feel so guilty :(

[alpa]

So you're spineless?

Call it what you want. I consider myself savvy, successful and I'm having fun with it.

Having fun with hurting people. Yeah, spineless. It's the women like you who put the others down.

I think you're being a bit too harsh dear.

You can't really control the fact that you aren't in love with someone and if you aren't in love with someone than it's really unhealthy, for both people, to maintain a relationship with that person.

I think she could of worded it better, but there isn't any real maliciousness in what she said. It's better to move on, find a new man and see if that relationship works out.

I think that's all any of us can do in the end until we find that person you want to stay with forever.

It doesn't look like love, it looks more like lust to me, at the expense of love. She should have broken it off with him instead of hurting him. The new relationship sounds like it is based on sex.

The ex is probably right now not going to trust a woman for a long time, and that will kill his confidence. I've already seen something like this where the ex actually committed suicide.

[sofiadagostino]

It doesn't look like love, it looks more like lust to me, at the expense of love. She should have broken it off with him instead of hurting him. The new relationship sounds like it is based on sex.

The ex is probably right now not going to trust a woman for a long time, and that will kill his confidence. I've already seen something like this where the ex actually committed suicide.

A lot of people have relationships based on sexual attraction alone. When I left my boyfriend of 2 years I had a few like that, it's not always the case that someone is looking for anything meaningful, sometimes just want some company, there isn't really anything wrong with that.

I'm not saying how she acted was right, not at all, but it's pretty clear from her post that there relationship wasn't going to work out and you can't really stay with someone just because of how they might react to a break-up that's one example of how those extremely unhealthy, abusive relationships start.

So I agree that she's acted really badly and definitely needs to apologise to her ex (not that that will do anything, but she needs to do that anyway) but I still think you were being harsh, she's clearly feeling guilty about it and regrets what happened.

[LightRibena]

So I agree that she's acted really badly and definitely needs to apologise to her ex (not that that will do anything, but she needs to do that anyway) but I still think you were being harsh, she's clearly feeling guilty about it and regrets what happened.

But not guilty enough to return at least some of the money he spent on her trying to keep her happy, whilst all the time she was sleeping with some other guy in their bed.

Sure, she needed to leave that relationship, it was bound to end. Unfortunately she chose to do it in an extremely shallow and selfish manner. Alpa has a good point, women like her give other women a bad rep.

[sofiadagostino]

So I agree that she's acted really badly and definitely needs to apologise to her ex (not that that will do anything, but she needs to do that anyway) but I still think you were being harsh, she's clearly feeling guilty about it and regrets what happened.

But not guilty enough to return at least some of the money he spent on her trying to keep her happy, whilst all the time she was sleeping with some other guy in their bed.

Sure, she needed to leave that relationship, it was bound to end. Unfortunately she chose to do it in an extremely shallow and selfish manner. Alpa has a good point, women like her give other women a bad rep.

I think it's gone way past "return some money" right now, it wouldn't do anything, could even make the guy feel worse.

Like I said I'm not agreeing with anything she did, but I'm guessing the OP is quite young (although I'm 17 myself, I don't see myself doing things like sleeping with someone in my boyfriends bed, which is a pretty nasty thing) it could explain some of her actions, still I think everyone deserves a second chance and not to be judged too harshly.

Everyone's done something they aren't proud of.

[desota]

[myoot]

If you're interested in personal growth and the ability to actually move on in a meaningful way, seek professional counseling. I find it interesting how so many people post stories of outrageous behavior in an apparent effort to acquire validation for said outrageous behavior from people who they don't know and who only get a written "snapshot" of the events through the lens/view finder of the person who performed the outrageous behavior.
Based on what you wrote
1. Apparently, you were in an exclusive relationship with this "ex".
2. You were not satisfied with the relationship for whatever reason: i.e. his height, your appearance vis-a-vis his appearance, (people commenting on how "good you looked"), he doesn't have so many friends and you do...etc.
3. You have every right to
a. doubt your desire to be in or continue a relationship
b. not want to continue it w/ or w/o trying to fix it first
c. end the relationship any/no reason
d. However, you had an ethical obligation to let him know where he stood and not to cheat.
4. You were happy to accept all the nice material things that he was ready willing and able to provide you.
5. It seemed easier for you to take the risk of getting caught, in fact it seemed to me you wanted to be caught, rather than level with this guy.
6. It seemed to me that you were playing both ends against the middle. You didn't want to give up the good thing you had w/ your "ex", you didn't have the courage, ability &/or desire to talk frankly with him about your issues and you wanted whatever excitement/thrill/sex benefits you got from the new guy. (You BBD'ed your ex)

However, it appears as though you may have some form of conscience, otherwise I don't believe you'd seek validation for your actions via this pole taking and opinion seeing exercise in this public forum. I would suggest the following. You really need to examine yourself, your personal goals, and relationship goals. Otherwise you will likely repeat behaviors such as this and find yourself asking the same or similar questions continually throughout your life and just chalk it up to the justification of "oh I can't control how I feel and that's the way it is". That is somewhat correct. However, you can make an attempt to understand how and what you feel & think and learn to control your behavior. Don't seek advice on serious personal matter such as this in a forum such as this. Seek professional counseling. Don't beat yourself up for the mistake or for doing something wrong you regret. That is part of being a human-being. But, you should beat yourself up if you came to the realization that you made a mistake and/or did something wrong but did nothing to make amends, as in sincerely apologize to the person you've wronged (give it 3 attempts over time, if he doesn't accept, forget it and move on) and use it as motivation to better yourself.

[stephaniewoi]

Full blown counselling above....very good advice. Do remember though that relationships before marriage have no obligations with them, only the ones you choose to include based on your personal code of ethics. Learn by your mistakes so when you get married you have the skills to uphold the obligations which really do exist.

[jblacksox9]

So you're spineless?

Call it what you want. I consider myself savvy, successful and I'm having fun with it.

Having fun with hurting people. Yeah, spineless. It's the women like you who put the others down.

I think you're being a bit too harsh dear.

You can't really control the fact that you aren't in love with someone and if you aren't in love with someone than it's really unhealthy, for both people, to maintain a relationship with that person.

I think she could of worded it better, but there isn't any real maliciousness in what she said. It's better to move on, find a new man and see if that relationship works out.

I think that's all any of us can do in the end until we find that person you want to stay with forever.

Your response is just as despicable as the thread starter's actions. Yes she should feel guilty, you know why she feels guilty? Cuz she f*cked up plain and simple. I get it, things don't always work out in a relationship and you can become attracted to other people. But atleast have the decency to respect your partner and express what you're feeling and end things before you go F****** someone else.

[narremanurung]

So you're spineless?

Call it what you want. I consider myself savvy, successful and I'm having fun with it.

Having fun with hurting people. Yeah, spineless. It's the women like you who put the others down.

I think you're being a bit too harsh dear.

You can't really control the fact that you aren't in love with someone and if you aren't in love with someone than it's really unhealthy, for both people, to maintain a relationship with that person.

I think she could of worded it better, but there isn't any real maliciousness in what she said. It's better to move on, find a new man and see if that relationship works out.

I think that's all any of us can do in the end until we find that person you want to stay with forever.

Your response is just as despicable as the thread starter's actions. Yes she should feel guilty, you know why she feels guilty? Cuz she f*cked up plain and simple. I get it, things don't always work out in a relationship and you can become attracted to other people. But atleast have the decency to respect your partner and express what you're feeling and end things before you go F****** someone else.

else you're going to end up being a Bleet and f*** everyone you're attracted to.

[H. Franklin Layne]

Hey,

Looking for advice...

I recently split up with my boyfriend of 1 year and I’m feeling really guilty about it. 
Most of the reason I’m feeling guilty is because I dumped him for someone else. I absolutely fancy the pants off of this new guy and I think it’s the fact that I forgot about my ex so quickly because of him that I’m feeling so guilty. I just feel really sorry for my ex. But let me start at the beginning.
My ex was so cute and a total sweetheart. He was a true gentleman and never had a bad word to say to me. I could get away with quite a lot (and this is how the problems started I think) because he loved me so much. He had a decent paying job and would always buy me lots of things we girls love such as clothes, shoes, spa days, romantic meals, jewellery and the odd surprise here and there.
A couple of months ago it was my birthday and I had a night out arranged. All of my friends from Uni and a couple of friends from home (there was A LOT of us) went into town and obviously my ex came along as well. My ex doesn’t have many friends really and they were all busy this night so in a sense he came out with us alone. The days before he splashed out for me to get a spray tan, my nails done, my hair done and he also got me a really short sexy dress and a pair of skyscraper heels (I think these alone were around £300 ). Needless to say he got me some sexy underwear just to complete the package. He was so nice.
Anyway on the night out all of my mates were complimenting me ALL night on how beautiful I looked. I felt a little awkward at first, I’m already about 2-3 inches taller than my boyfriend but in these heels I absolutely TOWERED over him, and he was saying “oh I haven’t thought this through very well” haha! I kept leaning on his shoulder and patting him on top of the head to tease him . This is where it started I think. During the night out I was getting so much attention from men coming up to me or just staring at me that he was getting a little jealous and anxious.
I really loved him and I didn’t for one minute think that he would feel insecure over it all. He was never the insecure type but this night he was starting to be all narky and sarcastic with me and making out like I was loving the male attention. Well I was a bit but I wasn’t planning on acting on it or anything. It got to about 1 o clock and he was pestering me to come home because he was getting bored but I was having so much fun with my friends that I didn’t want to. It was my night and he was ruining it, and he was supposed to be my boyfriend.
A little later on I was in the smoking area with one of my friends and this absolutely gorgeous guy come up to me and started talking and flirting with me. He was like 6ft 4 so a lot taller than me even in my skyscraper heels, totally RIPPED, gorgeous face and smile and he was dressed so stylishly. He was just amazing. Obviously I was taken but I couldn’t help but flirt with him because he was so cheeky , teased me and was somehow charming at the same time. I had a great time with him and I noticed how flirty I was getting because I was playing with and tossing my hair around and touching his arm and I come over really giggly. He asked me to dance so I did, and believe me he could DANCE. After a few minutes I ended up grinding on him but at this point my boyfriend found me again and just came up to me and said “I’m going” with the most disgusted and angry look on his face. I didn’t go after him right away, I just danced with the guy for a bit and he ended up giving me his number. It felt good but I wasn’t planning on doing anything.

Over the next couple of days I managed to calm my boyfriend down and made a lot of excuses for why I was dancing with this guy. He was still really put out about it and he kept asking questions about the guy and who he was and how did I know him etc. I got really angry eventually because he wouldn’t shut up about it and then he ended up buying me more clothes just to say sorry. I accepted the clothes but I was still pissed at him.
I guess I knew it was over at this point but stupidly I didn’t officially end it with my ex. I rang the nightclub guy and we went on a couple of dates while my ex was on nights (guilt is swelling as I write this :’() and after like the third date he took me back to his house. He had a nice house, a nice BMW and everything he owned was kept all nice, neat and tidy. It was perfect. I just couldn’t keep my hands off of him and couldn’t stop kissing him. Needless to say he undressed me slowly and led me to his bedroom while I still had my heels and <A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/' target='_blank'>knickers</A> on (he’s too tall haha ) and DEAR GOD he was AMAZING in bed. He was so good at pleasuring me. He was passionate and kissed every inch of my body, all the way down even to my feet! He was amazing with his fingers and brought me to orgasm with his tongue. I orgasmed even before he got inside of me, he was so considerate and wanting to please me I was on cloud nine!
We had many wild nights like this. The sex was just amazing. He would whisper things in my ear, he knew when to be dominant and he knew when to be gentle. Honestly ladies my body would just shake when he made love to me and I just couldn’t help but scream and shout his name. The problem is I brought him back to our house (risky I know) one time because it was convenient and my ex caught us because he got a flyer from work. Basically my ex heard me screaming in pleasure and shouting this guys name at the top of my lungs and he I’m guessing he planned on bursting in on us and making an angry scene but when he opened the door (this was a horrible moment) he just broke down at the sight of us in the most intimate sex position I’ve experienced. My boyfriend ran of f without saying a word.
My ex never pleasured me like this and with him the sex was probably less than average. It must have been horrible for him and I feel so guilty. But this next part is worse. We heard the door slam and the nightclub guy just looked at me smirked and started running his hands over me and continued as if nothing happened. This made me so hot for him you WOULD NOT believe and I had an absolute EARTH SHATTERING orgasm afterwards.
I won’t go into more detail but let’s just say my ex has called me every name under the sun since and keeps texting me, phoning me and sending me messages from his Facebook and other people’s Facebook. I ended it with him after we got caught, needless to say.
Should I be feeling this guilty? I mean I’ve hurt him this deeply but is it ok for me to move on and enjoy my relationship with my new man.
Please help girls I feel so, so bad. 
Sorry it’s so long.

I hope you live in misery for the rest of your life. Your ex trusted you, treated you like a queen, and you cast him aside so you can spread your legs for the first t*** that happens along! Do you wear the sexy underwear for your new hump?

It's women like you that convince men there are no worthy women, and to be players. Good job! TRAMP!

[devena]

When we do any mistakes which is beyond the limit then it makes us feel guilty but against it we can recognise our mistakes and can avoid such things in future.

bridesmaid dress

[sofiadagostino]

Your response is just as despicable as the thread starter's actions. Yes she should feel guilty, you know why she feels guilty? Cuz she f*cked up plain and simple. I get it, things don't always work out in a relationship and you can become attracted to other people. But atleast have the decency to respect your partner and express what you're feeling and end things before you go F****** someone else.

I don't see how my response was "despicable" at all but ok...

[Venusian]

I'm not going to judge you, so let's make it short. On the one hand, you have to consider the reasons why you dumped him and that the new guy is worth it (hopefully). However, on the other hand, you should see the whole situation from the view of the other side. Imagine the whole story with you being dumped in the same way by the person you love. Then you may understand the feeling that your ex had. But that's his past now and it can't be changed in any kind of way. So, to get to your guilt, no matter how bad or good you feel, it won't affect it.

Now, you should focus on how to lose this feeling of guilt. You may talk to your ex, but this will most likely just be painful for him. I guess he would feel like being pitied. But maybe you should see and talk with him in an everyday way. Seeing how he is now, maybe he is very happy now. Guilt is a nasty thing, but it sometimes is a guide in name of the conscience. You could feel better if you see, that he moved on.
So, what could you do? I recommend you to busy yourself with something you like, then you can work off this negative emotions. Heads up. Whats done can't get undone, so focus on your future. He is most likely doing the same.

[H. Franklin Layne]

Your response is just as despicable as the thread starter's actions. Yes she should feel guilty, you know why she feels guilty? Cuz she f*cked up plain and simple. I get it, things don't always work out in a relationship and you can become attracted to other people. But atleast have the decency to respect your partner and express what you're feeling and end things before you go F****** someone else.

I don't see how my response was "despicable" at all but ok...

Pay it no mind, Sofia! Your post wasn't despicable. Sounds like someone had a bad experience himself, and is still carrying the baggage.

[jblacksox9]

Your response is just as despicable as the thread starter's actions. Yes she should feel guilty, you know why she feels guilty? Cuz she f*cked up plain and simple. I get it, things don't always work out in a relationship and you can become attracted to other people. But atleast have the decency to respect your partner and express what you're feeling and end things before you go F****** someone else.

I don't see how my response was "despicable" at all but ok...

Pay it no mind, Sofia! Your post wasn't despicable. Sounds like someone had a bad experience himself, and is still carrying the baggage.

She pretty much condoned the thread starter's actions. Any respectable person can see that. I've been f*cked over but never to the degree in which the topic of this thread is about. Sounds like you have the same mentality or lack of respect for other people, just like Sofía and the thread starter.