by danikon1 » Sat Apr 16, 2011 2:56 pm
Ok, so here is the story. My dad is cheating on my mom, however it is different than normal cheating. I have heard them argue and he says that he wants to divorce her and he constantly threatens my mother with divorce. Whenever they speak together, my dad always laughs at my mom, while mocking and ridiculing anything that she says. Now, my mom is a very fragile woman, who doesn't work because fifteen years ago when i was merely 1 years old, they decided that my mom would take care of the house and that he would take on the financial burden. Now back to the story. So, i think my father is going crazy because he has been a christian for a good twenty years now. Whenever my parents argue, my mom constantly tells him that what he is doing is immoral and against the bible. My dad begins to justify it by saying that he had a dream from "god" that told him to cheat and that because Abraham had a few wives, so should he. Until this last year, my father was never overpowering. Now, he is telling my mother that he wants a woman that he can "walk over like a rug". My mom replies by saying that no woman in this century will do such a thing. Previously, i had caught my father on dating sites and he lists himself as "single", but my mother overheard his conversation with his "wife" which suggested that the woman knows that my father is still married. Now my father is "going for walks everyday" and i see him on his phone. My mom feels very helpless and cries every night, barely getting four hours of sleep a night and i can see her aging very quickly. This is tearing my apart because my mother never had a nice life. In Russia, she was raised by a single mother with barely any food on the table and in my parents early years of marriage they were poor, but my father was still faithful. My mom told me stories of how when they were in Russia, my dad's parents resented my mother because she is Jewish and my parents ran away together and my father promised that my mom would never have to see them again. About five years ago, My father's father cheated on and divorced my father's mother, which i believe is where my father obtained this notion that he needs a new wife. Recently, my parents have been arguing a lot and my father keeps telling my mom that he wants a divorce because life with her is "hell" and that he wants to leave. He says that "this marriage is already dead", trying to justify his actions. My mom comes downstairs sometimes when she reads one of my father's emails to his new "wife" and starts to yell at him and cry because she is so frustrated (this occurred not 4 hours ago at 5:30 am). My father started yelling back at her, saying that this is one of the reasons that he wants to divorce her, that this wasn't her problem (his cheating on her). Whenever i try to confront him about my feelings, he always tells me that i am stupid and that this wasn't my problem and that he wanted another child. He once even told me that he doesn't have any children and that i am dead to him. Recently, my mother and I have been trying to justify to him that no woman will just sit around and let him run over her and that having a child at the age of 47 is ridiculous, which it is. I am very frustrated not for myself, but i cannot stand to see my father do this to my mother and whenever she tells him that he is ruining that family, he just says that he isn't hurting anyone and my mother breaks down crying. My father also says that he has been living in hell for ten years now and that my mother tries to control him. My mother is an honest woman that would never cheat on him and she only serves him. She cooks him meals, cleans the house (WAY TOO MUCH) for him. One time she made a dating account to monitor what he was doing and then closed it that very same day. Now my father accuses her of cheating, but he knows that she isn't because she would never do anything like that and her account is seen as "closed". This situation is particularly frustrating for two reasons; the first being that my mother is in a lot of pain and is starting to have heart problems. I love her very much and she tells me that i am her whole world and she does everything for me. She has had a very sad life and i really was hoping that finally with my father finally making a constant living, she could finally have a good life, but now i don't think she ever will and it is tearing me apart. I wanted her to see my children whenever i get married (im only 16 atm), but i dont know how long she will last with what my father is doing. The second thing that is hurting me is that i don't ever want for me to ever do this. my father has done it and his father too and i'm not going to lie but i hate russians and they do this. The people there are immoral and i want to break that chain. right now i do not care for my own health or mental well-being, only my mother's especially since i haven't been a very good son (haven't spent much time with her) and she still loves me to death. I have already punched out a door a few months ago in frustration with my father's actions. The wierd thing is, my father is always had a sense of moral fiber and now is abandoning them all, his political beliefs and his religious beliefs are changing,almost to the extent to that of a Muslim or a Mormon (both religions are very discriminating towards women). He always threatens my mother with divorce, yet he never leaves, im wondering if maybe he is just looking for sex and threatening my mother so that she becomes vulnerable and does something that he wants. I am very unsure about my father's motives because i feel if he truly wanted another wife, he would have left my mother and me by now. Sometimes when my mother asks my father to do something, he accuses her of being lazy and not doing it, when the job is one made for a strong man, not a fragile woman like my mother and my father sometimes tells my mother or myself that he wishes that she was dead so that he could move on with his life. Anyway, i just needed to vent out my feelings and i really would like some advice. I feel as if my heart is tearing itself apart and from what i see my father doing i don't think he will ever change and my mother cannot support herself. What should i do? I have prayed to God many times and asked for him to help my father become sane again. Any advice?
