It's not as difficult as some may think to become a foster carer. Yes, it can take a few months to get approved by the panel, but during that time it gives you the opportunity to really think about the impact it may have on your lives as a family. Specialist social workers guide you through every stage of the process and encourage you to consider all the practicalities. The benefits and possible pitfalls. They do go back to your own childhood when completing the assessment, but I found this to be really enlightening and it really helps to highlight strengths and weaknesses.
The Silent Witness
Once approved, and from taking on your very first child, you are right there, in the thick of things. It can be a little daunting at first but you soon realise that you have a very capable team behind you who will have your back. There is always somebody on hand to pick up the phone at any time, day or night, who will listen to you and guide you if you need it. There is also a network of other foster carers going through exactly what you are, and some very experienced ones who have lived your problems or concerns. Their support is invaluable.
Anyone can foster! Single, male, female, married, gay couples, any religion, from almost any background, and almost any age! Not many careers offer the same opportunities to people in their late 50's as they do to those in their 20's!
Most local authorities and private agencies offer a decent pay structure for fostering, so that giving up your usual job doesn't affect you financially, and they also offer around four weeks holiday per year. Any child that you have living you will usually have regular respite carers who they can go to stay with while you have your breaks. Of course, you can also, with permission, take the foster child away with you on any planned family holidays and this won't affect your own periods of respite.
Training, paperwork and continuous learning! This may seem a little scary to those who haven't been in any form of education for a long time, but it really isn't. As a foster carer you can benefit from the most interesting training sessions - in fact you will be expected to undertake a certain amount per year. Here though, you will meet all the other carers in your area, and will work together as a team to complete a training event. There are no exams, no formal testing, so don't worry about it. The paperwork often seems trivial, for example you will need to fill out daily diary sheets, even if nothing in particular has happened. Experience has taught me however, that even the most mundane of entries can prove to be so important at a later date.
Fostering affects not just you, but your whole family. Your own children, your parents and any siblings you may have. A new child coming into your life, often for a long time, can be difficult for the extended family, and that's why, during the initial assessment period, it's important to hear what everyone else thinks about it. For our family, it's been an absolute joy in the main. Our grandchildren were born into fostering, so it's what they know, and I really believe that it makes everybody a lot more tolerant and understanding of the problems our young people encounter.
It can be heartbreaking when a young child comes into your life and they've had a terrible, traumatic upbringing. They only know chaos and sadness and it can take a while before they are able to trust someone who appears to be offering them a different life. However, the happiness and fulfilment you feel when you first see that chink of acceptance is worth any amount of heartache.
Fostering is the only job I can think of where every day really is a new start. It doesn't matter what happened yesterday, not really. What's important is the lessons that can be learned from yesterday, and for both you and the child to realise that a certain behaviour is not the child, it's a separate entity, and it can be changed. All behaviours are learned so it makes sense that more acceptable behaviours are within reach and with the right amount of love, nurturing and patience, a better way of doing things can be found.
It is so rewarding when a stranger eventually becomes such an important part of your life. At first this can appear to be impossible, but over time, and without fail (in our case at least) a shift occurs, and you can't imagine that life was ever difficult in the first place. Well you do remember how it was, but looking back it doesn't seem so bad.
You might think that one of the hardest things about fostering is saying goodbye to a child, and I have to tell you, it is! But, I also have to tell you that after the tears, after the feelings of grief have passed, there is nothing more rewarding than evaluating just how much you've helped to change that child's life, and to see how happy they have become. Yes, it can feel like a bit of slap when they practically skip to their social workers car to move on from you, but actually it's a testament to just how far the both of you have travelled. The child is comfortable enough to wave goodbye with a smile on their face because they know you will still be there, and hopefully still play a part in their life. Fostering really is the best job in the world!
The Silent Witness by Casey Watson is published by Harper Thorsons, £7.99