….although for the record, I would normally claim diplomatic innumeracy.

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I am a very responsive husband: My wife always says I refrain from snoring after the very first elbowing

I am my own worst enemy: I consider it an enormous timesaver for the general population and it allows them to get on with better things in their lives than having a go at me.

Loyal to a fault: There are times I am blinded by it, but nonetheless it is a virtue instilled in me as a child. These days it would seem loyalty is bought and sold on a whim, but true loyalty is never bought off the peg but has to be earned.

Mr Consideration: That is me in a nutshell. I was never the boastful sort nor am I the life and soul of the party. You see I came into this world without a drumkit, and by all accounts will exit it in a similar fashion. A quite life and happy neighbours……everybody wants to live next to me!

Motivated: Once I am on a mission I invariably see it through to the end…..a promise is a promise whether it be to family, friends, myself or even a total stranger. The origins of how my first book came about are a prime example of this.

Do unto others: A bit biblical I know, even so I treat everyone as I myself would like to be treated.We are lest we forget, all equal whatever our origins. I always put the toilet seat back down after I am finished…..and I always have a kind word for my wife -even if she doesn`t put it back up afterwards.

Seeing things for what they are: As a child I experienced an identity crisis, teachers and society in general expected more from me than I was able to deliver. It is a lesson I have never forgotten and I would encourage folk to be what they are, and not what they are expected to be.

Stubborness: From time to time my Mother would comment my stubborness was enough to make the pope swear….now my latin is pretty wonky at best, so even if he did #%# it would still have gone over my head! It is a double edged sword and no mistake, but without it I would not be here today.

The listener: Being raised in a predominantly female orientated family, it was the women who ruled the roost. It may have looked like we males wore the trousers but this was but a mirage …..not that we often encounter mirages in Manchester. Maybe because of this I prefer to listen and observe.

I believe there are too few listeners in this world - I wonder if the UN were to hold it`s sessions un (ear) plugged if that might be a good start?

Number 10 already….. Humour: I would like to end with a story I was told a long time ago about some friends on their wedding night. Late that evening when they arrived back at the hotel room the newlyweds were staying in, the husband switched on the lights and then closed the curtains. He then took off his trousers and threw them unceremoniously over to his wife who was sat on the edge of the bed wondering what the hell he was playing at.

"Put those on" he said

"Because after tonight this is will be the only time you´ll be wearing the trousers in this marriage".

Without further ado his bride of 4 hours slipped off her shoes and then pulled off her panties.

"Put those on" she said throwing them to him, before adding.

"Because this is the last time you`ll be getting into those if you are going to carry on like that "!

A Minger's Tale by RBN Bookmark is out now.