Sharing the blame only seems fair, but other factors come into it. Were they both in other relationships? Who instigated it? Who broke it off? are all questions that are asked surrounding the buzz of an alleged affair.
Ali Campbell is a relationship counsellor, life coach and best-selling author of More than Just Sex at alicampbell.com and thinks that women get judged more harshly when it comes to affairs.
He says, “I think the idea of a woman getting all the blame for an Affair goes straight to the fact that society has historically judged women more harshly than men. Affairs happen for a variety of reasons but unfortunately it is often women who judge adulterous women the most harshly.”
Kristen Stewart has been branded and homewrecker, but Rosie Freeman-Jones, spokesperson for married dating website IllicitEncounters.com believes that it’s an unfair portrayal.
She says, “Women frequently get the finger pointed at them for 'stealing' husbands away but this is an unfair portrayal. In 100% happy and satisfied marriages husbands and wives don't go looking elsewhere.”
Many people believe that due to Rupert’s age, he was the one who instigated the affair and with Kristen being only 22, she was naïve when making her decisions, but Ali Campbell believes that in this day and age women should know better.
He says, “It takes two to commit adultery and the days of the woman sitting at home doing her needlework and falling helplessly for the gamekeeper are long gone.
“All's fair and equal in love and war and if our 'helpless heroine' is capable of standing shoulder to shoulder on the front line then she's more than capable of fighting off the unwanted advances of her Oliver Mellors, the gamekeeper.”
A FemaleFirst survey showed that 61 per cent of people believe that the blame should be equally shared when it comes to affairs and Rochelle Peachey from dating site iloveyouraccent.com believes the same.
She says, “Of course both parties should take some blame. He was not forced to behave as he did it was a choice he willingly made. If he decided it was OK to cheat on his wife why should she care? She should have steered well clear of a married man for sure but no one can "steal" your husband he is a person and he made a very stupid decision. Both should absolutely share the blame on this.”
Despite most people surveyed believing the blame should be shared, nearly a quarter of our respondents said that Kristen was to blame with only a tiny 12 per cent believing it was Rupert’s fault.
One reason that women may incur most of the blame is because they are judged so harshly by the same sex.
Women are notorious for judging other women and Ali Campbell believes this doesn’t help when it comes to who gets the blame for an affair.
He says, “It may not be right, but it seems that it remains kind of socially acceptable for a guy to be a 'bit of a rogue' or a 'bad boy,' but when a woman strays into the same territory she not only gets blamed by men but often incurs the wrath of other women.
“Women should stop blaming each other and it's time we ALL stop thinking it's ok for the guy to be adulterous and excusing bad boy behaviour. Equality should liberate and restrict both the sexes equally!”
As the saying goes, it takes two to tango so next time you hear of an affair, don’t be so quick to judge and consider both sides of the coin before pointing the finger.
Who do you think is more to blame for an affair? Have you ever been on the receiving end, who did you blame? Let us know by commenting below or tweeting us @FemaleFirst_UK.
Cara Mason
by Cara Mason
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