Noiresque wrote:I have been with my husband for 9 yrs - married for 6.5 - and our sex life has gone completely downhill. I always knew that I had a slightly higher sex drive than him, but it was never a big deal. And there were times when he was depressed - deth of a grandparent - when we went months without, but I was patient becos I knew that it was hard for him. But now it has been to long and I can see no reason for it. I have tried to initiate sex, but it is so humiliating to be turned down by my own husband that I have stopped. I love him and I know he loves me, I just wonder if he is still IN love with me.
Lately I have started noticing other men (one in particular) and wondering if I should have an affair. I am certain he is not cheating, but we are in our early 30s and surely there should be more to life than this. I have tried to talk about this with him, but he says that only makes him feel under more pressure. I don't want to hurt him or leave him, but I feel so trapped and miserable.
I don't want sympathy or just to rant. I need suggestions and advice please.
Try to have him get help, approach it as both of you going for help. You wouldn't want him to abandon you if the situation was reversed. Try every approach you can think of to get him help, and seek professional help to accomplish that.
If after all efforts and time has failed, you may then have to thing about alternatives. But be careful about the affair idea, they usually result in pain and hurt for almost everyone involved. While you are considering it to fill a need, affairs are built on dishonesty, unfaithfulness, and hiding, making them to hard to continue and impossible to avoid pain to anyone near it.
Don't throw 9 years away without giving it everything you have first.