Some see it as a practical way to get their relationship back on track whilst others see it as a sign of defeat but does it just prolong the break-up?
Relationships on Female First
“Absolutely not, couples counselling can be a great way for 2 people who love each other to remember why they are together in the first place and to find ways to work through issues that might be getting in the way of an otherwise good relationship,” says Ali Campbell, author of More Than Just Sex.
Although counselling can repair relationships, it has to be a mutual agreement between both parties or, unfortunately, it just won’t work.
Ali says, “Both parties must want to do it. The desire to fix it needs to be there on both sides otherwise your supposedly well intentioned counselling sessions can very quickly descend into just another opportunity to be ‘right’ only in front of and hopefully validated by a stranger this time.”
If you’re the type of person who always has to be right and refuses to acknowledge that we’re all human and can sometimes make mistakes and be wrong, then Ali believes that this process won’t work for you.
He says, “If you are thinking of couples counselling and thinking of it as a chance to get your partner to see and finally agree with your point of view then forget it, for you it is as good as over.
“But if both parties enter into the process willing to be wrong or at least not as ‘right’ as they thought they were then it can be a fantastic way to sort out those issues that left unchecked can lead to breaking point.”
The process of couples counselling should be one that’s taken very seriously, not something that you enter after one argument over the smallest thing.
Ali says, “Most often relationships end through a process of ‘death by a thousand cuts’ there is no one blow that means the end but a combination of happenings and recriminations, mostly unintentional by the other side but that can definitely break the camel’s back.”
Couples counselling isn’t something that anyone wants to go through but can sometimes be necessary and most of the time helpful in allowing couples to regain control of their relationship and get it on the right track.
Ali adds, “remember this, almost everyone is doing the best they can based on their circumstances, frame of reference, previous experiences and desired outcome. Very few are actually out to deliberately hurt anyone and if you keep that in mind when you enter any process of learning you won’t go far wrong.
“Couples counselling is a great chance to learn, really learn about the person you have been sitting across from at the dinner table all this time. Just like you they are likely doing their best, counselling could be a chance to see that and learn how to make that fit with you.”
You can find out more information on this topic and many others on Ali’s website, AliCampbell.com.
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