James Arthur wanted to commit suicide when Simon Cowell dropped him from his label.
The 'X Factor' winner was subject to controversy in 2013 after he found himself in a Twitter feud with Micky Worthless which saw him use derogatory homophobic language toward the rapper, and ultimately got him kicked from his spot with label Syco.
Now, the 28-year-old singer has turned his life around and is happily back on Simon Cowell's roster, but he has admitted the consequences of his actions have had a lasting impact.
Speaking to the Evening Standard newspaper, the star said: "If I was ever near a balcony, or in my car, I'd have an image of me jumping over or driving off the road. But then I'd think, 'Don't do it, you've got sisters, you're the man of the family.' But there was many a time I thought of it."
The 'Recovery' musician was involved in a number of Twitter feuds after winning the talent competition, including spats with 'X Factor' alumni Matt Cardle and One Direction, but admits he never once thought it might affect his career.
He said: "When I was firing away on Twitter no one was calling me up to say: 'You're wrecking your career'. Nobody."
And even when James picked himself back up and penned 'Say You Won't Let Me Go' and got the call from Syco asking to resign him, he thought for a moment he "could stick the finger up" to the label and go it alone.
He said: "I probably shouldn't say this, but there was a part of me that thought: 'F**k you, I might have a hit single here and I don't need Syco. I could stick the finger up to them'. But they said: 'Please let us back in. We want to be part of this amazing story'. And it made sense to me. I'm a sucker for that story. Syco are notorious for dropping people, so what a compliment it is for them to re-sign me. So I thought, 'Let's do the full circle'."