Why do people have affairs?

[Miss_GVS_1983]

I am on another forum where there are women who are shamelessly announcing that they are having affairs and then ask the stupid question about what they should do. I saw in a newspaper that it is women who are more likely to have an affair than a man.

I understand that it can be exciting, however, I firmly believe if you are not happy you should just call it a day on the relationship.

Whar are your views?

[billy27uk]

A lot of people have affairs because the spark has gone from their marriage or relationship. They dont want to leave their partner just want the fun. It sounds bizarre but a lot of people who cheat do actually love their partner.

I have been involved in two affairs with married women. Both of the women were in their 40's and had been married for a long time. It was almost like they had been at home as housewives and now that the kids had left home they wanted to have the fun they could have when they were younger. Neither of them were going to leave their husbands and it wasn't a love thing. It was pure raw sex. Husbands away with work or working long hours, not paying attention to the wife etc.

Its a long time in life when married to stay true to one person. I think its why people swing or have threesomes. You can still have sex with others while it not being an affair.

I knew my ex was having an affair when I started to work overseas. It stopped when we started to have foursomes and swinging.

[bobeee1]

Most affairs are harmless to a marriage if all parties are discrete

[Sue@theU]

A lot of people have affairs because the spark has gone from their marriage or relationship. They dont want to leave their partner just want the fun. It sounds bizarre but a lot of people who cheat do actually love their partner.

I have been involved in two affairs with married women. Both of the women were in their 40's and had been married for a long time. It was almost like they had been at home as housewives and now that the kids had left home they wanted to have the fun they could have when they were younger. Neither of them were going to leave their husbands and it wasn't a love thing. It was pure raw sex. Husbands away with work or working long hours, not paying attention to the wife etc.

Its a long time in life when married to stay true to one person. I think its why people swing or have threesomes. You can still have sex with others while it not being an affair.

I knew my ex was having an affair when I started to work overseas. It stopped when we started to have foursomes and swinging.

But she is now your "ex" so maybe the affairs were more than her just needing sex while you were away?

[James the Rocket]

Very sharp. That's a good point!

This is an issue I've been worried about. I'm currently single but in an internet courtship with a girl who is quite liberal (but portrays herself as not so) and while nothing may come of it - if we do get together and form a couple, then down the road I may face this problem.

Really I think we are not supposed to be monogamous, but on the other hand while a girl may love her man, if she goes with another man then she will be looking forward to the times with him, her lover (I hate that word to describe a sexual partner outside a r'ship; it's inappropriate) instead of her husband/boyfriend.. and so the r'ship has to suffer even more.

It's a real problem in life. Men can be pigs (and women can 'let themselves go' causing men to stray) but the tone of this thread is simply a bored wife... yes it is hard to keep things exciting with the same partner.

I think it is correct that women are more likely to cheat than men. A male outsider is more likely to play ball in keeping an affair secret form the husband/bf (making it even more exciting); a female outsider may demand to replace the wife/gf, or in fact may not know about the wife/gf.

[Verve]

It's very hard to end a relationship when/if there are decades of history involved. A person can love someone and find fulfillment else where if an emotion or connection is missing. Even though this person is cheating they do strongly love their partner and will not abandon.

Example... I've been trying to get my mum to leave my dad for 21 years now. I haven't been successful. This damn teenage love they have for each other keeps getting in way. They have a history. He's cheated many times.. has an outside child and yet she holds to her vows. Good times and in Bad... I've actually learned from her what forgiveness means and what truly loving someone is despite their faults. It's just not that easy sometimes.

[chevyrecycler34]

1st question to "OP", what site ? lol
second , and on a serious note, "grass may be/is greener" comes to mind but it doesnt always work out that way.
ok if your of a nomadic kinda nature and dont have hang ups about moving on when a relationship breaks down.

[BinoKev]

It's simple. Women do it because they like when a man makes them feel sexy and men do it because more often than not they think with their dick.

[SmilinAtU]

It's simple. Women do it because they like when a man makes them feel sexy and men do it because more often than not they think with their dick.

Interesting. I need to think about this for a bit, but a question comes to mind: if they end up in the same place (having an affair) is there any real difference in those motivations?

By the way, are you KevSom?

[GwK]

Whar are your views?

People have affairs because the affair satisfies something. They get something out of it.

Why don't they just leave the relationship? I am sure that there are many reasons including comfort, safety, fear of unknown, fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, dependance, reputation, other's expectations, feeling like they can get best of both worlds in getting what ever from relationship and what ever from affair, just going with the flow.. many more...

[BinoKev]

It's simple. Women do it because they like when a man makes them feel sexy and men do it because more often than not they think with their dick.

Interesting. I need to think about this for a bit, but a question comes to mind: if they end up in the same place (having an affair) is there any real difference in those motivations?

By the way, are you KevSom?

Yes I am. That should be obvious by my post count

[KatieKnows]

Hi,

I have submitted a post about a new book written by this author guy called Troy Dale. It's called 'Shhh...Secrets of a love Rat, Why he cheats, How he Cheats' and I've heard it sums up the topic well. I'm not going to go on about it anymore...read my post.

Will let you know what I think when I've read it.

Got to get back to work now!

Kaite

[haileymo]

When it all boils down, people who cheat are selfish... and the "spark" is a myth, even more so it "going out".
you make your own spark, if you've both stopped "up keeping" your relationship then bad stuff happens, anything left to itself deteriorates...

[becky1974]

I personally think people have affairs because they become bored. If it is the same routine every day, every week, every month, and you have kids, sometimes it is the feeling that you still want to think of yourself as sexy.

To my knowledge, my husband has never had an affair, and for that matter, neither have I, however, there are times you feel like you are in a rut. I am bi-sxual and an agreement with my husband I have is that I can have sex with women. This has also lead to having sex with another man, but to the defense of this, my husband and I have had threesomes with a female friend of mine and I have returned the favor with her and her husband. This isn't a common occurance, I have had sex with this other man 6 or 7 times over the last 2+ years, so it isn't all that common. While I would say my husband an I have a normal sex life (we probably have sex 7-10 times a month) I equally have sex with my female lover also about the same amount. This keeps it fresh and exciting.

[doitallday]

Because like our society, faith, honor, self respect means very little. Its easier to feel that instant gratification from flirting and a new relationship rather than working on your marriage. People today have been conditioned to think short term and promises are made to be broken.