Basic Information On Becoming a step-parent

[The Colonel]

But as long as they are happy eh?

By the way, I have never called you a child abuser . . .

[Polgara69]

You have stated on here numerous times that ALL step parents are child abusers. As I am a step parent I can only assume that I must be one too. I have tried to get you to call me one to my face (hypothetically speaking) but you always change the subject and back down. Or am I to believe that ALL step parents are child abusers apart from little old me?

[The Colonel]

You have stated on here numerous times that ALL step parents are child abusers. As I am a step parent I can only assume that I must be one too. I have tried to get you to call me one to my face (hypothetically speaking) but you always change the subject and back down. Or am I to believe that ALL step parents are child abusers apart from little old me?

You are misquoting me.

Please quote where I made such a statement.

[Polgara69]

You have stated on here numerous times that ALL step parents are child abusers. As I am a step parent I can only assume that I must be one too. I have tried to get you to call me one to my face (hypothetically speaking) but you always change the subject and back down. Or am I to believe that ALL step parents are child abusers apart from little old me?

You are misquoting me.

Please quote where I made such a statement.

Obviously they would still be alive. But not every stepfather is going to kill their stepchildren. That is the point I am trying to make. I have answered your question, now you answer mine. Is EVERY step parent going to kill or abuse their stepchildren?

The answer to that question is irrelevant. As you admit -- those children would all still be alive if it wasn't for their selfish mothers. They placed their OWN needs above THEIR CHILD. They DID NOT CARE about the child. Had they done so they would have NOT moved someone in. I wouldn't give a damn if the mother was murdered by the stepfather. It would serve her right. No-one else to blame! But unfortunately, as with every stepfamily, the child pays the price.

Just because your stepchildren/children might be still breathing . . . isn't actually an opportunity to say "Hey! This is working!"

Let's face it:

The man you moved in could easily have belted your child, attacked him, psychologically or physically abused him, or killed him. It's fortunate that didn't occur -- but it could have -- right? You'd have no way of predicting -- would you? Then who would have been to blame? Yup. You got it. YOU!

YOU DO NOT BRING ANOTHER PERSON INTO A CHILD'S HOME!!!

YOU PLACE THEM IN DANGER!

YOU CAUSE THEM DISTRESS, ABUSE AND ANGUISH!

YOU UNDERMINE THEIR FUTURE!

It's all proven fact!!!

Pretty much saying all step children are in danger from step parents and that they will cause them abuse and distress.

The evidence for this has been collected for the past 50 years.

Stepparents are bad for children.

That is fact.

It has been proven consistently over 50 years that people with stepparents, usually stepfathers, are significantly more likely to:

- have a low IQ
- do worse in school
- live on beneifts
- be in prison
- be violent
- be domestically abusive
- have failed relationships
- have alcohol problems
- have drug problems
- have mental health issues

and so on.

But when researchers investigate single parent homes, which are not perfect themselves, MOST of these trends are reversed.

Coincidence?

The academics answer that question and say: No.

I am bitter at the way children are mistreated. They deserve better.

?

a question... for the Colonel

Do you actually say that, because I split up with my husband 2,5 years ago. After a marriage which hadn't to do anything with love and respect for each other anymore... I should stay alone and spend my life for my son and don't have a life for myself till he leaves the house in about 12 years?
Being single, insecure and unhappy, constantly telling myself my ex must have been right in what he said to me, that I was nothing, useless, and that there is no man on earth who can actually live with me? Where the sadness can be so bad it effect my son in a negative way?

Or should I get a relation with a wonderful man, who respects me and loves me for who I am, gives me more self respect and make me feel happy in a way more equal relation? Which makes me feel so much better so I can be a better mother for my son, who benefit of a happy and more balanced mother?

Where my boyfriend is a more stable factor in his life then his own dad was, who doesn't seems to be able to take care of himself, who lost his job, almost lost his apartment and his life? Who doesn't seem to understand you have to help your child to become a balanced, mature, secure adult who can actually take care of himself. Who thinks that showing your love to your child is letting him do what ever he wants? Who lied to me, and doesn't help in any way to raise his son and doesn't pay at all for him? Who let me do everything and keep telling me what I do wrong, without doing any good himself?

You can tell my that I put my needs in front of my sons, but believe me, I am a way better mother when I am happy, and my son knows the difference!

You have no right to bring a stranger into your child's home.

It is that simple.

My youngest children are 10 month old twins. If I split with their mother tomorrow, there would be NO OTHER WOMEN IN MY LIFE UNTIL THEY TURNED 18. The same thing my wife would do, for we have agreed it in a legal document. In any case, there would be no other women anyway. I am far too old. That boat has sailed. Even if I was 10 years younger I still wouldn't be interested.

When you have kids, you put them first.

Your post is full of SELFISHNESS - ME, ME, ME, ME. It's not about YOU. It's about YOUR CHILD.

Your child DOES NOT WANT A STRANGER IN HIS HOME - FACT.
Your child DOES NOT WANT TO COMPETE WITH A STRANGER FOR ATTENTION - FACT.
Your child DOES NOT WANT A NOBODY TELLING HIM WHAT TO DO - FACT.

It's amazing you know.

60 years of research has shown how stepparents DESTROY children from the inside out.

But because you want a man in your bed, slipping his C*** into you for pleasure once in a while, you are prepared to mess your child's entire life up.

You can have a man in your bed if you want. That's your choice.

But if you make that choice, you cannot have your son with you.

Send him to live with your parents in a stable environment, or place him up for adoption.

Grandparents, and adoptive parents, are NOT SELFISH. They want THE CHILD. Not themselves.

What's it to be?

Woo I am going to DESTROY my stepson am I?


I know you have posted somewhere that ALL step parents are child abusers but for the time being I cant find it. Or maybe you have deleted it. These quotes by you will have to do. They pretty much say the same thing anyway.

I forgot to say - ANSWER THE QUESTIONS.

Funny how you demand answers when you feel a bit hard done to. Now answer mine. Call me a child abuser or admit that maybe you are wrong. There are some step parents that are bad but are some that are good too. I feel that i have a very positive influence on my step sons life and seeing as e chose to live with me rather that his Mum or Dad speaks volumes. Doesnt it?

[Polgara69]

Isnt it amusing how you can attack someone for their beliefs but when someone dares to disagree with yours you run off pouting like a child. Are you sure you are a retired army colonel? Cos you act more like a 4 year old who cant get his own way. And as I pointed out on the other board, he never said anything about your child, he was talking about gays in general just like you talk about step parents in general. Obviously all gays are not like that just like all step parents are nbot how you describe. But for some reason you cant see that. Or refuse to because its your opinion and thats all that matters in your world.

[Polgara69]

No he did not. I didnt post on the Katie Price thread so its no good bringing up some post where he posted and I didnt. In the post in question he never once mentioned your son. He mentioned gays in general. Just like you mention step parents in general. Its the same thing but for some reason the same rules do not apply to you. In your world anyway.

[marigan]

I am French, so sorry for my bad English but I try to improve.

For me this man is just a frustrated man, possessive with his wife and child as an object TO HIM and who could not bear to imagine anyone else touching them, loving them, of course by polls, by facts we can say what you want with the numbers!
I really do not think we can accuse the step-parents-all misfortunes!
The whole society tends to increase bad acts, and there are so many factors to this, not only because of the in-laws, anything! we have heard everything!

There is often, even me, much more bad parents than stepparents, because after all when you have a child then you must assume until the end, and therefore may feel "obliged" to take care even a grudging Sometimes.
what parent does that it?

While a man who begins a love story with a woman because he loves her and accepts her child, after if it does not go with the child, he is forced to take this child? NO
It will not last long and he will leave because he has no obligation!
if he take care to the children it's because he like him, and he will be a better step-father, more attentive than father who are forced to stay.

there can't be no poll in support of my statements but it's just common sense sir !

I don't know who is your psychological problem, possessiveness, misplaced pride, you have to reason this way, as what nobody can't be better than you, or any other way of thinking can't be good, what narcissism !!

[The Colonel]

No he did not. I didnt post on the Katie Price thread so its no good bringing up some post where he posted and I didnt. In the post in question he never once mentioned your son. He mentioned gays in general. Just like you mention step parents in general. Its the same thing but for some reason the same rules do not apply to you. In your world anyway.

You have a severe inability to read.

Incredible.

I already told you how he WAS talking about my son.

Yet, you STILL can't see it despite his post above.

[The Colonel]

I am French, so sorry for my bad English but I try to improve.

For me this man is just a frustrated man, possessive with his wife and child as an object TO HIM and who could not bear to imagine anyone else touching them, loving them, of course by polls, by facts we can say what you want with the numbers!
I really do not think we can accuse the step-parents-all misfortunes!
The whole society tends to increase bad acts, and there are so many factors to this, not only because of the in-laws, anything! we have heard everything!

There is often, even me, much more bad parents than stepparents, because after all when you have a child then you must assume until the end, and therefore may feel "obliged" to take care even a grudging Sometimes.
what parent does that it?

While a man who begins a love story with a woman because he loves her and accepts her child, after if it does not go with the child, he is forced to take this child? NO
It will not last long and he will leave because he has no obligation!
if he take care to the children it's because he like him, and he will be a better step-father, more attentive than father who are forced to stay.

there can't be no poll in support of my statements but it's just common sense sir !

I don't know who is your psychological problem, possessiveness, misplaced pride, you have to reason this way, as what nobody can't be better than you, or any other way of thinking can't be good, what narcissism !!

Shut up you French cheese-eating surrender monkey.

60 years of research confirm what I say.

You fail.

[Polgara69]

No he did not. I didnt post on the Katie Price thread so its no good bringing up some post where he posted and I didnt. In the post in question he never once mentioned your son. He mentioned gays in general. Just like you mention step parents in general. Its the same thing but for some reason the same rules do not apply to you. In your world anyway.

You have a severe inability to read.

Incredible.

I already told you how he WAS talking about my son.

Yet, you STILL can't see it despite his post above.

He did not mention your son in that post. And why have you been deleting your posts?

[Polgara69]

No he did not. I didnt post on the Katie Price thread so its no good bringing up some post where he posted and I didnt. In the post in question he never once mentioned your son. He mentioned gays in general. Just like you mention step parents in general. Its the same thing but for some reason the same rules do not apply to you. In your world anyway.

You have a severe inability to read.

Incredible.

I already told you how he WAS talking about my son.

Yet, you STILL can't see it despite his post above.

Thanxs colonel .................am sure all the other American members will like hearing that too .

Also will say that apart from murray no American has ever been critical of the UK either.

Maybe I am a litle hyper about this but American's are now fighting & dying in several wars so don't take too well to swings at us .

Yeah, well we are fighting and dying in several wars of your creation. I think we have more right to be pissed off.

And Americans are disgustingly obese.

You want evidence Polly? Here ya go:

The "evidence," eh?

So if someone posts a pic of an ugly, white English gay chav taking it up the ass from a donkey (a male British donkey of course, with royal pedigree), that would be evidence of what all gay white English guys are like then.

People like you deserve to be America's cannon fodder, Mitty.

Where, in that sentance highlighted above, that Myron wrote in the Too Stupid to be a Parent thread is mention of your son? I have read it 15 times and I still dont see where he mentioned your son. Point it out to me and I will agree with you and stop siding with Myron. Even toyboy read it and he said he saw no mention of one person in particular. Well?

And dont bring up any other threads. We were talking about this one and no other.

[Jambuttie]

Please tell me that this was started so long ago this colnel idiot has been banned !!! I cant believe one idiot of a man who has has clearly never been anything but a man (who is very lucky I might add) to be still with his wife & children comment or even understand anyones situation on here!! if I recall its called female first not male first forum !!
Yes my son has a stepdad in his life & so wanted & deserved it ! he had no choice to lose his dad to cancer at the age of 2 ! and neither did I come to that ! so when he got to school age & felt left out why everyone had dads but him was so so hard .
So when I was very lucky to meet someone new (that I got to know before introducing him to my son I might add !) I never thought was a bad thing !
my son is very happy that he has the dad he always missed & calls his new stepdad his Dad but will always know his roots & how things were.
It has made a big differance to a sad little boy & his life couldnt be happier he feels so special that someone choose him to be their son !

[paultushara]

I have gone through the article regarding the step parent information and have to support and do that things so helps you to understand the children.

[manxkitti]

I had a stepfather when I was in high school, because my real father couldn't be bothered to be around when I was growing up. It was the most stable and happiest time in my childhood. It was previous boyfriends who abused me and neglegted me.