Martine McCutcheon didn't think she'd ever be "well enough" to return to music.
Martine McCutcheon
The 'Perfect Moment' hitmaker is gearing up for the release of her comeback album 'Lost and Found' but is convinced people will think she's a "nutter" because the songs she's penned reflect her battles with depression, ME, Lyme disease and miscarriages.
Speaking to the Daily Star newspaper, she said: "I never felt I would be well enough to return to music after all my health problems. It killed me not being able to do what I loved so I just started writing music for my own happiness and wellbeing.
"I never thought anyone would ever hear it. It was initially just for me and that's why it is so raw and brutally honest. Now everyone's going to hear what a nutter I am.
"Writing is really cathartic. It's basically therapy and helps to save you from yourself and your own destructive thoughts."
And asked about the album title, she added: "In my life I have had it all, lost it all and I think you have to be a survivor. One lyric is, 'Lost my hope and all my dignity.' And that's how I felt. It's hard to keep your dignity when you make mistakes and have no privacy."
The 41-year-old actress made a name for herself playing Tiffany Mitchell in the long-running soap 'EastEnders' and now has a regular panellist gig on 'Loose Women'.
But she said: "I hate the pressure - being judged, being scrutinised. I have always found that side of things so stressful.
Having no privacy is tough physically and mentally. It's not a normal job. I haven't got the hate as much this time and I think that's because I'm a happier person. I have a lovely family, which I adore. It's no longer a lonely existence. First time around I felt ostracised and lonely. I was known for being the 'real' girl that everyone could identify with and relate to. But I didn't feel like I could relate to anyone."
Tagged in Martine McCutcheon