Rubbish Boyfriends

As 27-year-old Dayna Harris lies in a hospital maternity ward, she has plenty of time for reflection; each excruciating contraction brings with it memories of past boyfriends. With an evocative and hilarious backdrop of 90s nostalgia, we begin with the irrepressible Simon and his penchant for cuddly toys (as well as that penchant for, erm, other women).Next up is the very earnest Chris, an aspiring musician, a brain box and a strict vegetarian. What with beauty therapist Dayna being a voracious carnivore, it’s not exactly a match made in heaven.Archie is the ultimate Cockney geezer: a joker and wide-boy entrepreneur Dayna falls for him fast and hard. But when he starts making excuses not to see him, it’s not for the reasons she thinks.And then on to uber-cool artist Gabriel, followed by Mark whose kindness renders him too good to be true. And indeed he is.Just when Dayna begins to doubt she’ll ever find The One, Cristian walks into her life. In theory, everything about him is perfect: he dresses to perfection, treats her like a princess and knows all the right people. But there’s still something missing.

A chance encounter with all her exes brings her to the present day: nine months pregnant, accompanied by her best friend and waiting for her baby to be born. But there’s one question on all our minds: who’s the daddy?

Jessie Jones is the pseudonym of a London-based bestselling author. She thoroughly enjoyed writing Rubbish Boyfriends and is wondering if there will be a market for a follow-up.

Or maybe a series? How about Rubbish Husbands/Rubbish Children/Rubbish Mid-Life Crisis/Rubbish Old People's Homes?

She is currently working on her sixth novel, several TV treatments and a Hollywood blockbuster featuring her pals Brad Pitt and George Clooney. No, sorry, that bit's just rubbish.