Anyone who’s been to a diet club will recognise the following people. Whether you love or hate them- there’s always one of each in every gathering of folks looking to lose weight.
The newbie- These are the easiest to spot because they are full of optimism and enthusiasm for the diet. You wonder how long it will take for them to crack under the pressure and join the maintain/gain clan.
The person doing the walk of shame- The one who fell off the wagon, failed to notify anyone and dropped off the face of the planet. They skulk in with the exact same look that dogs get when they’ve done something naughty.
The loser- You clap enthusiastically for them while you fantasize about spiking their food with muscle building protein power- especially if you’ve had a bad week.
The person who’s gained- And wants to give everyone a verbal list of their entire weeks’ worth of bad things they’ve eaten. Only to be stopped by the consultant before everyone else starts to dribble and travel home via the convenience store for chocolate.
The person who has NEVER had a gain- You want to throw calorific things at them in the hope that one will land in their mouth and make them gain- all the while wishing you had such stamina.
The person who has to have a wee right before weigh in- They save it till the very last minute to squeeze one out in the hope that it will make a difference on the scale. It never does but it keeps them happy so who are you to judge?
The stripper- The person who arrives, takes off as much as they can so they’re only left wearing the thinnest, lightest items of clothing (even in winter) to avoid material gain.
The one who is always on holiday- They are literally never there, and you no longer care about their performance just where they get the money from to fund SO MANY getaways while you struggle to afford one a year.
The longstanding member- They know the diet inside out, back to front because they’ve been going for so long, but they keep the laughter flowing and have the best advice.
The one who’s got to target- They are diet club royalty because they’re living proof that it can work. You look up to them like they’re on a higher plane of existence because they’ve got it figured out and all you can think about is a cheeky Chinese takeaway after class.