1: I LOVE WRITING, OF COURSE.

Ever since my dad started a postal writing course, when I was about ten. I had to try to impress him, because that's what kids do. I started with action screenplays, moved onto adventure gamebooks, and then arrived at novels and short stories. Some can't imagine writing stories, but I can't imagine not doing it. On those rare days when I haven't got something to write or a plot to think about, I get easily bored. Why go to a party when I could sit alone and imagine someone else at a party?

Jake Cross

Jake Cross

2: I love other things, too, though.

Despite the last line of Thing 1, I do have other interests. If I get the right Xbox game, that's life paused for a week. A good TV box-set, too, like Bosch Season 3 at the moment, although there should be counselling helplines for those things because you just have to have a little more. Maybe a heroin addiction would help shift focus. I love following mixed martial arts, especially the UFC. Snooker and tennis are big favourites, too.

3: Weirdly, I don't read much fiction.

Non-fiction is my love, especially true crime. I'm on Wicked Beyond Belief for the fifth time. I read so much of it that sometimes I get halfway through a book before I realise I've already read it. And I spend a lot of time looking at crime documentaries on Youtube. And I mean just looking. I flick for so long I often don't have time to actually watch anything.

4: I have a weird obsession with The Yorkshire Ripper.

Five reads of Wicked Beyond Belief kind of proves this. I shouldn't really say much more because I don't want to sound like I like the guy. I just need to know more and more and more.

5: I can't type.

I can, of course, as you can see. But I still use the two index fingers. Always have. Learning to use all my fingers now would invove a big step back in speed until I got proficient, so I don't bother.

6: I KNOW Corned Beef goes with everything.

I know, okay? I've tried it with cheese, on pizzas, wrapped in ham, even with mushy peas in a toasted sandwich. Like salt, it just works. Every time. And it's not offal. It's more expensive than typical meats, and why would offal have a premium brand?

7: I'm more childish than my kids at times.

I have three whirlwinds and they're great. I get so jealous of their innocence and lack of responsibility, and the fact that they've got the chance to avoid all mistakes daddy made. Playing with kids is a great excuse for why I'm so immature at times.

8: I think the last minute is the best time to do everything.

Must be that, or why else would I put off paying bills and buying milestone gifts until the clock is against me? Local corner shops, the world thanks you for all the marriages you've saved.

9: I'm into ambient music.

Not that white noise lark, of course, like sea breezes and waterfalls and – and this exists – Copy/Paste noises. I love the chilled lounge-on-an-Ibiza-beach sort of stuff. There's nothing better for setting the mood for writing, and it doesn’t matter if it's an action scene or weepy drama. Can't do without it when at the computer, although, ironically, that does mean it's often interrupted by Copy/Paste. And I've never tried it on a beach.

10: I'm addicted to tea.

I don't like to have a cup after about 8 at night, but I bet I get through fifteen cups in a day. I cannot drive without one in the car or write without one beside the laptop. No fancy flavours, and not cold! Normal, old-fashioned tea. Cannot be beaten.