Raising boys

[cheatshot]

I would love to talk with you again when you got a 13 year old, a 7 year old and a 3 year old at the same time dear Because it's so easy to say all this stuff, but pretty hard to keep it up this way. But it's good you got such a great idea about how to raise your kids. Just hope it all works out that way. So Good Luck! And who know's, perhaps I am too sceptic.

When are you planning your first btw?

I realize the challenges and it will not go smoothly. It'll be a struggle several times and I will need to be strong to stick to my convictions.. I admit. The plan is to have three kids exactly two years apart each. We are completing our basement to add two new bedrooms and another bathroom.. so when that is finished and furnished, we'll get things going in the baby department... so soon.

[The Colonel]

How may children do you have cheatshot?

My lady and I currently have no children, however I am presently developing my basement to add two new bedrooms and a bathroom, and the current plan is to fill the house with three children. Rest assured, we have discussed exactly how our children will be raised. They will grow up to be responsible, mature, intelligent, and sensible adults.

Do tell. I'm interested.

(Father of 6 by the way)

- No internet in the house - ever (they can internet as per school course requirement - at school)
- No television in their bedrooms - ever (bedrooms are for sleep and study. TV is family time in the living room only)
- No cell phones - ever (kids become brainless and immature, texting, sexting - no cell phones period)
- No videogame systems - ever (further degresses kids' brains)
- Enforced curfews
- Straight, honest talk, promote honesty in its purest form
- Homework always comes first before anything else
- From early age, they will be avid readers - starting with one full novel per month, going up from there
- One sporting league of their choice (more than that interfers with other important development activities)
- Piano, violin, clarinet, other instruments - lessons and theory (again, one instrument of their choice - no drums)
- Help them to recognize immaturity vs. acceptable behavior by youths
- Teach them early on about the importance of money - management, saving, dirty retail tricks
--> Interest rates, credit cards, the importance of paying the full amount on time vs. the minimum - everything
- Several family vacations during their upbringing - but not what simple-minded families do - just going to a beach and mindlessly laying on the sand for example. Vacations will be to several countries with the interest of learning their cultures, their way of life, their history, everything. Everyday will be one tour and attraction after another.
- Punishment for wrongful action will never be physical - save that for the cavemen of society
---> Consequences will be a main part of discipline - in the form of privileges removed, etc

There so much more to list but you get the idea. The overall goal is to have them, once adults, to be better people than what you see in today's ridiculous society. They will be well-rounded, highly educated and intelligent adults.

You are being far too restrictive.

You will damage your children by being that dictatorial, and you will also have extremely rebellious teenagers.

You'll also make them social outcasts.

You should reconsider a great number of those points above.

While some children have over excess, you'll give them under excess, and that's every bit as bad.

Moderation is the key - not over tolerance - not dictatorship. I don't see moderation in your approach at all.

I see what you are getting at, but you are very wrong in approach, and you must reconsider.

I will explain further in an additional post.

[The Colonel]

How may children do you have cheatshot?

My lady and I currently have no children, however I am presently developing my basement to add two new bedrooms and a bathroom, and the current plan is to fill the house with three children. Rest assured, we have discussed exactly how our children will be raised. They will grow up to be responsible, mature, intelligent, and sensible adults.

Do tell. I'm interested.

(Father of 6 by the way)

- No internet in the house - ever (they can internet as per school course requirement - at school)

That is ridiculous and unnecessary. Moderation and regulation is important.

- No television in their bedrooms - ever (bedrooms are for sleep and study. TV is family time in the living room only)

For younger children, yes, older children, within moderation, is not a problem.

- No cell phones - ever (kids become brainless and immature, texting, sexting - no cell phones period)

There is no problem in children having mobile phones. Once again, moderation and regulation.

- No videogame systems - ever (further degresses kids' brains)

Moderation and regulation again . . .

- Enforced curfews

Not a problem, provided they are not too harsh or too tolerant.

- Straight, honest talk, promote honesty in its purest form

Totally fair.

- Homework always comes first before anything else

Again, fair.

- From early age, they will be avid readers - starting with one full novel per month, going up from there

Reading should be encouraged from a young age, but you would be guilty of pushing them too hard with that.

- One sporting league of their choice (more than that interfers with other important development activities)

And what if the child doesn't like sports? Not all children are sporty. Some resent being forced to do things they are uncomfortable with. This is completely unnecessary. They can be given the OPTION, and the option to drop it, but to REQUIRE it -- is wrong.

- Piano, violin, clarinet, other instruments - lessons and theory (again, one instrument of their choice - no drums)

Once again this is unnecessary. No problem as an option, but as a requirement is wrong.

- Help them to recognize immaturity vs. acceptable behavior by youths

Fair enough, although this is a big vague, and sometimes comes down to personal opinion depending on what you are specifically referring towards.

- Teach them early on about the importance of money - management, saving, dirty retail tricks

Sensible.

--> Interest rates, credit cards, the importance of paying the full amount on time vs. the minimum - everything

I'll think you'll find it is better to discourage credit cards -- telling them they can have something without paying for it is not a good approach -- I do not have them and have taught against them. The approach to follow is this: work > money > buy. Not: get card > buy > put it on card > worry about it later.

- Several family vacations during their upbringing - but not what simple-minded families do - just going to a beach and mindlessly laying on the sand for example. Vacations will be to several countries with the interest of learning their cultures, their way of life, their history, everything. Everyday will be one tour and attraction after another.

There is nothing wrong with that, but some holidays should be about having a rest and laying on the aforementioned beach from time to time. I do not see any fun in the criteria you have written. That is a serious flaw.

- Punishment for wrongful action will never be physical - save that for the cavemen of society
---> Consequences will be a main part of discipline - in the form of privileges removed, etc

Physical punishment is sometimes justified, but rarely. It should always remain an option, as a last resort.

There so much more to list but you get the idea. The overall goal is to have them, once adults, to be better people than what you see in today's ridiculous society. They will be well-rounded, highly educated and intelligent adults.

I totally dispute the idea that they will become well-rounded in such an oppressive and restrictive atmosphere. Banning this, and banning that, is completely unhealthy and unnecessary. Moderation, as I said before, is the key.

The moderation approach has been used by myself. They have access to what they need, or what they want, but within reason. Internet access, mobile phones, televisions and gaming are monitored in terms of their usage and content. Some access is perfectly fine, too much is negative.

Children need not only education, but also their own personal time doing as they wish.

My eldest child (19) is studying economics at Cambridge, and my second eldest child (17) is applying to Oxford for medicine later this year.

I am extremely surprised at your attitude, or at least as you have presented your criteria, as I am a retired British army Colonel, and my home is not so regimented as the home you desire to create. However, I can see what you aim to do, and this is why I am not being seriously critical. Nonetheless, you will find moderation is the approach to follow.

One also hopes that your children will not be indoctrinated with religious nonsense . . . since you haven't specified on that . . . if you want to create intelligent beings, that is the first thing to guard against.

[Chiska]

The plan is to have three kids exactly two years apart each. We are completing our basement to add two new bedrooms and another bathroom.. so when that is finished and furnished, we'll get things going in the baby department... so soon.

I got a small question... you do realize you can't plan kids? I mean... you are not in control of that. You never know if you're wife can get pregnant easily or perhaps for the first one she is, but it takes a few years for the next. Or perhaps she doesn't want a another one after the first one... any idea what it is to give birth?
I just want to say, don't stare blindly how you want it, because there are only two things certain in live... like you get born and will die but you never know the day for sure...

And I do agree with the Colonel... it's nice to have these idea's how to raise your kids, but... they are kids... you got to give them time to play and time and space to grow up, they got to end up as self dependent and self thinking individuals (grown-ups) that's the job of a parent... which means you got to struggle with them, you will have arguments and get raised voices over and back through the house... I am very sorry to disappoint you, but that also is a part of growing up... fighting against your parents... it's called puberty and they all go through that, some are easy going, some are harder... some start at 9 some at 17 and even some in their late 20's but at the end... they will.

For me I think just relax and see how the kid grows up, then you can decide what they need and what freedoms they can handle...

Oh, one very last small question... you say no internet at the house ever... Erm... how do you get at the forum then? As I absolutely got this side blocked at work and you got to keep us informed how it goes of course

[Muncher]

I may have missed it, but did any one mention copious amounts of love????? Number one on my list......

[Polgara69]

Lol@muncher. Very good point. What about love cheaty? Is there any room in your busy day for that? And after looking at your list I sincerely hope you do not have a child with a, lets say, limited understanding. Not all kids are bookworms or sports nuts. Some just amble along in their own way and turn out ok. Some, with all the strictness in the world, rebel and end up killing the parents...mmm. The colonel is right in that respect. You are more likely to tip them over the edge with your rules and send them off to do a bank job or rob the next door neighbour at knifepoint or try to blow up the school.
To be fair...why am I reasoning with you? We all know you are 14 y/o boy with too much time at the computer. Maybe you wish your mum had been a bit stricter with you eh?

[theblackpanther]

CHEATSHOT YOU ARE 1 BELLEND

YOUR BIRD M UST BE BORED F****** STIFF

AND GOD HELP YOUR KIDS

YOU SHOULD RUN A RELIGIOUS SECT

YA LOON

[The Colonel]

Lol@muncher. Very good point. What about love cheaty? Is there any room in your busy day for that? And after looking at your list I sincerely hope you do not have a child with a, lets say, limited understanding. Not all kids are bookworms or sports nuts. Some just amble along in their own way and turn out ok. Some, with all the strictness in the world, rebel and end up killing the parents...mmm. The colonel is right in that respect. You are more likely to tip them over the edge with your rules and send them off to do a bank job or rob the next door neighbour at knifepoint or try to blow up the school.
To be fair...why am I reasoning with you? We all know you are 14 y/o boy with too much time at the computer. Maybe you wish your mum had been a bit stricter with you eh?

You mean I'm right?!

I'm training you well ............ (Joke)

[Polgara69]

Im not making a habit of it! In fact I am arguing like mad on the step parent thread cos you are damn wrong on that score!

[kaodigua307]

thanks

[miaruohomaki]

Hi everyone im new here and having my first kid soon its a boy so i enjoyed reading your posts... keep posting thanks!

[joslimmer]

I've got two boys and the only thing I'd say is that you do need to have some kind of parenting plan but it's a bit like a birth plan - it's unlikely to go exactly according to plan and the more rigidly you want to try and stick to it the more likely it is to change. You need to be flexible, every child is different - ours are v close in age but completely opp in terms of personalities and needs. Get to know your child then adjust the rules and the boundaries to suit them.

[happygirl]

GOOD LUCK CHEATSHOT

i am mother to three boys 9,7 and 2in dec and the one main thing from birth that your children need is non stop love, they will grow to respect you if you in return respect them alothough they will try and press buttons.....
my oldest 9yr old now comes home after hearing nothing but S*** from older boys at school so he will try and mouth off so its down to myself and my husband to deal with an explain that certain things are wrong try not to follow.Both my older children have activities that they do rugby,martial arts,swimming and both play musical intruments at school, but there will always be somthing to worry about and you can do nothing but go with the flow.....having all these restrictions on children will do nothing for them actuallly but make them rebel more i had a very very strict father when i was younger and i hated him as did my older brother so do you really want your children to feel that way for you???? dont get me wrong as ive grown i now realise what he was trying to do but it still never helped the relationship

[candy70]

I'd strongly recommend any parent or teacher with Boys to read raising Boys by Steve Biddulph.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Raising-Boys-Di ... 892&sr=1-1
It is one the best books about raising boys to be healthy males I've ever read.

[harley35]

humm i didn't have to read S*** to raise my kids, i guess i was raised right and it falls natural for me.... i cant see how a book can help, be true to your kids and family and always put them first... punish them when they do bad and reward them when they are good..... one of the main things i do with my kids is i truly listen to them and their problems, and i ask them daily is everything ok.