Written by the hilariously eccentric and entirely fictional Ada Adverse (@AdaAdverse), the next book in the ‘Modern Girl’s Guide’ series will help us to (or avoid) turning into our mothers. From dealing with unwanted Mother’s Day gifts to drinking ‘Mummy’s Special Calpol’, this attractive handbook is a vital companion for the hardworking mother and her children. To mark the release of this book, Ada has written a piece to highlight all the amazing mothers of the fictional world.
Turning Into Your Mother
Marmee, Little Women
Marmee, the perfect mother. The woman is a legend. Hard working, patient, cheerfully undertakes charity work, always there to listen, advise and console, and somehow, somehow never loses her temper. And, when Mr March returns, she does not turn around and scream ‘I know you’ve been in an actual war. But I’ve been holding this family together the entire time!’ Like I said, legend.
Mrs Large, Five Minute’s Peace
A classic example of how children will scupper every plan you ever make. The poor thing can’t even have a bath without being constantly interrupted. She needs to find that sweet spot where the 4th double gin has kicked in but the water hasn’t turned tepid yet, and everything seems a bit more bearable. Even children.
Mrs Bennett, Pride and Prejudice
Mrs Bennett gets a bad rep but, as a mother of goodness knows how many (I lost count after husband number five, who was particularly virile), I sympathise. Maybe it’s not so fashionable these days, but it’s extremely important to keep an eye on your children and – where possible – their partners’ bank accounts. Your retirement fund, in other words.
Pam Shipman, Gavin and Stacey
I was initially sceptical of Pam, who seems suspiciously like a character who could be described as having her ‘heart in the right place’. But then there was that episode where she got pissed and started a fight with her in-laws, and I’ve considered her a sister ever since.
Mrs Bates, Psycho
Admittedly, she’s dead, which is unfortunate. But if imitation is the sincerest form of flattery then Mrs Bates is winning.
Mummy Pig, Peppa Pig
Quite how Mummy Pig hasn’t turned to the gin being married to Daddy Pig is beyond me. I’m also endlessly fascinated as to whether she has adopted the Anna Wintour approach to clothing and gone for a uniform, or if she just has that one orange dress. It does nothing for her, by the way. She needs more of a fluted sleeve and nipped in waist.
Molly Weasley, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Molly Weasley takes no sh*t in general, but that final scene when she takes down Bellatrix? Stunning. In fact, it reminds me of one of my livelier nights out. Remember, ladies – violence is never the answer, unless the question is: ‘but when is there going to be an international men’s day?’
Edina, Absolutely Fabulous
Eddy is right about literally everything. The booze. The fags. The fashion. And Saffie, who really is a drip and a half.
Mrs Waterbury, The Railway Children
Yes, I know: ‘Daddy, my daddy!’. But the real hero of The Railway Children is undoubtedly their long-suffering mother. Think about it: lone parent single-handedly trying to stop their kids running all over the train tracks (albeit not very successfully) and still getting the buns in for tea? Pretty heroic if you ask me.
Marge Simpson, The Simpsons
The snazzy hair. The subtly critical ‘hmmm’. The perennial sense of style. Marge Simpson is a classic mum – always there for you, but with an ubiquitous undercurrent of ‘I told you so’. In fact, the only time I’ve ever not sympathised with her was the episode where she considered daytime drinking a ‘problem’.