Can't come with new boyfriend.

[Simba]

I'm 32 left my husband i was with for14 yrs and have been seeing someone new for 5 mnths. He's great, I'm really happy with him after being in a verbally abusive marriage for years. We're talking about moving in together this year. Sex is great, I like it a bit dirty Inc anal haha but got a massive problem - I can't come through oral or hand stimulation from him let alone through intercourse. He tries his best, I'm enjoying it, it doesn't happen, then I just get frustrated and say 'just F*** me', he throws me around the room, that's all good, he comes, but I'm left frustrated, I think well how would he like it if I'd given him a blow job, then had sex for about 20/30 mins, I come then i just stops.

I don't have any problem with this on my own, I can come easily and even do in my sleep sometimes, so I'm pretty sure the issue is mental? I feel a bit shy being totally exposed down there unless I'm pissed. I can't relax. We spoke about it once or twice briefly but I don't know how to bring it up now. It's really getting me down. I think I'm anxious lying there in bed thinking that i can't and he said he feels like he's letting me


down.
How do i get over this? You're all going to say 'just talk about it' but I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY now as it's a sensitive subject, and it hasnt been brought up since. I don't want him thinking he's crap in bed and it's his fault cos I think it's me.

Thing is, the more I worry about it, the less likely it's going to happen ...I feel both mentally and sexually frustrated and will start to feel resentful soon I think as he's getting loads of bj's , anal, loads of sex in general as I'm always randy haha.

[Simba]

Any ideas why I can't let go with him? Thanks guys x

[martin57]

hello simba
i agree with you that it is mental
i would suggest that after a bit of foreplay with your man that you take over and masturbate to orgasm while he watches and holds you
if this is successful them you could gradually let him participate more and more until he can give you an orgasm
i feel that once you get over having your first orgasm with him that they will then flow freely
even consider doing it in the dark the first time and a couple of drinks may help
hope this helps would like to know how you get on

[pamella]

ive had this problem before and i didnt resolve it with the guy concerned, funnily enough w my next bf there were no problems.....sometimes the 'fit' just isnt right between people hey?