Am I wrong??

[meanmypup]

OK. Got myself into a delima here. Maybe my experience can and will help some of you younger members who post. (I'm 38, I should know better).

I recently met a girl and we had intercourse about six times over the last month. The first time was spontaneous and we didnt have a condom, but she said just pull out, which I did. I think the third or fourth time we were out of condoms so I did the same thing (knowing it was next to useless birth control).

Today she took a test and is pregnant. She wants an abortion and blasted me for nearly 30 minutes. Basically, she claims it is all my fault since it was my penis. I know I had a few drinks, but I really believe there were TWO of us there participating. I didnt have sex all by myself (not that time, at least ). We BOTH made the mutual decision to continue WO birth control.

I think we are BOTH equally responsible for this mess and it is not "my fault" or "her fault". Is she being selfish and immature? I know this is an emotional thing for her, but she is 34 years old and should be adult enough (IMHO) not to place blame and accept the consequences of OUR actions. She basically came out and said "this is all your fault. This shouldn't have happened. It's all because of your carelessness."

What do you think?

[Zenieth]

I wasn't going to reply but I can't help myself. Yes you are BOTH stupid and at fault. This really pisses me off because you both cared more about a few moments of sexual gratification instead of dire consequences of you're selfishness and stupidity.

Abortion is NOT method of birth control!!!!! And this is exactly what you two are doing, using it as a form birth control. Women who really get abortion for legitimate reasons (they birth control failed, r****, health problem for baby or mother...NOT b/c you were too stupid not to use BC) have to go through S*** from all directions: laws, anti-abortion, finances family, personal emotions...you've both done a true disservice.

If abortion wasn't a viable option then you'd be brining in a unwanted child into this already over-burdened world, who would probably not get true affection a wanted child would.

I had to reply to this b/c you don't seem one bit concern or remorseful in your post about the actual having sex not just once but 6 F****** times and I find that truly disgusting that 2 grown adults are just so stupid and selfish.

[meanmypup]

I didnt bring up the remorse thing because I didnt want toturn this post into a pro-life / pro-choice debate. That is a post for another forum. But since you asked, I disagree entirely with her decision. But, thanx to our pagan court system in the US, I dont have a say-so in the matter. It is OK to murder babies in the U.S so long as you do it with a medical license.

I have offered every other alternative. My GF claims her college schedule is too busy to have a baby. I would gladly take the child and raise it myself and she wouldnt have no obligation whatsoever if thats what she wanted to do. I am financially able to do that, but again, it is entirely her decision and I have no say-so untiol the law is changed to protect unborn citizens as well as post-natal citizens. But it is too much an inconvenience according to her to go to school and be pregnant at the same time.

Blast her, not me. I am willing to accept my baby and raise it alone. She is the one who wants the easy, convenient, out. I despise the who "its my body...blah, blah, blah" excuse for birth control. That is why I initially posted. It is disturbing me greatly. I have a baby who is going to be "terminated" (AKA killed) and there is nothing I can do about it, so says the law in the U.S.






"GUNS DONT KILL PEOPLE......ABORTION CLINICS KILL PEOPLE!"

[Zenieth]

Well that's great you're taking responsibility but you missed my whole point entirely!!! It's not because she's having an abortion that I "blasted" you both, it's because you both willingly had sex SIX TIMES in a month without protection, and not a care in the world about unwanted pregnancies or STDs.

Abortion is besides the point, I'm not for or against it because it's nobody else's business except for the man and woman involved. If you had both used your brains the chances of you being in this predicament would've been less likely.

Anyways, you can't erase history but you can make things better from this point forward, at least you're mature enough to realize that much. Best of luck.

[meanmypup]

Maybe I mistyped the original post. We had unprotected sex the first time. The 2,3,5,6 time was with a condom. Sorry if I forgot to make this known and gave the impression we were just totally careless.

[Zenieth]

First post:

I recently met a girl and we had intercourse about six times over the last month. The first time was spontaneous and we didnt have a condom, but she said just pull out, which I did. I think the third or fourth time we were out of condoms so I did the same thing (knowing it was next to useless birth control).

Latest post:

Maybe I mistyped the original post. We had unprotected sex the first time. The 2,3,5,6 time was with a condom. Sorry if I forgot to make this known and gave the impression we were just totally careless.

Doesn't matter which is more accurate, the point is you LET it happen,it was not an accident...it was planned but it resulted in unwanted consequences that's the only difference.

Anyways, you asked "what do you think?" so I'm giving a very honest answer to that question.

[hi_there]

I think we are BOTH equally responsible for this mess and it is not "my fault" or "her fault". Is she being selfish and immature? I know this is an emotional thing for her, but she is 34 years old and should be adult enough (IMHO) not to place blame and accept the consequences of OUR actions. She basically came out and said "this is all your fault. This shouldn't have happened. It's all because of your carelessness."

What do you think?

I don't see anything wrong with two people deciding to take risks but I do think you should both take the time to help each other through the outcome of the choices you made.

[Exodus]

It is BOTH of your faults. It is your fault for heving sex with her unprotected, and it is HER fault for getting into it and ALLOWING you to have sex with her like this. Sex is a two person thing that last I checked, and it sounds like she is just trying to pass the blame and guilt to make it easier on herself. Damn broads can't even take responsibility for their own decisions.

[Zenieth]

I don't see anything wrong with two people deciding to take risks but I do think you should both take the time to help each other through the outcome of the choices you made.

YOu don't see anything wrong people taking the risk of a unwanted pregnancy and/or STDS??????????????????????????

I could understand if you said this about having sex in public, experimenting, hell even adultry...but to say there's nothing wrong with taking a risk with the ever growing problem of AIDs or bringing a baby A BABY into this world??? Do you even understand that???? It's not a casual, light hearted thing.

Seriously, people should NOT be coming on message boards to get advice, especially from immature and clueless people. I just to hope that idiots like you aren't reproducing too.

[mchosay]

They are grown adults and if they want to risk their lives then who are we to say they can not although it was stupid and obviously they were not thinking about the consequences of there actions but it is up to them to make those choices not any other person.

I have been talking to a number of young people from the uk about sexual conquests they have recently been on the majority said that they would sleep with another person without a condom with no regrets which a worrying view for younger siblings o take.

Stupid yes up to them to decide yes

You can not tell people how the decide on having sex other wise we all would be living in a dictatorship and we are all free to make the decisions based on our experience and give advice accordingly how can you judge other people for making a decision based on what they believe or what happened in a given situation the best thing as always to do is to give advice on what should happen next.

What’s the point in beating yourself up about something that has already happened.

What I would do now is try to get her to understand your feelings on the baby front. Depending on how strongly you feel on the pro-life situation, (I know some of you in the us are a little passionate on that subject)
Obviously would depend on what you decide you want to do try to come to a compromise about it. The child you help create is a thing to be shared but it sounds like the woman you chose to sleep with may take some what of a dim view to you telling her you would like to keep it so I would approach the subject carefully if I were you also you should think about how you would be able to care for the child if you both do decide on keeping although I would possible offer adoption as a alternative to abortion there are after all couples out there who would kill for a baby so there is no real need to kill the baby..

[Lola]

OK. Got myself into a delima here. Maybe my experience can and will help some of you younger members who post. (I'm 38, I should know better).

I recently met a girl and we had intercourse about six times over the last month. The first time was spontaneous and we didnt have a condom, but she said just pull out, which I did. I think the third or fourth time we were out of condoms so I did the same thing (knowing it was next to useless birth control).

Today she took a test and is pregnant. She wants an abortion and blasted me for nearly 30 minutes. Basically, she claims it is all my fault since it was my penis. I know I had a few drinks, but I really believe there were TWO of us there participating. I didnt have sex all by myself (not that time, at least ). We BOTH made the mutual decision to continue WO birth control.

I think we are BOTH equally responsible for this mess and it is not "my fault" or "her fault". Is she being selfish and immature? I know this is an emotional thing for her, but she is 34 years old and should be adult enough (IMHO) not to place blame and accept the consequences of OUR actions. She basically came out and said "this is all your fault. This shouldn't have happened. It's all because of your carelessness."

What do you think?

I think shes a bit thick.

[Lola]

It is BOTH of your faults.

Well,that's what he's saying,isn't he.

[Zenieth]

They are grown adults and if they want to risk their lives then who are we to say they can not although it was stupid and obviously they were not thinking about the consequences of there actions but it is up to them to make those choices not any other person.

These risks can indirectly affect other people. For example, (not referring to this situation in particular) but if one of them has an STD and passes it around or decides to keep the baby and can't take care of it, it affects others. Anyways the point is they are grown adults so they should act this way when it comes to matters of such importance and set an example for younger people. If they see grown adults behaving this way, what reason do younger people have for changing their ways? You, yourself have given an example of this:

I have been talking to a number of young people from the uk about sexual conquests they have recently been on the majority said that they would sleep with another person without a condom with no regrets which a worrying view for younger siblings o take.

You can not tell people how the decide on having sex other wise we all would be living in a dictatorship and we are all free to make the decisions based on our experience and give advice accordingly how can you judge other people for making a decision based on what they believe or what happened in a given situation the best thing as always to do is to give advice on what should happen next.

You'll notice that he ASKED what we thought and I gave my OPINION. I'm not telling him or anyone else how to live, but an ounce of common sense has never hurt anyone

What’s the point in beating yourself up about something that has already happened.

Again if you re-read this thread in its entirety, you'll notice that I already made mention of this. However, I refuse to tie a nice big pretty bow when giving my 2cents on a situation such as this.

[mchosay]

I think it is but it's no good going back to who's fault it is because it's a lost leader we know who is to blaim (if you don't then it's him and her)

It's more about what they do now that actually counts for anything!!!!!!!!!

[hi_there]

I don't see anything wrong with two people deciding to take risks but I do think you should both take the time to help each other through the outcome of the choices you made.

YOu don't see anything wrong people taking the risk of a unwanted pregnancy and/or STDS??????????????????????????

I could understand if you said this about having sex in public, experimenting, hell even adultry...but to say there's nothing wrong with taking a risk with the ever growing problem of AIDs or bringing a baby A BABY into this world??? Do you even understand that???? It's not a casual, light hearted thing.

Seriously, people should NOT be coming on message boards to get advice, especially from immature and clueless people. I just to hope that idiots like you aren't reproducing too.

Owwwwie!

I don't see much merit in whether a given risk is a casual light-hearted thing or not. For instance, is there anything wrong with a tribesman hunting for meat to feed his family? There is now a widely held belief that AIDS originated from eating "bush meat". Is the original hunter to blame because he chose to take a risk in hunting wild animals?