Working from home comes with a whole host of dirty little secrets that only members of this exclusive club will relate to- but at least you’re not alone. And for those who are curious- here goes- it’s confession time.
Your morning shower goes out the window because you don’t have to see anyone, so no one will judge you for the bed smell, your smudged make-up or your greasy hair. It can totally wait till when you’re done. Why? Because it gives you extra time in bed of course!
You no longer need dress up so staying in your pyjamas all days seems like the logical thing to do. You can be just as productive in a pant suit as you can in Disney pyjamas after all. The only time you regret this is when you have to answer the door to the postman when he has a parcel for you. The judgement you feel is IMMENSE.
Your commute, if you can call it that- is from your bed to your desk- it takes all of a few seconds. Getting stuck in queues of cars is a thing of the past and you can’t help but feel smug when people moan about traffic jams because you don’t have to deal with that crap anymore.
It’s true, you miss all your work buddies. It can feel lonely when they’re not around to moan, share office gossip and eat free birthday cake with. So, you resort to texting each other frantically about your day because they are the only ones who truly understand your pain.
Lunch has its perks- you don’t have to pay for it for a start as it’s usually whatever is lurking in your fridge or cupboards. But the down side is- you can go for seconds, dessert, pre and post-dinner snacks. Lunch becomes an all-day buffet and you wish someone could see you so you would feel ashamed and stop.
There are two kinds of moods at 5pm. Either, you are crawling the walls to leave your home to do ANYTHING outside. You leave the house for literally any reason- because you’ve run out of bleach or just to take a stroll, which you’ve never entertained before in your life. That’s the kind of thing retired folk do- right?
OR- you log off, move from your desk back to your bed and watch TV, play on your phone or read and fully embrace the hermit life.
You get a hell of a lot more work done- minus the polite chatter with work people, the endless phone calls, meetings and commuter hold ups- you’ve never been so productive and it feels GOOD to be earning your crust to the max.
You launch yourself at whoever you live with as soon as they come through the door because you have been devoid of any social interaction all day. At a point when they probably want to chill and have some peace and quiet you get verbal incontinence. Many arguments have begun with this very moment.
You have full blown- albeit one sided- conversations with your furry friends. They look at you as if you’re mad- but it’s a comfort to know that there’s at least one more life at home during this time of day. And if you don't have one- you probably want a dog- to give you a reason to get off your lazy butt and get some fresh air.
They assume if you’re at work you can pick it up and put it down whenever you like. You have to find a way to politely say- ‘stay away between the hours of 9-5- pretend I’m not there’ or they would be over in heartbeat. You don’t want to use it, but you have the ‘f**k off’ in reserve for those who don’t get the message.
You can throw in a load of washing before you start in the morning and have that thing in the dryer at lunchtime. It's all done and dusted before you would normally get home. It's odd that you have so many clean clothes- yet you would rather stay in your night time attire.
When The Phone Rings
You jump out your skin. You've become so accustomed to the quiet life that when someone actually wants to talk to you- your ring tone gives you palpitations.
The Curtain Twitching
You become a curtain twitcher- it's inevitable. Every little noise on your street sparks your interest because you want to know who’s disturbing the peace and interrupting your day with their inconsiderate racket.