why are men all bastards??

[cristy]

People who choose to cheat are close to murderers to me.

That's a pretty bold statement.

What about those who have a different definition of cheating? Say, the woman who thinks if a man looks at a picture of a naked woman and thinks she's attractive. Is that cheating? To some women it is. Is that man then close to being a murderer? He is if your definition of cheats and murderers fits.

I pity the man who decides on being an art critic or nude photographer as a career. Who knows when they'll lose control and kill someone.

No, I mean cheating as in sleeping with or having an affair with another person, while they are already in a relationship with someone.

[Bouncy]

No, I mean cheating as in sleeping with or having an affair with another person, while they are already in a relationship with someone.

Everyone has their own definition of what cheating is. Some may take yours and add it to theirs and believe their cheating spouse who thought a picture of a woman in a magazine was attractive and therefore is only a step away from killing someone.

[Mr A]

Mr. A my advice to you is: don't cheat if you have a heart and morals, however it is your choice.
People who choose to cheat are close to murderers to me.

as bad as murderers?
i guess you really must have a very low view of cheaters then.

i don't think cheaters are that bad ...but i guess we will have to agree to disagree on that.

maybe i'll feel differently about cheaters if i ever get cheated on ...or cheat on someone and see the effects it causes.
my opinion on stuff seems to change to alot ...i like to keep an open mind about everything and re-examine and question my beliefs ..and by doing that i find my opinion changes alot
if this thread had come about six months ago ..i would have been looked upon the cheater alot more harshly ...not as harshly as you ..

dam you cristy ..your rather convincing argument against cheating has got me questioning my views again. ..and not just on cheating...grrrr

[cristy]

No, I mean cheating as in sleeping with or having an affair with another person, while they are already in a relationship with someone.

Everyone has their own definition of what cheating is. Some may take yours and add it to theirs and believe their cheating spouse who thought a picture of a woman in a magazine was attractive and therefore is only a step away from killing someone.

I guess some people shouldn't read what I say since they can't interpret it.

[cristy]

dam you cristy ..your rather convincing argument against cheating has got me questioning my views again. ..and not just on cheating...grrrr

Really? You mean that? If that's true I'm happy to hear that.

[Mr A]

...well yes, i was browsing through the thread again and this part in particular sort of got me thinking

or the "principle" of empathy which leads us to understand that hurting another human being isn't inferior to our own selfish desires and instincts?
It's all about choice, we are not automatic machines programmed to do a job, we are supposed to be better and control both the animal and electronic world yet we reduce ourselves to them because we chose so.

before i was thinking alot to do with logic, evolution, why is it so bad to be selfish ..etc
now the more human side to this (feelings, compassion, empathy ..etc) is starting to conflict with it, like two battles going on inside my head ...to the point now i don't know what to think, that and my head now hurts.

i think i will try to stop thinking about it for the rest of today

don't know if my opinion will end up shifting though ..at the moment i'd say my opinion is still closer to bouncy's opinion and my original stance that your stance

[cristy]

before i was thinking alot to do with logic, evolution, why is it so bad to be selfish ..etc
now the more human side to this (feelings, compassion, empathy ..etc) is starting to conflict with it, like two battles going on inside my head ...to the point now i don't know what to think, that and my head now hurts.

i think i will try to stop thinking about for the rest of today

don't know if my opinion will end up shifting though ..at the moment i'd say my opinion is still closer to bouncy's opinion and my original stance that your stance

I think we're all human beings before we are anything else that we think defines us as individuals and therefore we should first of all cultivate the humanity in us, which is empathy, compassion, love...
Is nationality, race, religion etc. more important than our quality as human beings? There's plenty of people who think it is...I can't however...
Why would it be good to be selfish?

[firehawk]

why would it be good to be selfish? Good question - perhaps ask my unfortunate ex

thing is these days, society isnt as good, caring, or sympathetic as what it was say even 5 years ago, and it sucks so bad!

if someone is caught having a rough time, a bad time, you get kicked down further for no reason at all, just because of a human emotion that people don't like or have issues with yet if they suffer the same human emotion, they expect to get all sympathy or some form of comfort.....which doesnt make sense.

tbh - the day/age we live in does suck and no doubt I am personally hurting each and every day, just seeing things happen the way it happens.

[cristy]

if someone is caught having a rough time, a bad time, you get kicked down further for no reason at all, just because of a human emotion that people don't like or have issues with yet if they suffer the same human emotion, they expect to get all sympathy or some form of comfort.....which doesnt make sense.

Maybe you just don't have real friends...

[firehawk]

I'm not talking about "friends" or anything of the sort, just people in general.

but still, you are missing the point but side stepping....talking generally about humans these days, not about the relationship with a person (friend, wife, husband etc....)

[cristy]

talking generally about humans these days, not about the relationship with a person (friend, wife, husband etc....)

Oh you mean people have gotten more selfish over the years and less "human"? I guess so, but that is a very large subject with multiple causes. I don't think such an involution can be stopped.

[firehawk]

I know thats what im saying, it is sad people don't realise it when they are part of it all.

[SM]

If I got cheated on, yeah I be pissed, who wouldn't ...but i don't think i'd actually be that "hurt" though if it were just sex. I think i would be angry ..but not really all that "hurt"...

LOL, oh boy, oh boy...

It hurts like nothing else. It hurts so bad it rips you apart. Totally destroys everything you put your faith in. Everything. Happiness, future, money, security, love, respect. There is nothing that is left to salvage - it destroys every facet of your life.

And guess what, if you are in some bombed out relationship and it happens, it is even worse because you punish yourself so much for not being able to have the warmth, the love, and the intimacy that your partner has found elsewhere. All the blame and all the hurt comes back and smacks you in your face. Confirming what a crap lover you are, such a total failure that you couldn't even satisfy your partner's sexual needs. That is the biggest kick in the teeth ever.

Now try telling me that you wouldn't be all that hurt.

[firehawk]

Thats pretty much me right now for the past while - what hurts the most is....it was all great and unique and truely genuine and passionate and she never found that anywhere AT ALL EVER except with me

so confused :-/

[SM]

Thats pretty much me right now for the past while - what hurts the most is....it was all great and unique and truely genuine and passionate and she never found that anywhere AT ALL EVER except with me

so confused :-/

Maybe she isn't mature enough to handle this level of intimacy? It can scare some people and leave them feeling exposed and vulnerable, especially if they have been used to partners treating them badly.