Astrological experiment...

[none of the above]

It's not all slapped together this thread you know, I have a good old rummage about a few 'scopes and if I don't like them I wander off to some other way of getting some genuine and true divination... probably.

Tarot today then.

The Significator represents you and your current state of being.

The Hermit
The Hermit represents the quiet, solitary pursuit of inner knowledge. He is a seeker of deeper, truer understandings of all things.


The Crossing Card denotes that which opposes or influences you.

Six of Swords
The future looks brighter. Success will be known.


The Foundation card addresses the origin of your question.

The High Priestess Reversed
The Priestess reversed represents uncontrolled sensuality, conceit and a willingness to accept the superficial.


The Recent Past represents past events and concerns.

The Fool Reversed
This is the card of folly, indescretion and poor choices.


The Crown issues that are significant in the present or may come to pass in the future. This card foretells future events which you may or may not occur, depending upon how you respond to the present situation.

Four of Pentacles
Financial gain, success and worldly power seem assured, but lack any higher meaning.


The Future depicts that which lies ahead.

The Emperor
The qualities of The Emperor include the ability to lead and wield power. He is paternal and mentally quick as well.


Emotions card signifies the current state of your emotional self.

Three of Wands
Hope, strength and world power will be realized. Arrogance is your enemy. Partnerships may bring your hopes to a good end.


External Forces represents the influence of others in your life as well as trends in your relationships with others.

Two of Cups Reversed
Folly, misunderstanding and false love are possible.


Hopes and Desires stands for the hopes and desires you have for the outcome of your question.

Temperance
This card represents harmony, self control and synchronization with the world and others.


The Outcome the ultimate outcome your question. Remember the future is not predetermined. Interpret this card in the context of the entire reading and as an indicator of the path you are currently on, but not bound to. reading.

King of Swords
The ability to govern and give good advice. A powerful enemy and staunch friend. Strong, authorative and able to lead.

Well, I'm looking forward to the worldly power bit but I'm not sure about the rest...

[none of the above]

One of the odd ones today...

Taurus - Friday, November 19 2010

Taurus (April 21 - May 21) Affirmation for this week of HONESTY - I keep my thoughts, words and actions in perfect harmony, for being honest with people creates trust and integrity.

FRIDAY: Dress in yellow to access all the fiery energy in the heavens today. The Moon will enter your sign and encourage others to brag about you; keep in mind that even if the praise is justified, you should remain humble. Take care not to hurt loved ones' feelings with insensitive words or thoughtless gestures. Though your confidence continues to rise, you should hold back on an important decision until the middle of next week.

As always...


Whoa there, dress in yellow... bog off I'll be too bright.

Meh, I'm a tactless sod...



Middle of next week eh??

Oops, too late.

[none of the above]

Ahh, a new week already... and Cainer has foreseen this too. Amazing powers of deduction there.

Taurus, Sunday, 21 November 2010
Your Week Ahead: Love Focus: Is it possible to live forever? How do you know that for sure? What if some folk actually could exist for all eternity? They wouldn't go round telling other people! They'd pretend to be as normal as possible and, as they'd presumably have conquered the problem of looking ever older, we'd not be able to tell by looking at them. They'd just have to move to a new town every few years, so the neighbours didn't notice. They'd be pretty bored, though. To say nothing of lonely. Er... do you feel a little frustrated now because your love life isn't taking the ideal shape you'd like it to? Maybe you should be glad, not sad, about that.

Heh heh, I do indeed seem to have stayed looking the same age. I give up trying to convince some people how old I really am.

And I have moved a fair bit too...

Eh?? He was doing well until the end there.

[none of the above]

Heh heh, I've moved on to not serious ones now...

Taurus
20 April - 20 May
Tight-rope walking is an excellent way to lose a few pounds...from your intestine. Today will seem like a good day for disregarding advice concerning things that are generally considered to be bad for you.

Excellent.

[none of the above]

Smuggy smug Grant today...

Arguments will break out over an inheritance, refund, or insurance payment. You'll have to fight hard to get the money you are owed. In the meantime, you must find a way to cover your bills. Borrowing money from friends isn't an option. You can turn a profit from your creative wares. Selling artwork, baked goods, or handmade jewellery will turn a handsome profit and may even inspire you to launch a business. The best ideas come when your back is against the wall.

No-one owes me any money... well they probably do but I don't really care.

Selling art & food eh?? Crikey, I'll have to have a go at that, what a novel idea...

[none of the above]

Maybe old Smug Grant was a bit right for some of this sign with that last one...

Anyway, it's Cainer the madman today.

Taurus, Wednesday, 24 November 2010
Climbers who reach the top of Everest often return to tell their tales of adventure to the world. On one topic, though, they are all sworn to secrecy. No-one is allowed to mention the community of small black, blind furry animals who dwell at the summit. It would not do for the rest of us to learn that even the highest mountains really are molehills! Er... someone, somewhere in your life now, is telling tall tales. This is producing a problem of proportion and perspective. Don't believe everything that you are told.

Hmmm, really... that's no surprise.
Some wouldn't know truth if it kicked 'em several times firmly on the bottom whilst singing "Why do the nations so furiously rage together" from Handel's Messiah.

[none of the above]

Hmmm, I just copied this and I can't remember where from... I'm more interested in poking about in the kitchen getting some dinner arranged right now.

Taurus - Thursday, November 25 2010

Taurus (April 21 - May 21) Affirmation for this week of REVISIONS - I am open to change. As Spirit reveals the revisions I need to make, I can see the wisdom of aligning with the Universe in all things.
THURSDAY: You may get off to a late start today, but don’t panic: things will work out just fine. Loved ones may act a bit moody, but they’ll soon get into the holiday spirit when guests start to arrive. A watchful eye can prevent an accident before it happens, especially if you find yourself on the road. Dressing in earth tones will ground you and surround you with extra protection. Laughter is good for the soul; today's gatherings should be filled with plenty of humor under the joyful the Cancer Moon.

Woot, I shall align with the universe right now. Ummm, which way is that then?? It doesn't say... I am facing west instead.

Actually today has been extremely funny...

[none of the above]

Goodness me, I've been so remiss, I've left this since last Thursday. To make up for it here's Cainer for tomorrow.

Taurus, Monday, 29 November 2010
We don't know as much as we think we do. Sometimes this is a blessing and sometimes... well, right now you could do with more information. You are concerned about a seemingly impossible situation. It only seems impossible, though, because you are short of a few salient facts. Over the course of the coming week, you will acquire these and soon start to feel a lot better. Meanwhile, no matter how frustrated you feel, do your best not to allow resentment or worry to spoil your experience today.

Ummm, I can't think what info he's on about.

I can't say I feel any frustration, maybe I've got that to look forward to then.

[none of the above]

Ahh, it's Grantley Smug, we used to have an accountant at work called Grantley... he was crap as well...

TAURUS - April 21st - May 21st
If you don't treat your friends with courtesy and respect, they'll fall by the wayside. You have a tendency to take loved ones for granted. Once you secure a person's affection, you assume it's for life. Nothing could be further from the truth. Relationships are like plants; when you don't care for them, they wither and die. If a loan is causing problems between you and a friend, you need to talk about it. Don't ignore the elephant in the room.

No Smugface, if they wither it's because they're the sort of plant you buy from the shop that has a bloomin great flower on the label but turns out to be a weed.

And this is England, not sodding Africa... I'm hardly going to find an elephant wandering about in the living room.

Honestly, this is not a lot of help... the stars must be telling him porkies.

[none of the above]

Hurrah, it's Mystic Meeeeg...

Taurus, April 21 - May 21
Venus visits your relationships chart and, however long you have been together, you discover more about each other.
If there is a commitment question you want to ask, this could be the day to do it.
When a friend turns up looking different, a shared dream gets rolling.
Luck visits door 75.

Heh heh.

Steady on old girl.

When they turn up looking different I don't know who they are normally.

Bugger, so near yet so far.

[none of the above]

Ahh, back to senseless normality...

Taurus, Wednesday, 1 December 2010
Constructive dialogue takes place today. Information is exchanged. Inspiring ideas arise. Hope is perceived. Positive energy is released. Mercury forms a sextile to Venus, your ruler. Venus, meanwhile, has just entered your opposite sign, ruler of constructive relationships and long-lasting agreements. If you are not already feeling good about where you are, what you are a part of and where your future is likely to take you to, you will soon experience such positive feelings. Your outlook is bright for a fair while to come. 2011 is nearly here.

Blimey, I think he's been at the sherry...

Anyway, I'm glad he's mentioned 2011 is nearly here, I would have had no idea otherwise... it's a bloomin good job I'm checking all this.

[none of the above]

Something for December... don't think I won't be still bunging some old waffle here until January because this covers the rest of the year as I will be, I'm a stubborn sod.

Monthly Horoscope for December 2010


If you're looking for ways in which to build wealth, then take a second look at the expertise you've built up - (if you're old enough, specifically the credits you may have gained through the 80s). On Tuesday 14th, Mercury, Mars and Pluto - an extraordinarily powerful combination - could mark the start of ambitious new plans which would develop your career and income. This might also mark the start of an entirely fresh approach to credit management. The stage for this is set on Monday 6th when you may be advised to have more active involvement in tax and pension management. Sounds boring? Tune in - you may find that your inner financial advisor has talent you haven't really tapped. The period 12th to 20th might prove expensive (even a little higher than might be expected at this time of year). On 20th itself someone you really want to help might require assistance with a bill for expertise you can't provide but which they definitely need and which might help you long-term. Monday 27th could be your bargain shopping day - perhaps down to a strategy you determine the night before.

My inner financial advisor is Scrooge I believe, seems to do the job well...

Wahay, the 27th could be a good day for bargains eh?? Well bugger me, how fortunate is that... an unlucky sign would have that excellent shopping day on the 25th or something I expect.

[none of the above]

A little peek at Cainer's random thoughts...

Taurus, Friday, 3 December 2010
Animals can tell when other animals are afraid. Fear communicates itself clearly and easily because it is beneficial for all creatures to know, as quickly as possible, if there is something to be afraid of. You and I retain that primeval ability to transmit this basic emotion. That's all well and good, unless we are suffering from a false fear. That is why misplaced anxieties gather momentum so swiftly. A lot of people this weekend seem to be very concerned about a particular situation. That, though, is absolutely no reason to let it worry you.

Eh?

Thanks for nothing mad person... the only thing I worry about is why I read this expecting some monumental revelation that might mean more than bugger all.

[none of the above]

It's a Saturday, and good old Smug Grant is still working... what a plonker.

TAURUS - April 21st - May 21st
You'll need to put down what you are doing in order to assist someone else. You're growing tired of this helpless act. After all, it's not as if the person in question is without resources. A crush could be the reason you're always being called upon. That's the price you have to pay for being a sex symbol. Wait a few days before accepting a job offer or public relations assignment. There's more to this position than meets the eye.

Put down what I'm doing... OK. *puts down pen*

Eh... now what? I can't see any helpless people around right now, quite the opposite in fact.

Heh heh, sex symbol... well a girl's got to pass the time not cooking and painting somehow.

Job offer?? I have a job already, why do I need another one. At least I'm not having to do horoscopes on a Saturday. I'd have a day off if I were you Russell.

[none of the above]

Ahh, one can always rely on Cainer to give you a laugh on a Sunday... or any day in fact. And people think I talk bollox.
Well at least I do it on purpose, he's trying to be serious about this.

Taurus, Sunday, 5 December 2010
Your Week Ahead - Love Focus: Everything ought to be simple and straightforward. In one way, it is. In another, well, it seems as though someone is determined to complicate matters. Every time you say anything... you are met, not so much with opposition as with obfuscation. For a variety of reasons, you can't just ignore this and proceed. Nor, though, can you allow yourself to sink into a convoluted quagmire. The way to avoid this is to look for the hidden agenda. What really lies behind someone else's apprehension? What is their reticence all about? You need to identify some answers, if only to reassure yourself that it isn't personal!

Eh what?

If people want to act the t*** then they'll just get piled in with the rest of the bolloxless numpties.
Bothers me not, convoluted quagmires sound like hard work to me...