When you hit your forties, your girlfriends aren’t just there for brunch — they’re your lifeline through the madness of mid-life, writes author and equality campaigner Elizabeth G.
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Over the past few weeks, I reconnected with a close female friend who now lives abroad.
I hadn’t realised how much I’d missed her until she was back here in the UK. My heart felt full, alive. A gaping hole had been filled. And now that she’s gone again, I feel a little lost.
That visit got me thinking about how vital my female friendships have become as I get older. This particular bond has stood the test of time. We've survived the storms and come out stronger.
We can be silly, messy, and totally ourselves around each other without fear of judgement. That kind of connection is rare and precious.
Female friendships are different from those with men. And as I’ve reached my 40s and begun navigating the emotional rollercoaster of midlife, they’ve become even more essential.
My girlfriends understand what it’s like when your hormones turn your brain to fog, when your body starts changing in unexpected ways, when your patience wears thin for no good reason. We can laugh about it, cry about it, rage about it — together.
I read recently that PMT makes your partner feel like he wants to kill you, while the menopause makes him feel like he wants to kill himself. It's a flippant joke, but it hints at a deeper truth.
Our bodies are changing, and it helps to have people around who truly get it. My male friends and partners matter too, of course, but when it comes to this stage of life, it’s my female friends who have helped me feel seen and supported.
According to Psychology Today, female friendships are more intimate but also more fragile than male ones. Women often have higher expectations of emotional support and integrate our friends into our lives more deeply, like siblings. That means the highs are higher, and yes, the lows can feel devastating too.
Over the years, I’ve lost friendships as well as gained them. Some women have been my harshest critics, especially when it came to my career as a sex worker. That hurt. But I’ve learned that life becomes far more fulfilling when we lift each other up instead of tearing each other down. When women work in unison, when we genuinely want the best for one another, the results can be transformational.
Sadly, society doesn’t always encourage that. The media is obsessed with pitting women against each other — the endless ‘Who wore it better?’ headlines and reality shows that thrive on rivalry. A little competition is fine, but constant comparison is exhausting. I’m tired of it. Aren’t we all?
Because when we stop seeing each other as threats, and instead as crucial parts of our support systems, something incredible happens. We become more confident, more resilient, and more joyful. We start showing up for each other as cheerleaders, confidantes, and partners in crime.
Even with long-distance friends, I’ve found that regular phone calls, voice notes, or even a silly meme sent on WhatsApp can keep the bond strong. Technology helps us close the physical gap, but it’s the emotional closeness that really matters.
So I will continue to champion my female friends, no matter where they are or what paths they’re on. Their happiness makes me happy. Their success feels like a shared victory. Society does so much to try and divide and isolate women so choosing solidarity is a radical, powerful act.
So let’s celebrate each other, especially as we enter into our middle years. Let’s laugh, dance, and hold each other up.
Because navigating mid-life is tough enough. Doing it with a sisterhood by your side makes all the difference.
Elizabeth G. is a British author and podcaster who campaigns for, and is a vocal advocate of, equality for sex workers. She is currently trying to expand the scope of The Equality Act 2010 to include the sex industry in order to protect those working within it from discrimination. Her candid memoir, ‘Unashamed: Why Do People Pay for Sex?’ is out now.
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