Bf, Parents ... Please Help?!

[Lady-L]

Ok, long story short...

Me and boyfriend been together 4 years now (started dating when we were 16, im now 20, and he's 21)

We've had our ups and downs along the way and it got really bad in Nov and i ended up having a one night stand (which he didnt no about)...anyway it got worse (due to the fact i was racked with guilt) and we decided to go on a 6 week break then go away and see what we want and start a clean slate....because of this I told him bout me cheating and after much talking and discussing we decided to give it another go but pretend we're still on a break so my parents dont know so we could fix ourselves out of the limelight....as my mum...well...she likes him indeed but she thinks he's to immature for me and i could do so much better and shes watching me going down the same path as she did...and doesnt want life to be drained out of me.

The 6 weeks is coming to an end and we're going to brighton for the weekend next week, and we've been getting on so well, strong and so much more chilled and happier again, and we havent been like this for ages....but....im just so worried about what my mum is going to say and the people within my life...but i know he's changed recently....do you think it selfish for me to ask him to apologize for the upset hes caused my family in the past?

Im just in such a bad mood because I dont know what shes going to say or expect and everyone else, i just want everyone to like him properly and except us.

Any advice would be great....if not....at least iv got it off my chest for now.... thanks

[SmilinAtU]

Ok, long story short...

Me and boyfriend been together 4 years now (started dating when we were 16, im now 20, and he's 21)

We've had our ups and downs along the way and it got really bad in Nov and i ended up having a one night stand (which he didnt no about)...anyway it got worse (due to the fact i was racked with guilt) and we decided to go on a 6 week break then go away and see what we want and start a clean slate....because of this I told him bout me cheating and after much talking and discussing we decided to give it another go but pretend we're still on a break so my parents dont know so we could fix ourselves out of the limelight....as my mum...well...she likes him indeed but she thinks he's to immature for me and i could do so much better and shes watching me going down the same path as she did...and doesnt want life to be drained out of me.

The 6 weeks is coming to an end and we're going to brighton for the weekend next week, and we've been getting on so well, strong and so much more chilled and happier again, and we havent been like this for ages....but....im just so worried about what my mum is going to say and the people within my life...but i know he's changed recently....do you think it selfish for me to ask him to apologize for the upset hes caused my family in the past?

Im just in such a bad mood because I dont know what shes going to say or expect and everyone else, i just want everyone to like him properly and except us.

Any advice would be great....if not....at least iv got it off my chest for now.... thanks

I'm not sure selfish is the word I would choose, but I certainly think it would be a mistake. My suggestion would be that you do nothing until someone says something judgmental, then confront that person, not your boyfriend. If you feel you must do something to stave off the pain you feel when your family judges him, you should tell them that he has changed and tell them you are sure they will give him a second chance. Don't ask them to, tell them to.

[Lady-L]

I just hate this pressured feeling of what everyone else thinks!

[ps_abbrev]

Firstly - are you asking him to apologise because;

a.) You think he really has something to apologise for, or
b.) You think it would improve his standing in your parents' eyes (showing maturity, etc)

I don't really see (from what you've told us so far) why he needs to apologise.

You cheated on him and your relationship struggled (as a result of your guilt). Why is he the villain in this? Is there something I've missed, or is there a piece to the story that you haven't published yet?

[bijinfinder]

What does your family have to do with any of this? This is about you and him, not your family. If you allow your family to make decisions for you and your love life, you may be the immature one. You are a big girl now, take charge. If your family doesn't like it, that is tough! Any man would resent having the his mate's family make decisions for them, as would you if it was turned around.

Good luck!

[Goodboy]

From what you stated above, i have not seen anything that should make him apologize to your parent.
Marriage is personal issue! you are the one going to live with him and not your parent. You have been with him for 4yrs now, you should have been able to know much about him. Everything is left in your hand to decide . As for me, as long as the boy's character is good, you should go on with him. Four years relationship is four day of it.Note, you should be the one to convince your parent.

[gillianlikes3]

leave him. You cant marry him with this sort of in laws, it would be a complete nightmare.

[Lady-L]

He did apologise to my parents and yes he needed to. Over the past 4yrs he has upset my parents over and over again, being rude, childish, talking to me in a horrid way and they have bitten thier tongues, so yes he needed to apologise and he did.

Things have got worse now though...he doesnt really have many friends and speaks to my best friend bout our troubles, it all blew up and he made me and my best friend fall out big time...well mum bit his head off and now hes banned from the house.

We're still together but things are hard and things are constantly up down and all around with us. Time to get thinking cap on!

Thanks for all the advice by the way