The Cabin In The Woods
I don't know about you, but I find horror movies a bit predictable, with characters making odd decisions that will only lead to their demise.
How many characters have met a rather grisly, terrifying, and painful end because they didn't use what most of us call common sense?
So here at FemaleFirst, we have put together a comprehensive guide on how to survive the horror movie, just in case you find yourself being pursued by an axe-wielding maniac.
1. What was that strange bump in the night? I have an idea! Let's go stumble around in the dark and check it out. I suppose it could be a serial killer or maniacal slasher or even a bloodthirsty mutant beast but I'll bring this flashlight and that will scare 'em away. For God's sake, turn the bloody lights on!
2. Do not, under any circumstances, run upstairs!
3. He's dead. Ok so this is when our hero has finally managed to knock down the bad guy. After having his friends killed and almost being killed himself, it seems that knocking the bad guy down is a victory.
Rather than bashing in his brains to ensure death, he will turn the other way and walk away or start running
4. This slightly leads on from my last point. Should you somehow bring the villain down and he is unconscious, NEVER leave him within arms-reach of a loaded gun.
5. Always make sure that your car is in full working order, as the engine always seems to die at the worst possible moment. Same with the phones they are always cut off when you need them most so always carry a fully charged mobile phone.
6. Don't ever ask for directions you are better off just driving around looking for where you're going and running out of gas than asking for directions. However, if you must ask for directions don't go to some rundown gas station in the middle of nowhere or some house in the middle of the woods.
7. Talking about houses in the middle of the woods NEVER go on honeymoon, holiday, or weekend away in the remotest cabin known to man. I have to say, if all you are getting is a fortnight in a cabin in the woods you fellas is a tight git.
8. Don't be a tough guy. If you do start strutting around you will definitely be the first to go.
9. If you're running from the monster, do expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion.
Also note, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
10. NEVER go back!!! Get to a highly populated area and stay there. Oh yeah possibly calling the cops is a good thing.
11. Before you do drive off looking for that highly populated area and safety, always check the back seat of the car, as you will probably find the bad guy hiding there.
12. And finally, sorry to be the bearer of bad news but if you have blonde hair and big breasts it's never going to end well.
If you adhere to all of the above, you'll find that you will survive the horror film... but should there be a sequel, that is a completely different kettle of fish.
Tagged in Scream