Hi, this is my first ever post but I'm really lost and not sure what to do...
I'm 34 and my girlfriend is 25, and we've been together for just under 3 years. We bought a flat and have been living together for just over a year.
Until 5 weeks ago, she was pushing hard for marriage, a new house and babies, which I too was keen for. We seemed very happy. Suddenly, she then completely changed her mind 180 degrees and we're now trying to work through a very rough patch. She's unsure if she wants all that anymore and even if I'm the right guy for her.
Last night she finally told me the main reason for her doubts. We get on very well, have fun, laugh together, and generally have a great time. But recently, she's worried that we're just like house-buddies rather than partners, and that she's lost all sex-drive for me.
Sex in the 1st year was great (isn't it always?!), and was still ok up until 5 weeks ago. She had just gone back on a brand new pill called Ceragette which seemed to kill all her energy and life and zest. I appealed to her to change it and she's gone back on her old pill (Yasmin) as of a week ago. I can't help but wonder if that pill really caused a lot of the anxiety which prompted her getting cold feet about settling down - but as a man I can't really appreciate what hormone changes are capable of, so I'm in the dark here. Plus, it seems foolish to blame everything purely on just one thing.
We've booked time off together, and it's been great, but no sex at all. I tickle her back, give her massages etc. and I have told her to relax - I'm not after sex and I'm prepared to wait until she feels more comfortable about things. She said to me "give it time and wait until I come to you".
The thing is, I'm so worried that she won't come to me at all.
But what else can I do? Do I continue to be 'intimate' with the back rubs etc. or do Ieave her alone completely? She loves the attention, but it doesn't go any further than that. Part of me thinks it's important to preseve some level of intimacy, but I really don't know how to handle it. Maybe i should just cut out all physical contact and wait..?
I'm in good shape, I'm very considerate (sometimes I've been accused of being too 'nice'!), and it's hard when I'm happy to do WHATEVER she wants in bed for her own pleasure, but I'm just not being desired right now. I keep thinking "what's wrong with me? Am I not attractive to her any more? What can I do to make her feel sexy again?"
She also said that as it's really hard for her to climax then she almost feels like sex isn't worth the effort - hard words for me to hear! This was an issue for us when we first got together, as I love putting the girl's needs first before I get my fun. Once I accepted that it's only sometimes that she can come, then it was fine.
She isn't seeing anyone else, and she openly admitted she's not masturbating with her toys or on her own when I'm not there - she's just not sexual at the moment. Is there a good way of approaching this? I have prepped a short email telling her not to worry, let's give this some time etc. but would that only add more emphasis and pressure on the intimacy and sex side of things?
What can I do? It's breaking my heart, and I can see a break-up on the horizon...It feels so awful. Female advice in particular is usually invaluable at this point where things like mood changes and the pill are concerned. I can't second guess any more - I just want to have a plan of how to act and behave over the next weeks to hopefully let her sex-drive return. Is it possible that the Ceragette pill (which I learned was well-know for killing sex-drive) is somehow still working itself out of her system? I have no idea.
Thanks for reading, I really, REALLY appreciate your time and advice!