By Jayne Archer, widow, fundraiser and author

Jayne Archer

Jayne Archer

Almost six years' ago; Jayne Archer's world was turned upside down when her 'healthy' and happy husband Mark received a shock lymphoma diagnosis - and then sadly died just forty days after his diagnosis, aged 49.

After, understandably falling apart at first, Jayne vowed to keep Mark's memory alive by setting herself the target of raising £50,000 by time she is 50 in 2019, for a charity tribute fund set up in her late husband's name. She's recently put pen to paper to write her first book (If Only We Had Forever) - an inspiring read which tells the story of their lives together and the rollercoaster ride of her life since. Jayne hopes the book will offer comfort and support to others who have lost a loved one to cancer.

As well as raising money for charity (half of proceeds will be donated to the Mark Henry Archer Tribute Fund at Bloodwise), Jayne found that the writing process has helped her to come to terms with the shock of her sudden loss. Here's six ways she feels writing helped her to grieve:

Finding a purpose

Writing my book, being able to give my late husband a legacy gave me a new purpose in life. Knowing I am keeping his memory alive while making a difference to others helps me to know he didn't die in vain and his precious short life will make a difference in saving future lives.

Release

Sitting in the safety and warmth of my writing room allowed me to slowly pour out my heart with complete honesty. Tapping away on the keys forming a manuscript filled with tears, pain, smiles, aching, hurt and laughter, gave my heart the permission to turn the broken shards of pain back into the heart that could one day in the future love again.

Reflection

Giving myself all the time I needed without setting any deadlines to write my story let me breathe and take stock. This naturally helped to restore the good times and beautiful memories we shared. When Mark died suddenly all my feelings, memories and dreams became locked away (mother nature's way to help me) it took a long time until I was emotionally ready to begin to gradually let them back into my thoughts. This at the time really frightened me, so to be able to take time to reflect on these precious and magical memories capturing them forever on paper bringing them to life once again gave me great comfort.

Processing

When I began to write it became apparent I still had a need to process the last five years. Having spent a good couple of years lost. Initially living from bed to sofa to bed, not wanting to communicate, live, feel anything but pain or hear the world surviving without me. I gradually opened my eyes in time and made many attempts to step back onto the merry-go-round of life. While writing I looked back on the broken girl I had become. Beginning to piece everything properly together for the first time. I could actually comprehend what had happened to Mark and my world. Having so much to make sense of my writing allowed me to place the last five years in order letting me digest and accept this giving me permission to properly look to a new future.

Letting go

The first time I sat and read the first chapter I ached, crying as if this was all happening again. As I continued to write reading back every chapter watching If Only We Had Forever come to life in front of me. My cries turned to sobbing which slowly turned to tears. Eventually turning to a warm smile. Giving some hurt, heartache and broken pieces to my manuscript.

Acceptance

Being able to sit and let my story pour out gave me a sense of release. Giving freedom to my words, emotions and feelings allowed me to properly and finally accept I did lose my husband and my future. The loss will always keep hold of a fraction of my heart but I can now take that with me into a new future.

Find out more about Jayne, her fundraising and her new book at www.mhatributefund.co.uk.