I'm new here, this is my first post.
I am in a relationship with someone who is nearly 10 years older than me who does want children in the future. I am certainly in no hurry to have them, if at all. I do like children and I am pretty good with any that I am called upon to look after/babysit but I think I am Tocophobic (have a fear of having children/childbirth/being pregnant).
Despite liking children, I get a bit scared around pregnant women. I don't mean this to sound harsh, I have had friends who have been pregnant, it's not a disliking for the woman herself, I just get intimidated by pregnancy. Seeing baby bumps on show, touching the bump or feeling the baby kick makes me feel a bit squeamish. When I see pregnant women I can't help but think about what they have to go through: Birth. I can't help but think of pain.
I have been in tears talking about it with my Mum before because I think I would like a child one day but this fear is always present in my mind and I don't know how to overcome it. I'm one of 5 so my Mum has been able to talk to me about what she went through (but again, even talking about it makes me feel uncomfortable). All the media ever portrays is the bad side of everything; most pregnancies/births shown on television or in movies involve complications. When you do sex education at school they tell you how painful it is. I think this really damages girl's feelings towards pregnancy and child birth. All you ever seem to get taught is how much it hurts. Deep down I know it is something that we can handle, we are of course naturally developed to cope with bearing children. My Mum said your body sort of takes over and 'knows' exactly what to do, you just have to go with it and try to cope with the pain.
However, this doesn't help me in anyway. All I can think of is the pain. I am rubbish with pain; I fainted after having my ears pierced! I don't like the thought of the indignity involved either, I am a private person and I don't want to be exposed to all and sundry in a hospital.
To be completely honest, I think the main part of my fear lies with episiotomies. Have any of you ladies had one? I have heard ladies I know who have had babies and had to have episiotomies say that they are really painful after the birth; one even said having the cut sewn up was more painful than giving birth (even writing this is making me feel panicky). The process sounds completely ghastly and horrific, I don't ever want to be cut down there!
That is part of what I can't get my head around, if we are naturally developed to give birth why do some women need to be cut? That doesn't make much sense to me. I can't help but wonder if it's really necessary.
I apologise if this sounds like a stupid post or like I am being derogatory towards pregnant women because I am not. I think I might like to have a kid one day but my fear makes it hard to ever imagine being able to go through with it.
Any advice you can offer would be appreciated.