Astrological experiment...

[none of the above]

It's Mr Smug Grant today I think...

TAURUS - April 21st - May 21st
Having a belief system helps you cope with ethical questions. If you're faced with a choice between making money and doing the right thing, search your soul. Although it's tempting to take a job that involves taking advantage of vulnerable people, your conscience won't allow it. Taking a principled stance wins the admiration of a brilliant artist. Their approval will take the sting out of being unable to afford lavish merchandise. There are more important things in life than luxury.

Why is he always going on about getting a job?? Oi Grant, I've got a bloomin job... talk about something else FFS.

Oh, blimey... where's that brilliant artist then?

Heh heh. I bought some luxury bubble bath earlier... lavish or what.

[none of the above]

Back to nonsense. I don't come here to talk business.

Taurus - Tuesday, December 07 2010

Taurus (April 21 - May 21) Affirmation for this week of RESPONSIBILITY - I take responsibility for living authentically in the world. Practicing integrity and commitment bring me great personal fulfillment.
TUESDAY: Unconditional love will direct all your movements as you put aside your own interests to make sure others have what they need. Mars is moving into Capricorn, which makes this an ideal time to make a list of your priorities for the holidays. Awareness will be key when unexpected situations arise, so stay in the moment under the practical Capricorn Moon. Wear green to open others' minds and hearts so you can persuade them to see things your way.

Ah yes...

Woot, feel the lurve people... well, some of them anyway.


I was wearing green yesterday, oops.

[none of the above]

Heh heh, maybe people can masquerade as a different star sign... right, no longer am I a stubborn, scoffing & tactless Taurus, woot, I'm a-

*tries to think of a good sign*

Leo... that'll do as I have the hair for it. Also the sign my Dad is so it can't be bad. Hang on, Dad's a stubborn, food loving & tactless person...

Bugger... oh well, go for it Cainer.

Taurus, Wednesday, 8 December 2010
There are buttons on my mobile phone that I simply don't know how, why or when to push. There are things it is supposed to be able to do that I have yet to get the hang of... and things I never even knew it did that I'm still waiting to find out about. Don't you have a similar relationship with some piece of everyday technology in your world? What does that tell us both? We should be very careful about declaring anything to be 'impossible'. Soon you can discover an asset that you never even knew you had access to.

What that tells me is he's got the same phone as I have.

I shall endeavour to find this hidden asset instead of dicking about with my phone then, it may take a while...

[none of the above]

Oops, otherwise engaged yesterday with fun stuff... back to Mystic Meeeg.

Taurus, April 21 - May 21

Venus and Mars make a dream team helping you find supportive and exciting love.

Ideas you put together over the weekend could be more profitable than you expect.

When you watch a TV show and feel you could do better, it's time to apply as a contestant.

Luck visits door 79.

Always room for more I suppose.

I doubt it but I'm ever hopeful.

Actually I've been told to apply for some of those quiz show things... probably due to my lifelong habit of reading encyclopedia type books and having a memory like a machine when it suits.

FFS, everyone but me is getting these visits, it was number 75 last time.

[none of the above]

While I wait for dinner guest to get away from work... here's the wonders of December for Dogs. No mention of food, I must be part non-scoffer.

Sign of The Dog for December 2010 by Nathaniel

You will be surprised how much you enjoy the holiday season this year, as long as you enter its spirit and put relationship and work issues to one side. Dogs can be generous when it comes to gift giving, but they need to relax their financial watchfulness to truly make the most of it.

The Kindly Moon, 1st-5th, brings some financial luck, with a bonus payment, small win or extra income opportunities. Pay attention to your health and the needs of your children – listen! The 6th’s New White Moon will boost your vitality, pouring extra zest into your work, love, spiritual and creative lives. By the 9th you’ll feel as if the cosmic tides are flowing your way. Explore new possibilities and lay plans for next year.

Do you want to bring a loved one closer, study something new or expand your social horizons? 10th-21st, empowering Celestial energies will ensure you’ll be able to evolve your career or current romance. Before the month’s end, single Dogs will find they’ve attracted some welcome attention.

At the 21st’s Full White Moon, you’ll need to sort out diary muddles and double bookings. The festive week will involve travel, music, visits, outings and stimulating company – enjoy!

Heh heh... tightwad but generous.

Double bookings eh?

Travel, music, visits, outings and stimulating company... ace.

[none of the above]

Bugger me, lets have a look at some proper senseless waffle...
I can see now that this chap must write these himself as it's patently obvious that 99% of blokes immediately lose all semblance of a brain and their eyes take over doing the typing as soon as they sit near a PC.
It would be their bollox doing the typing but most seem to have forgotten what they are nowadays.

Taurus, Sunday, 12 December 2010
Your Week Ahead - Love Focus: Do pigs have wings? Life, these days, is full of things that make us all think twice. Developments we wouldn't expect. Discoveries that furrow our brows. In the run up from now to You-Know-Whatmas, must you spend your time digesting indigestible information or getting used to ideas that make no sense? To some extent, yes. But it's not such a bad thing to find yourself in a realm where ordinary logic no longer applies. It means you've entered a world where wonderful things can also happen for no apparent reason. Don't just look at what's baffling or exasperating you now, look at what has the potential to inspire you! And don't rule out a little holiday miracle.

Life is full of people that wish to fk you around usually...

Nope, I will spend my time until Christmas and beyond doing things that don't piss me off actually. Logic has no place in my life anyway.

I will be on a little holiday soon, the miracle will be if I arrive back here.

[none of the above]

A fine effort today from the "World's most smug" Grant...

TAURUS - April 21st - May 21st
Spending time with your friends helps put your life in proper perspective. You've always had a tendency to focus on material comforts and while luxury goes a long way towards soothing your nerves, it's not enough to make you happy. Reach out to a loved one who has always showed great sympathy for your artistic aspirations. Together, you can hit upon an idea for a painting, screenplay, or fashion line. Don't let your inner critic dampen your enthusiasm.

Spending time with my mates shows me how stress free my life is indeed.

Heh heh, sympathy?? Yeah, that's pretty normal though.

My inner critic is crap luckily.

[none of the above]

Oh yeah, I think I've found someone madder than Cainer... amazing.

Horoscope for Taurus

Today's chart has you in a very strong & positive position... It's when you'll shine the brightest in the eyes of others... Everything has a way of going your way too... But care is needed because you could be getting too far ahead of yourself & trying to make things happen "before their time"... The chart indicates significant financial gains, but it's still a matter of allowing time to catch up to you... Patience is needed... (arrggg)... hehehe... Whatever, that's what it says!!

Eh??

[none of the above]

She's still going, must have been born under the sign of the tortoise that Mystic Meg.

Taurus, April 21 - May 21

The moon goes into the hidden part of your chart giving you an attractive air of mystery that spices up your love life.

You have a way of making people feel valued and this is good for working relationships and when a family gets together.

Sudden luck is highlighting door 126.

Woot, I'm mysterious. Actually that gets right on my tits, mysterious is not what I like.

Hmmm... that'll do I guess.

Eh? that would be that invisible house in the middle of a field then.

[none of the above]

Cainer the strange...

Taurus, Thursday, 16 December 2010
You can't automatically assume that something is right, just because it is easy. Some things feel okay, look all right, seem to have a natural rhythm and a flow of their own. It's only after a while that we realise how, for all their convenience, expediency and apparent simplicity, they have created complications or led to unwanted side effects. Then again, nor can we infer that difficult situations are more desirable. Go with what's happening naturally now, just as long as you've checked for flaws, drawbacks and moral grey areas.

No, easy means it's going well... and that's all right by me.

Moral grey areas?? Not bloomin likely.

[none of the above]

Fk me, reading the horoscopes for entertainment... I'll really miss all this excitement.

Back to Cainer I think...

Taurus, Friday, 17 December 2010
Santa has turned up early. There doesn't appear to be anything yet at the foot of your chimney, but you can see evidence of his visit right outside your front door. Be careful. Don't step in that pile of reindeer... Uh oh! It's too late isn't it? Or rather, it feels to you as if you just can't shake yourself free from something unpleasant that has made its way into your world against your wishes. Yet, this weekend, you will find a way to rid yourself of a nuisance and to embrace a solution that really does start to make you feel a lot more festive.

Santa has done a crap outside my front door?? I'm so lucky.

Oh yeah, I can rid myself of nuisances just fine... makes life a whole lot easier, and not just for Christmas either.

[none of the above]

Not really paying attention but hey ho, it's Smug Grant.

TAURUS - April 21st - May 21st
Resist the urge to put a friend on a pedestal. Although your loved ones are very dear to you, they're also incredibly flawed. Someone who had the chance to share their good fortune with you took the selfish route instead. Try not to dwell on your disappointment. In the future, you'll know what to do when you have additional resources. Channel your generosity towards those who are worthy of it. Certain people just don't have the capacity to share.

He's actually got one right...

[none of the above]

Ahh, it's the Sunday Cainer... always good for a chuckle.

Taurus, Sunday, 19 December 2010
Your Week Ahead - Love Focus: You might fall in love. You might find someone falls in love with you. You might make a new friend. You might make a bit of money. You might find a way to spend money well on a genuine bargain. You might get creative. You might dream up an inspiring idea. Or finally see how to proceed with a difficult problem. You might not, of course, do any of this. You might just eat, drink and do your best to be merry at this mad time of year. But if you find yourself in any situation thinking 'there can be no positive change here..' think again. Your heart can find a way, regardless of what your head has to say.

Thanks for that... I might not take any notice of it though.

Except for the last bit.

[none of the above]

It's the other weird one...

Horoscope for Taurus

A strong dose of logic will be added to anything you try to figure out, which has it's benefits and drawbacks. This will make you much quicker in making connections between concepts, improving your thinking process greatly. But this will only apply to tangible situations that you could potentially experience. You'll struggle in areas that don't have definitive, provable solutions (like regarding religion). You might try to define things that really can only serve to exist in some state of mystery.

Indeed. Ummmm.

I need a strong dose of something to understand that...

[none of the above]

The king of weird... Jonathan "I'm very weird" Cainer says today...

Taurus, Thursday, 23 December 2010
You've got a gift. You're good at something that nobody else is quite as good at. You've got experience that seems ordinary to you but is admired and envied by others. You've got a unique style and charm that's all your own. You've got every opportunity to improve your life and maximise your future potential. You've also, admittedly, got a few issues to deal with. But, hey... you can take them in your stride. Give yourself something you sorely need and deserve this Christmas. A little more confidence and self-respect!

Indeed, I often get people asking me, "Hey, I wish I was as tactless as you are, I'm jealous!" Ahh, it's a gift all right.

Yeah, after the sort of life I've had I could take just about anything in my stride, I find it comes in handy sometimes. It leaves you with the opinion that nothing could be worse so it must only get better... whoopie F****** do.