I was well prepared for my divorce and went into it with my eyes wide open. I knew from experience that it doesn't take long for friends to choose sides, and often one cannot count on the continuation of couple friendships. It depends from which side, yours or his, the couple emanated. In my case, many friendships had blossomed through my marriage. From this place, my longtime women friends have always stood tall and been a blessing in my life. I really didn't doubt my strength at this stage in my life. It would be a different life, but one I could embrace and not look back on with regret, but with gratitude for the good experiences that those years had provided. They were not wasted years, and I never had doubts that I had not given the marriage my all. They were years of growth for me.
A Fickle Wind
2. I AM LIVING MY DREAM BY BECOMING AN AUTHORI always knew I had a good book inside me and that one day I would get the opportunity to write it. Time availability had been my detractor. When I started to share my life with my last partner, in his home on the west coast of Canada, everything became less hectic and it seemed an ideal, inspirational place for me to write. That my book has been so well received is the dream come true.
3. I HAVE NEVER BEEN RELIGIOUS, BUT SPIRITUAL BELIEFS AND TRUST ARE A WONDERFUL SUPPORT SYSTEM, AS I HAVE FOUND OUT IN MANY AREAS OF MY LIFESpiritualist beliefs were introduced to me in childhood, so the step to belief in reincarnation was an easy one for me to take. I find that most established religions get a little weak when it comes to explaining an afterlife, and rarely does western religion even consider a continuum of the soul. If one looks on this life as a journey, with lessons to be learned and goals to accomplish, as I do, challenges that emerge seem less ominous and foreboding. They are giving us the opportunity to grow, and it is comforting to regard them in this light. Couple this with a belief I now have that we are born with a brain and intelligence, and the mind is something that develops as we hear language from our caretakers that we must absorb and learn to use to communicate. Along with it comes their values, opinions, anxieties, and belief systems . . . Good and bad, often to the point where our mind overtakes our intellect and becomes a master we serve, rather than it serving us. It's where all the white noise is generated, where the "tyranny of the shoulds," to quote Karen Horney-which is really the tyranny of the mind-takes place. This is a work in progress for me, but to make our intellect the conductor, with our mind an instrument in the orchestra to serve us, rather than lead us, goes a long way to returning our power and belief in ourselves, and we are so often the only one to whom we can turn, so that support system is invaluable.
4. MY CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN ARE EXTREMELY IMPORTANT TO ME, AND I HAVE DONE MY BEST TO BE AVAILABLE FOR, BUT NOT BURDENSOME TO, THEM ALL THROUGHOUT THEIR LIVESIn my opinion, children are too often looked on by parents as possessions. I believe there comes a time in their lives when parents must regard them as beings, separate from themselves, who have come into this life to tread their own path, which is separate from our own. Hopefully, a family connection is still desirable to them, with values that are not too dissimilar to ours. This is not always the case, but it is their choice, and it is our responsibility to accept it without laying guilt and recrimination.
5. WOMEN FRIENDS HAVE BEEN A BLESSING IN MY LIFEI believe in the old cliché that to have a friend, one must be a friend. I have tried to follow that rule.
I knew that these were the friendships I could depend on at difficult times, such as during divorce. They would cheer me on when I was sad or lonely, many of these women had been through similar experiences and knew the possible heartache of being discarded and overlooked-not necessarily by the divorced spouse, because that was often of their own choosing, but by people whom one counted as friends. I have never been a fair-weather friend and, fortunately, for the most part, we attract traits we, ourselves, demonstrate.
6. I HAVE LOVED AND LOST IN DIFFERENT WAYSWe all have! Here are a few personal examples:
(1) Sometimes we are mistaken in thinking love is involved in a relationship but, under further scrutiny, find it is not. The loved one is not as we thought when we fell in love. In that case, we still feel we have lost love, but, in reality, it is the dream of love that we have lost.
(2) Death brings a finality to a relationship we are often not ready to lose, but we do lose it in the form with which we were familiar. Often people mourn this loss for years.
(3) A child moves out of our lives to follow his/her own path, which can be far away in miles or values. We lose their loving presence or emotional support, which is a great loss.
(4) There are numerous ways in which we all have loved and lost. It is an unavoidable part of life.
7. I'M OPEN TO CHANGE AND HAVE CHANGED MANY THINGS IN MY LIFESome change is foisted upon me but, given time, we often find the adversity serves us well. I see change as a growth experience. Change often brings excitement that new, desirable things will be happening for me. With my particular belief system, it is not daunting, although sometimes challenging.
8. MY SENSE OF HUMOUR IS A MUSTA sense of humor makes many things that seem unbearable, bearable. It often brings an optimistic viewpoint, rather than a daunting, pessimistic one. It is so much easier to be around people who have a good sense of humor, rather than a sense of impending doom.
9. I LOVE LIFE AND HAVE MADE THE MOST OF ALL THE OPPORTUNITIES THAT IT HAS AFFORDED METhere have been many changes and many opportunities. I like to think that I have recognized and seized any important ones that came my way. Life thus far has been an exciting, rewarding journey, and I expect it to continue to be so.
10. I CANNOT WAIT TO COME TO ENGLAND!I will be in England for my book launch (Wednesday 22nd April, 6:30-8pm, Royal Thames Yacht Club, Knightsbridge) and am looking forward to my London trip with much anticipation and excitement.