The Twelve Week One Night Stand

How to would deal with a guy that didn’t want to commit.

I was asked for advice from this lady, She and her guy have been dating for eight weeks but they don’t have a label. It’s kind of hard for me to answer this because I don’t know the details of their relationship.  But I can however share an experience that might be relate very well.
 
When I was struggling with drink I had a habit of “dating” guys who didn’t want to commit.  I use the term “dating” loosely because now that I’m settled I know the proper definition of a date.  Which does not include meeting at a bar, drinking till you can’t stand, and then going home to have sex you hardly remember. 

Don’t get me wrong there were also very deep drunken conversations about love and life which is why maybe I considered this one to be a date.  When the drinks wore off and the sun came up and I would wake up feeling empty and used even more worthless than before.  Sometimes we are so alone and lost that we try to make meaning out of nothing searching for something to cling to . 

For me this was the case.  If the guy I was with liked me as much as he claimed to, he would have dated me won my respect the way I deserve to be wooed.  Instead in my case my hang-ups and insecurities allowed me to become a doormat for men that didn’t deserve me. 

I my therapy made me aware of this pattern and I worked it through with my councillor, but you don’t need to be a problem case to let someone take advantage of your heart or body. If a man doesn’t want to commit to you let him go.  He’s a parasite and will suck every bit of life and passion out of you if you allow him too.
 
There are of course there other better scenarios.  When I started dating - an actual romance - there was hesitation on both sides to label our relationship.  I was fiercely independent and willing to fight to keep everyone out of my world.  Our relationship took months and months to evolve but the label came did come with time and although we are not together now it was my first real relationship and it pointed the way, we are still good friends.
 
Basically as a woman you have the power to decide what you want.  If you want homeboy to be your boyfriend communicate it to him.  But you need to be ok with what the outcome might be.  Be strong and always know your true worth.

Alison