By Verity Hogan, relationship expert at eharmony
Relationships on Female First
If you’re single and still waiting for your own fairy tale romance to start, romantic fatalism could be standing in your way. eharmony’s relationship expert Verity Hogan explains why you should forget waiting for fate.
Are you waiting for fate to deliver ‘the one’? Still looking for that knight-in-shining-armour to save you? You could be suffering from Romantic Fatalism. Love might come out of nowhere in fairy tales but waiting around for fate to strike in your own life could be severely limiting your chances of finding love. In fact, a recent study by the experts at eharmony found that people who believe most strongly in the role of fate in romance are 18% less likely to be in a relationship than more pragmatic people.
Letting go of the fantasy isn’t easy but by forgetting the fairy tale, you could be on your way to writing your own love story. Here are 5 ways to avoid romantic fatalism:
Make the first move
While some couples do meet by chance – eyes meeting across a crowded room or bumping into each other in the Post Office queue – they’re the exception, not the rule. You’re much more likely to meet someone if you take the initiative and proactively search. Join a dating site and send the opening message, attend a singles event, or strike up a conversation with that friendly stranger you see every day.
Be proud of your single status
If you really want to meet someone, say so. Don’t be coy or try to hide your single status. There is nothing wrong with being single and there’s also nothing wrong with admitting that you’d like to be in a relationship. Your friends may know someone that could be perfect for you. Being honest will also help you find the kind of relationship you really want. Stay true to your values, if you’re looking for a relationship, don’t settle for someone who’s only interested in a fling.
Beware of Prince Charming
Unfortunately, if someone seems too good to be true, they probably are. Prince Charming types will often sweep into your life, pull out all the stops, and then disappear when reality hits. Everyone wants to impress in the early stages of dating but if your partner seems to be all talk and little action, stay mindful. Look for partners that are honest about who they are and how they feel. It’ll save you a lot of heartbreak in the long-run.
Identify real-life role models
While many of us dream of a romance to rival Cathy and Heathcliff, it’s worth remembering that many of these epic literary romances are dysfunctional. Would you really want to be with someone who confuses passion with jealousy and control? Try to remember that fiction is just that and take inspiration from real-life relationships instead. Think of the best couples you know: are their relationships full of drama and uncertainty or do they treat each other with respect, prioritise honesty, and argue constructively?
Remember there’s no such thing as happy-ever-after
Most fairy tales end at the beginning of a relationship with a spectacular first kiss or shotgun wedding. They rarely tell you what happens next. In reality, even the best relationships take work. Compromise, communication and common values are all needed to make relationships work long-term. Think of all those rom-com couples who hate each other before sparks fly – do you really think they will go the distance? Chemistry is important but it’s compatibility that will really make your relationship a success.