crisis that has all sorts of danger and her losing faith in herself and own future. My adventure with Monica in the bathroom stall made it all worse and I now hate what happened even more . Karin says she still loves me but for the time is staying at her folks since needs time to think .

Makes you feel very frustrated seeing somebody you love go thru this trouble and not be able to help . Also am still terified of breaking up .Love is a powerful bind but have seen plenty of cases where it was not enough to get past a tsunami that hits your life. All she has to do is call and I wil be there doing whatever I can .

Learning all that yesterday was also quite a emotional roller coaster . All day and all nite I had all sorts of emotions along with off and on head aches and a burning stomach .It felt fantastic in a 'Now I can see the road in front of me way ' to learn what the problem is .As hard as facing the truth can be it is still best , if I had known this weeks ago wudn't have gone thru as much hell and lost so much weight ............if there was a emotcion for emotional exhaustion I'd use it here. Also loved the support from our friends who want us to stay together and to help Karin in this mess. Really love them to death .I met Carla at a diner but to my surprise Judy tagged along very concerned and Lonie and Cindy showed up leaving there baby with Cin's mom .Women are more lucky then men to have such close friendships where you can also be open . Being there brough back memorys of our bitches club that started in middle school thats one of the best things that ever happened to me and that I am so proud off. We had our own posse with several types of girls .............me , cousin Francie and Leslie were the hillbillys, Ronnie Raye and Debs were a genuine rednecks from central Alabama while Corvah along with Laquisha and her sister Shaniqua were black . We really were our own family, always there for each other in good and bad times .

These womern are the adult version , and am so happy to have them in my life. Although were all queers ( sort of in my case but I won't quibble especially since I do like women more then men ) and except for Lonnie all short everyone brings there own identity to the table like Carla being the daughter of a army warrant officer who grew up in army camps all over the planet with Judy being rich & jewish from up north and are both very intellectual while Lonnie is a jockette and as she will say half white , half black , and half Choctaw Indian ( then when someone says you can't be 3 halfs Lonnie goes her folks were big people thats still funny even though I've heard it a jillion time ) , with Cindy being a very calm average looking but when it comes to work very intense sales rep . Also close friends who like my bitches from the past will always be there for each other .


The mood shifted back to bad at work though . Was in the Concierge Lounge without much to do and noticed my after thinking way too much about my problems and having a few drinks I got angrier and angrier. Then depressed . By the time I had to go work a wedding reception was fit to be tyed ,sad and hostile at the same time .Seeing me leave the lounge barefoot as I had been pretty much since I came in ( you can get away with that on saturdays since except for the wedding receptions the hotel is almost empty ) one of the Mexicans in Housekeeping whose known to have a big mouth made a wise ass coment I could be written up for that , really was annoying being bossed around by some wetback who snuck into my country so I blurted out "What f*cking busines is of yours , get back to sweeping or you'll be written up " He was SHOCKED ! Down in the Grande Ballroom where the reception was my boss told me the same thing . As much as I love Brendan was so pissed off at the world almost told him to f*ck off too .Which ofcourse wud have been a colossal mistake since I wud have lost my job and worse yet also lost a good friend .I did what I was told and also later apologized to the Mexican . Now that fool thinks I am hot for him .................

Working the reception calmed me down though , no time to do anything but keep up with the guests and smile if you want tips .A evil thought came into my head though when I saw one guest who looked like the old Elvis just before he died , complete with huge sunglasses and fat hanging over his belly . All of a sudden it came to me how much fun it wud be chasing him around a huge parking lot with a sharp stick or in my car ...... .

Manged to eat this morning , not much but more then just the coffee I've been having . Had 2 strips of bacon , a piece of cornbread ,and some hot house tomatos . Do work the country club later .


Heading out in some clothes fromthe MARILYN KING COLLECTION ....... a matching black cashmere cardigan sweater and crew neck top with a Burberry skirt I got at a church thrift shop , lite brown with a plaid pattern along with black boots with 3 " heel .Foudation garments will be a flesh tone cami , garter belt and , bikini briefs along with nude garter stockings .At the country club there uniform of a white blouse and Kelly green jumper dress.

[Lena]

Scared but calmer today . Still no Karin or even word from her . But Carla called again yesterday saying she talked to Karin again who sounded better and was worryed I hate her & best of all says she misses me . Carla's pretty hopeful this will work out , wish I could be ...........

But despite all the crap moi feels better .Maybe since it's been raining alot, although have always suffered from depression /anxiety also have always felt calmer , more focused when it's raining and even when around bodys of water . Also was out all day yesterday and didn't have time to think about what a mess my life is now . Even had huge 5 mile walk which was not easy in designer boots with a 3 " heel .

Dressing up in the cashmere sweater and matching top from the MARILYN KING COLLECTION and Burberry skirt helped too .Looking nice and feeling good go together real well. First worked at the country club ...........the usual story .Did feel good to be put into the same boat as a born winner like May Wah who all those rich people love . Hasn't ever really happend before.They all say hi to her and want her to work there table which is OK with me. Learned long ago I was never going to be a superstar .But yesterday this popular member whose a gentleman horse breeder hugged us both at the same time joking he wants to adopt us and then later a table full of memebrs were all nice to little me ,the very first time thats happened .Will wonders never cease happening ?

After that came home and wasn't long before the worrying about Karin set in and it was actually getting hard to breathe .So even though it was raining and I was still in good clothes just put on my boots abck on and went for what turned out to be a huge walk and fun time . The more I walked the better I felt, I guess the brain endorfins were kicking in . At first assumed I'd just go around the neighborhod and end up at the STARBUCKS where we go but like in FORREST GUMP when he starts jogging and keeps on going I kept walking and walking . I wasn't all euphoric ( new word ) but just basically happy .

While trecking down the street past some intersting and also sad things . When I looked at many of the cars going by they had whole familys or couples out for a sunday drive/adventure , the simple pleasures are the best . One jeep WRANGLER even had a huge dog in the front seat wearing a seat belt who like our cats thought he was human Noticed too how the trees and shrubs are blooming which was gorgeous . There some beautiful old wood frame houses here too and with trees , bushes and gardens they look even more wonderful .The rain adding a classy atmosphere to it all.

As I got into the city though it got rawer .But then again thats the city for you and when your from the slums you don't get all shocked by urban decay like someone from a rich suburb.Going down one street of mostly abandoned stores and factorys a carload of black teen age guys drove by hollaring out for me to do something with my mouth to all of them .I didn't reply or even look at them but kept walking .But did laff though when I thought if Leslie or Ronnie Raye were along we wud have joked about yelling back that guys were too late since we'd already done that to there older brothers or even fathers And thats no lie .............. Alot of drunkards too. Going past one low rent bar bumped into a drunk middle age woman who was actually stumbling out of the place .She yelled ot at me ' watch where your going you mother F****** bitch " . Moi said nothing to her either but for some strange reason began to think of my alcoholic , always pissed off foul mouth mother.............

The worst alkies were this group of winos standing outside a abandoend gas station drinking away . They got real pushy begging for money to buy more alcohol and I tryed ignoring them and keepiing moving .Everyone sees wineheads as wasted/walking dead victims of something which is true but they can also be downright nasty and dangerous . Have heard all sorts of horror storys about them attacking folks and raping strangers or even each other . So began to sprint to get away from them with one really pushy one coming after me whining away for money . But fate stepped in and a car drove by going thru a big puddle that drenched the wino , probably giving the funky old rummy the closet thing to a bath he's had in years . While Old Jimmy or Ripple or whatever his street name sweared a blue streak at being splashed all his homies thought it was hysterical , so much for wino brotherhood ...........

After going a few more blocks and hiting a row of totally empty are where everything was abandoned it came to me I had walked almost 2 hours and had no actual destination in mind And here except for a few places like KINKOs ( not a sex shop but copy store ) , bars , and fast food restaurents there not many places to go to on a sunday nite . So standing there in the rain in the middle of urban blight thought of where to go and how to get back home .Then it came to me to head over to our friend Frieda's coffee boutique that is open to 9PM sundays . I managed to find one of the few city buses that run sundays and went up town . Am all for helping save the enviorment but after having my own car don't really like slow bus travel anymore .

Getting to Frieda's found her working the place by herslef since as all to often one of her unreliable staff hadn't shown up . She even had her two grade school age kids there since she couldn't leave them home alone .Poor Frieda may be real smart with a MBA and hard working but she was overwealmed trying to handle the half dozen or so customers and help the kids with homework at the same time .So moi decided to pitch in . Since I am no brain at least school wise ( grade was was # 254 in a high school class of 272 people with one dead guy , two guys in prison and a pack of welfare moms having higher marks ) decided I should skip helping with the homework and handle the counter .So put a apron over the clothes from the MARILYN KING COLLECTION & went to work .Frieda was very very relieved to have some help .The poor woman was so overwealmed and then like BATMAN or THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN the magic tramp in classic clothes suddenly apears to save the day ................

That went OK .Kept busy by not just doing the orders but also cleaning the tables . This here nerdy guy with a shaved head and horned rim glasses was tryign to talk to me almost all the time .Lonely guys have habit of falling in love with any woman who pays attention to them . Too bad for him being that way .Then chased out this crazy and I do mean crazy old fat women who was walking around telling everybody about some nonsense about a plot involving the jews, something called the brotherbond and Rockefellers .

After closing as Freida wrapped up I took off my boots and showed her kids how easy and how much fun it was sliding across the wood floors at the boutique .They loved it and wanted to stay to do some more .Frieda offered to pay me but I said no , saying how working kept me busy and my mind off my troubles .She did give me a sandwich but it tasted like dirty old sweat socks wud so after a bite it went in the garbage . Lucky for moi Frieda and the kids drove me home .

Back home was able to fall asleep right away from being so busy all day , including the 5 mile walk in the rain . That was worth more then money since I haven't been able to sleep in a month . All totalled got 5 straight hours of sleep

Working for Frieda today too..........this time for $10 a hour as acting manager since she has to do her taxes . Only in America could a girl from the slums go from being a clocker at 15 to acting manager of a coffee boutique at 27 !!!! It should be fun though and wil keep me from obseissng about 'the crisis' ................

Dressing counter culture or just plain eccentric .......... a old oversized blue check shirt and black skirt along with suntan pantyhose and old brown clogs .

[Lena]

The last 16 hours have been pretty intense for me . Am completely exhausted physiclly but so enthused mentally I feel as if I have been given a mind or soul transplant .Or to use a sexual analogy it's alot like the the time at 19 when I had sex with three guys all nite so when morning came body wise moi was done in ( I was so very very sore and waddled to the bus stop ) but grinning from ear to ear feeling oh oh so wonderful thinking about all the ways they had f*cked me .................

Am very happy since my break-up is officially over . For the first time in almost a month Karin and I talked yesterday . Infact we really talked , from 11:45 PM last nite to 5 AM this morning .I'm actually horse today from all the talking . But it was worth it and then some !!!!!!!She's coming home tonite, have already called the country club and said I won't be in .They didn't fire me, just made me commit to working lunches this thursday-friday .Lucky moi................

Can't really get into the details about the trouble for my gf's privacy . The basic issue all along was a huge crisis at her job and her being both terifieid and not knowing how to react to it all. She was scared too it wud lead me to jump ship .My sport f*cking with leatehr girl Monica only made it worse. Not so much since however accidental I cheated there in that bathroom stall at Tink's but since she felt rejected in a time of need. She heard about it too from that wretched fat w.hore Moinica who wants me and also that elitest smug skank Nevin who wants her.Fat chance on those bitches getting there way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We still have the trouble at work to get thru and it's very serious and won't happen over night . Ulcer and colitis probelms like in the past may still come back from worrying about althis crap .But we'll be facing it together . I told Karin how if she can make it thru a nastyer then nasty divorce along with having a ulta perfectionist /analer then Anal about cleanliness & neatness/ hyper critical /never happy mom she can make it thru this . Maybe some asshole doctor from India is going to wake up then go out and find the windows of his jillion dollar imported SUV smashed .............

Thanx to all of you put there for the interest and in many cases support .It really helped me keep my balence and have some hope when I was crumbling inside.Again thanx!!!

Also learned some old enemys who were run out of here have been enjoying my crisis . There such scum the unhappyness of others will always make 'em happy . Well sorry fools , it all worked out in the end . Don't you wish you could say the same about your relationships ?

Today am working at Freida's coffee boutique used book store again .Get to be sort of the boss again since Frieda is all caught up in taxes . Can't see myself as the real boss since I'm always asking the staff what to do . Am dressing theatrical to fit in with the deliberatley beatnick atmosphere Frieda trys to have .Being sloppy looking yesterday in the over sized blue check shirt and blcak skirt often with my black beret on was a big hit and fun . Today in a white jean jacket , old fading green T shirt , jean cut-offfs and nude pantyhose I took from Karin's drawer .With a red bandana over my hair .

[Lena]

Spring is here in more ways then one ................ It's not only sunny and warm outside but ofcourse since Karin is back home .

It' s just wonderful having Karin home again . She lites the place up . In the month she was gone this place didn't seem like anybody's home but a big empty hall or worse yet a giant tomb .I came to hate even being here. Now though it's home again , being warm and happy . Everything from the paint on the walls to window's seem nice . The critters are happy she's back too. At first Agatha seemed mad , stood right in front of Karin meowing away in a high pitched angry way I'm sure compalining about being abandoned . But then seeing Fritz curled up on Karin's lap stopped complaining and jumped up to be petted too by one of her mom's . All we need is to have the old Buck Owens song LOVES GONNA LIVE HER AGAIN on the radio for all to be perfect or as close to perfect as things could get here on the planet ..............

Best of all Karin is verry happy and part of that being very relieved to be back home . She thought her life was ruined and wud never be good again but is calming down seeing things in a better lite. Including how I worship her, she loves me ,and this is home. No matter what happens with this bug messy lawsuit at work we will face it together and SURVIVE!!!!! Also do beleive she got sick of staying at her folks . Her mom's unbelievable perfectionism and committment to never being happy was driving her up the wall in more ways then one ................. have I ever mentioned the mom Diane is such a cleanliness freak she vacuums the rocks in the garden by the back door ?

More to come , I could fill up all cyber space with what we did and talked about just since last nite She's at the lawyers now for a morning of interviews and meetings .Although the disgusting foreigner doesn't even know it that Indian doctor who is making this all the worse for Karin should be happy I am now the new Lena .Since old Lena wud have looked up some friends of friends in the 'hood and for a blow job or a f*ck wud have got them to find the Doc and slap him silly or set fire to his jillion dollar Mercedes SUV..................... ..

Back to the hotel today and it's OK with me . My friends there will like hearing the good news . Maybe not Christophe , the army guy from Haiti who was at the top of the list for being my new bf or at least a victim of my sexual predatoryism . Actually the day we talked during the trouble I saw just what a decent man he is and knew unlike many sex hungry penis people he wudn't want to take advantage of a woman in trouble or be in a rebound romance . I was real impressed even amazed since I haven't run into too many men like that in my life.Barb and Rosalind will be very excited too.Women stick together during times like this . May get some news on Rosalind's Doc vist , she may be preggars .

Going to meet Karin for lunch then go to work . Going out in black ribbed short sleeve mock turtleneck , black leather mini , a black Thong and black boots with a 3" heel.At work the pengun suit and orthies.

[Lena]

Going to be a nice day . The weathers' good and ofcourse best of all my gf is back home .

I will say it again , having here back is wonderful .I feel refreshed and renewed . Like I have been given a second chance in life , something thats really important to someone like me whose felt doomed all her life.Also makes me feel very humble too, although no one should go thru the hell I have all my life of thinking they'll always lose no matter how they try do think it wud be dangerous to be arrogant and boastful when things go good.

Met Karin downtown at the lawyer's office , in one of those steel and glass skyscrapers . A real formal place with everyone in suits and humming like a beehive with people running around and around . I felt like I was on LA LAW . In the reception area moi sat by a 40 something lady crying away there to file for divorce and also a a slick 30 something yuppy guy ( manicured nails & what looked to be razor cut hair in trendy looking suit ) on his phone going on and on about getting court orders for this and that ............what a man of action !!! The very pretty and smart looking black woman receptionist was working away being nice to all of us and awnsering the non-stop phone calls .My favorite person was a old guy about 65 with a crew cut and weathered looking face in a muey tacky shiney lite blue suit and pink shirt & tie . At first I thought he was another 'billy who in trouble but I was only half right , was a 'billy allright but a legandary criminal lawyer who even I've heard about . My people get stuck with public defenders but the people who hire this guy no doupt pay top dollar to get out of having to go inside . 2 of the partners in there lawyer looking dark grey suits came out to welcome as a sign of his importance or high regard , or as I wud actually say real ree-gard ) and all acted like old friends .

Karin along with the 2 other nurses and that vile little foreigner doctor all came out of a conference room with a bunch of lawyers .The lawyers were all stoked since this after all there job while the Doctor Gunga Din as they call him seemed more then a little pissed off with Karin and the nurses all looking completely exhausted . Usually I'd kiss her on the mouth but considering the formality all around us just pecked her on the cheek .Later at lunch I told her the law office seemed so formal and that she was going thru was so important I was extra glad I'd worn undies. She looked so believed at being out of the conference room, they'd been in there for 4 hours Have to hand it to her , I wud have been screaming or gotten violent at being cooped up like that in such a intense atmopsphere.

The hospital took us out for lunch at pretty nice place not far from the steak house that threw OJ out last spring . On the way over saw a anti-Pope rally since that dude is here visiting which looked crazy. Had some 'billys who can really be down on the Pope and the Roman church I've written here about my late granddaddy Jimmy Earl who hated the Catholics , even got in the face one of there priests face at the market being so obnoxious the priest who was youger and had played football at some catholic university cold cocked him Luckily my fellow 'billys but religious fanatic version didn't go so far as to pass around a water moccasin or break out a 16 gauge for effect . Along with some radical femanists all upset about abortion ( didn't see Shosnana the woman I got the words penis people from ) , some adults who said they'd been molested as kids by priests and nuns , along with what my jewish friends at work Bernie calls 'holocust cultists' whining about the Catholics and World War Two .This is the second time I've seen totally insane religious bigots this week , both times them being jewish too .Oh well when your granddady was in the klan and one of your gf's aunties is a radical anti-abortion activist you know there's crazys in every group ............. Happy to say most of the folks watching the demonstration didn't seem to get worked up , being more curious as to what was going on then agreeing with the haters.

Lunch was still pretty formal since along with Karin and the 2 other nurses also there was also the hospital administrator who sees himself sitting the right hand of god , the hosopital lawyer,and 2 other laywers the hospital hired to handle the lawsuit . For me one of those times your too scared of saying something stupid to open your mouth . Even though the suits were all trying to be nice.One of the lawyers was even a member of the country club where I work pt. Told him he's now at the top of the list for champagne during the sunday champagne brunch which litened the mood for everybody .

All of 'em were amazed with how DR.Guga Din had been such a vicious bitch during the meeting . From the start he was ranting & raving how the patient dying wasn't his fault blaming the nurses He only stopped when the hospital administrator told him too.What a dick !!! Later he got worse hollaring how since he's so educated and a doctor no one should even be allowod to sue him . Real dumb since here we're all supposed to be equal at least when it comes to the law and he did after all move her . Besides here everyone sues everyone . I really laffed when the hospital administrator said how the warhead had finished by saying this , as in him being sued could never happen back to India . One more reason to be glad I am not staying in India & I guess and also proud to be a American although this particualr lawsuit is driving us crazy .

The real good news is that under law here the Doc is primarily responsible for the pateint not the nurses so theres no way that puke can blame it on the nurses . At this point the suits are trying to decide whether to go to trial or setle .I'm for settling since it wud end this mother f*cking tsunami thats already hurt us badly and we don't want to see go on any longer . Also at that point moi can give some really serious thought to doing something herself or bringing in friends of friends to really get back teach at the Doc !!

I tryed reassuring Karin in the bathroom there at the restaurent and we ended up having a good laff . I hugged her and told her things will work out and then gave her a deep kiss on the mouth . She kissd back too,but then said " Not now , lets wait till we get home " .And as fate wud have it just as we finished kissing and she said that a straight looking 50 soemthing woman emerged from a stall ( we didn't even know she was there ) looking absolutely shocked and rushed by speechless being either disgusted or scared she could catch lesbianism from us .It had me really laffing and my more sensative /middle class gf being a little embaressed but also amused at the same time .

Got Karin home ( she still can't drive ) & did have some naughty fun . It's always hard to get out of bed and dressed then go to work after you have been trysting ( new word ) but was moi able too. Although cursing away .Being so tired by all this Karin was aslep before I left .

Today am off to work at the country club then the hotel again .Heading out in a low cut /hem above the knee black dress with a red and yellow floral print , pink Thong ,and old black flats with the leather cracking all over but they are so comfy . . At the country club the white blouse & Kelly green jumper dress uniform with nude thigh tops and brown flats while to the hotel the penguin suit and orthies .

[Lena]

NATURAL DISASTER here....................no not my life but a real genuine natural disaster.A earthquake shook up the town about 90 minutes ago .We didn't even feel it but we're woked up by the sirens ( or as I say it in hillbilly ' sigh-reens ') of the fire engines and police cars ( or in 'billy po-leece corz ' ) going down the stret . My gf even thought there'd
been something like a terrorist attack . The quake was actually from Illinois north of here affecting everywhere within 200 miles of it .Am glad we weren't swallowed up by mother earth ..............

Things are still going fine here. As Buck Owens once said in a song " And nothing else matters darlin cause we're together again " Not only is Karin back but the crib has it's old warm homey feeling back . After a month of it seeming as cold as ice it's now a home where you can relax and be yourself again! Going to be one intense day for moi .See the analyst , work at the coutry club , then go into the hotel till about 1 AM . Ofcourse will be checking in all day with Karin , she's home today but will be busy too having to see her Doc and get a hair cut . May even go over to her family's insurance agency do some computer stuff for them . Those middle aged people are as bad as moi on the machine ! Lonnie and Cindy are taking her out tonite . Don't mean to sound corny but friends in need are friends.......................

I worked 2 days this week friend Frieda's coffee place/used bookstore ( the usually empty bookstore soon to be a yoga studio) that I have written about in the regular blog area .Was fun , especially the second day when the trouble at home had ended .Always nice to see new places even if there in the town you've been staying in for 15 years now . In this case meaing the world of a university and acadmic people . Also got a good lesson in life , namely that I am not the only person that has had a hard time coming up and that even if your from money life can really be so f*cking hard and frustrating .

Frieda's place is over by the university which is a fun area. The knd of place I don't have much experience with The energy really hits you full of young people always coming and going along with a jillion peoel on mountain bikes & 10-speeds , bookstores new and used , coffee places,and diners . Always seems to be new signs up for everything from sports & concerts to classes for tai chi or some new religion too. A whole lot differnt from back in the hills of Lawrence County where I was born .No students , bookstores or signs for concerts . Mainly just the gorgeous Pine Mountains with there pine and poplar trees and those absolutely beautiful white birch trees that usually grow 2-3 together .Along with ofcourse snake churches, trailers, old wood houses some covered with tar shingles ,and the more I think about it abandoned gas stations . Or the West End slum here in the big city with blocks and blocks of empty store fronts , abandonend cars , and a eerie feeling of danger and life stagnating in the air . But then again has turned out some people as beautiful as the Pine Mountains themselves back home ........like me No ! I actually mean others some of whom I have writen about here .

Frieda's place fits in real good in the college area . Originally she wanted it to have this beatnick aura where students , old counter culture types like aged betnicks & hippies along with todays poetry lovers could meet .But didn't turn out that way , maybe it was since she painted the walls a brite warm feeling yellow instead of just leaving them white and dirty from years of neglect and bringing in potted plants that killed her beatnick place dream .Now it's got a upscale college atmosphere. Frieda while still having things like poetry slams doesn't mind though since the place except for the used book store is bringing in good money

Moi always has a good time working there. In the past wud have seen it as torture having to be around what ignorant ass moi wud have seen as eggheads & dorks .But now go I in with a fun attitude and actually get excited hearing the students and profesors at the various tables talking about the various subjects .Not that I could ever do that but it's fun to hear and like listening to some people at the hotel hope to pick up some knowledge . Must confess though at the risk of offending all computerites do tune out the computer professors and students since it's all way to complicated for this girl . All there talk of gigawatts , microbitts , linkus, and mother boards ( which when I first heard it thought was a round about way to say mothe f*cker ) can give me a headache real easily . Have some regulars there too just like at the bar at the hotel who are right nice .Like these 2 nice professors in there 50's -60's who call me THE BAREFOOT PRINCESS since I usually won't be wearing shoes unless am working the counter .

Dressing up in a funky way is part of the fun of working there. Going barefoot ( even though it leads to big round holes in socks & like magic white socks becoming black socks or like this week ruining 2 pair of pantyhose in 2 days ) goes with my fantasy I am back in 1960 hanging around with beatnicks so way ahead of the rest of society and when being a outlaw meant you were really were a outlaw not like now when white suburban kid dress hip hop and think there a gangbanger . .Along with that dressing funky , never wud wear clothes from the MARILYN KING COLLECTION when working there . This week it was a over -sized blue check shirt and black skirt one day , then on other a red bandana tied to the back of my head , white jean jacket , old green T shirt , & short jean cut-offs.

Also heard one of the student help talk about her crappy life which while can make you said is also useful to completely selfish and narcisistic moi since it reminds me I am not the only person whose had it rough . Don't ever want to go back to feeling like I am the only person on the planet with troubles since that only makes it all the worse since you feel even more isoalted and doomed.Not to mention being so caught up in yourself you completely insenstive to the pain of others Also after years of psych wards and shrinks/counselors gets me thinking how unless you want to stay feeling like dog poop you better get cracking and fight back .

The person was a girl named Allison , about 20 and a goth dressed both days in black with piercings from her eyebrows to nose to lips .Huge too with a real sad aura too her.Good worker though unlike most everyone else who works there . During a slow period the last day she just up and unloaded on me and it went from bad to worse. Was adopted feeling terrible about it , like she'd been thrown away for not being good enough to keep . I told her being adopted isn't so bad since you got parents who wanted you , good lord I wud have loved to have had that happen to me since it wud have ( unless my adopted parents were something like seriel killers) meant a better life. Also mentioned Ying Ying our little angel from China adpoted by some folks here who is loved to death . But that didn't impress her, she then told me how her adpoted mom only adopted her since she was to scared to go thru labor and have kids on her own.She didn't sound like any nuturer, being from a rich family the woman didn't have to work and spent most of her time at the gym staying in shape, getting drunk & high , and watching the soaps .

As she went on learned they stayed in the east end which is rich people's land .Had a below ground swimming pool , abrand new car of her own at 16 , she's been everywhere it seemed like Europe, China, Israel ,and the Caribean.But still family life was crap .Her dad was never around and ditched them all for a younger woman then moved off to a foreign country and she never heard from him again .Her older brother Mark sounded like a colossal mess who wud fit in real good with my people . Being a high school drop out who had major drug issues including H .Things all really went to hell when her mom remarried when Allison was 14 to this aged hippy type who was also rich but had all these mega psych issues .Although living someone with bipolar disorder and paranoia is not easy ( my sister Lori sure wasn't and she had both too) the worst part was his daughter Tovah whose Allison's age .

She was crazyer then even my sister Lori . At 16 Tovah was sleeping with the much older married neighbor then when he dropped her she went to the cops complaining of statuatory r**** and the man was locked up and later because of the shame committed suicide . She then started f*cking with her own step brother Mark who was 18 and under law here a adult . But according to Allison even though things were fine this vile little snake for fun went to the cops now saying he was molesting her and no surprise he went to prison .Something which is never easy but must have been a living hell for a rich white kid who grew up with a pool in the backyard .When the poor fool got out his step-sister came onto him again and then called the parole people saying he was stalking her so back inside Mark went . The mom did divorce the man though , is now seeing a guy who was a lawyer but had been sent to prison and lost his license . And I thought I had terrible taste in men ...........

But Allison's biggest worry was her weight , although maybe 5'5" she had to weigh 200 pounds looking like a old medicine ball with legs and alot of piercings !. She tryed claiming to be on a diet but noticed how she gobbled 4 cookies & egg salad sandwich in her 6 hours with moi . She stared weeping about how she feels so teribble about being fat and thinks everyone hates her ,her own fitness and apearence crazed mom even calls her "Piggy" as a nickname .How kind !

I can relate , your suppossed to be thin but don't think she understands just being thin does NOT automatically bring happyness.She asked how I stay thin and then all I could do was laff saying something like " First you hate yourself and get the idea being thin will make you good and then you get so fanatic about it you become a full fledged anorexic & bulimic then almost die . After that since you don't want to end up big like your mom and sisters you are paranoid about over -eating then you have troubles with your gf and don't eat for weeks dropping 16 pounds " .The poor girl was speechless.

Allison talked more and more about her troubles and I felt so bad for her When she left I hugged her telling not to give up hope for a better life and maybe find a shrink . Do believe me being nice may have briten up her life for a few minutes but she told me how shrinks haven't helped and she's been seeing them steady since she 7 years old . I guess at some point she'll have to decide to take the bull by the horns and decide to help herself . I sure hope so ! Being me as insane , scarred inside , and selfish as I am doesn't seem so bad either !

Off now to my ultra intense day . Know this post is full of the more then the usual typos but will try to correct them from work later today .

Heading out in the white jean jacket along with tank dress that has a black top and long paisly dark brown skirt . At the country club there uniform of a white blouse and Kelly green jumper dress along with nude thigh tops and brown flats . At the hotel the black cocktail waitress dress and black flats .

[Lena]

Good morning ...............200 hits here in the last 24 hours which is nice to see.Thanx .

I can now add survivior of a earthquake to the list of things I am .It's the big talk here and everyone seems to have a story . My life wasn't really affected except for my analyst cancelling our appointment since she couldn't get out of her apartment building since the power was out . She can't walk down the stairs since she just had knee and hip replacement surgery .I survived , didn't go thru withdrawl or have a panic attack .Glad the it didn't happen last week though since that may have what wud have happened

Raining here again which like so many other things is nice again since the break-up is off. Depression is really evil since it does so many bad things like rob you of energy and hope and takes away the fun from things you love which for me is the rain .Good to be getting back to liking things again.Todays coffee tastes real good and the bacon I cooked ( I can actually cook some simple things like bacon and hot dogs and am a gourmet chef when it comes to putting things in the microwave ) had this delicious and so down home smell going thru the apartment . Just as as the bacon started crackling the cats showed up all excited meowing away like crazy for some so moi added a extra 2 strips for them which they attacked when put the down on the floor . I declare those two varmints live better then most people on the planet . Am going running later this morning then come back and spend the day with Karin and the creatures till I go into work .

Yesterday the country club was dead , hardly any lunch business. We joked it had to be the fault of the earthquake . TT Nikki whose a server week-days . Nice enough woman, about 35 with short platinim hair . Stays across the river in Indiana . She's up on all the gossip about the members but to me there storys don't matter, they have there life and I have mine . Did try to act interested though since it all meant so much to her.Was more fun actually talking to Charley Brown the chef whose from the same neighborhood as me and although we've never talked about I think also real happy to have moved out of the land of guns , dope,and gangs .He was happy since his son is doing good in the army and while his 19 year old daughter got government money to go away to college .Told me too about something interesting I'd love to go to. A big concert downtown that recreates concerts called HULLABALOOS from back in the days of segregation 50 years ago .Promoters back then wud rent halls blacks were kept out of and have concerts where black acts wud perform for black people who wud show up in what was called there sunday best and party . This one is going to have R&B stars from the 50's and tribute bands to performers from back then .You pay less if you show up in one way or another looking like people did in 1955 or there abouts .Moi can't decide to show up as a beatnick in a matching black beret ,turtleneck , and skirt or coms as a hillbilly woman in jean overalls complete with a pillow tucked underneath to look preganat as I've been told the women always were back then along with ofcourse no shoes or army boots which were as common as dropping babys every year too. . Maybe bring a washboard or banjo along for effect .............

Wore the black cocktail waitress dress at the hotel which was mostly slow but had some interesting points . For awhile we had a group from the big baseball bat company here.They were all falling all over this 50s something mega rich looking woman from Mexico , she owns a baseball teams down there and ws no doupt here on business . She looked more like a Eurpean then Mexican , being white not brown .Thats seems to be pretty common for the rich Mexicans and south Americans we get at the hotel too . She was very very elegant looking in a designer dress and scarf with beautiful gold jewlery .Maybe a bit overstated for Americans but still actually low key for the usually flashy rich Mexicans and south American women I see at work .Nice lady too , no princes mentality but real sociable . Had 2 screwdrivers. What I liked best about her was she had a boy toy .A tall good looking dark brown jock type Mexican guy about 28 , bet he was one of her ball players whose job description went beyond hitting homers on the ball field but also in the rich ladys bedroom ............

My favorite customer Mr. Dyson also came in later .Wud have liked to see him and the rich Mexican lady together . Having a boy toy maybe she was too dom to be interested in some body with obviouslly so much to him like Mr. Dyson or wud have seen saw him as too old not being at his sexual peak like el boy toy . But want to think there wud have been a irristable chemistry between them ............... Mr. Dyson was in a tan canvas sport coat and dark blue polo shirt looking both so UMC and ruged at the same time . He had a Boliermaker then a Scotch just sitting there thinking about something , who knows about what . Maybe the Viet Nam War or something like driving a convertable taking backroads from Paris to Rome or I dream how to tell me he's my real father so I will at least have a real man who's strong & loving in my life and also get what I think is alot of money when he passes.

It got to be really funny when out of the blue Karin showed up with Lonnie and cindy to say hi . They'd gone out to eat and to see FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL which all liked . Having family/so there is a complete violation of company rules ( as if that ever bothered me ) but moi still came out from behind the bar and kissed Karin on the mouth along with hugging L&C . Mr.Dyson was just leaving but I could see his reflection in the mirror when Karin and I smashed faces and he slightly rolled his head and smiled . Typical penis person ...............for better or worse he really is what they call a man's man

For awhile he and the girls all made small talk . Later Lonnie said she can see why I have a crush on him and also at the same time want him to be my long lost real daddy .Hearing that Cindy made a face seeming disgusted and called me a pervert . I smiled and shrugged my shoulders saying " Yeah but a loveable pervert " and we laffed .............Mr. Dyson came up later when some nice army noncoms first tryed picking up my gf and L&C then realized they were all gay . Stayed real nice though , they all had a big talk about sports and music while I slaved away .Laffed too when one of the sergeants said to another "Now I know what that old dude ( Mr. Dyson ) laffed when I said lets make try for those girls " Karin's been at the hotel so often she was giving directions to the bathrooms and cash machine like she worked there too.

Going out today in a lite blue shirt and old tan corduroy skirt & old brown clogs /rain slicker.At work the black cocktail waitress dress again , nude seamed garter stockings ,and black flats . I handle the Concierge Lounge then work a wedding .

[Lena]

Good to see this forum with so many fresh posts today , love the MEMBERS areas but you have to hand it to this forum for having so much energy .


Sunday morning and very nice. Morning sex is something indeed , especially when you have the time to enjoy it .That idea came to mind earlier when we heard Belinda & Baily next door making noise and then Belinda getting hyper about getting ready for church .We heathens can stay in bed all day making noise.............. Things are slow and easy around here now and I love it , especially since we came so close to losing it all. The whole apartment smells so homey from the bacon I cooked up along with the coffee. The critters are taking there morning naps both curled up in balls at oppposite ends of the couch

Karin's watching her pope on tv now, he's on all networks .You could call American tv this morning " All Pope , All the Time ".They've had on all kinds of sacred cows on tv commenting on his visit like Billy Graham and Elie Weasel who didn't say much but since there such manic attention getters themselves you know they have to be jealous as hell of all the attention he's getting I heard FOX NEWS asked the pope to have naked nuns standing by him and condem the Democrats and liberals as satanic but the old boy refuses. Just kidding there............

Didn't want to go into work yesterday since we had a wondeful time f*cking all afternoon . They don't call it the pleasure bond for nothing Really is natures way for a couple to connect and energize .We went from passion to silliness loving all of it .

The hotel was the same old old same old . Wore the black cocktail waitress dress and seamed stockings . First worked the Concierge Lounge , hardly anyone . Did manage to eat some cavier and chicken pasta salad saving me from having to suffer thru what some of the black guys I work with call the 'slop' in the employee cafeteria .There right too, no secret management doesn't care what we peons eat . Managers have the choice of the cafeteria or the restaurents for there daily meal, guess where they usually eat ? Moi also washed down her cavier and chicken salad with a few glasses of merlot too. But swore when I found the Maids closet near-by was locked so I couldn't 'borrow' some shampoo and soap to take home

Then Cassady the half-Korean half -white American as well as totally egocentric and narcisstic female bartender and I worked a huge wedding reception . As usual it was also the same old same old . I 've worked so many wedding receptions they also blur into one unless ofcourse something stands out, like the Elvis look alike the other week . The main thing about last nite was me or my reaction to a wedding .Right away I noticed how unlike the past few weeks I haven't been so cynical and bitter about relationships even to the point of looking at the now happy bridal couple and taking satisfaction that half of all mariages end in divorce .Good lord was I angry ...................

The wedding was huge with 250 some guest & had a cash bar which is rare . The hotel charges or really overcharges so much only people with money can afford to hold receptions there and that almost always means having a open bar .We aad a ticket lady , a management trainee named Cory who did her job but at times pouted telling us she didn't spend a fortune to go to the hotel school at Cornell University to sell drink tickets . The working woman part of me was laffing inside at that , saying to myself "Oh poor little princes , you have to do some crappy job and not go right to the general manger level , how unfair can life get ? " Then again I can empathize , I'd see doing that as below moi too. We get Cory in the bar this upcoming week as part of her training .Also worked with Cassady who can get really down on for being such a colossal phony..........trys acting sophisticated and ultra competant but is actually 110% neurotic and narscistic but just couldn't last nite .Again because of my improved mood since things worked out at home . She's a good bartender and nice to look at too and a good kisser but I won't get into that especially after the recent break-up crisis .. .As usual had a new pair of shoes, last nite shocking pink heels . While moi is alway in flats , orthies and even barefoot Cassady seems to have no trouble in those evil heel things and moves around as if she's wearing sneakers.I guess we all have our on special gifts .............

Have to work at the country club later then do something after that . No matter what it wil be fun . Going out the door in the lite grey turtleneck dress from the MARILYN KING COLLECTION with a white cami , Thong , garter belt & nude garter stockings and my black boots . Soon it'll be too warm to wear those clothes so have to get all the wear I can get out of them now . At the CC there white blouse, Kelly green jumper dress uniform and brown flats .

[Lena]

A new week for us all..................in one way or another make the best of it since we all won't be on the planet forever.

Our day off and no big plans .Have my make-up appointment with the analyst then we do errands . If it doesn't rain maybe even go for a walk either around the neighborhood or along the riverfront .It all may not sound too exciting but for us it's very happy return to normal life.I feel alot like I did when released from the religious camp run by the sadistic pervert at 15 and later from the hospitals at 16and 21.................. just great to be ' home' .

Sunday was wonderful . Worked at the country club even going in wearing a dress from THE MARILYN KING COLLECTION .The whole gang there of Carlene , May Wah , and Meghan were all happy to learn things are fine at home again . You could see it on there faces As I have said a jillion times women are so much luckier then men to have closer more empathetic friendships .

The place was packed and there was a great happy -life is sweet atmosphere with alot of laffing and good talk . Dave the dining hall manager wasn't there so May Wah was acting maitre'd and as with everything she does did a great job . Skipped the uniform to wear a nice lite green skirt suit that was oh so yuppy .It's really amazing and to me says alot about good America is deep down that someone like her from China and a family without serious bank can get along so well with all those rich mostly white anglo saxon protestants . It's like she's really one of them or with al the other schooling she's had also went to some school to learn how to hang with rich people . nemeber hird here for a big bucks summer job that included a free trip to China . Others talk about pairing her off with sons or nephews . Was funny seeing one 60 something rich guy ( drives a MG ) complete with white hair and in a double brested blue blazer tell his wife how when I think there nephew Kip gets home from Yale university ( the same mega rich people's college place that the Bush family no doupt paid alot of money to get that drunk dougball little georgey into ) they can ask him out for the brunch and let nature take it's course between him and May Wah. Also this about the same age intense looking jewish woman with a sharp ski jump nose who is always nice to me was being pushy to the point of being funny . That lady was so worked up about the possibilety of May Wah hooking up with her son Ethan she asked May Wah if she wud think about converting to there religion ............... May Wah doesn't say much about that kind of talk but do believe she's both a mix of being embaressed but flattered too . If they'd been talking about me and there boys it wud be totally different . Being basically " How how you think it will cost to get the ridge runner out of his life" ............... But back to May Wah do believe someday she will be the governor or USA senator from Kentucky .Will be nice to have a friend in high places.........

Back home found Karin sleeping away after a vist to her folks . Although she loves her mom being around Diane with her perfectionism, criticalness,and life long committment to never being happy or even relaxed can take alot of energy out of Karin .I fully understand !!!! Moi had thought of staying dressed up just to look nice for Karin but my own lazyness and immediate gratification urges here for comfort got the best of me . In seconds the dress and stockings were off and I was very happy in a old T shirt & pj bottoms . When I went to get beer from the 'fridge saw Diane had sent a huge amount of food home with Karin . There was a colossal antipasto salad ( which in hilbilly is antee paysto salad or as I wud have said at 13 " dot dare antee paysto sald ") frozen garlic bread that must have 100,00 calories per slice,and this green meat lasagna which I've hda before and is delicious .Good for ' ole Diane , she may be aperfectionist & want to see me fall off the planet and her eldest go back to men but she is a great cook and generous yesterday .

We had sex as soon as Karin woke up . Then after the noise Karin fixxed up the food. She says her mom was shocked she lost so much weight when sick and wants to fatten her up . Karin lost 10 pounds while I dropped 16 pounds. We laffed how we can pig out since we are so below our regular weight . Oink oink , we ate almost all the lasagna and almost 2 loafs of the fatter then fat garlic bread .The cats loved not just the meat from the lasagna but also the garlic bread . Real cosmopolitan gourmet varmints .

As we ate and drank watched tv . Sunday tv is boring now, before the'd be THE L-WORD & THE SOPRANOS along with in the golden old days SEX IN THE CITY .Now nothing special ,we tryed getting into THE TUDORS and JOHN ADAMS but couldn't .The TUDORS was depressing too with that prick Henry the 8th always chopping his wives heads off . Did se some spy movie/disaster movie called THE CASSANDRA CROSSING about a train where everyone has a deadly disease. Was funny seeing the cast.......... the always gorgeous Sophia Loren , the wizard from Harry Potter Richard Harris who we guess used to be a big movie star , along with Martin J Sheen ( he's so small, could have played the midget on FANTASY ISLAND , da plane , da plane ) , OJ Simpson ( as a priest and we both cheered when he got shot dead as I am sure many people do watching movies when he's killed ) and one of my favorite old movie stars Ava Gardner . Do love her for her beauty and attitude. AND since she was also bi or a pomosexual . Time didn't treat her so good though , read she as in her 50's when she made the movie but she looked so old and tired .Heavens forbid she reminded me of that vile creature auntie Margaret who is somewhere around 58 who still trys to look and act young . I guess time and the wild life catch up with everyone .But know it won't ever with me ................... I hope .................

But best of all after that finished was a Asian movie called 6IXTYNIN9 ( sounds like a user name here doesn't it ? ) which was a comedy about a woman who finds a fortune and is chased by gangsters. Real well made and kept us focused & shocked or laffing all during it . Also had sub-titles and even though they can be a pain to follow and I lose track of who said what whe more then one character is talking still makes me feel so smart watching them .As if I am someone sophisticated like like Vera or JinJin .

Today in a deliberately weathered red T shirt with the name of a never existed coffee on the front and green army pants ,white bikini briefs ,& brown clogs..

[Lena]

My goodness in the last 24 hours about 190 hits here and a huge almost 700 in the regular blog area......................

Thanx and as I say hope some Hollywod big shot is seeing the popularity and will use my posts in both sections as the a basis for a pomosexual/hillbilly version of SEINFELD or CURB YOUR ENTHUSIAM .Hey , when you think of it there are more women , bi/pomosexual people , & hillbillys out there then self obsessed almost insane jews from NYC so we deserve our own show too!! I'll get rich & the earth will get some fun entertainment .

Definitely want NEVE CAMPBELL or ALYSON HANNIGHAN to play me with either ANNE HATHAWAY or MISCHA BARTON as Karin . .ROSEANNE BARR and SEAN PENN as my folks with MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ or LINDSAY LOHAN as my best friend Leslie . Also GARY OLDHAM whose such a great actor and can be anything /anyone or that pervert PEE WEE HERMAN as cousin Gaylord , my lord Gaylord wud be fuming at the idea of PEE WEE as him . Also WHITNEY HOUSTON ( Mrs S. wud love that ! ) and JOHN AMOS from GOOD TIMES as the Simms the only decent people I grew up around .

Wud probably have to be on cable just like THE SOPRANOS ,SEX IN THE CITY , and THE L-WORD since it's all to wild for regular network tv .What with the sexcapades of myself and my friends .......... i***** & , sex for pay , seriel philandering .Also a tsunami of drug use and alcoholism , moi definitely has gone too far with dope in the past but also do think we Americans fool ourselves about drugs since we condemn them but love them at the time.And ofcourse the colorful characters I deal with between coming from a insane family { and I do mean (((INSANE )))) } , the slums , and working at a big hotel. Maybe foreign intellectuals wud see my life as some sort of analogy ( new word ) about America either as a sign of decay or of our simple mindedness while all the religious nuts here wud attack the show seeing any show as advocating things they say are evil .................like sexual freedom , fun ,and thinking for yourself

Had a great session yesterday with the analyst . Missed last wek since the earhquake knocked out the power in her building , Naomi said she's missed work in the past because of things being sick , her husband or kids being sick , a tornado , the snow ,and a car wreck but this was the first time she coudln't get in because of a earthquake . Even though there only foothills around here maybe next time it will be avalanche ?

Really was a great session when you see discover something good / make a break through .Someday will do a whole post about a life time of seeing counselors and therapists .Not to mention my two extended stays in psych wards and group therapy . Along with ofcourse the drugs they gave me and the other ones I bought on the street to deal with my issues. In another time am sure I wud have also had the electric or electro-shock therapy like I 've heard some of my older relatives had . , <Buzzz>


Mostly dealt with the aborted break-up and life after it . The big pillar of my life came close to ending which was dam scarey . I am not kidding but I wud rather be caught in another gunfight or see a stabbing , even get in a fight with someone again then ever go thru the trouble at home we just did .To help head that off from ever happening again no more drunken /doped up girls nites out when we agree to act crazy . It's all too f*cking dangerous for any couple gay or straight . Also more and more talking , everyone from Dr.Laura on the radio to Kinghelfer here says thats the key to successful realtionships .Also telling Karin how much I love her and more sex sex sex .......... And have to always be there for Karin during this lawsuit crap .

But was happy and proud to see how I dealt with this all alot better then past break-ups . As I have already written this was the first break -up crisis since I was a teen-ager when I DID NOT retreat into dope and sex . Was bad not eating or sleeping . But still did alot better then before with retreating into dope and sport fuucking which I admit was at first therapudic & fun but in the end think left me feeling hollower .Knew things wud be rough for awhile but soner or later I'd have to bounce back and saw myself as going abck to dating both women and men but definitely in no hurry to get serious for awhile .

Also spotted some day to day confidence . While thinking maybe Karin din't want me anymore and having more then a few panic attacks about that didn't feel like a total reject who couldn't do anything right in life . Knew I could do somethings right like bartend , be on time ,and have friends .What I call 'bolts of confidence " came to me when dealing with customers at the hotel along with even when I was working at Frieda';s coffee place there in the hilbilly chic outfit of the old white denim jacket and jean cut-offs with no shoes. Along with wanting something better in life and to learn more.

Hope no one died of me being so self congratulating , feeling good about msyelf is really something new for moi .Have to go with Karin to her shrink t . Really says something about how our employers treat us, she has almost unlimited psych care with her insurance from work while I get 50% up to meager $ 40 of co-pays . Lucky for me the place where I see a social worker charges on a sliding scale and they use my income tax form where I never declare cash tips .Naomi may not be Docobut she sure ha helped me thru alot like the curse of fatalism and also this latest crisis.

Warmer here today so in a lite grey T shirt , jeans , white socks,and old brown clogs .Work at the country club later so go from being so informal to looking cheery in there uniform of a Kelly green jumper dress, white blouse along with nude thigh tops and brown flats .

[Lena]

Already wednsday and the middle of the week for most , also the start of my 4 day work week at the hotel .

Finnally met my gf's shrink yesterday , a 50 something guy whose bald but has a beard . Also wears a sport coat and tie and hardly ever talks .He bent the rules to do some relationship counseling for us which basicallly had me listening to what Karin feels .I knew it all before and before though and got to ressnt the idea of a stranger being brought into our business. But then again he is Karin's Doc and has heard everything . Also will do about anything to stay together . Seemed to go allright though .

Dealt mainly with my paranoia about money which all goes back to growing up poor .Moi's worrying about money can really annoy Karin , it's also PO'd other lovers and friends too. Been this way since I was 21 and got the cold shower that unless I watch every penny will end up broke and doing without . Never want to go thru another winter like I did as a child and teen-ager not having heat most of the time since we couldn't afford the bill or having to go back to riding the few and far between buses if couldn't afford a car . Can get obsessive, alot of times worying about money is much like being anorexic about weight . But also must say my saving and investing in company stock and a money market fund a ex set up for me made a pretty big nest egg we used to help by the condo !!!

But it can really annoy Karin .It has others too,when I was with Marady she could get whiney or outright blow up about me being so cheap .One time she and I were in bed with this guy we'd met in the bar earlier that nite and they started laffing away right there at me about how despite all of us being full of lust and wanting to get to copulating I had still gone over the bill from this bar where we met him to make sure the servers addition was right and we weren't be overcharged . Too many of my friends it's a running joke also . With Karin it now seems to be more annoying since as I learned yesterday it reminds her of her mother's constant obsession with perfectionism and cleanliness.Things that really bothered Karin and she says were always a pain for her and the whole family to deal with .That hit pretty hard and I felt real dumb not having seen that before. I said more then a little embaressed I understood but then blurted out out how unlike her mom I do at least enjoy many things and don't sit around terrified about my worrys/obsessions . Karin laffed at that and agreed. The Doc looked real pleased with himself seeing that , after almost 20 years of seeing shrinks and counselors do think some think they have some magical power or are such geniuses they can get people to agree. It more or less came to the conclusion I won't always complain /worry out loud about spending money and when we have to go in on something together I won't whine about the price being too much .Karin looked very pleased at that . Will have to keep control of myself but as I said above will do anything to stay together .

After that went to the big mall that was suposed to revive downtown . Fat chance ! The mall is great but most of downtown is still dead .The mall too has it's troubles, you don't even have to watch the news to know there's a recession on since so many stores were having big sales and others had gone under .We also saw a gay guy named Morry we know whow as doing real good selling furniture but that changed .The store Morry was working at for years just went out of business and there he was walking around handing out resumes looking for work . We treated him to lunch , nice guy . Told us about a gay bar thats always looking for women to exotically dress up and come in for there weekly drag nite although neither of us could figure out why they wud want real women............. Later at the mall Karin bought some sheets and pillow cases which were on sale but we don't need. I could have argued but in keeping with the work we 'd done at the analysts just kept quiet and smiled ......................

Later worked at the country club . They were packed last nite to just like on sunday . You can always tell the difference betwen sundays and week days there. At the sunday bruch it's a big party since there all happy and laffing while during the week when the the men are working there quiet and I guess the right word wud be something like resigned or focused . Funny too seeing the kids in there private school uniforms too, for 10 and under most are playing with DS's or Gameboys while above 10 there all caught up with thee phones .Carlene say her daughter Rachel is coming home from school soon and she already set it up so Rachel will be working at he post office as a letter carrier this summer ( they pay great ) and also week-ends at the country club . Carlene and the bf are doing fine too.

Warm today but maybe rain by afternoon .Dykey today .... a white T shirt , mens jockey shorts , and tan army cami pants like they wear in the desert . At work in the penguin suit and orthies .