I look round the room with some satisfaction. The table, set for two, sparkles with china, cutlery and glassware. The napkins add a touch of colour, as does the small setting of flowers. Slow burning, very lightly scented candles, burning for over an hour now, provide a gentle light, along with the wall lights, that is low enough to flatter and quite enough to see food and drink. The settings, on adjacent corners of the table are friendly, non-confrontational, potentially intimate.
The food is prepared, Mozart plays quietly in the background. The house is clean – it sparkles too, as it should after the best cleaning it has had in months, every room is tidy, clean, sweet smelling. Clean towels in the loo, clean sheets on all beds, everything, just everything is ready. Except me. My mouth is dry, my heart is pounding, I feel slightly sick and shivery with anticipation, this for a dinner with a woman friend, well acquaintance, maybe that is it, I so want her to be my friend. This, the grey low necked blouse, over the newly bought red basque and matching
Thong, hold up
stockings, dark blue velvet skirt to the ground, little pumps to match the blouse and my necklace, nestling between my boobs to draw the eyes into the cleavage, was the fourth one I had tried on, the last, only because I ran out of time. My make-up is understated, as perfect as I can achieve, mostly visible around my eyes, designed to enhance. I am bathed and plucked and shaved and massaged to the nearest to perfection I can approach, more effort than I would put into a typical hot date.
What is about her, I asked myself, that makes me feel like this?
I had first met her, when in the local library, looking for a new book for my mother, a ‘good murder’, as she referred to them. I was vaguely scanning one of the half height shelves, when I heard her voice, low, cultured, perhaps slightly accented, murmuring to the librarian. Looking up, I saw a woman, about my own age or a little younger, heavy dark hair cascading down her back, contrasting with her casual bottle green top, worn with shorts, which displayed slim sun-kissed legs, and open sandals. Her face, a little large for the rest of her, was somewhere between plain and attractive, the mouth a little too large, the nose turned up at the end, eyebrows a little too heavy. Her eyes drew mine in that first glance, dark brown, her glance pellucid, penetrating, I thought, in that first moment, ‘here is a woman who could see deep into my soul’. A shiver ran through me, standing there, looking, staring! Blushing, I make myself look down and away, to concentrate on the books, so didn’t see her cross the room to the shelf where I was standing, didn’t see any more of her at all, until we both reached for the same book. When our hands touched, my skin felt hot, like I had a little fever, just in the hand that had touched hers. We glanced at each other, murmured apologies, turned away. A few moments later, as I moved aside to allow a woman with an oversized push-chair through, she stepped back from a pushy pensioner and our bottoms collided. ‘Oh! I am sorry’, she said with a laugh, ‘My first time in the library and I seem to be making a habit of bumping into you’. Her voice sent shivers through me, my head was spinning, ‘get a grip’, I thought to myself. ‘Are you new here, then?’, I asked, since she had given me the opening. She was new in the area, having moved in the previous week, to a new post, she was missing her family, no she had no friends in the area.
It was natural, then, that we went for coffee together, that coffee led to drinks, to a concert, to talks and Sunday afternoon walks. And, on these occasions, it was natural that she talked to me, less natural was the affect her voice had on my insides, natural that our hands would touch, less so the way my skin burned when they did, natural too, after the first two meetings to kiss, air-kiss from my side at first, but her lips burned my cheeks on the first occasion and after that, we had kissed, really kissed, cheeks on several occasions. So, tremulously, fearing rejection still, I invited her for a meal, just as we were parting after our last concert, music ghastly, company wonderful! Delight lit up her face, her smile transformed it from almost attractive to devastatingly beautiful, I was frozen staring and then, she kissed me, full on the lips, leaving lipstick smears and a delightful taste on my mouth and total confusion in my mind. I could see her now, hips gently swaying, as she walked away, turned and blew me another kiss, sending my, already racing heart, into the danger-zone.
I am still standing, contemplating the meetings, the feelings, my confusion, when the doorbell rings. I glance through the window, it’s her. I feel a flush race over my neck and cheeks, a start of cold sweat on my breasts, my blood pressure must be off the scale. I open the door, step back as she walks in, brushes a kiss of greeting on my lips, leaving me totally stunned and says, ‘Hi’. The sound sends more shivers down my spine, I smile gauchely.
End of part 1